Goodbye 2005 and Welcoming 2006

A few more hours to go before 2005 is over. Rushing to pen down some reflections and thoughts for the year before a brand new year starts:

1) Down on luck for 2005
2005 didnt start off well as I got myself hospitalised on the 3rd day of CNY. To make the matter worse, I was involved in a rather serious car accident a few days later. I have more than 2 weeks MC but i get to see who are the friends and colleagues who really care for me.


2) Change in Job
I still see it as a brave and courageous decision from myself to leave my own comfortzone and choose to swim out into the big open sea. Its definitely not a pleasant experience to stay jobless during the period after my resignation but not having secured a next job yet. But i nv regret this decision. I need to be very focussed - one thing at a time.

The new job may not be great, but i am very well aware i wud be more unhappy if i were to stay stagnant at my old company. Both are giant companies, but the latter really allow me more exposure and the experienes gained are invaluable.

The transition period is horrible. The stress level is shooting high, higher than i have ever experienced during my 20 yrs of education. I was feeling helpless and lost most of the time. But its a choice i made, i hope i can perform better at work in 2006.


3) Social Circle I
My social circle took a mini explosion in 2006, in contrast to the sudden dip in 2005 after i left NUS. After graduation in 2004, i have limited chances and opportunities to know new friends (be it from hostels, buddhist camps or lectures). The ppl i mix everyday were my colleagues at cdge (stagnant again). Other than several makan sessions, our interactions are mostly work matters.

A new job gives me a lot more new friends/colleagues. Most imptly, they r closer to my age grp and we are able to discuss and engage in topics of similar interests and concerns. Together with a few colleagues, we train for our IPPTs and passed them together. The feeling was GREAT, especially our weekly jogging sessions.


4) Social Circle II
In the later part of 2005, i continued to make a lot more friends after joining the Eurovanclub. Besides getting together to discuss on our vans, we also engaged in other activities like weekly jogging sessions, skating sessions, makans and other adhoc activities. We also moved on to join the sgskaters group at ECP, where i get to know even more friends.

But frankly speaking i am getting a rather reserved to continue mixing around with the evc and sgskaters friends. The larger the social circles, the harder to maintain them. Human gossips and frivolous speeches are inevitable. Unlike sharing the Dharma and encouraging one another in our cultivational practices, sometimes, I wonder if the activities we engage in EVC and sgskates are beneficial to ourselves in the long run.


5) Social Circle III
Something i am very proud to announce is that the friendships among friends from both my bs cliques have reached a greater height - My BS FOC2000 gang and BS gamers 2001 gang. THis yr, we broke our records by having more gatherings than previous years, even though everyone has gotten much busier after entering the work force. Our understanding and accomodation for one another may not be perfect, but still magical to me.

6) Family
My family has broken up and got reunited twice this yr. I have lost faith in life-long marriages. Nevertheless, I feel so glad and happy that after living off them for the past 24 yrs, finally i am able to earn money to feed my own parents entirely!

I am able to drive my parents for a good dinner, i am able to drive my mum to the reservoirs and parks to enjoy the nice sceneries, i am able to drive them for medical appointments. I feel so happy that finally the giving and contribution process has taken an opp direction.

7) Spiritual
Arghh, i continued to stay low in my spiritual life in 2005. In fact, i think i have never gotten as far away from buddhism over the past 5 years. As i was extremely busy in 2005, i spent most of my time working and have little chance to engage in unnecc talkings and activities with friends from all over. Somehow, I feel i have less chances to break my precepts over the past yr, haha.

Will be going to PKS for our annual countdown ceremony. Last entry of 2005. Happy new year everyone!

I want a better 2006 for my career and spiritual growth!

This is my colleague's baby son. He is about 5 months old and he really look like his father, haha. Almost every other of my colleague has an infant less than 1 yr old at home.

28th dec is my ex-gf 's bday. I was contemplating whether to sms her bday wishes on 27th night but decided to do it the next day. Unfortunately, I forgot abt it and only managed to do so only jus now which was 29th Dec. She replied saying that I was one day late, and hence, giving her the excuse to send me late bday wishes in the future. I suanned her back by saying that late is better than her not sending me any bday wishes at all. "Who says i nv send u bday sms? I was one day late also, u ah, how can u forget!" I was damm paiseh cos i forgot she did send me a bday wish sms, haha.

A few friends are now in the stage of getting themselves out from broken r/s. A guy friend is definitely not taking it well and is still harbouring thoughts of winning the gal back, despite having broken off for more than a yr. In fact in my opinon, he has become worse lately. On the other hand, another gal friend seems to be taking things very well despite the fact that she only break up 2 weeks ago. Although she is still very sad and have sleepless nights, she can actually tell me a lot of her reflections and thoughts on her r/s which really impress me. I get to learn a lot from my conversation with her.

I realise most enstranged couples tend to point finger at each other as they dig up all the old and ugly pasts. Whereas this friend of mine is working on how to forgive the other party and forgiving herself. I am really so proud of her. I believe everything takes time. Letting go is difficult and thats actually abt all of wat we are learning in buddhism.

I dun feel like writing today. Not because I am in a bad mood, but I have nothing to write.

Mabbe just one thing, i have sent my van to the workshop again for a 2nd enhancement to the glass panels, FOC!!! I am going to receive a brand new look again... yeah!

All about Forums

It seems that nowadays 'Forum' has become an 'in' thing. Many societies and clubs are now having their own online forum, which allows their members to communiate and share information together. The advantages of having a forum is definitely aplenty.

The following are some of the forums I have been visiting:

Kangooclub: This forum is so far my favourite. The forum is neatly organised into several sections of diff areas of interests. And within each area of interest is further broken down into more precise topics. For instance, there is a section on 'Modifications of vans', and within this section you have separate topics like 'Car alarm system installations' , 'Van Body kits' and "Available accessory shops" etc. There is also another section on "Maintenance and repairs" where you will find topics like how to take care of ur van and which workshops to go etc.

The members in these forums are very friendly and helpful. They are fast in providing you the latest tips and findings, saving much of your precious time to hunt the information yourself. Furthermore, they share abt the best lobangs around in town and help u to save a great deal. Most importantly, they are very fun loving ppl with lots of craps, jokes and suanning around.

Eurovanclub: This club is supposed to be bigger than the above-mentioned, but the participation volume is not as great. Similarly, the forum is neatly categorised into diff areas of interests, and the topics discussed are relatively helpful. However, the moderators are very strict in this forum and hence, the 'fun' element is lost. Nevertheless, it still serve its purpose as a useful platform for information gathering and sharing.

Sgskates: This forum started off as one of the most promising and happening forum. The traffic volume is extremely great. However, it slowly degenerated in nothing more than a frivolous forum, with lots of nonsensical jokes and yakkings that are not in rhyme with the title of the forum. Little is spoken about skatings (must it be in the first place? I duno). I do not feel i gain much from it so i stop making my postings. Nvtheless, i am sure the friendships built among the members are getting stronger each day.

NUSBS forum: An old forum actually existed few yrs ago, but didnt take off well. A new one just came out recently. I was initially skeptical about it due to the small number of membership in the society. I thought that for a forum to exist, it needs a very large number of active participations from the members. But i soon realise that the membership strength is not the most serious problem. I feel that the main reason why this forum doesn take off well once again is due to the lack of participation from even existing 'active'' members itself. Without the participations and postings from these active and 'seasoned' members, i wonder who else are they expecting to be active in the forum? The newbies are definitely not encouraged to do any postings.

Well, to each his own, we can do watever we like, but at the end of the day, its jus how much we wanna balance between sacrificing ur own interest to help the society VS how much we wanna stick back to our deeply-drilled character/attitude.

Eurovan Mega Photo Shoot 2005

Click here or the picture to view the enlarge version.

Volkswagon, Peugeot, Citroen, Renault, Fiat, Opel lining up at Marina Carpark for the Eurovanclub Mega Photoshoot.

Christmas

This is a rather back-dated picture which was taken last wednesday. The BS gamer2001 had a dinner gathering and the attendance was very good with a strength of 10 (out of 17 gamers). We has so much catch-ups to do that we found tat the wednesday evening was not enough for us. We are planning for a 2nd gathering this coming week at Mt Faber.

Similarly, we had a gift exchange session. I was running out of idea wat to buy and decided to modify an idea used by one of my BS FOC2000 kakis. I got a v nice crystal picture frame but instead of using it to frame our grp photo, I frame it up with our BS FOC2001 publicity posters. Afterall, it is FOC2001 that has brought us together and gave us this wonderful friendship for the past 4 years.

In fact, I am wondering if there are any other similar BS gangs or kakis like mine (BS FOC2000 and FOC2001-gamers) that still meet up & hang out together after all these yrs. I do know tat there r some v close friends among the alumni who meet up quite often, but i dun think there are any similar cliques/close grps formed up by my juniors. Perhaps there r but i duno their existence.













The photo frame and the 2 posters combined together.

So what did i do for Christmas Eve & Countdown?

Well, I decided to give up my work and drove down to AMK workshop to celebrate the Christmas eve evening with my EVC friends. We had a BBQ followed by yet another session of gift exchange. The advantages of having a BBQ at the car workshop are as follows:

1) No need to scare dirty the place as we r using a car workshop, not someone's kitchen.

2) Can blast the music aloud without disturbing others (cos nobody stays in an industrial park)

3) Can blast music directly from one of the vans which have a v powerful sound sys installed

4) V big and spacious and can do open air bbq

I feel i have gained a lot in yr 2005. But it has not ended yet, shall leave it to a later entry .

Christmas Waste

Its saturday morning! Its Christmas Eve! And i am now in my office/lab working! Hohoho....

Frankly speaking, I duno why I am still feeling so relaxed and light. My pilot run has failed and production is waiting for me to build the units. A v impt customer's order is waiting to be fufiled by 1st jan. Lalalalala... and i am stuck here duno what to do. Everyone has gone home. Nobody will be around next week as well due to company shut down. I am helpless, but still, i am feeling so relaxed. I wonder why.....

Fortunately I have no plan for this 10 day break. I foresee myself going to ECP for skating from one end to the other in a lazy weekday afternoon. I also foresee myself bringing my mum to some temples. I also plan to meet up with my fellow vanners, open up our boots and talk everything under the sun. I also plan to visit the reservoirs again, the nature reserves and parks. But all these will not happen if my pilot unit still fail....awww

Why is it always like that?

When i was in the last week of my BMT, i had a splendid plan with my platoon mate on what we were going to do during the 1 week block leave after our passing out parade. We planned to cycle all the way to under sheares bridge (tats when BEFORE the esplanade was built and the place was still looking very natural and untouched) to have a good long nap and rest. We were so exhausted during our BMT days that we jus wanna chill it out peacefully under the sun.

Unfortunately, I developed a super high fever on the 1st day of my block leave. My temperature was above 39 deg and it didn subside for many days. While lying on the bed, i could feel myself burning my pillow. I was feeling both goggy and very cold. I cursed and swear that i have wasted my 1 week block leave. My mum has also cancelled her trip to china becos of me (wasting a couple of thousand dollars). Everything was SUCH A WASTE.

And history is repeating now, although not entirely the same case but something similar. Aiz.

Feeling touched

I may not be anti-bgr, but friends who are close to me know that i am usually not very supportive of bgr. Many a times, i have friends sharing with me their bgr problems. I walked with them and could see the amt of sorrows and anguish they have to go through. I witnessed how miserable they are when the r/s turned sour. Nevertheless, i am usually unmoved and untouched.

Today, this guy really touched me - for his love for his lost gf. The ironic fact is that a few of us have been trying to talk him out of trying to reconcile with his ex gf. We feel that the r/s is impossible, and they should stop wasting each other's time. Moreover, the ex-gf has recently found himself a bf, and she is really much more happier and cheerful - just like how she was before she was attached to him. The 2 of them were just now meant for each other, despite the amt of effort and sacrifices both parties have made.

As an egocentric person, this friend has nv bothered to lower his head and admit his own mistakes. However, he told me today that he realised how wrong he has been in the r/s, how bad he has treated his ex-gf, and how much he has missed her. He used to despise her in several aspects and even looked down on her. Now, she felt she has lost the best gf he could ever get, despite spending the past couple of yrs after their break up in search of new gals.

Is everything too late? I duno actually.

I suggested 2 options for him - either he woos her back and treats her very nice, or he let go and move on with life. He chose the former. I was really at lost whether to support him or not. Will i help to raise false hopes in him if i were to give him my support? What if the gal rejects him? Will he be more sad and disappointed? And so wat if they managed to patch up? Will i be helping them to dig a deeper pit? Will it bring more miseries to the gal if history were to repeat?

But as friends, i believe in supporting one another. I am giving him my support. I wish him all the best.

Kici again

This afternoon I drove to NTU to look for kici. I think he has become more scrawny than ever, just like zeathereal. Must the presidents of buddhist societies be of a particular shape (or weight)? But nevertheless, he looks more cheerful than anyone. The power of meditation retreat i supposed. Sadhu!

Last evening I went skating again. I skated all the way to Safra and back, which is about more than 20km. And i came back to find that one of my screws has came off. I tried to service my wheels by taking them off to clean the bearings. I ended up deforming one of the screw head and i wonder if the screw can still be taken out or not. I also broke both my allen keys while tightening the screws.... I think my skates overall is half dead... diezz.. Now i feel so uneasy abt my skates conditions. I can only blame on my lousy skills and wrong skating techniques. The wheels will be gone soon! But the frame (which is the most expensive part) is still as solid.

To ae2004, do u know how to chant Ratana sutta? I love to play the buddhist chants aloud at home and also while i am driving. The latest stunt i did was to play the chantings on my nokia6230 as i skate along the dark but peaceful ECP. I think this is also a great way to share the chantings with all the sentient beings - whom i think will rarely get the chance to listen to the chants if they were to choose to linger only around ECP.

Are all gone...

This is a picture taken at Tuas South, where all the heavy industries are located at. This pic somehow explains how i feel abt my working life. In the midst of the busy and hectic life as depicted by the factories/industries, I yearn to reach out for the peaceful sea and sky.

I was chatting with a friend on msn and felt pretty down after the conversation. I decided to head down to ECP despite the fact that its already near 10pm. I didn know whether I wanna jog or skate. I jus know I wanna escape.

As i relaxingly cruise down the peaceful and quiet tracks by the east coast beach, the breeze softly brush against my face as if with extreme gentle care. Breathing in the invigorating air gave me a refreshing mind for some self reflections. And I sadly realised tat there's still something that I thought i have already let go, but i didnt. No doubt the impact has been reduced significantly as the time passes, but the wound inflicted does not get to heal completely. It reminds me of my own 'cut' intestines, which suffers exactly the same fate - the wound remains sticky till today even though the operation was done 8 yrs ago.

Along the way, I skated past many BBQ pits. There were pits that were full of life and vibrance by grps of youngsters, happily playing games and filling up the environment with their claps and laughters. There were also pits that were left with nobody except for left over foods, used cups and plates + bags of rubbish. These BBQ pits were in complete contrasting state. It gives a v good reflection on our life. What awaits after all the fun were heaps of rubbish to be cleared up.

We have joy, we have fun, we have seasons in the sun .. but the moon, and the star, like the seasons are all gone.....

Chalet & Pre-Xmas

The chalet has ended too fast. Although we do meet up every now and then, it has been for yrs (since 2003) since we have our last chalet. The feeling was of cos great and exciting. The number of beds and room space was just nice for the 10 of us at Aloha Loyang.

Xmas gift exchange is something we cannot do without, but we decided to do something different this yr. Instead of buying just one general gift for random gift exchange, we bought a 2nd gift to another specific person who was determined by the lots we drew last Xmas. And we have this entire 1 yr to hunt for the gift which we think suit our 'receiver' best. In all, each person will be receiving 2 gifts.

The person that was supposed to buy me a present is Sihui. I must say she has really made a very good choice in buying me a U2 short sleeve polo tee. All along i have been wearing U2 apparels and not only does the size fits me, I love the colour very much too. This simple gift exchange has further bonded all of us up and its also a good test to show how much we understand one another.

And the annual xmas gathering always end up with everyone of us sharing our past yr reflections + new yr resolutions. Although its not uncommon for us to have gatherings, i really feel very bonded to this grp of frens during this chalet. I m glad we r still close together after this long 5 yrs. Its buddhism that has brought us together.

I have promised refreshed.pearl that I will write something in my blog last evening but I came home too late. I spent my last evening skating followed by jogging at ECP with the EVC friends. This afternoon I will be heading for the BS-gang chalet and thus, I guess I wudnt get a chance to blog today either. So I am doing it now at my workplace, kakaka.

Last month we had a mini BS gathering at CK's house and we da-bao dinner from a nearby coffeeshop tze-char stall. Ck was telling us that ever since he shifted in 10yrs ago, he has seen multiple changes in the ownership of this stall. We were wondering why wud there be ppl still willing to take over the stall each time the prev owner failed. Were they thinking that 'this time' it will be different and they will outshine all the predecessor?

This reminds me of something else, though not exactly a relevant comparison but interesting to ponder abt. Recently a pair of BS couple friends told me they have broken up. Yesterday, another pair told me their r/s is now at the rocks. Both pairs were v loving couples, but problems surfaced eventually and I thought these problems were quite typical in a r/s. The gal feels that the guy is not showing enough attention to her, while the guy feels strained and tired over her demads. No more butterflies in the stomach, no more magical moments - the chemistry is lost.

Recently I get to know a lady friend who has separated from her estranged husband and filing a divorce soon. She has been terribly hurt by her past r/s, but is now in love with another guy. Unfortunately, this new guy has failed to meet up to her expectations in certain aspects and she was hurt once again. This reminds me of the coffeeshop stall near CK's house. Why do ppl still wanna engage in something knowing that the end product will be sufferings eventually? Life after life we have been repeating the same thing and given the same sufferings. Perhaps they are thinking that their r/s will be an 'exceptional' and outstanding one, different from the past ones and better than the rest?

Sorry if I have offended anyone… cos wat I say may not be definitely right. But tats how I feel…

This evening, I went to Mustafa to meet up with an EVC guy to pass him 2 peugeot logos i bought from IMM. This guy (lets call him Mr.M) is in his 40s, always dressed in those typical ah-pek striped polo tee + a pair of shorts/berms. He smokes heavily and told us he needs to drive his van to the construction sites at times. Nobody knows wat job he is having.

A few of us asked him for his occupation but he always gave different answers ranging from helping out with family business to doing sales . Today, he finally admitted to me that he is a medical doctor. He has chosen not to disclose his identity for fear of unnecc judgement and not able to blend in easily with the EVC ppl.

Dr M has been working in the US, Bombay, Australia and even once a sailing medical doctor on Star Cruise. He laughed when i told him how stressful my job is - cos he is handling life-threatening cases in hosptial almost everyday which are much more stressful. He also shared with me his views on what the correct working attitude shld be - knowing from A to Z of your job. He has asked me to kill the thoughts of quitting my job and told me tat i need to stay in a single job for at least 2 years (same as wat my HRM tutor told us) before moving on to the next job.

Dr M also told me that i shld not be bothered too much with my pay as working in a big firm + low pay is still better off than working in a small unknown firm + high pay. The transferable and 'carrier' value is not there for the latter, and the additional amt of pay doesn make up to it.

Lastly, he shared about the attitude in life - A person who follows the rules strictly may be a good man, but it doesn make him a better man if without true understanding of his own actions. Always strive to be a better man, not just a good man.

Oh yes, did i mention he is from myammar and a practising buddhist? Hehe. .talk abt karmic link

I have just returned from NUSBS Dharma Camp 2005 Finale Night. This must be the camp that I have participated least in over the past 6 yrs, attending only the finale night + 20 min on Sunday. A few noticeable differences were observed in this Camp:

1) No other STIBS frens and very few seniors were seen at the finale night (NTUBS used to come in an entire MC and snrs came in a huge grp)
2) Participants were much more fun-loving, active and sporting (I think participants in the past were more passive and shy)
3) Candle possession held before the climax (The skits and play has become the finale of the camp??)
4) Having a venerable (Ven Chun Hui) supporting the entire camp (WOW, so fortunate!)

NUSBS has also gotten itself a very nice and sweet treasurer who rushed out with some goodies for the snrs when she saw us leaving the temple. I personally appreciate and emphasize a lot on this little respect given to the snrs. We must understand and realise the fact that without the snrs' efforts, there wudnt exist a strong and established NUSBS for us today.

NUSBS seems to often have this trend of having some 'promising' members joining the society too late. I remembered there was this lady who only joined the FOC only after her final sem in NUS. She thought she shld hav joined BS a few yrs earlier, but unfortunately, she has to start searching for jobs and couldnt continue to join in the campus fun after the FOC. Another guy joined only in yr4, wanted to learn more abt buddhism and expressed interest in joining our big family, but unfortunately found himself too busy with his FYP. Eventually, he graduated just like that... wat a waste. There were a few more cases when some active and promising members jus suddenly 'disappear'....

Okie late in night, i also duno wat i am rambling abt, perhaps it doesn make sense to the readers at all, paiseh. Time to zzz

It hurts

I went skating just now at ECP and had 3 great falls - and i meant great falls with my bums slamming hard onto the ground.. Ouch!

The first fall was due to a long twig getting rolled into my wheels. My left foot continued its motion while my right foot was stuck, this causing the fall. The 2nd fall was due to this stupid huge seed found on the ground. Suay suay i skated over it at a v fast speed and was thrown to the side of the road. The 3rd fall was due to a damm twig again, something like the first accident. I had no open wounds, all thanks to my wrist guard which helped me in breaking the falls and hence, reducing the falling impacts.

My work today sent me to an emotional roller coaster ride again. I think my life can be shorten by 10 yrs working in this High Pressure company. I dun wanna mention anything more abt it.

Last evening after i installed my car alarm system, i rushed down to Yishun Collumbarium to pay my respect to my late OC. The place is opened until 7pm and i was there at 6plus. Besides paying respect to my late OC, his death anniv used to be a mass gathering day for everyone from the army. The 1st and 2nd anniversary were very crowded with my fellow army mates. There were less and less turn outs for the subsequent yrs. And it was reduced to only 2 of us yday. Talk abt 'bo sim' in human kind....

Spending Alarmingly

Finally, I have successfully installed the car alarm system on my Partner. After a failed attempt yday which wasted my 3hrs + $50, I braved for a 2nd attempt and sent it to another workshop (owned by an EVC member) and getting along a common friend to help.

The original van did come with a remote control key and has a central lock system. However, it does not have a security alarm. Moreover, there is this 'Immobilzer' which is supposed to be an enhanced security feature (meaning the every set of van keys comes with a unique microchip) which allows only the original keys to start the engine. However, this design has given us van owners a great headache as we are unable to duplicate our own set of keys as these duplicated keys are useless without the original microchips.

Altogether, I was charged $180 for the installation (compared to the $85 yday). It comes with 2 remote controls + a motion sensor (supposedly to be better as they r made in Singapore instead of China). This is the flipside of european vans. The electrical wiring system is super complicated that most outside workshops do not have the expertise to do it. Even if they do, they might not entertain u for tat small amt of money earned. Its not worth their manpower. Fortunately this EVC friend (graduated from poly) is very well versed in electrical circuits and designs tat he managed to overcome the hurdles faced by the technicians yday. And an electrical engineer like me know nuts abt these wiring systems (wat a shame).

I was so busy this weekend that i only managed to spare a 20 min time slot at the Dharma Camp. But i feel so proud and happy for my fellow snrs, seeing them helping out in various ways in the camp. I saw Ms Foo as the photographer and Kenny (lam) helping out in the logistic. I also learnt that Zhihao and Puwen came down to give talks on diff traditions of buddhism. Great. I feel there s nothing wrong with snrs joining the society's activities - no such thing as too old or out-of-place as long as we have our own roles and areas to help out. Unless we jus wanna go there to have fun and hee haa our time, then perhaps something is terribly wrong.

I vividly see that BS is no longer one of my top priorities in life, as I have moved on with other social grps and activities.

Om Black Day

When i was in the army, I heard of this Armour Black Day. It was said that for many years on this very same day, many cases of very bad accidents have happened. There was this soldier whose head was chopped off by a swinging turret. There was also another soldier whos body got chopped off into half at the waist when the tank overturned at a slope. Hence, all trainings and exercises were cut during this particular day - i think its some time during this period.

Writing this, i suddenly recalled how my OC was killed during the training. And i just realised his death anniv is today (and i have forgotten about it!). Every yr, I would make arrangement with all my fellow specialists and tie down with my OC's family member to pay our respect at his grave. Sigh.. this yr i actually forgot abt it. I 'll see if i can make a trip down tmr to offer my respect.

And today (or rather yday) seemed to be a black day for me. Early in the morning, I excitedly went to a car accessory shop to have my car alarm installed. I got this v cheap lobang (abt half the price from other shops) and was told to 'come back and collect' after 1hr. Unfortunately, my wait stretched till 3hrs ++ and finally the technician gave up on my ride. He said tat Peugeot is too 'complex' and difficult to install. I drove off feeling v disappointed. What a waste of my time!

And i went home, I found out my $50 note which i kept in my pocket was gone. OUCH! I have been trying to save here and there so much.. switching off aircon when driving, waking up early to siam erp, asking for discount on this and that, and now a $50 note is jus gone like that! V heart pain manz... :(

Fortunately the day ended better after i went for my skating at ECP. Although I still cannot do funny stunts and also cant brake effectively, I found myself gaining more stability as i skate. Its shiok to blade at nite listening to the Metta Chant and Heart Sutra. Try it!

Family Feuds

I was feeling really perturbed last nite. I had a conversation with a friend over msn and it really disturbed me emotionally.

I have known this friend for a few years (lets call her L, but not Lena!). Recently by chance, I found out that her dad is actually the nephew of my aunt's husband. My aunt (my mum's sister) and her husband are living in China. Last evening, I decided to 'acknowledge' her by telling her how her dad and my mum are related. Excitedly, she went to ask her her dad abt it and came back with the f0llowing replies:

L: My dad told me that she is a very notorious woman in the village. She used to ill-treat my dad and his sis.

Me: (feeling puzzled) Erm... you mean who?

L: Your aunt lor!

Me: (feeling upset) Oh... i din know my aunt is such a bad woman...

L: Yeah! But at least she has a v good nephew.

Me: (feeling more disturbed + disgusted) Well, our parents must be good in our eyes right? I feel its jus not right to criticise our elders, isnt it?

Blah blah blah blah blah.........................

I actually know a lot more on her dad and family background, but i didn wanna say them out as its none of my business. I also need to respect the fact that he is my friend's dad, although she didnt show the same respect for me by tactlessly blurting out how bad my aunt is. I am not siding my aunt too as i wasnt around to witness and so i cant comment. But i am jus very shocked and disappointed by my friend's tactlessness and obvious bias towards her own dad. If i were to behave like her, I may say something like this:

'Hey, i know your 3 storey house is actually a rented out, as ur dad has declared bankruptcy a few yrs ago due to a failed business. Your family has been struggling hard to maintain the image as if u are still as rich as before, but actually we all know ur parents r jus putting up a show for everyone to see. A lot of relatives also know ur dad like to make empty promises leh.... very shameful u know?"

Of cos i din say the above out to her. It will be too hurting for her to swallow the truth. But well, I jus wanna vent my frustrations here. The fortunate thing is that my blog is only limited to my small grp of friends and i believe will nv reach her. Morever, no name has been mentioned. And frens, i respect tat u wun go asking around and if u really wanna k now more, pls ask me directly. In the end, i gave my final reply to her:

Me: Perhaps to your dad my aunt was a v notorious and bad lady, but i am sure in her children's eyes, she is a v wonderful and good mother, jus like how u see your own dad.

Fresh Air & Farewell

I have tried many kinds of air fresheners for my partner but none of them is pleasing enough for me. I have always wanted to buy an air revitalisor but its too ex. Finally, I saw a special offer at BIG today and bought it without much hesitation. My colleague spared me a few drops of his essential oil and viola! My Partner is now feeling so fresh and clean! The difference is significance.

The unfortunate fact is that i always thought i have a few bottles of essential oils at home. However out of the 3 bottles of essential oil, 2 of them are actually massage oil ( a mixture of essential oil + carrier oil) and the 3rd bottle is for heating therapy. I am not sure if they can be used for my air revitalisor too, so anyone out there who have knowledge on this, can you pls advise me? Thx!

Yes, this is the NTU gal who has left us today. Surprisingly, I was feeling a tinge of sadness in me - something which i didnt quite expect myself to have. But dun be mistakened, i am not carrying a torch for her. Its probably due to the fact that i am too used to this xiaomeimei's presence in the office as well as having her as my lunch kaki for the past 5mths.

As a parting gift, I volunteered to help her walk round the office and take photos individually with the different colleagues, and uploaded them onto the web. She was v touched, and I promise to meet her for lunch at NTU when sch reopens. Starting from tmr, her desk will be empty, and I wonder how I will feel whenever i walk past it - probably until someone else come and take over it.

Farewell

We have a farewell buffet lunch at the ex-Concorde Hotel this afternoon - An IA student + a colleague are leaving us.

The above pic shows the NTU gal making a thankful and farewell speech to us. She has been with us for the past 5 mths and i really feel a bit sad to see her leave us. She has been lunching with us almost everyday. I promise to visit her at NTU for lunch whenever possible. Anyway, she was from NTUBS - started from a newbie to a sleepy member to a non-member.

NUSBS Dharma camp is around the corner and some jnrs have been smsing me for help. Glad that I can play a small part in supporting the camp. As spoken to shocked-pearl, the 1st bs camp is always the most fun and memorable for everyone. Yeah, FOC2000 is the most unforgettable and interesting camp i ever had in my student life. Unfortunately, there are always members in BS who do not get the chance of joining the camp as participants, but got robbed in directly as organisers. They have really missed out quite a lot, cos the feeling of being a carefree participant/newbie is definitely different from being an organiser/helper.

Went jogging at NUS after work. Jogging helps to relieve stress built up at work. According to Jimbean, our timing was still kept around 12min plus, phew. I wud have expected myself to drop back to 14min cos i have been slacking ever since i passed my IPPT a few mths ago. IPPT is good... it helps to discipline us in maintaining on physique.

Quite sad i didnt manage to buy insurance coverage smoothly due to my health problem. But my health problem is not recognised by the MO and medical board. What an irony!

Aging

I am now convinced that I am no longer a young man but an 'uncle'. Too much effects from my msn nick 'OM' which means uncle in malay.

A 23 yr old lady from EVC was asking for my age. I let her guess, and she guessed 28!

Another 18 yr old gal from Sgskate asked the same qn. I let her guess, and she guessed i am in my early 30s!

Next time i go out with riki, will they think he is my son?

The ppl from sgskate are skating everyday without fail. Every evening, i will be able to find familiar faces gathering at the YYH (our HQ) ready for skates. They even have sessions for christmas eve and new year eve planned out for skatings.... gosh.

I brought my skates home last evening instead of leaving them in my van so that I could air and sun them. My mum woke up this morning and thought they belong to my sis-in-law, as she found the pair of skates very small. Its indeed true that i have very very small feet. I worse size 255 for army boots, which is abt US size 7.5 and normal shoe size 38. Having such small feet, no wonder i run so slowly.. .sighz.

I guess no matter how diff i always declare myself to be, i am still v much like the typical guy who is willing to spend so much time and momey on his ride/car. However, my 'want' list is so long for my van that i have to replan and seek alternatives on certain items:

1a) Give up installing car leather seats ($450)
1b) Bought car seat covers instead (<$100)
2a) Give up buying FM transimtter ($49-79)
2b) Listen to more FM and CDs instead (free?)
3a) Give up installing interior cushionings for the rear of my van ($350)
3b) DIY on rooftop cushionings ($25) & bear with the remaining exposed metal parts


Also to cultivate new but feasible practices which can further reduce cost significantly:

3) Switch off aircon to save fuel
4) Wake up earlier to save on ERP costs (before 8am is 50cents, after 8am is $2)

The next thing on my 'want' list is to install a car alarm system. So far, Partner has only the central locking remote control sys, with no alarm. Besides for security reasons, the alarm system will also help me to detect my van easily at multi-storey carparks (something which i need quite badly). Its gonna cost me a couple of hundred bucks.

Well. . tats life...

Interior Bleu (revised)

Ever since I bought my Partner 1.5yrs ago, i have nv given him as much attention as now. In fact, it has also nv appeared as 'chio' to me before, not only after the efforts put in to touch up on both the internal and external beauty. After some struggle, finally decided to part with my money and pain my heart to buy the pair of blue seat covers.

After some comparisons, i realise that this v big local indian-opened megamart which opens 24hrs is actually not selling things as 'cheaply' as most ppl have perceived it to be. I duno why most ppl wud associate this megamart as a v reasonable and economical store. In fact, the car seat cover i bought today cost $11++ more in this megamart than the store i bought at Veerasamy Road.

I have just returned from blading at East Coast Park once again, with the EVC + Sgskate gang. I posted in the sgskate forum why I chose to buy a van:

1) Its abt 20K cheaper than a medium sized-car -> the most primary reason
2) It runs on diesel -> cost saving
3) Its big and can carry bulky stuffs which a normal car cant --> 1.9 litres somemore...
4) Its only for my personal use --> so i am fine with 2-seater
5) I love the sliding sidedoors --> I simply love them

Oh well, I have been sleeping late every night. Oh no.....

Jimbean was asking me whats the definition of 'meterosexual'. I am sorry I do not have the standard definition to provide, and moreover, this is a relatively 'new' word which only came out probably a decade ago. However, its definitely not equivalent to 'homosexual', so dun worry, haha.

Generally, I think meterosexual refers to a guy/man who is very particular with his outlooks, and would spend time shopping for nice clothings, visiting hair saloons and groom himself nicely. However, my friend further extended her definition to include the 'character' of a guy. She feels that a meterosexual guy is one who is sensitive, caring, 'have-feelings', something very much like the more commonly used term - SNAG. Anyway, its not my personal goal to be a meterosexual or SNAG, haha.

But talking abt sensitivity, I did manage to sense something correctly abt my friends recently. At EVC, I correctly sensed that this guy is interested in this gal, although in front of everyone they have always declared as ' good friends'. In fact, i think most ppl wud have thought the gal is interested in the guy, and not the other way. Somehow, the gal was bewildered how i managed to guess it correctly, as she shared with me her difficulties abt not able to convince the guy she is not ready for him.

Next, its abt a new-born couple in NUSBS (hahaha). These 2 youngsters are really new to NUSBS. In fact, I hardly know them, but a few encounters with them during DC and BS activities gave me the feeling that there s something between them. And hey presto! It was jus a passing remark tat i made today to the guy, and he admitted to me that they have just been in love for 1 mth plus, hahaha.

I guess when u keep urself free from all these love webs and hassles, you become more sharp and observant in the things around you. Rubbish theory i have gotten here, but well.... At times, i still find myself quite vulnerable to fall into traps, but fortunately most of the time the surrounding conditions are either not complete or non favourable, and i am spared from further ordeals. Shld put in more effort to train my mind power.

Meterosexual

I had a great laugh when a gal friend described me as 'Meterosexual' yesterday. Thats neither a positive nor negative gesture from me, but it made me wonder in what way am I still so 'meeeeterosexual' to her. Take a look at this pic which i took recently, and u must have disagreed with her.

I was staring hard into the mirror looking at myself, while i was having my haircut done at the barber. Yeah, having haircut at the barber is one good evidence to support against calling me a meterosexual. But tats not the pt I was trying to bring out. As i seldom look at myself in the mirror for long, the 15 min of haircutting gave me the chance to take a good look at myself - wow, i am really aging super fast. I have to admit i look v much like an uncle, no longer a youth or youngster.

I remembered when i was in yr1 staying in pgp, the nickname given to me was "Pretty Boy". Spotting a thick crop of reddish coloured hair, I definitely have more colourful and trendier clothes. And putting on my ear studs/ring was like an everyday affair. None of my neighbours could correctly guess that I was from engineering faculty. Law, Bizad and Arts were the most common choices.

Over the yrs in NUS, my dress-code has toned down tremendously to plain-coloured round neck tshirts, but my hair remained 'unblack' most of the time, even until now. Ear studs/rings are jus very occasional wear - wearing for the sake of not wasting them, hahaha. I wudnt say I was very well dressed or trendy in the past (in fact i hav nv regarded myself as a trendy person), but i see no pt in putting much efforts in dressing up, as long as one look NEAT it shld be enough = clean and non-creasy clothings + neatly trimmed (for short hair) or nicely styled/combed (long hair). I seriously cannot stand ppl with long messy uncombed hair - gross!

Of cos i argued back to my friend that I am not 'FIT' enough to be considered a meterosexual, as I do not spend a lot of money buying nice clothings ( i jus wear U2 and Bossini these days, hahaha), and I dun visit hair saloons which cost ($30-60) for a freaking hair cut (i only spend $8-9 at the barber, hahaha). Jus dun get tricked by my brown hair + occasional ear studs. And she readily counter argued back that the definition of 'meterosexual' shld not limit to only outlooks, but the character. She is right - I am generally unlike the typical guy who is perceived as rational, unfeeling and emotionless. In fact i am quite the opposite.

But as I grow older, I guess my confidence no longer comes my outlooks but from my internal strength. Its the substance that counts, yeah? So cocky man..

Where is my Adaptor?

I was searching high and low for my fujitsu adaptor in vain. I have got 2 of them (1 from jane). 1 is confirmed with kici, the other one is MIA, sighz. During my search, I managed to find some other stuffs instead (something which i wanted to find badly few weeks ago but no longer need it).

Went to roller skate jus now at ECP again. Skated leisurely from Fort Rd to Bedok Jetty and back. I felt very relaxed, cooling and healthy. Having a van is really convenient as I can throw my skates, bowling ball and extra clothings in it.

My peugeot key chain is going to spoilt soon. When I was hospitalized in NUH earlier this yr, I remembered seeing some very nice and equisitive car-logo key chains sold at the NUH gift shop. I purposely went back today to search for it but unfortunately, they r no longer available, sigh x 3. And becos of this visit, i realised tat one of the NTU IA students in my office was also hospitalized in NUH on the same day as me (which was the 3rd day of CNY). But of cos i din even know her then.

Nowadays, i seldom write abt reflections, but merely love to report my daily activities in my blog. Somehow at this pt of time, i find reading my own reflections v digusting and felt they shld be kept personal to preserve its esscence.

Aiz.. where is my adaptorrrr???

Sensitive entry

Type-R steering wheel cover

This afternoon, i continued my search for car accessories. Went to Carrefour (suntec) followed by Giant (Marina Sq). Although I couldnt find a suitable car seat cover still, I did manage to get a set of Type-R steering wheel cover + a pair of seat belt cushions, which is one of the promotional items for today. I bought it at abt 30% cheaper than the usual price, yeah! The grip for my steering wheel is much better now + the interior looks nicer with the matching blue colour.

This afternoon, I get to recall an incident which took place when i first joined NUS. A snr whom i know from engin orientation has invited me to his home for a chill out during one weekend. While i was lying on his bed, he switched on his PC and asked me to read a mail sent by his cell grp member. In the mail, this guy (someone i know also) wrote about his years of experiences in meditation. Unfortunately, he felt that he couldnt gain much from Buddhism and eventually received Christ. Since then, his life has improved tremendously and he wrote the mail to thank my friend for introducing Christianity to him. As a new buddhist who was the pretty much enthusiastic abt the Dharma, I felt offended and gave him the black face. He quickly shut down the mail upon realising my displeasure .....

Last week, I went back to NUS for a jog. When i was in the SRC bathroom, I saw a big grp of guys (abt 7-8) by the benches, getting changed and preparing for sports. I found many familiar faces in them, with abt 3-4 of them are actually from my batch, in addition to the snr whom i mentioned above (who is 3 yrs our snr). They all belong to the same cell grp, and have weekly gatherings in NUS for sports-together followed by their cell grp sessions. Wonderful. I may not be able to comment much abt their religious teachings, but at least i can see that the support they have given to one another is obviously there... and its still going strong after so many yrs of knowing one another. In comparison, the fellowship and spiritual support found in my religion is seriously lacking.

I know its unfair to compare. One is like giving u sweets, the other is giving u medicine. Obviously sweets are more appealing to medicines. Although the former could temporarily take away ur agony and pains, the latter is still eventually what we need to 'recover'.

I apologise if i have touched on sensitive issues and offended any of my friends/readers here. Its really time to ponder if all along we have been doing things for the sake of doing, or jus following blindly.

Quite surprised i could squeeze so many activities into today.

This morning i went to at least 6 car accessory shops all over singapore to look for a suitable set of car seat covers. They are either too ex but nice design, affordable but lousy design, or affordable + nice design but non-matching colour to my partner, sighz. In these giant car accessory shops, there r so many things that i am tempted to buy, but fortunately, my wallet control skill is still pretty much up to standard.

This evening, I went strolling down orchard rd before meeting my ex-colleagues for a dinner at Crown Prince Hotel. Nice to meet them. After which, I headed down to ECP to meet the EVC guys for roller skatings. The ambience at ECP during night time is splendid - dark + peaceful + cooling, accompanied by the lightings from the ships in the sea. Blading down the cycling track at fast speed gave me a very relaxing and carefree feeling.

However, my spirit was pretty much dampened after the revelation of one of my EVC friends. There is this very funky and playful lady that i get to know in EVC. She looks like she is in her late 20s but is actually already in her mid 30s. She has always been acting like a child (an overaged one) and its only tonite, i realise she is actually divorced with 2 kids (8 yr and 5 yr old). She told me she was v sad tonight as her sons are finally gonna shift out from her house tommorow, after she has put in much 'struggle'.

I am surprised that i can actually be quite affected by her predicaments. Although I duno much abt the details, i decided not to ask too, for i duno how i shld react or respond after her replies. Its something that i really have no idea how i can do my part as a friend. Somehow, i feel that the willingness and spirit in me to 'help' others have also been greatly reduced over the past yr. I duno why. Perhaps nowadays i realise i am often not fit enough to help, or i feel i have enough problems of my own that shld be taking up most of my attention instead.

1985

As the years go by, it is jus natural that i get less and less acquainted to the younger batches of juniors. However, I seem to have a greater affinity to the 1985 batch as i notice a sudden surge in my fellowship with them. In NUSBS alone, there are juniors like Sohan, Isen, Cindy, Nhan and Chun Kit. In NTUBS, I have Teddy and Kici (although he looks like he is 1990).

And at EVC, i get to know this 1985 guy who susbqly intro me to a few more of his poly mates (1985 batch) on MSN. Tat evening, I suddenly found myself 'surrounded' by so many 1985 kids. The way they chat online is interesting, although I there was a noticeable gap in our styles and mentality.

And this 1985 EVC guy is a really v fortunate guy. His mum bought him an Opel Combo Turbo van for his bday when he was 18. This evening, he got lost on his way from Queenstown to Mustafa and sms me for help. As i was pretty nearby, I drove over to guide him the way. I sat on his van and realise he has so many expensive modifications done - interior lightings, mini-speedometer, metal pedals etc. His dad has paid for all the expenses used on his van. Kinda reminded me of myself when i first gotten my license, I was already given a car to drive to sch everyday.

Being the youngest among the grp always has the advantage. Most of the EVC guys took very good care of him by helping him in the installations, giving him free tips and valuables. Aww... how i hope i can be in his place! haha.

Read more then..

I was away from work today attending a course at Grand Corpthorne Hotel. I must say all these courses which my company sent us too are mostly very professionally done - with excellent instructor and course materials. However, whether the theories learnt are easily applicable not is another thing altogether. But one thing for sure, we get to enjoy expensive + delicious hotel buffets everyday.

And i went home to check my mail box - 273 emails in all - not as much as i have expected (or feared for). After some filterings, only abt less than 10% require my immediate attention and actions. The others can either be KIV, ignored or arrowed to some other parties, kakaka.

And during the course, i received 3 SMSes from 3 different friends, asking why i was not at work today. Haha.. i guess they must have been so used in seeing me on MSN during office hours. But there seem to be a common understanding and rapport built among my friends that MSN chats during office hrs are to be kept at minimal, most of the time not done intentionally but we simply have no time to chat. But MSN is indeed a very useful and powerful tool to use for working matters. Save up the trouble of composing emails, send here send there, or speaking over the phone (esp when reading long string of part numbers and such). Put it simply, its INSTANT messenging!

Last week, my colleagues were commenting that i write v chim english in my emails and work reports. Last evening, another 2 friends on a grp msn chat were commenting that i always use very chim english. Well, do u guys find words like "tentative", "avantgarde", "oblivious" and "succint" to be very chim? During my pri sch days, i was already identified by my english teacher for my weak command in english. And this fact continued throughout my sec and jc days. In fact, i was one of the 5 or 6 students in my entire class who failed to get an A1 or A2 for my O level english. My english teacher was pissed, and

However my confidence in english kinda pick up a little after coming NUS. Tats becos most engineers are really sucky in their languages, and hence, i tend to be slightly better than them in this aspect. I also noticed many of my engineering friends struggling with essay modules like Law, HRM and history. And tats probably the only few chances that i could edge over my engineering peers to compensate for my lousier engineering module grades.

负心的人

The weather nowadays is so nice for sleeping. The bed is so inviting that I slept as early as 10 plus these few nites. But last midnight, i receive a phone call from this kici who frantically told me: laptop spoilt liao laptop spoilt liao! Walaos, my sleep was more impt than that old lappie.. so i told him nvm la. Actually, i think the fault lies with Jane's power adaptor, ahha. I think finally its time is up!

This aftn, a gal friend of mine msned me and requested for my company. The fact that i only met her once through an online forum gathering made me feel rather uneasy. Moreover, she rides a bike + smoke, in addition to wat jane said "Labrador park leh! Very dangerous! Many gals nowadays seduce guys then call police!" made even me more skeptical. However, the moment she told me she was feeling very down, i agree to the meeting up without further hesitation.

Sighz, she is another victim of love. Her encounter and story was definitely nothing new to me, but still, its unbearable for the affected party. She couldnt resist and broke down shortly. I think i did a damm bad job this evening as I was also at loss of words to console and comfort her. After the meet up, i quickly called up another friend in the forum for 'help', and she shrieked "What!? you only know her a few days ago and now she is pouring out to you on her bgr???"

Yeps, i was also constantly checking on my male EGO which has been telling me how great a person i was to often have gals coming up to me to pour out their woes. Indeed to date, i have quite a few surprises when some not-so-close gal friends came up to me to share with me their troubled hearts. Do i really look like a father?

Well, I think LOVE is such a very formidable weapon that can make you do wonders. It allows you to make extraordinary sacrifices (which u may find stupid later) , and it can also make u go weak on your knees such that you no longer has the energy to hold back your floodgates, allowing all your emotional currents to wash out all your secrets and deeply buried feelings.

While i am willing to spend much time and effort on my friend, I have to shamefully admit that i did not apply the same patience i had for my friends to my own mum. I deserve to be sent to hell.

Exams

I learnt that a few juniors are getting very stressed with exams (wats new?). Well, can I say tat its sooooo normal and common to have 'insufficient time' to prepare for exams. Projects and midterms already took up much of our semester time, and towards exams, we really hav v little time to study. Having at least 6 modules per sem, i remembered there were modules that i spent only abt 2-3 days to study the entire sem's work, no kidding.

But at the end of the day, we shld ask ourselves if its worth worrying so much over exams and results. I know its easy to say, but this is really the fact! Indeed, its a great waste of time and energy to spend on worrying, which could have been better spent on enjoying ur sch life or better prep ur exams. I know some ppl get stomaches whenever they have exams, and some have sleepless nights over mid-term results ... sheesh..

Having good results do not mean you will get a good job. Getting first class honours does not mean you will receive a high pay job. I have so many examples to quote (but i cant). Unless you wanna work for gahmen or gahmen related job. But then, if you are not a local, forget abt getting a gahmen job. But even if you a local but NOT a scholar, then u can forget abt going far in a gahmen job. However, there r still a handful of MNCs who pay u according to ur honours class though, esp the wafer fab ones.

As for me, i think i can now say a goodbye to my 'honours class'. I strongly believe my next employment will be greatly depended on my past job experiences, and my pay will be determined by my last drawn. Nobody is gonna care abt how many A1s I score in Os and how many 'S' papers I took in my As.

I got a couple of colleagues who didnt quite make it for their O levels, went to poly (no offense to poly grads!), and then spent a bit more money to take up a part time degree or overseas degree. Similarly, they are accepted into the company jus like the local grads, receive the same starting pay, and are regarded jus like any other grads!

So juniors out there, dun get so stressed out with results. Its so draining you know? Final yr shld be best, cos there s nothing much u could do to ur honours class (unless u r in borderline case), so why not really cherish this last moment to really study for the sake of interest and challenge?!

Porcupine under the Shade

I came out from my bath and notice missed call on my hp. I called back, and realise its one of my EVC friends, asking me why am i not at ECP blading with them.
I am very glad and touched by their nice gestures to include me as one of them, as i have not expected them to wait for me (cos i only joined them once).

To be frank, i did have a few past experiences that i find it hard as a new-comer to blend into an existing group of friends. My first experience was in CACS (my 2nd ECA in NUS). The ironic fact was that i felt very welcomed when i first joined the ECA, with my snrs all very friendly and approachable. Moreover, most of us were staying in the newly built PGP, andwe did have a fun and havoc time spent together. Unfortunately, most of these snrs were in their graduating yrs, and they became significantly less active the followng yr.

The ECA was then dominated mostly by freshies the following yr. Initially, I thot i would have a fun time knowing the newbies, but i missed their orientation session (due to clash with BS activities i think). And this miss proved to be the turning pt for my fate in this eca. During the subsq ECA sessions, I found it v tough to blend in with the freshies, esp after they have been out together in several outings which further fostered their new found frenship. As my days in BS got busier, i slowly drifted away from CACS and this 2nd ECA soon became a history for me

The 2nd experience i had was during my final sem in NUS. I happily shifted in to Sheares Hall on the 2nd week of sem2 yr4. Hall ppl were really much more friendlier and sociable than hostelites. I have gals knocking on my door to do self-intro, and also blk mates saying hi to me whenever they walked past my room. Ppl in the canteen wud take the initiative to come talking to you . However, they are doing all these becos they thot u r a newbie. Despite the fact that they try to make u feel welcomed, i realise i can never FEEL or be part of them. The friendships and bonds built up among them was already far too strong - the hall spirit.

Anyway, I nv like the idea of forming cliques, and was nv part of any particular grp or clique in sch. I once told my friend: If you wanna put it nicely, you can say i mix well with all ppl. If u wanna make it sound ugly, you can say i am Anti-Social ;D Whatever the case, i know its not easy to be my friend.

S I A N

Tmr I will be going back to work, SIAN. The more SIAN thing is that I will be away from work on course on thurs and friday, meaning I have to clear my day's work at home in the evenings at home, cos even if u r not working, other ppl are working, and they expect you to work as well. ARGHhhhh.............

Today, I carried on my skating session with Alice and CM, followed by a dinner gathering at CK's house. Had a fun time playing some board games and poker cards (Big2 and bridge). The moment i held the cards, it reminds me of my bunk life in the army. Just like what some hall ppl always love to say: If u have nv taken part in the RAG, its just as if you have not experienced hall life before. My version is : If u have not stayed in hall/hostel before, its just as if you have experienced campus life at all. And finally: If u do not experience bunk life in the army, its jus as good as not having experienced the fun part of army life!

Damm.. another friend commented that I am too harsh on myself (nale told me that before). But its indeed true i find my own character questionable. If i were my own friend, I wud not like this friend and his behaviour. He is not only impulsive, but arrogant and love to say nasty things to others.

Bought a brand new pair of roller skates today at $250. I duno if it is a good buy, but i know i made the sales person rather frustrated as I took a long time to decide. But the pair i bought was highly recommended by my EVC friends, all of which are v seasoned skaters. And it is supposed to be the cheapest among the higher end designs.

The older pair i had cost me nearly $300. Its fate shld be sealed tmr at the rubbish dumb. But the wrist guards are still in tact and they did help me to a great deal jus now. As for my skills, it still suck big time. I duno how long i will take to re-pick up again. I am still unable to do abrupt turnings and 'E-brakes'. But i have nv imagined myself as those type of super sporty and funky guys who are able to do impressive stunts - never. All i want is jus leisure cruising up and down the park.

Money is so hard to earn and yet it is so easy to spend! I am actually buying something that i am NOT v keen in doing and i DUN think i will be playing v often. Haha, tats irony. Perhaps its peer pressure, and probably i simply JUST feel like buying a pair. I dun understand myself either, hahaha.

Friends who have been reading my blog wud know that I have been mixing much with the EVC guys lately. Inevitably, my lifestyle has been influenced by them to a certain extent. A few of them were encouraging me to re-pick up in-line skatings.

I actually own a pair of rollerblades which I bought more than a decade ago. It cost me $300++ in all. The EVC friends were telling me to 'revive' my blades by replacing the fastening straps and ball bearings. Unfortunately, the shop-owner at ECP told me that my blades are too big for me (thats funny cos i didnt feel they were too big for me then), and intro me 2 pairs of 2nd hand skates at a v low price. But i didnt buy them as I have to re-consider if i really wanna re-pickup in-line skatings again. May consider buying a new pair which cost at least $250 for a decent model.

Today at my weekly EVC gathering, there were a few more new-comers who were very enthusiastic abt their newly bought eurovans. It seems that my social circle has been increasing much more for the past 1 yr, esp after taking up a new job. Ppl have been guessing my age. 5 yrs ago, ppl were already guessing that i am 28. 5 yrs later, ppl are still guessing i am 28. But the sad fact is that i am NOT even 28 yet.

The more i mix around with ppl, the more i notice that human beings are creatures with great egos (of cos including myself). I realise staying humble is very important. Ppl who think i am still very haolian... pls pls, i have tried to tone down a lot already :p

I think internet is too powerful that its getting beyond control. If i were Dawn Yang, I think I wud die manz... with countless of netizens digging out evidences to show that she has had plastic surgery - 1) By comparing the differences in her old and present photos. 2) By studying in details her face features 3) By studying how natural/unnatural the stretch marks and folds were on her face when she smiles etc.

Now, ppl are digging further by tracing the 'comments' she has left in friendster yrs ago, where she claimed she was a mixed blood of dutch, chinese and japanese (and ppl were crying foul that she is a pure chinese!). Whatever the case, I really sympathise with the plight she is in now. She has not even got the taste of stardom yet and she is already facing spams from all over.

And i think my blog has once again been visited by ppl-i-know but i duno who they are. Also, there is this guy/gal who left an earlier comment with the nick 'guess'. Ae2004 guessed that it might be 'zeathereal' but at once i know it wasnt his writing at all (cos the english is flawless, haha!). But to 'Mr Guess": Com'on, i know it may be fun on your side, but I do hope my friends respect me just as much as i respect them. Its my blog, so pls do let me know if you are here reading it, less say leaving comments. I admit one of the purpose of this blog is also for my friends - for them to receive updates on myself. So pls, let me know who u r.

But if you just another freaking boliao timid and shameless brat out there who chickens out into revealing your identity, go back home and suck your mama, ok? You are not welcome here. Got it sharp and clear?

Excuse me, Mr Engineer....

"Mr Engineer" is what some of the EVC ppl have been calling me (to tease me) these days. Tats becos i am the only engineering graduate around, and probably also the most ignorant van-owner around.

Sigh, having study for 20yrs, I dun really know what professional skills or knowledge i have acquired. My Principle Engineer ( a 52 yr old guy) was showing me the OR and NAND gates in my van wiring system and i told him the logic gates i have been seeing most of the times are all the ones on my books and lecture notes!

Although my wire connection was up and my lamp was also securedly mounted yday, I was still quite displeased with the exposed wires. Morever, the wires i used were the v thin type which i pluck out from my Micro-P project breadboard. I decided to replace the miserable wires with the superb copper ones my dad bought for his sound systems.

In the darkness at my carpark, I tried to thread my wires from my source point the destination point through the van body metal casing, with the help of an unfolded metal clothes hangar. Very glad that within 30 min, i was able to replace the wires and fix my lamp back successfully. Hurray! No more exposed wires!

Well, i think i am gradually approaching my dad's footsteps. Remember when i was younger, he wud spend a lot of time fixing car accesories on his cars (of cos he was driving more fanciful cars than the partner i am having now). I guess its gets meaningful only when the things are done DIY, with the minimum amt of money spent and max amt of self satisfaction derived.

Feeling Lucky

While I am feeing shxxty at work, I am constrastingly feeling lucky 'outside'.

Ever since i joined the EVC (European Van Club), I have been getting a lot of tips here and there to touch up on my ride. Firstly, they passed me a few pieces of static screen which i paste over my rear side windows (to reduce visibility). Secondly, I was given the lobang to get a real excellent and economical air freshener from S.S Supermarket. Most air-fresheners are over-priced due to the packaging and such. Next, the EVC chaps recommended me Mustafa which has a very huge car accy department. I bought a fluorescent lamp there to be installed in the rear of my partner.

But the problem came when i was abt to install the lamp myself. Although i am a graduate from NUS Electrical Engineering, I have to admit i dun even know how to install the lamp in my van. The wirings are so complicated. Fortunately, a principle engineer from my dept offered his help and he did all the wirings and connections for me.

Next, I faced the problem of how to mount the lamp permanently onto my vehicle. An EVC friend passed me a lot of 3M tapes and i spent 2 long hrs to fix it in vain. In the end, she suggested we drive to a car workshop owned by another EVC member for help. A hole was drilled and tadah. .the lamp was successfully secured under the roof! All these could not have happened without the help of this great friend from EVC.

And i jus received a phone call from my ex-staff, who invited me for a movie outing next sat. V touched and happy by their nice gestures. As i do not like to watch movie, i declined the invitation, but suggested a dinner gathering after thier movie. Yeaps!!

Occasionally, I will give some thoughts to my social life. As I do not have a gf, by right my friends should take up a large part of my life. I sometimes ponder if i am considered the sociable kind who have a lot of friends, or am i more towards the loner type who have only a small circle of friends?

A yr2 hostel mate suddenly icqed me today out of the blue, and jioed me to join SDU activities with him. I know this friend very well, having to stay with him for 1 full yr in PGP. He is a good looking chap, come from a rich family but has a pretty weird character. His fave quotes are " I dun care", as he loves to do things the way he likes, and claims he doesn care abt how others feel. And i guess this has greatly affected his social life, esp after graduation and coming out to work.

Frankly speaking, I am not interested in the activities by SDU. He asked me to propose what i wanna do then. Well, I think i wud rather spend a hot weekend afternoon washing my car in a quiet carpark under a big shady tree, or spend my time driving to some secluded and untouched natural places in singapore for a good relaxation. I feel that we do not need to have v GOOD reasons on why we wanna engage in certain activities, as long as we feel good, relaxed and peaceful doing them.

"What? Driving all the way to NTU/NUS to wash your van? siao!" - haha, tats the reactions from most ppl when i told them abt it. Well, to you it may be siao, but to me, i know i enjoy doing it. It brings me joy and happiness.

With rgd to social life, i think its really not a BIG problem to find friends in singapore. Recently, I have joined the eurovanclub and i found out there s actually a v strong fellowship among the members. For instance, they have a 'dog-swim' activity at Sentosa today. Its really up to you, how much you wanna open up to others.

Argh, feeling very stucked in my blog writing today, duno why. Pardon me for my improper sentence structures, i jus cant write smoothly this evening.

Natural-lover

Recently there has been another uproar in the blogsphere. There is this chiobu blogger head-hunted to be groomed into a star. My first reaction upon seeing her pics was like.. .freak. .she is really very gorgeous and stunning!

Subsequently, there were rumours flying around that she has plastic surgery. Many pontential-supporters of this chiobu were very disappointed with her. I was thinking : Whats the big deal with plastic surgery? I am neither against nor support plastic surgery - but as long as u feel happier and more confident with ur newly enhanced looks. The most important fact is that this chiobu blogger is really very beautiful and gorgeous NOW. Who cares abt how she looks like in the past....... Not until. . i saw her older photos on the web.

Pls do not be mistakened, she wasnt ugly in the past. In fact, she was very cute and sweet then. However, the difference from now is really too great. After reading more comments abt her, I realise that her nose is really looking fake - Her nose ridge is freakingly too straight! Looking at her photos again, she no longer looks as stunning and gorgeous as I felt earlier. The magical sense she gave me earlier vanishes completely.

Haha, we are all so superficial ppl. We all know looks are not impt, but yet, it always affect our decision and thinking most. And from this mini reflection, I realise I am not only a nature lover, but also a natural lover.

oOo0oOo0OoO0o0oOO0oo

I received an apology email from a friend not long ago. In the email, my friend apologised for not being able provide me with support as much as I could to her as a fren. She said that whenever she is depressed or sad, I will be able to cheer her up with either my lame jokes or meaningful 'advices'. On the other hand whenever I am depressed or down, she would only make the matter worse. Despite her good intention and effort, i often ended up feeling more frustrated and vexed.

Frankly speaking, I am very afraid of receiving such emails from friends. I do not know what to say or how to reply. Perhaps friends who know me better will know that whenever i feel frustrated or depressed, I wud ignore everything/everyone and prefer to be kept alone. However, such reactions are sometimes mistakened as ' I am angry with the other party'. Of cos there are also times that i love to complain and vent my frustrations to my friends, depending on which type of issues.

I am seriously a very individualistic person. I do not think I can live closely with others. I do not want my life to be dependent on others and vice-versa. I do not like to carry the 'burden' of knowing someone is upset, excited, happy or disappointed becos of me.