Goodbye to my Comfort Zone

I have finally submitted my resignation. Unlike most people, I am quitting my job not because its too tough, but rather, its getting too 'comfortable'.

I feel i am not up to my job. Firstly, I do not have any skills and its kinda awkward to get my staffs to do their jobs under my commands. Secondly, I feel i am too young and inexperienced to manage such a large grp of ppl, many of them who possess much better leadership skills than I do. Thirdly, I feel so pampered and spoilt by my manager, that I find myself getting more vulnerable each day.

My GM often said that he is very sharp in selecting ppl, and just by looking and talking to a person for a short while, he can judge the person's character and whether he is suitable for the job. I hope I am not his first misjudgement, but apparently, it seems to be the case. On the other hand, my manager was very affected by my decision yday, and I din even realise it until today.

Initially, I thought he was just angry with my decision, and we didnt managed to have a nice heart to heart talk over the matter. I was disappointed he didnt ask me to stay, and was even more devasted he didnt give me a chance to explain why i wish to resign. I am also upset that he may have misunderstood my true intention of handing up the letter. Isnt it ironical that I often mention how close my boss and i were in my previous written entries?

But I realised with a pang of guilt today when he described to another colleage that his feeling was actually a mix of disappointment, sadness and anger. I am disgusted with myself, for my failure to understand and emphatise with others. I only recognised the anger element, not the sad one. I have done it again! It has nv been my intention to cause hurts to others, but my depression has gotten over me, once more.

Having a nicely self decorated personal office, wonderful PC + Printer + telephone, I ought to be contented. But those are nv my priority at work. I treasure my wonderful colleagues more. A few of them came to my room today and told me tat ever since the previous engineer left, they have been waiting so long for 'someone' to fill up this room, until I finally came. They no longer feel like abandoned employees with no one to look up to at work. With my presence, they no longer feel neglected and unprotected. I guess everyone, even employees, need attention. But I am sincerely apologetic for sending them for a false hope raising ride. It was heart wrenching to hear their stories today.

But life moves on, for everyone.