Job and Love

I wonder if this entry gonna be a long one. Well lets hope it isnt.

About Job

The above pics were taken during the farewell dinner my colleagues have organised for me. It has been almost one week since i stopped working. The attachments to my job and colleagues have kinda died down... afterall, i was in CDGE for only 1 yr.

This morning, a hostel mate was telling me excitedly that he wud be going for a job interview this afternoon. He was so enthusiastic abt the job, and even asked me for a buffet dinner this evening, as a form of 'celebration'. However in the late aftn, he called me and sounded extremely disappointed. He complained that he has been 'conned' by this finance company to attend this so-called "Management Trainee" interview, which is actually recruiting Financial Planner. He has already previously clarified with the caller that he isnt interested in becoming a financial planner, but the caller assured him that it isnt. He has aspired to become a Finance analyst, but found out the company has tricked him into the recruitment session today.

Well, of cos i am not trying to shoot down ppl who are working as Financial Planners. In fact, i feel its a rather promising job if u r suitable and got the right apitude for it. Its all abt Recruitment Strategy, and this happens not jus only in Finance companies, but also in big engineering firms. Or shld i say, just as much as you try to 'bluff' or boast how good u r to your potential employers during interviews, they are also trying hard to sell how 'good' and 'promising' the jobs they have to offer u.

My fren is thus, v disappointed, and wanted to come to my house for a short stay. I wish to tell him that even though i have gotten a 2nd job pretty fast, I cant guarantee that this will definitely be a good job. Somehow, I am telling myself not to be too optimistic abt it.. i duno why.

Abt Love

Dun be mistakened, i am not in love, and i dun think i will in near future. But the issue of love seems to be bugging around.

I have 2 gal friends (they duno each other), with the same name initials, who gotten themselves in almost similar situations. Both of them have a guy friend each, who has recently fallen out in love with their galfriends of many yrs. As such, both my friends have played their part in consoling these poor and pitiful guys, but ended up these guys fall for my friends eventually. Sighz.. are human beings so fickle minded, and can shift their love attention around so easily. Sux man..

And there are also some extremely ridiculous happenings among my couple friends who are supposedly in 'love', but i shld say, in 'torture'. When the love has jus begun, both parties will treat each other like angels. They do not behave like themselves but behave wat the other party wishes/wants to see him/her as. But as the r/s develops further, both parties begin to behave as their true self, and their selfish horns start to grow. They become more demanding, and some parties even end themselves up perversely unknowingly.

I have some guy friends whose galfrens have really turned so unreasonable. For instance, this BS junior 's gf insisted that my friend sent her home, and refused to let him go back to his own home until the last bus timing. Another galfrien kicked a big fuss when her bf went ahead for a grp gathering after she decided not to go herself. Jus becos she isnt going, she has expected her bf NOT to go as well.. wtf. The surprising fact is that these galfrens knew they are at faults, but simply couldnt control themselves from such unreasonable behaviour. Seriously speaking, i dun really see it as solely the gals' faults... the guys ought to bear part of the responisbilities for spoiling their galfrens. .. .ar.. watever..

My entry is not to break up any exisiting couples, but perhaps as a reminder for all my friends who are in love, nv take ur partners for granted, and obliviously fall into a perverse mode like my friends above.

~^~^~^~^~^~^~

With the permanent closure of ae2004's blog, we have another one from pearl again. Welcome back, and I believe many of us will have the pleasure to read abt ur inner thoughts once again.

Although I only started blogging officially more than 2 yrs ago, my habit of writing abt myself and my life started several years back. I used to type my feelings and reflections using MS Words, and I did share quite a few of these entries to my friends and BS snrs in the past. I guess I cannot live without writing (or talking to myself as mentioned by zea and cbs), except for the fact that my comfort level of sharing them openly in my blog varies from time to time. There r times that i simply dun feel like sharing and writing and hence, i wud leave my blog alone. Whenever i feel like sharing again, i wud not hesitate to pour them out in my blog. This has always been a pretty convenient outlet for me to express myself.

This morning i visited the Prison school at KBC. Noticed that the turn outs by the inmates were much less today, probably only 2/3 or even 1/2 the no. of what we had during my last visit. Perhaps many of them have already been released from the sch, or probably some of them has lost interest in buddhism?

Saw several familiar faces whom i have interacted with during my last session with them. I remembered there were few of them who used to be very enthusiastic abt the Dharma session, and wud volunteer to lead the chants and prayers. However, they were so 'low key' and quiet today, and i wondered why? Perhaps they are tired, so their fire has died down. If the latter is true, then i wud say that thats its not an uncommon trend in the path of learning the Dharma. Just like myself, there were times that i was so enthu abt the Dharma, and wud diligently discipline myself to cultivate. But there were even more times that I started to slack like now.

Anyway, I am not supposed to judge or talk as if i am so great myself. I feel ashamed to visit them as a 'dharma worker/volunteer', when my own knowledge and practice in buddhism sux big time.

I have applied for the post of Prisons Officer twice, but has nv been called up for interview. I gave a 3rd try and applied the post of Maths Teacher in Prisons sch, but similarly to no avail. Sighz...

Tree Top Walk - zhi bu guo rui ci

Beginning my adventure on the hsbc bridge....


Getting pretty excited...


And it turned out quite boring after a while, seeing nothing interesting except for very tall trees around me...


The nicest view so far that can be seen from the bridge, although not exactly spendid...


Finally down a super long flight of steps, the longest i have ever walked...

Haha, pardon me for being vain cos i took so many self pics. As it was a rather last min decision to visit the bridge, my friend and I have only abt 2 hrs++ to complete the entire journey, before we proceed to meet another friend for dinner at suntec. As such, we took the easiest route - spent 40min to walk from the carpark to the bridge, spent 10 min on the bridge, and then another 40 min back to the carpark - total duration 1.5hrs.

I wudnt say that it was an extremely interesting and nice journey. Dun think i will be taking the intiative to go back anytime soon, unless jioed by ppl. Still prefer the Kranji reservoir though. Now, my next aim is to visit a remote part of the Mac Ritchie Reservoir. A friend who lives nearby has been there quite a few times to relax and destress himself. He said that we can lie down on the carpet-like grass jus beside the waters... but the journey there will take abt 1 hr ++ by foot, and hence, its a v remoted area. Hopefully, it will be a nicer trip than the tree-top-walk.

Aspiration

In case u r wondering wat this pic is abt, its an airplane hovering above the water. I was sitting by the changi coastline watching the airplanes flying above my head almost every single minute. A v nice place to relax, cos its very deserted...

2 weeks ago, i was with Jen at the same place, feeling troubled, cos i havent gotten myself a job yet. The next day wud be an interview with ST Aerospace, and the sights of these airplanes hovering above my head were pretty intimidating. 2 weeks later, which was the nite before, I was there again with Jen. This time, I convinced myself that airplanes are not my cup of tea, so I shall forgo the job at ST aerospace.

I took my IPPT this morning, and as expected, i failed. In the past, I was always more worried with my statics station like standing broad jump and shuttle run (wahaha, dun laugh), for i found these stations depending very much on luck. Sometimes, I have no prob jumping 234 and even 255, but there were times I barely hit the 198 mark. The PTI this morning told us that SBJ is something which he duno how to teach, and feel that cannot be trained. As for shuttle run, I kinda developed a phobia when doing my turnings. Similarly, scoring full points for this station wasnt uncommon for me in the past, but my last IPPT was horrendous as i almost failed this station. But today... i managed to clear both stations well... lucky.

The unfortunate thing was my 2.4km, wahahaha. Unlike most other guys, the 2.4km wasnt a 'killer' event for me in the past. Although I have nv been a good jogger since young, but hitting the silver award timing was not a problem to me. In other words, i always got 'killed' by the statics station instead. But today, i was killed in this event, terribly. I am too ashamed to disclose my timing.. .arghh... if only i could run as fast as before..........

I aspire to become fitter. Jus give me some time and i will show to u......

Xiang Tai Duo

Cindee, hope u dun scream after looking at the pic. Yeah, trisha has grown up quite a lot, but still look pretty much like a boy boy. Can walk now, but still cant talk.

Have been jogging everyday this week, but it seems that my timing for 2.4km is getting lousier each day, probably too shag out. Will take a break tmr, before i try my IPPT this sat. But i may also postpone it to a later date as i am still not confident in passing.

These 2 days, I have done a lot of drivings. From the East(loyang) to the West (NTU), then to NorthWest (Kranji) then back to South(Suntec) then to the North (Yishun) again then back to the East(home). Today, made a trip to PKS and then to SL for a quiet afternoon break. The noise from the construction site beside SL has made SL a more peaceful place.... why? Cos of the great contrast between the noisy + corrupted outside world and the peaceful + quiet ambience of SL. I jus feel so protected and safe in SL.

I mentioned that I feel sucky. I feel sucky NOT jus becos of my own problems, but I see really see sufferings everywhere, at every work place and family, in every sentient beings. And indeed, i am getting more superficial these days. I find myself avoid discussing sensitive and in-depth topics with my frens, which is somehow a great contrast from my old self. Perhaps i see no pt getting too 'intellectual' or serious in life.. sometimes it jus aint the effort to think too much.

Dun listen too much to others

I ve learnt my lesson today that i shldnt listen too much to others. Some supposedly kind advices ended me up in disaster. I was supposed to 'educate' my parents on some financial issues but ended up having a big quarrel with my mum. Trust me, I have already used the softest approach, but somehow, every family differs, and I cannot compare my own family with my frens. The situations faced by every family is really different, and shld not be generalised. Not everyone is jus as fortunate, and we cannot truely understand others unless we put ourselves in their shoes. I can only blame myself for listening too much to others, the lack of wisdom.

Similarly to my 'new found' job, i ve received feedbacks from a fren who is now working in HP that life is v tough over there. He has advised openly in his blog against joining of HP, unless 'you think u r as strong as a bull' & do not mind the 'inbalance in pay and work load' bla bla bla.... I admit i was saddened and disappointed by his words, but on a positive note, i think ppl tend to vent their frustrations most over their blogs. Whatever the case, ehi passiko, no job is an easy job. I ve actually kinda expected a tougher job, and tats precisely why i chose to quit my prev job. A survey (duno if accurate) shows that majority of the singaporean guys feel happier if their work is tougher & req them to do OT. Talk abt ego & MCP.....

And yes, from the above pics, once again i visited Kranji reservoir, alone. In fact, i m the only soul along the entire stretch of bank. I felt as if i have the entire world to myself..woohooo..... Probably becos there was less ppl today, birds could be seen flocking around. The sounds of waves gently tapping the stones + the chirpings of birds + occasional breeze + hiding beneath the big shady trees under the BIG HOT SUN ... i felt i was in paradise. Its total relaxation.

But still, reality has to be faced. I feel sucky now, and the kranji andidote doesn seem to last long enough to keep myself spirited. Dun ask me why, but i jus feel sucky x 100 tonite.

I am OUT

Its so hard to come to terms that I am no longer the owner of this office room. The name tag on the door will be removed soon, and someone else will be using this pc which i 'hugged' almost everyday.

Imagine besides my own bedroom, this must be the place which I spent the longest time in, or perhaps, even longer than the amt of time i spend in my bedroom everyday. Moments after i tendered my resignation 1 mth ago, I was so ready to clear up my desk, pull down all the buddha posters of the walls, tidy up my files, ready to pack up and leave. But weeks later which is today, I was actually not so mentally prepared to leave. In fact, I kept thinking that 'i will be back tmr'.

My boss was telling me that some more candidates will be coming for interview tmr to replace my post. I actually told him that i will help him keep a look out, only to discover many hrs later that I will not be reporting for work tmr. Argh... this shows that i wasnt really in the 'mood' of leaving, as i didn seem to have the idea that today shall be my last day.

I spent the last few hrs of today going round the company building, shaking hands and bidding farewell. It really took me quite a bit of effort as there are simply too many staffs at my workplace. As i need to return my office key at 530, i found out that i only got abt 5 min left to delete all the unnec documents in my PC, clear and destroy some emails and finally making a gracious exit from the room. Argh, i was really so unprepared and everything was so last minute... i din even have the chance to give a farewell kiss to my arm rest chair....

Such harsh facts are indeed difficult for me to stomach. I recalled a similar feeling while I was bathing at PGP few weeks ago (OWY's cluster). I was reminded of my last bath at my own PGP cluster toilet 5 yrs ago, as the very next day, i wud be chased out of my room as the semester has ended. I really thot OSA was so cruel, for giving us the hostel to stay for 1 sem, developed strong feelings for it, and then cruelly chasing us away when the sem ends. I was only yr 1 then.... Subsequently, I din really develop much feelings for my hostel rooms, except for the final one which is at Sheares Hall. Tat was really a wonderful hall.

Most of my colleagues were envious of me, not becos i have found a new job, but becos i will be taking a 10 day break from work before my new job starts. Perhaps to most students (including myself last time), having a 10 day break is really no big deal since the sch holidays is so long, but to a working adult, a 10 day break is jus as good as bringing u to the heavens.......

Once again, i am still not used to the fact that i am no longer part of ComfortDelGro...

Ego-rdon

I m sincerely apologetic to frens who found it a sore to read my recent postings which were mostly abt my job hunt. Paiseh, but jus like I dun really enjoy reading some of my frens' blogs, I feel they have their perfect rights to write whatever they want, cos thats THEIR blog :) Geddit?

It has been a few days already, but the cold hard stare from the ST Aero interviewer remained vivid in my mind. I beckoned he must be a highly intelligent and cunning superior, who is v good in observing ppl and reading their minds. Although I tried my best to act as if i am interested in the job during the 1st hr of the interview, I was totally caught unprepared when they offered me the job on spot. Instead of feeling triumphant and joyous like any fresh grads wud have felt upon receiving the 'good news', I gave them the 'oh shxt!' look. That interviewer must have observed this and gave me the super cold and hard stare, probably the most scary one i have ever seen in life.

This handsome lad must be trying hard to judge if i was lying or indeed truthful, when i told them that i need to consult my parents on whether to accept the job. I knew the tricks to it - Ppl who lie tend to have shifty eyes and avoid eye contacts. He may be purposely staring at me to see if i wud feel intimidated and thus, gave myself away. As such, i told myself to act graciously, as I firmly laid my eyes against his piercing stares, alongside with a confident reply tat yeah, i really need to consult my parents as i sincerely feel tat its my responsibility to do so. Talk abt acting skills, do i qualify to be a good actor? haha.. Well, he may not be taken in though.

I told my colleagues that I am an ego driven machine. My motivations and inspirations came most furiously whenever my ego has been disturbed or threatened. During my sec sch, I studied hard not becos I feel the impt of good grades, but i fought hard to remain in the top 5 every yr in the entire sch cohort. Unfortunately, my common test results in TJC then were mostly above average, and hence, I got conceited, and as a result I din really do well for my A levels. Alas, my final yr grades in NUS were once again a result of my own ego, trying to prove to myself that "Hey! i am capable of scoring in the NUS system, ok?". But no dean list though, but enough Ace to impress the interviewers (by jus showing them my yr 4 results, ahhaha).

Once again, I feel my latest job hunt may be a result of my own ego too, although not 100%. After resigning, ppl have been asking me if i have found a job. My ans is a NO, and most of their replies were often v negative and in shocks. I thank these ppl for giving me the extra push to hunt for a job fast. I must say getting these 2 job offers is by NO CHANCE luck, pls..... I dislike ppl telling me "hey u r so lucky to get a job fast"... damm. . i got them with my own capabilities, ok?

But dun get me wrong, i am not exactly optimistic abt my change of job. No doubt i move on in search of greater exposure, hoping to learn new skills after realising how stagnant i can get in my prev job, i cant guarantee that my future employment will be a better one. I choose not to be too positive abt it. Thanks to some frens who congratulated me tat i have found myself a 'good job'... but i seriously doubt it will be a GOOD job jus by itself... it also depends on myself, the company, the boss, the colleagues and the job nature itself. If i dun dare to try, i 'll nv get the answer....

$$$

I was having a night snack session with a friend at ECP Mac. I visited the washroom, took a look at myself in the mirror, and realised that I look like a guy in his 30s...... A significant pot belly + a face that doesn elude any youthfulness + one hand holding a car key. Most imptly, in the midst of many youngsters crowing around at ECP, I feel like i am really in my 30s too, except for the fact that I do not have a stable career yet.

Sometimes, I find that most Singaporean youths are a pathetic lot. Cos they have so much burden to carry. Immediately upon uni graduation, they face unemployment + incur a huge debt (study loans) even before they started working. The living costs and expenses are so high, that we cannot afford to stop working or fall sick. Now i get a clearer pic on why Ven Yuan Fan left for monkhood during his 1st yr in NUS engin fac.

When i quitted my job without finding a new one, many ppl were shaking their heads expressing disapproval. But I am a person who emphasize on being focussed and dedicated in whatever I do. I see no point in getting things done half-plus-six, or being unsure and bummering around. Without a clear vision and direction, we are just wasting our time and life.

Right now, i am focussing on earning enough to feed my parents, and constantly upgrade myself to sustain my employability sufficiently long enough for survival in this cruel society. Unlike many of my frens whose parents are still earning and do not need their income, I feel that I am given the chance and opportunity to repay my parents earlier.

Happy Vesak 2549!

2549 yrs ago, the Buddha was enlightened. I believe that it took place in a peaceful and quiet environment, although it was said that countless of devas in the heaven were cheering and shrieking in joy. I am really glad that after 2549 yrs in the small city of Singapore, tens of thousands of worshippers were present at PKS to celebrate Vesak Day.

Comparatively to the previous yrs, I feel that the atmosphere at PKS has kinda toned down by quite a bit. For instance, NUSBS used to have a booth by itself where many many BS friends (be it new or old) would crowd around the stalls having some good time, but this yr, it was relegated to a combined booth at a secluded spot, and not many familiar faces were seen. Perhaps more effort has been channeled to the ever first Vesak @ Orchard last weekend. But to me, I have really expected to see more BS friends.

Saw a very old BS friend, Hadi aka Fatcat at PKS jus now. He has ballooned up by a lot, haha. Well, although I still enjoy making new friends, but somehow, the feeling of having old frens around is incomparable, esp frens whom u used to live or worke closely together with. Tats why after so many yrs, my grp of BS friends are still closely knitted together, and nv fail to meet up on festive seasons like New year eve or Vesak.

It will be ideal if I can practice buddhism diligently and at the same time survive well in the society. But reality is far from ideal.... perhaps there r many who seem to be able to achieve that, but ... are they really able to do so?

Torn between choices, again

My job hunt for this yr seemed to end up something like last yr. Last yr, ComfortDelGro accepted me on a tues and I have a CAAS interview 2 days later. This yr, HP accepted me on a wed and similarly, I had a 2nd round interview with ST Aerospace 2 days later. Seems like aeroplanes always fly 'slower' for my case.

However, something diff this time is tat I wasnt as keen to go for the 2nd interview after being offered by the earlier company. Probably I was very fresh and energetic last yr then, that i got very excited to visit the airport. Today, I was hesitant to visit Aerospace, esp after my foreman asked me " What if after the interview, the offer u an offer letter on spot and ask u to sign?" I shldnt land myself in such difficult situations, but i still went ahead eventually...

1) ComfortDelgro
Annual renumeration : 45K
Annual bonus : 3-4 mth
Plus points: Very comfortable, relaxing, act like big boss, nice personal office with 2 admin assistants, office hours, extremely nice boss, stable job, wonderful colleagues
Minus points: No specialisation, lost touch with technology, routined, little exposure

2) HP Invent
Annual renumeration: 40K
Annual bonus: 1-2mth
Plus points: Good working culture, best employer of the yr award, get in touch with latest technology, big name, good exposure, solid formal trainings, many peers
Minus points: Lousy pay, unstable (technology gets obselete easily), not very specialized

3) ST Aerospace
Annual renumeration: 46-50K
Annual bonus : 5-7 months!!!!
Plus points: GOOD MONEY, very specialised, very good trainings, super stable job (life time job as said by the interviewers), get in touch with latest technology
Minus points: Work in airbase (ulu places), dirty job, non fixed working hours, super stress, too specialised (hard to job hop if not interested after a few yrs)

Yes, as commented by my foreman, ST Aerospace offered me the job on spot today. They asked me to go out for abt 2 min, before asking me back into the room, and gave me the offer. I was really caught by surprise, and gave them lame excuses that i need to discuss with my parents first abt the job offer. Interviewer 1, a 50++ guy was v direct and asked me to cut the crap, but allowed me a few days to think over. Interviewer2, a very handsome mid 30s guy, gave me that super hard cold stare when i revealed my hesitation in accepting the job.

I guess meeting the taxi drivers everyday has really helped me in studying and dealing with diff kinds of ppl. Thats due to the fact that some taxi drivers come from diff backgrounds.. those who actually bothered to complain up to my room were mostly retrenched managers, GMs, police officers and even one pilot. I felt that all i need is to talk to a person for abt 2-3 min, and I can roughly guess what type of answers or replies this person like to hear most. Probably due to this, I managed to convince most of the interviewers. In other words, I am often giving them the answers that I feel they expect to hear most, rather than answers true from my heart.

Well, which job to choose? It seems that ComfortDelGro gives the overall best package in terms of money and job culture. HP will allow me to achieve a 'dream quality lifestyle'. However, ST Aerospace gives both money and stability. I need to convince myself with a decision by tuesday.

PS: One of my dream has come true, PSA has invited me for a Port Tour. It has always been my dream to walk in the ports, though I do not really fancy the jobs they have to offer.

I want to rest

Lately, I have been feeling very tired and drained out. Its mainly because of the intense effort i have put in for my job hunt, and the amount of energy exhausted for each and every of the interviews. I have to ensure that my delivery for every interview session mus be of my BEST standard, and I thrived hard to get at least a 2nd round interview.

So far, I guess I have been successfully... one yr of working experience and exposure in a big company really helps me in my confidence and the way i protray myself. But I think such tricks only work when i am applying a job as a newly grad... The future will gradually require more zhen cai shi liao.

I see that my life has changed a great deal after i graduated. Probably due to the lack of practice as well (or in fact 0 practice), plus the pressure i faced in this working society, I see a change in my personality and character. Nowadays, I do not like to talk as much as before, and similarly, i do not like to listen to ppl as much as before. I used to like to ask ppl to share their feelings with me, but nowadays, i would like to have some peace to myself . And tat explains why i wud like to visit those quieter places in sg.

I am exhausted, very tired and burnt out - over nothing justifiable actually. My new boss wanted me to start work ASAP, but i want a good long rest. How?

Job Offered, but...

I had a very very very very hearty dinner just now with my colleagues. Altogether, there were 13 of us, with age ranging from 25 to 52, haha.... I am very thankful to all of them for organising such a heart warming farewell dinner for me. Sad to say, I have not really been a good boss to them, except for the fact that I dun yell and scold them like their previous boss, and behaved more like a friend than a bossy superior.

HP gave me a job offer today, and surprisingly, the pay offered is higher than i have expected. Although it kinda match my current pay, but compared to my own batch of graduates who started work at HP since 1 yr ago, its definitely a couple of hundred dollars more. I guess working in big company like ComfortDelGro really helps in pushing up my market value.

Feel even happier that 2 juniors/freshgrads have just been offered jobs today too... shant disclose their names here in case they dun like the publicity. Very happy they have landed themselves in a very big and promising organisation. Future seems very bright for them.

This friday, I am going down to ST Aerospace for a 2nd round interview. I guess the interview at STaero is much much more tougher than any of the previous ones i had before, so I am glad to have survived and entered the 2nd round. Well kinda mixed feelings like last time. When I was offered a job at CDGE, i got another round of interview with CAAS. Do jobs really come in pair? I only know i am exhausted, hope to take a longer break this time before i start work again.

So touched...

This aftn, my manager brought me to swenson for a farewell treat. I ordered chicken cutlet and I guess i wun be eating another one in near future. I find the taste of meat getting more er xin lately. But i am still very grateful to him, esp when he is a v non expressive person.

Tmr evening, a large no. of staffs will be arranging a dinner buffet farewell dinner for me at Tamp Mall. I feel very paiseh for letting them spend so much, and i heard the charge per head is around $30++.. ouch. Another gang of staff will be treating me next week as one of them is away on holidays.

This evening, just before i left my company for my 3rd round of intw at XX company, several of my colleagues were giving me well wishes and good luck handshakes. Even after my intw, a couple of them smsed me to find out the outcome. I am sincerely touched by their kindness and gestures. Wonderful colleagues i have at CDGE (minus some fxxking idiots).

And yea, today is my 3rd interview at XX coy. I got so familar with the place that even the guard and receptionists could recognise me. The guy who interviewed me today was a diff one. I was actually referred to him by my prev interviewers (from the same dept but diff sect) as they felt i am more suitable for 'this job'. I wasnt particularly interested in this job scope, and i thought i carried myself super lousy today and i protrayed this v sian look, despite putting in effort to look fresh and interested. U cant blame me cos the intw was at 530pm, and it was already the 3rd time i am there...........

But one think i plus pt is that i find this interviewer a very very very nice person. I cant explain why, but i jus feel like working for him. But tats provided he wants me.... Aww..so tired after a super long day today~

Job Hunt continues.....

WowoWoWowowoW..... my email for the meditation workshop was sent out barely 2 hrs ago, and I am already receiving phone calls from ppl who wanna register for it. Am really very happy to see that there r ppl who are so eager and willing to learn meditation. Shame on me, for my laziness and procrastination. But it surely inspires me to put in more effort in Dharma work, for the sake of Dharma propagation.

I was packing up my office room when i took the above pic. I was kinda surprised by the fact that i have unknowingly accumulated as many as 16-18 files over a short period of 1 yr. I din know i have covered so much work until i tried to hand them over one by one today.. shiongz..

Well, I really wish i can stop blogging abt my job hunt, but unfortunately, I have not successfully secured a job yet. There is this idiotic company that has called me for interviews for the 3rd time, and didnt wanna confirm my employment. Not that I wanted this job badly, but its getting very tired to drive from Loyang all the way there, and having to repeat myself again and again to diff faces. First, its this section manager who wish to see me, followed by another section manager, then the department manager, then a 3rd section manager..... blah.... As advised by a friend, I am going to ask for 3-3.2K salary, if not, then forget it, hahaha.

The urgency in job hunting in me seems to have died down already. SOmehow, I have voices telling me that I shld take a break, go for a long tour, and then come back with more motivation and inspiration and get ready for a TRUE job hunt. Well... the $$$$ how???

Diesel prices going up... I am now driving super carefully to ensure that i wud not waste fuel unnecc. .a full tank cost me $40++ ouch!

Mac Ritchie, anyone?

Yday, 2 diff friends approached me separately and asked if i am interested to go for the tree top walk at MacRitchie. My answer is but Of Course! The walk entire walk is likely to take about a few hours.

Besides the enjoyable afternoon nap incident I had by the banks of MacRitchie reservoir, I suddenly recalled 2 other indelible incidents I had in the army during my torpo exercises at the forested Mandai area. However, these 2 incidents were more like nightmares to me.

The first one was during my first torpo exercise. Each of us was supposed to carry a map with us so that we can venture our way in the forested areas. For protective purpose, we were supposed to wrap our map using talc and then secure it with a string tied to our pants. As i was totally shag out venturing our way in the forests, I got lazy and did not stuff my map into my side pocket. Instead, I left it hanging out from my pants with only the string attaching it to my side pockets. As the undergrowths were simply too thick, we have to climb up and down the big trunks and after a long struggle.... i found my map missing. What was left clinging onto my pocket was only the string but the map was no where to be found. I got panic and got my buddy to help me find my map. Unfortunately, our search was in vain, especially everywhere looked the same in the big, dense and humid forest. I got so demoralised that I lost my cool and composure. Fortunately, my buddy, who is now a full fledged doctor, was kind enough and told me to give up the mission of finding our check points, which was supposed to be a requirement to pass our exercise. Instead, he helped me search around for my map. An instructor happened to learn abt my ordeal, and he was also kind enough to console me.

Pretty soon, the sky was getting dark and night fell. The possibility of finding the map has reduced to 0. To make the matter worse, some platoon mates found out about my plight but instead of consoling me, they told me not to 'sabo' everybody in the company. Thats becos the map is a restricted item and every piece has a serial number, meaning we cant afford to lose anyone of them. As a result, its likely that the whole company of soliders would have to venture the entire forest to help me search for the lost map. And I couldnt imagine what type of punishments i wud receive from my commander, not to mention on how the other 100 over course mates would be swearing and cursing at my carelessness, for taking away their resting time.

While i was experiencing hell, I overheard a guy telling his friend that he has found a map. I quickly jumped up, rushed to him, and verified if the map was mine. And yes, it really turned out to be mine, and I was so happy that I couldnt explain my feelings in words.

The 2nd nightmare occured on the same piece of land, but it was during my 3rd torpo exercise. As the weather was getting super humid, we felt as if our heads were pressure cooked under the strong heavy helmets. As such, I removed my helmet and hanged it over my bottle pouch. And once again, I found out that my helmet was missing after venturing for some time in the forest. This time, my buddy has really given up on me, and refused to help me search for it. I couldnt imagine what wud happen to me if i were to report back to the assemble point with a head gear. Damm, and this took place exactly at the moment when the sun was about to set. I was racing against time to hunt for my lost helmet before we were abt to engulf in complete darkness. Thanks goodness, i managed to find my helmet myself after a long panick. I sweared that i would nv do it again.

On both occasions, I did something in my heart to get back the things I want. Its definitely more than just a simple prayer, and its not appropriate for me to share it here. But i did share this secret with a friend before when he lost somethign extremely important in camp. He did the same thing, and he was saved from the ordeal! But there is always a price to pay....

I can only consider myself as super x 1000 lucky on both occassions.

I returned home at 4am in the morning. The things I did yday were:
1) Swimming with army friends at Jln Besar Swimming Complex
2) Having a full course dinner at Swenson Orchard
3) Watching the Vesak Concert for a short while and meeting up with BS friends
4) Going KTV with old old BS friends after the vesak concert
5) Heart to heart talk with my bro CK at his void deck over love matters......

CK is not a person who flare up easily. In fact, I seldom see him get angry. But love luck isnt really on his side recently, and I guess his life is kinda affected to a certain extent. May he be well and happy.

Over the KTV, my BS frens were lamenting on my loss of job. They suggested that since i am 'so free' nowadays, I shld have considered signing up for the Superstar thingie on TV. Haha, seriously, if i were 5 yrs younger, or if i am better looking with a better physique, I would seriously consider taking part. But now I wudn wanna make myself a laughing stock on the stage. There is no 'star appeal' to say of..

Am now talking to KS on getting jobs. I recounted and realised that for all my past 4 interview sessions last week, the interviewers are NOT interested in my academic results most of the time. In fact, some din even ask for my certs, but all were very keen to find out what I have done for my job at ComfortDelGro in the past 1 yr. So dun worry so much abt poor results, cos based on my personal experiences in hunting for a 2nd job, I already realise the great depreciation of my certs values.

Currently, I feel that the most impt thing in a job is having Job Satisfaction. And Job Satisfaction may comprise Salary + Job Scope/Interest + People + Working Environment + Work Load etc. Its an overall package, but it depends on individual how much weightage he/she wishes to emphasize on each area.

3 Rounds

Went for 3 rounds of interviews from 3 diff companies today. Damm shag.....

Although none of the job scope really interest me a lot, I feel that by attending these interview sessions, I can really learn a lot. The interviewers from the big companies especially are very professional. I am thankful to a few of them for giving me pointers and guidiance on my career path.

I am also pleased with my own performance in all 3 rounds. Hope to get a job that really interest me.

The pretence and squeezing of brain juices to answer the interview qns have already taken away 50% of my energy, the other 50% has been spent on the travellings.. . i am going drop dead now.... yawnz

Nice song isnt it?

This evening, I decided to jog from my house to a nearby neighbourhood. It was cool... i found myself kept having the energy to push myself further and further, unwilling to stop and take a break. I din really know how many kilometres i have covered, but shld be less than 5km la...

When interviews dun come, they really dun come at all. But once they come, they come at one shot.... But so far, those who called me up are not really among the favourites in my list. But i shall heed jane's advice that i shld attend more interview sessions to gain exposure, learn more and also to get the chance to find out what i really want to do. This is esp true when i havent really got a very clear idea on where i wish to advance to... plus i got my first job too fast that i got not much experiences in attending interview sessions.

Sometimes, do you encounter certain ppl that you are really helpess with? I have met 2 such person in my life during my NUS days, both of which are gals from NUSBS. These gals can be damm irritating and got onto my nerves. Initially, I tried my best to show compassion and patience on them, but it only made the situations worse. They became even more demanding, irritating and simply sap onto you once u give in to them. So the only way out is to treat them very coldly, be hostile and nasty.

Perhaps some of u may think thats a very bad and cruel thing to do. But some of my friends who have ever made the above statement have kinda experienced it themselves too, haha.. and they can really understand now how i felt in the past. Any better solutions, ppl?

Anyway, nice songs isnt it? Do i hear screams from gillian or whoever?!?

Hp

I went to HP for a job interview today. The unfortunate thing was that I applied a few positions (using multiple selections on the web portals) and I din know which post I was called up for the interview. I asked the caller, but he refused to tell me, and asked me to 'come down and discuss'. The caller was also the gentleman who interviewed me today.

We spoke for more than an hour and he made me choose a post among the 2 I have applied. It was like a gamble, and I was suay enough to choose the wrong one, hahaha. The interviewer told me he was very impressed with my presentation today, and I would definitely stand a very high chance of getting chosen if he were to select a fresh entry level engineer. The unfortunate thing was that he is looking for ppl who knows exactly what they want, and not 'greedy' ppl like me who told him that I wanna learn as much as possible.

The latter half of the session was like a career consultation, with him giving me advice on how i shld build my career path. He told me has been through my stage, and felt that I should join some big companies in their Management Trainee Program, to find out what i want exactly, and not aim to land myself in a MNC and got stuck there in a specific specialization 'for the rest of my life'. Perhaps he was hinting me that i am not 'qualified' enough, or mabbe hinting me that 'HP' is not a good place for me to learn?

Q: How much is your pay over there?
A: 3.0K exactly, excluding allowances (shock x 1)

Q: How many months of bonus?
A: 3 and 3/4 months (shock x 2)

Q: How many staffs report to u?
A: 135 staffs in all (shock x 3)

Q: Dunt you wanna advance your career further in your present company?
A : I have already resigned! (shock x 4)

Q: What bus did u take to come here?
A: I drove (shock x 5)

Hahaha, I sent 5 shockwaves to my interviewer just now. Now i really see how much ComfortDelGro treasure me as an employee....

"Alrite, we will call u back for a 2nd round of interview, and mabbe a third one if possible". In my heart, i wanted to tell him "NO thanks..." As vince has told me, the moment u step into the company, soemtimes u will know tat 'this must be the place for me'. On the other hand, you may also feel "argh, this is definitely not the right place for me". I really have this 2nd feeling.... so i know i am OUT for this round :)

Argh..... duno wat to say.

I was speeding along the CTE tunnel, looking at the neat rows of lights on the tunnel ceiling, accompanied by the great volume of cars whizzing past me.. i asked myself 'What the heck am i doing here on the expressway!?!?' Everything seems so aimless and directionless....

When I finally reached NUS after a long driving struggle, i asked myself again " Here i am back again, at this blxxdy campus.. why am i always appearing here!??!" Sometimes life can be so contradicting. The place that u like most can also be the one that you dun wish to be at ....

I once told a friend.. if you have any hideout or any fave hangouts that you love to chill yourself out... nv bring your most beloved one there with u. At least leave one final place for yourself, a place which only belong to yourself and no other people... This is because when the love is lost, at least you have some place to hide yourself, a place which will not remind u of the good old times u have spent with her/him, a place where u have no memory of being with him/her, a place which has yet been tainted by his/her presence.

My colleagues are really such nice ppl. My manager called me today and asked me which day have i fixed to be my last working day. He suggested that i shldnt clear my leave so that i can exchange them for money, esp since i havent found a job. I wonder what good karma or deeds i have done in my past life to deserve such a nice boss. . .and that makes me wanna leave my present job fast, to avoid getting myself more vulnerable each day.

My foreman also helped me drive my Partner for the compulsory VICOM inspection today. As he was wearing the ComfortDelGro uniform, the inspectors kinda 'close one eye' to my car and my car was given the PASS at double quick time. Another female colleague has also been buying me Yogurt ever since she knew I have digestive problems.

Its kinda scary when u think that you r gradually exhausting away the good karma u have accumulated. May i have the opportunities and chances to replenish them soon.

Licking Honey Off the Knife

Indulging in love is like licking honey off the knife. Well, I am definitely not so wise to give such a beautiful and meaningful statement. Our wise vantzer gave me this idea instead. I see no point in further elaborating this phrase, its jus a reminder for ourselves to 'look far' and not to be too blinded by immediate sensual pleasures.

Thanks to Lena for organising the chalet/BBQ session for NUSBS. It has been ages since BS has such an event - a non campus event. I remembered we used to have chalets opened to all members almost every yr, but the trend kinda stopped for a couple of yrs.

Kenny Lam was commenting jus now that he could only recognise a few faces at the BBQ. Yeah, over the past 5 yrs, I have really seen so many ppl 'come and go' in the BIG BS family. There were those who came before me and left before me, there were also those who came with me but left before me, and there were even many who came after me but also left before me... Some stayed in NUSBS throughout their campus life, some only joined the first 2 yrs and disappeared towards their final yrs, some joined only 1 yr, and some only came for one event and disappeared 'forever'. But there were also a couple of them who joined us only during their final yr, but unfortunately its too late and they have to leave us when they have jus found us.

Seeing the many changing faces in BS reminds me of impermanence in life. Every now and then, BS is made up of diff ppl of diff faces, names, characters and working styles. I may be old and gradually phasing out from BS, but i see no reason in deliberately making an exit from this grp. When its time to move on, you will definitely move on. Lets nature takes its course, and appreciate watever we r having now.

What a joke....

I see my life as if on a roller coaster ride. I was then still troubled with some personal affairs when I had to tackle my FYP. When the earlier problem was finally resolved, I have to deal with my family woes. Next coming up was the return of my health problems and when the waves at home were getting slightly more peaceful, I have to balance my personal well being after my loss of job.

I nv realise I am such a 'career-minded' person, or mabbe i am just too concerned with money. After handing in my resignation, I feel the stress and strain on my wallet. At the same time, I see my self confidence plunging to rock bottom. It has nv occured to me that having a job and possessing a specialized skill is so impt to my life. Indeed, I get to understand myself better after i quitted my job. Not having a gf is NOTHING to me but not having a job means a lot to me. I am no different from any other ppl, jus another typical money-driven / money-face guy.

Well, I had a fun time at work witnessing how words can be twisted around. Last week, my Human Resource Senior Manager announced in the Management Meeting this 'Gordon will be leaving us due to religious reason"....."Oh really? How old is he? He is married?" .... "I dun think so lah, he is still so young".

As i wasnt involved in the meeting, someone came asking me that later, and I couldnt help myself but burst out into tremendous laughters. I have ever told a staff that i hope to retire in a monastery during my old age, but i have nv told anyone tat i wanna quit this job due to tat. Probably my shaved head had given them that idea too, in addition to the numerous buddha posters, postcards and pictures i have pasted all over in my office room. But i have never tried to preach buddhism at my work place.

Few weeks ago, one equally ridiculous thing i heard myself was when a maintenance worker came into my office room and changed my light bulbs and asked " I heard from the workshop that you only take one meal per day... how u manage it?" Gosh, i must have told some ppl tat i take 8 precepts sometimes, and they thot i do it daily.

I am thankful that the ppl at my workplace have painted such a 'nice picture' of me before i leave for good, although shamefully, i definitely dun deserve such an 'honourable' image to them. I hope its not gonna affect my future employment when the subsq companies i applied were to call back my old company for reference.

Cut down on expenses..

Just bought a half human size tweety bird from Suntec. Initially wanted to get OWY to accompany me to buy but he not free. Jioed jane for makan she also not free. Finally got my army buddy to accompany me. Poor guy, I asked him to help me carry that tweety bird around at Suntec while i went to draw money. A couple walked past him and giggled.... he was damm paiseh hahaha.

Tmr will be giving the bird to my colleague for her bday. Its quite a strange feeling staying in the company these few days, and i dun wish to explain it here, sighz.

Back to my army buddy, he has been getting super stressed in his work that he has been drowning himself with beer very often at nights. Tried to dissuade him from drinking but i guess its not within my capability to do show. Wat i could do most jus now was only to ensure that i send him home to his door step, so tat he wun proceed on for drinking. But alas, directly opp is private house is a pub :|

Getting tired easily these days. Am still spending as if i am generating 3K every month. Time to really cut down on expenses....

Fenny Speaks Excellent Mandarin!

Have initially wanted to put another version of this song sang by Stella Chang. However, I ended up finding this male version, which I thought is even nicer.

Fenny gave me a call today while I was at work. Am very surprised but definitely impressed by her excellent mandarin delivery! Not that I havent heard her spoken mandarin before in NUS, but she used to sound pretty funny and forceful. But now, she speaks even better than me! I really respect her determination and bravery to speak, and now she is enjoying the fruits of it.

A friend has requested my help to transport his stuffs from PGP back to home. Seems tat i am doing quite a lot of delivery man job these days, haha. I was driving towards Yishun when he suddenly popped me a qn "So hows sayalay now? Hows your practice getting? Do you still chant every night?"

This friend of mine had quite a bit of problem 3 yrs ago and I have brought him to seek help from Sayalay. I guess I was very interested in the Dharma then tat i spare no chance in sharing whatever i know in buddhism. He was often very curious with things like Karma, recarnation and destiny and I wud try my best to seek answers from him, be it from the books or seniors. I also passed him many dharma books to read. To him, I was a very devoted buddhist living next to him who did my chanting every evening in my own room.

But i kinda disappointed him jus now by telling him 'NO, i havent been in touch with the Dharma for long, no more meditation, no more chanting, no more seeing of Sayalay...." "You dun want nirvanna anymore?" was his next qn. "Erm... I am just too demotivated and lazy these days...."

Its kinda heart warming to recall back the old days we have spent living 'together'. But he got chided for asking me a stupid qn on what time i sleep at nite and wake up in the morning. Well, not as if he really duno my lifestyle since we have been staying together for one full year... and I always repeatedly emphasize on good sleeping habits ie. Sleep by midnight and wake up before 730am. But its nice to meet up with him after so long... hope that his surgery this friday goes smoothly.

爱不简单

Haha! I was so reluctant to write an entry this evening, all because I was too attached to the pictures i have posted in my previous post, and wanted them to remain 'on top' of my blog page. Seek a temporary soln by posting more pics of kranji in this entry. The attachments will go away somehow later..

Quite coincidentally, I have been revolving the same topic with some BS friends but on separate occasions and diff ppl. And trust me, I wasnt the one who initiated the topic, but probably, it has become quite apparent tat they noticed it themselves.

Becos I know where I stand in terms of my cultivation level and buddhist knowledge, i seldom openly 'share' my knowledge with others for this obvious reason. But another reason is because i am paranoid of the 'Dharma diarrhoea' symptom. I find that too much theories errode away the true esscence of buddhism. A lot of things need not be said, but of cos i do welcome the true and sincere sharings by some buddhist friends (eg Kalden, ae2004 and other bloggers).

The ability to share the Dharma is definitely a meritorious deed, provided its done with a good intention. But if its meant for showing off, gaining authority or even greed (to obtain something or impress someone), then i guess it must be a damm terrible thing to do so. However, how often is our intention 100% pure? I beckon most of the time they comprise a mix of pure and impure elements.

A couple of friends are still troubled with their love affair. I feel that falling out of love is like getting sick or wounded. It takes time to heal.. so give yourselves more time to heal, before you wanna rush into another r/s again. Things may seem so nice, so perfect, so true and so splendid, but never rush into love, just because u feel pressurized or tempted to do so. Mabbe its good to ask oursleves : Am i ready for the next love? Or am i just temporary blinded?

Welcome to the Paradise

我是天空里的一片云.... if only I can escape from the busy and crowded urban areas, away from all problems and complex human relationships, away from all sufferings.

Welcome to the Paradise - A movie about American Japanese living in fear during WWII. Coincidentally, the place that OWY and me visited today is also a WWII battle ground (Kranji). On the shoreline between Kranji and the causeway, it was said that the Japanese soldiers tried to swim over to Singapore but was stuck in the mud and oil slick released by the Allied troops from the nearby Woodlands oil depot. The first waves of Japanese troops were burnt when Allied troops set fire to the oil. - Must be a very sad scene.

This place also reminded me of a place during my army days. My buddy and I were torpoing at Mandai when we chanced upon a beautiful body of water (believed to be the Mac Ritchie Reservoir), surrounded by very large green patches of grass and trees. The place was so serene, neat and clean that my buddy and I spare no chance in taking a 2hr afternoon nap after accomplishing our mission early. I guess I could nv go back to the place again, cos firstly, its impossible for the public to gain access to it, and secondly, i dun think i can recognise the way there.

Kranji was just as peaceful and serene (look at OWY dipping his feet in the waters by the rocks). It happens that both of us are suckers for such places. If not of the previous night that i spent at his room without having a proper sleep, we would have spent a longer time by the water enjoying the peaceful surroundings. And talking abt last nite, it was really quite interesting that we were lying down and talking cok till the wee hrs, till I cant remember wat were the last words from our months before we dozed off unknowingly.

CK. Gan, an old BS friend, was telling me over the phone jus now that in life : When you have the money, you have no time to spend. When you have the time to spare, you have no money. How true! All of the sudden, I feel i have so much time to spent over the past 3 days, but I feel the financial pressure.

But Kranji is a very nice place, free-of-charge some more. Even on a p.hol like today, the place is not congested or infested by the typical inconsiderate + noisy singaporeans. There is a even a ridge that ppl can walk all the way abt 100m away frm the shoreline towards the direction of Johor. Paradise, welcome to the paradise.

Burst that Ego bubble, pls..

I hope the liveliness of this song is able to light everyone up. Indeed, this song was my first and favourite mandarin pop song, way way back 13 yrs ago. My parents used to have the wrong idea that I am a fan of Sally Yeh, but the truth is that I only like this song of hers. Its so hard to find a non love ballad mandarin pop song these days.

From my past few entires, Cindee was sharp enough to tell I am not feeling good these days, despite the fact that i have already tried not to express my mood too explicitly over my blog. Thanks for being sensitive. Ever since the 'viewership' of my blog increases, i see the greater reluctance in me to write down my true feelings. For obvious reason, i dun wanna to give others an impression that i am a weakling.

Although I am not officially out of job, I would like to regard myself as an umemployed personnel. The feeling sux. And becos of that, I could sense my own ego diminishing instantaneously. Probably it has swelled too much over the past 1 yr that it finally got burst. Be it my attitude towards the nurses at NUH or the waitresses at restaurants, I find myself less arrogant, demanding and more courteous towards them. Arghh.. its all becos of money. When u have the money, you have greater purchasing power and u feel proud - and thats me!

Many ppl have been giving me negative comments on my resignation. Most of them told me that I shld have found a job first before i resigned. Those words are definitely not encouraging, but my action is definitely not in accordance to societal norm. Perhaps i have been following too closely to the govt systems, to wat the society expect of me, tat i feel the need to out grow myself, in search of wat i want in life.

Ppl laugh at me for being bo liao, driving all the way to NUS from bedok for a jog, driving all the way to NTU for a car wash, driving all the way to sungei buloh to watch the birds.... But i am just being myself. I live in my own world, and I m happy with my own life.

Stay cool.