What a Nite :(

This evening was damm unfortunate.

I was surfing the web half way when suddenly my screen blacked out. I tried to reboot, reinstall the windows but all my efforts were in vain. In the end, I have no choice but to format my PC.

While reinstalling my PC, i tried to meddle with my laptop. At least I have some back-ups in my laptop. As i tried to disjoin my laptop from the NUS domain since i am no longer using it in campus, i accidentally deleted the core user account, which means all my data are lost too. I tried all means to recover them but in vain.

What have been lost:

1) FYP source codes and report ****
2) Some nice photos, really nice ones ***
3) Important emails that I keep in outlook express *
4) Some very cute and childish MSN chat history by someone *****

Mabbe its time for me to part with them. Impermanence, but i am feeling damm lousy becos of this.

A Routined, Disciplined or Dead Life?

Few nights ago, Hong Leong Finance called us up to rush us paying up for the next car payment. We do not wish to pay, so we r prepared to see the car being towed away anytime.

Many friends have wondered why we are still keeping the car. The reason is because the car is registered under my dad's company name, and hence my dad doesn have the full rights to sell it. However, the estranged shareholder of my dad's company has refused to pay for the car, so the finance company is coming after my dad who is the gurantor for the car loan. We cant sell yet we are answerable for the loans... sighz.

I did some calculations on how i shld split up my pay. After deducting my CPFs, i shld be giving around 2K to my parents for the time being, leaving the remains for my daily expenses. I have to spend very wisely.

I always claim i dun like watching movies, partially becos i find it antagonising with meditation/developing concentration (as what sayalay always nag us against watching tvs and films). The other reason is becos of the $ factor. I am often more willing to spend on food than on movies, concerts or games. Oh well, I am a youngster too, i am often fascinated by the movie effects and captivated by those intriguing story lines... I also wish I can enjoy some good movies with frens, but $ is the problem. So i duno how i shld take it when I turned down ppl's invitation for a movie and they replied with an 'as expected'. I dun seek and need their understanding in my difficulties, but its definitely something I find extremely uncomfortable abt.

My parents asked me abt the meditation sitting tmr at BL. I told them that I wun be free to accompany them as I have duty at PKS Vesak Celebration. Futhermore, I think BL will have their own special celebration for vesak tmr so the usual sitting shld be cancelled. I told them tat BL is in huge debts and my dad asked me why i nv approach him for donations during his more 'well-to-do' days. As a businessman, making donations is really a norm to him, and they express their wish to make some small donations during their next visit to BL. Sadhu :D

Read a friend's blog on ppl failing to understand him. Well, its has nv occured to me that I need ppl to understand me much, cos firstly i dun need that and secondly its impossible to find or get ppl to understand me. I guess this applies to many other ppl as well.

Oh I would like to make an early wish to my smallbro Ong Wei Yang. Happy Birthday to you! May you practise the Dharma diligently :D Sorry didnt have time to get u a present yet.

Back to Square One

Awww, I feel as if its just moments ago that I was excitedly looking foward to the weekend. And within an eye's wink, its the end of the beautiful sunday.

My past weekend was even more packed than the previous ones. On saturday, I went down directly from work to PKS for a 'dry run' for vesak day celebration. I came totally unprepared and was arrowed to guide a group. Initially I thought it was okie, as I was prepared to crap around with my lin chang biao xian, but embarassingly, the other gal from NTU arrowed to guide another grp did her job superbly. Oh well, since i have taken up the responsibility and the role, I think i shld have come prepared for saturday. Lack of professionalism again...

I decided not to go for the weekly sat sittings at CMC as I have an appointment in campus later in the evening. However, the power of spiritual support was too strong to be ignored. With katrine and OWY around, I found myself at geylang again, as I joined in the weekly meditation. It was a good sitting :D Smallbro came to join us later but refused to accompany home :(

I reached home at 9 plus and after washing up, I made my way back to campus. Tok cok + makan with my hall friends, and stayed there overnight. This morning ate Mac bkfast in sch and made my way home in the afternoon, and joined in the vesak celebration at EXPO.

Frankly speaking, I felt like sleeping jus now watching the stage play. I found it long winded, but the kids were super cute and fun. Overall, I think lotsa efforts have been spent and I really appreciate all the hard work. I enjoyed the chantings and buddhist songs most. Well done for the celebration tonight :D

But a thought came to my mind: I wonder how we are going to introduce our friends to buddhism. For instance tonite, we cant possibly bring our friends along with us to the celebration as most likely they will be turned off by the long chantings and 'dull' buddhist songs. Thats probably why its so hard to propagate the Dharma compared with other religion. On the other hand, we cant do away with all these traditional practices as they meant a lot to us and Buddhism in this greatest day of Vesak.

Well the supper tonite with chunkit and smallbro tree was too heavy... but i have to sleep soon. .tmr working again :( Aww back to square one............sian.

Fuse Blown

Everyday is so different, so 'interesting' and 'exciting'. There is nv a single day that is like another, and there shld be no other day that will be like today... wat craps..

So sorry that I have been flooding my daily work experiences in my blog. I know its a bit turn off to some of u, but this is one good channel that i can release my pressure and get the sorrows off my chest.

This morning i was quite loss in the workplace. My manager was away for a 1/2 day meeting and my foreman has taken a long leave. I am left solely in charged of the operations. Every minor things ppl will end up looking for me, and being so new here, how the heck am i going to know what decisions to make? But somehow thats the best way to learn, just that i dun like being in this transition and 'uncomfortable' zone. The feeling of being a 'xin jiao' is not so good...

This afternoon, I was thrilled that 4 IA students will be attached to me starting next month. Besides the existing NTU student working here as part-timer, i would have 5 students under my charge. Haha, but on what grounds do I have to take charge of them? Well.... i'll see how.

One of my admin staffs came over and passed me thick stack of documents for signing and approvals. They include claims, MCs, leave forms, Muslim Friday prayer offs, components order forms etc etc... We all know that we must be careful in signing documents, but there s really too much everyday. In the end signed them half-blindly. The admin staff later came to me that my signature is too simple, she advised me to change to a more complicated ones so that my staff will not be able to forge my signature. Arg... i hve been trying in vain for years to come out with a decent signatures.. . thumbprints anyone!?

Not long ago, another 'notorious' taxi driver came and I was tasked to handle him. Waseh the english terms he used were so cheeem.. and he even has a tape recorder to tape down our conversations. Strangely, I have nv lost my cool to these angry ppl, probably becos i know they are not angry at me but at the situation or at my staffs. "Its not my fault wat" haha... I think what ppl want most is respect.. and if u keep smiling and nodding ur head at them, and after they have finished blabberings, they will leave the place a happier man.

My foreman said to me: I will see when is the day ur fuse start to blow...

Work, woRk and More WorK

I left my work pretty unhappy today. Not becos I met someone or something nasty enough to make me upset, but I feel bad for not being 'responsible' and professional enough.

This evening, i happened to walk past the workshop when I saw a taxi driver talking in a very nasty tone with one of my foreman. I decided to intervene and see what I could help. Using the same approach, I managed to simmer down the driver and made him leave our workshop willingly. Unfortunately, he came back knocking on my door 10 minutes later when i was abt to pack up and leave. His taxi gave him a new problem and i had to get my foreman to rectify the problem.

While waiting for the repairs, he started to 'lor soh' to me. Unlike yday, I really wish to rush off. I kept telling him to refer to my foreman since thats his official job, but he continued to lor soh to me. As a result, I made use of a good chance when he was talking to other ppl and slipped off. When i was on my way home, I felt bad esp thinking that the driver will came back to look for me in vain. Aiz, still think i am not committed and pro enough for my job. BUt if i were to tell my manager, he would say: leave all these jobs to the foreman.. u r not supposed to do it! But i jus enjoy helping and attending to ppl, prob not when i wanna rush off.

On the brighter side, the taxi driver which i dealt with yday called me today to thank me again. He even asked me if i have taken my lunch. Wow, although this may sound superifical, but it kinda gives me some job satisfaction :D Still, i am pretty much dampened by the driver which i have pang seh today, hopefully i will get immuned and used to such situations soon.

Today, i finally made the decision not to puruse the matter regarding my technicians fighting. I knew the chinese guy wasnt too happy with my decision for he felt that the malay guy was in the wrong. In the end, i went up to him personally again and had a good chat with him. Initially, he saw me taking a piece of white paper and thought it was a warning letter for him. But upon realising its not, he broke into a great smile.

Shortly later, my foreman later told me i was too soft in dealing with these ppl. But what to do? Firstly i think i am too new and inexperienced in the company to exercise any rights, and secondly, I dun really believe in resorting harsh treatments, unless really necc.

Gradually, i feel i am getting more interested and happy with my job. And to Jane & Edward, i acatually sux in dealing with ppl. I may be a good fren, a good senior, but ask my friends in NUSBS, they can tell u Gordon is someone not easy to work with, haha.

akaaaa... rest well and sleep early :D

Anger is not the Problem, the Reaction is

I heard from the radio that a RSAF pilot was killed in an aircrash during overseas night training. The name of the pilot reported in chinese was Lu X X, and it did struck a bell. However, I couldnt connect to the name immediately.

Not long ago, a friend sent me a friendster page of this guy by the name "Brandon". I recognised him easily as my Sispec platoon mate and i saw a few lovely photos of brandon with his gf. However before I could find out more, my friend told me Brandon was the pilot who got killed. I was shocked... its as if I have just found a long lost friend and the fact is, he is found dead. I was nv close to Brandon, but i really very sorry for his gf and family.


Today was a chaotic day at my work place. Besides having to handle some very nasty cases, I have to handle a fight case between 2 of my technicians. I called them to my office one by one to interview them, but couldnt find anything conclusive. In the end, I have to get both of them to sit down together, but still, they gave diff versions of the story in front of each other! The fact that their direct superiors were around to help them defend did not help. I have no choice but to called in a third party as the witness, but he was too timid and afraid of offending either party. I guess i am really lousy and sux in investigation, but i tried my best to settle the disputes in a soft approach. Both of them did shook hands after the mediation, but i knew they jus did it out of pretence.

What pressured me more was that my manager asked me to give them disciplanary actions. Its really something which I dun wish to do. I only hope to remove the anger in them and make their days feel lighter. I really din wanna add more weights to their already very hectic work schedule. However discipline is something which i cant compromise. It reminded me of my army days, but prob without any Dharma knowledge then, i was more 'ruthless' and harsh. Nevertheless, i will still try my best to persuade my manager to let the matter off.

You must be wondered why i put so many pictures of Tree on the right column. If u r sharp enough, i am only putting pictures of him revealing his pearly whites. He always refuse to flash his pearly whites for my camera and so these pics are kinda 'hard to get'. Morever, I find the right column rather 'empty' except for the top which one can find the various links.

Most importantly, i wanna stress the importance and usefulness of SMILING! This afternoon, before i could handle the fight case between my technicians, a angry taxi driver went around the workshop to complain abt the poor attitude and service of our company. I was subsequently tasked to handle him from the top as my manager wasnt around. I invited him to my office and we had a long 1.5 hrs chat. Throughout the chat, I listened to his complaints, his bad experiences with my ppl, his bad experiences with his passengers, and the pride he has to swallow as a businessman-turned-taxi-driver. All the while i jus nod and nod and nod my head in 'agreement' of wat he said, although i disagreed 70% of the stuffs he said, haah.

In the end, this taxi driver said to me : "I was very angry just now you know? but after i keep seeing you smiling at me, i also dun feel like scolding already. Its a small matter la, i wun go and complain u all la..."

Haha, it takes minimum effort for me to smile, but it solves a big problem for me today. So all my dear friends out there, please smile more, to make the people around you feel happier as well :D

Oh yes, today received a good morning well wishing SMS from Mr Barry, quite an unexpected msg from him. Such personal (not forwarded ones) SMSes really make my day :D !

Thank You Bhante

This evening, similar to what Ambrose mentioned in his blog, I did something which I always wanted to do but have nv done it. I brought my parents to the Buddhist Library for meditation.

Since 2 yrs ago, I have the urge to ask Sayalay how I can gradually introduce buddhism to my parents. We have spent so much time to propagate the Dharma in the campus, organising camps, welcoming juniors/freshies, leading Dharma circles, running MCs, but what have we actually done to help our own family in Dharma learnings?

This morning, my dad told me he wanted to try meditation. Straight away, i thought of the weekly tuesday meditation sitting at BL. We decided to go there.

We were greeted by Bhante personally, as I explained to him that my parents are totally new to buddhism and meditation. He was happy to see us and decided to teach meditation specially this evening. He started off with a 20 minutes Dharma talk on meditation, followed by teaching the Metta Meditation. He subsequently led us in Metta Meditation for about 20 minutes.

After metta meditation, he proceeded to teach us on mindfulness meditation. I guess becos he knew my parents are newbies to meditation, and so he struck the bell exactly after 30 minutes of zazen. I am grateful to Bhante for specially catering this session for my parents. I hope the other participants did not mind as the sitting today was specially cut short and 'interrupted' as a result of his teachings.

I am not sure if my parents can understand what Bhante said, but ideally speaking, there shld be no langugage barrier to the Dharma, haha. They later told me that they could briefly and roughly tell what Bhante was saying. My dad feedbacked that he was able to concentrate well on counting of his breaths while my mum said she experienced the feeling of 'floating' and 'emptiness' during the meditation. I was like "WOW, is that possible???". I guess its too early to tell anything conclusive on their first sitting. However, both of them enjoyed their sittings this evening and are looking forward to the next session :D

Oh to fans of Ajahn Brahm, Bhante told us that Ajahn will be coming down to Buddhist Library next Sunday afternoon to give a Dharma talk. I hope the 2 storey building can take it... tat time when Sayalay came to BL, it was like............

Good Morning

Good Morning!

Now I understand why I always feel so fresh during retreats. Thats because I sleep early and wake up early everyday. For the past week, I have been sleeping at around 1130 to 12 midnight, and I woke up the next morning feeling my head heavy and goggy. Last nite, I slept at 1030pm, and woke up at 6am this morning. The morning is super refreshing, even till now, i find myself feeling very light and fresh.

In the past when i was a student, I cant help but have to sleep late. But now i do have a choice, I have decided to adopt good sleeping habits. In fact every morning after I enter my office, I will do my morning puja. It has kinda become a routine for me, and I feel great. But still no match for bean who has done it almost daily for the past decade yeh?

I suddenly recall what vincent has done for himself before leaving for SEP. For several months, he did the 88 buddha prostrations and chantings everyday. He din tell me himself but i get to learn it from Darren. Upon interviewing him, I was taught that such daily practices help to gradually strengthen us not just physically but spiritually. Its also a test on our determination and faith, that we can keep up with the practice regularly (as in daily).

Shame to say, my most routined practice is none other than my weekly meditation sitting at CMC, and its only an hr. All those small sittings i did myself at home on the weekdays are not counted. I was told my behaviour and attitude of learning the Dharma works like a rubber band, and there is no use repeatedly stretching and letting go of myself (ie. repeatedly getting myself inspired for a short while and then start to lose motivation again). Occasionally flipping some Dharma books, sitting irregularly and attending Dharma talks (for fellowships or momentarily inspirations?) are not going to help me much in the long run.

Perhaps its an inevitable passing phase, or I have wasted much time lingering around making myself feel 'dharmic' but am actually just an empty shell... To keep myself abreast with the Dharma, I have do something. A routine practice has to be drawn, planned and done. I really hope I am disciplined enough to do so.

Got a pleasant email from Goh Yeeling, recalling bits and pieces of the past. The tips given to the meditation participants:

In order to benefit from the nature of such retreat, participants are advised to put aside their family, work or other commitments during the retreat (No outside contact). That would mean making necessary
arrangements in advance prior to retreat. (If you are working, do apply for leave in advance.)

Please prepare yourself, physically and mentally. Take this as a precious opportunity to engage in pure mindful living and concentration practice.

Efficiently Inefficient

Monday blues is something i have been experiencing lately. Today was no exception as I made my way to the workplace with a heavy heart.

Today it seemed as if the sky was raining with arrows, aiming at me mercilessly. I was given tasks and more tasks to do today. I have no idea when the deadlines for these tasks are but I purposely din ask. I fear that my present supvr would talk like my army S1. Whenever we ask him : sir, when do u want us to get this thing done, he would reply: Yesterday!

While trying to complete the tasks one by one, I was on one hand telling myself to complete the tasks fast so that I can move on with learning new things. On the other hand, i told myself to slow down, because there is no point rushing, you are just working manz. Nevertheless, I completed all the tasks given to me within today. I am not sure if i am expected to finish them that soon.. but i intend to release my work bit by bit to my boss.

Perhaps i am indeed very efficient such that I managed to get so many things done within one day. However, I may be inefficient in a way that I do not how to plan and spread out my time well, or I am just giving sub-standard rush work.

Still, I must say working is tiring. But $$$ has so far become the best incentive and motivation. Everyday i work, i am paid $100+ yeah...

Thanks to all friends who have asked me and showed concern one way or another about my family problem. No thanks to those who only bother to read but yet pretended you never read and duno wat happened.

Some of you may have found me still as cheerful and nonsensical over the weekends, but the actual fact is that the situation at home has gotten worse over the last weekend. I am not pretending to be happy, i try to be happy, cos life moves on :)

Tri by the Tree (Bodhi Walk)

Taking a pic with sumanTri by the Tree?
Wondering why was tree pulling his ears, some monkey business?


This morning, I made my way to the Bodhi Walk and met the NTUBS ppl at the city hall station control. I decided to join them in flashing the posters while waiting for Francis. Teddy was practically sticking the poster on his body, ahha.

The Bodhi Walk was enjoyable, esp spending time to talk cok with the BS juniors and some NTU friends. Ajhan Brahm did the Bodhi walk too, together with Bhante side by side. I really respect Bhante for his heart and effort put in for Singapore Buddhist Library. I have heard he made much more contributions in bringing in the English Theravadan Buddhism in Singapore. Perhaps without him and his effort, we wouldnt get the chance to learn the Dharma comfortably in english and benefitted much from it.

This morning, a 92 yr old man went missing after the Bodhi Walk. David, me, sumantri, gillian, francis, yuhan and a few others were frantically looking for him after being 'activated' to do so. We split up to search for him, and i actually went inside the Esplanade shopping to look for him. The guard found me suspicious and I asked him help me keep a look out. After which, I saw an old man wearing the BL t shirt with a golden pendant hanging in front of him when i went futher down the route to search.

Me : Uncle, u got lost ah?
He : Eh.....
Me : Oh, i was told to come and look for you
He : No... i am also looking for the missing old man...

Walaos, i was embarrassed momentarily. We later learnt that the old man may have gone home by himself, but we werent sure. Nobody could confirm and nobody bothered to find out later. But I salute Francis for his boldness to go round asking the old man " Uncle issit u who got lost, uncle issit u?" haha...

Well, all the respective TIs went on separate ways for their lunch. When NUSBS, i saw NTUBS still busy taking photographs. I decided not to join NUSBS for lunch, but not becos i Pai Chi them as wat OWY said. Firstly, I dun have the spending power to eat on snacks like You Tiao Do Hua, I have to spend carefully on the right meals. Secondly, I no longer have that strong sense of belonging to the society anymore.

Throughout the past 4 yrs, we have had several such typical buddhist events. In the earlier days, the most commonly seen faces that constitute to 'NUSBS' were that of Jinyang, Rf, Kim, Lorraine, Yaoyang, later followed by Yeeling, OCC, Suk, Hadi, David, Chin Koon, Sihui etc. In the later yrs, NUSBS were mainly made up of faces from Fengying, Nale, Eunice, Lynnette etc. And now we have the faces you can find in the above pic. I believe 2 yrs later, i may jus meet a bunch of youngsters on the streets, bearing the "NUSBS" title on their t shirt but all will be strangers and unfamiliar faces to me. What used to be under the charge of my frens and myself, will soon be under the hands of ppl we no longer know. Thats life, passing of the baton, impermanence.

After working for 2 weeks, i found myself really making good use of my weekends. Weekends used to be spent on lazying around in front of my PC or on my bed at home, but now my weekends are fully utilized. Yday was the most packed day for me, from morning 7 plus till 10 plus at nite. I will be meeting another fren for supper later, becos we wanna maximise our weekends catching up with each other :D

Smalltree, hope the you tiao doesn give u any 'impact' ah....

Bad mooD

Its just like 3-4 yrs ago when i first started to learn meditation. I often feel very frustrated and easily agitated after every meditation session. However, the problem ceased after more practice, but it came back again since last week. I am now feeling pretty frustrated.

Tmr is the Buddhist Library Bodhi Walk. I was told that they only hit 20% of their target. Hopefully the number will increase over these few days, but i guess it shld be still far from the target.
Since yr1 joining NUSBS, we hve been using BL for many activities, be it Dharma talks, meditation sessions, MC meetings and other projects discussions. Using its premises, air-con and other amenities.. tats why i decided to give BL my support with a meagre registration fee of $5.

*To all those ppl who have volunteered and offered 'free' participation, pls at least offer some dana or pay the minimum amt of money for the t-shirt & stuffs u have gotten from BL, although they r sponsored* Haha.

Oh yes, to those very few who have heard me talking abt the negative aspects of the Buddha Relic Exhibition & Ajahn Brahm's talk, pls pardon me for my frankness. I feel such events are targetted and meant for the general public, those who duno or know v little abt buddhism, and shldnt raise much motivations or inspirations for the practising buddhists. However, its too great a bad karma to bear talking abt negative things related to the Dharma. So am i saying this to protect myself or really trying to develop a bodhi mind? Mabbe both...

Anyway one by one my peers have found themselves a job at some big firms like AFPD and Chartered, Congrats! I heard they r paid reasonably well too. To those who havent found one, jiayou, u jus need to apply agressively.

And SADHU SADHU SADHU to smallbro ONG for spending his hols so meaningfully. After attending the 10day malaysia tertiary buddhist camp, he is back in singapore spending almost the entire week helping out at PKS, getting to know more new buddhist frens from the external organisations. This is something which i havent experienced myself also, so i am very happy for u. Keep up the good work!

Smallbro tree.... get well fast so that u can soon start glowing with the Dharma like the rest. Sleeping cut off timing shld be at 1am for u....

TEDDY! You like to call Mozarella didi huh? Mabbe i shld start giving u a nick too, ahah. Anyway, u look very cute and cheerful in yellow today, too bad i din take ur photo jus now! KeanYap, thanks for leaving me a comment/msg on my blog, really appreciate it.

My Personal Studying Experiences

I have proudly told some of my jnrs that I ended my NUS Yr 4 semesters with all Ace except 1 B+ for all my modules. My true intention is really not trying to show off (there r a handful of others with straight Ace). But as promised to a few interested jnrs like chunkit, I am trying my best to analyse and share my experiences in overcoming the education system in NUS.

There is no doubt that most students in NUS are hardworking. Sad to say, hard work does not always pay. In fact, it din pay well for most ppl in NUS. I din do well in yr1 to 3 although i thot i was hardworking enough. But tats becos i have adopted the wrong studying style tat doesn suit the NUS system.

I used to study by myself in NUS yr1, adopting the studying style i used in O and A levels. I did okie for my yr1. In yr2 and 3, i studied with a very large grp of friends but without a standard 'formula'. We ended up talking and crapping a lot, and some of them did very well, some did very poor and i was quite average. But for all the 3 yrs, i have nv done my tutorials and did not follow closely to my lectures at all. I attended 100% of my lectures but day-dream most of the time.

It was in yr4 sem1, after attending 2 short retreats, that i came back to sch with a pretty focussed mind. I remembered for the first 3 weeks of my lectures, I could absorb and understand 90% of the things taught. However, as more projs and CAs came, my concentration dropped gradually and i began to have a hard time 'chasing' my lectures. Still, i ensured that i cleared all my prev lec notes before i attended the next set of lectures.

Throughout the sem, i would spend a lot of time in the lib reading, studying and understanding the lecture notes ALONE in the library. 2 weeks before exam time, I will begin studying with a small grp of frens, around 3 to 4 of us, to discuss and share wat we know and wat we duno. I learnt this from my law tutor tat studying can be broken up into the 4 scenarios:

1) You know what you know
2) You know what you duno
3) You duno what you know
4) you duno what you duno

The 1st case is of cos excellent. 2nd case not too bad, as least we know what are the areas we duno and we can go find out from friends (studying in grp). 3rd case is not too bad either becos afterall we still know the stuffs. 4th case often happen to most of us, we duno wat we r supposed to know, and ended up being killed in the exams. Dun u often experience that u thought u have already understood and grapse certain concepts fully, but its only after attempting the exams/quiz u found out that ur concepts are not clear! Thats why studying in grp helps a LOT in overcoming the 4th case!

I know this method may not apply to all, but i always see myself as person of only average intelligence. If i can study by myself alone, i wudnt need to go to sch to attend lects, tuts... cos all i need is to buy the notes, watch webcast, try past yr qns and go to take the exams, hoping to score As. Perhaps some simpler modules we can do that but as we advance into higher levels, deeper understandings is needed and we cant afford NOT to share and exchange our knowledge + understandings of concepts. Must study smartly.

Its jus like the analogy of a candle. Using ur own energy and determination, there s only a limit in which u can bright up a room. But if u were to share ur flame with the candles around u, together the whole room can be much brightly lit.

I used to wonder how come a few of my frens can consistently score so many A and A+ throughout their first 3yrs in NUS. Edward u shld know who they are. No matter how much effort i put in, i was always nowhere near them. Finally, i got a share of their secret formula.

SO jnrs, try it out for one sem!

More to learn

As kinsong has mentioned earlier: If u duno politics, u will not be in politics. But i am already in politics.

To provide you with a better understanding and view of my company, my company building is actually made up of 6 storeys. The front portion of the company is the receptionist and service counters, comprises 15 counter staffs. On the right it is a canteen. On the left is the Private Car service centre, with abt 6-7 staffs. On the 2nd floor, is where all the big shot offices are found. The CEO, AGM, several managers (duno need so many for wat) and their Personal Assistants each. There is also this HR department which comprises at least 20 executives + admin supervisors + admin assistants. On the 3rd floor is the IT department, around another 20 IT personnel, 4th floor is the Finance dept and a training sch for NTC1 and NTC2 course. 5th floor is the Accident repair claim dept. Altogether shld be around 150 ppl working in this part of the building.

Behind the main building is the workshop which comprises 3 storeys. First floor comprises the Taxi Fleet maintenance team,with 150 technicians. 2nd floor is the accident repair and engine overhaul teams, with abt another 150 technicians. On the 3rd floor is the exhaust flushing team with not more than 10 workers. In the middle of the workshop is the Logistic department which houses about 10 admin staffs and 20 storemen. There shld be around 300+ people working in this portion of the building.

This morning, i went to attend a Singapore Quality Award seminar which my company has taken part. Its boring and lots of wayangings. I came back in the aftn, found my superiors away, and decided to venture into the HR department to foster better working relationships with the ppl. I found this very kind looking lady (call her Mdm G), in her late 50s. I decided to strike up a conversation with her.

I ended up talking more than 1 hr with Mdm G. At first, we started off introducing ourselves, and slowly, she began to 'introduce' more on the other ppl in the company, diggubg up some history and stories as a result. However, she stressed that she is not trying to gossip, and asked me to stop her if i found her to be so. She said she is just trying to warn me on the company's politics since i am new, and ask me to be beware of certain ppl in the admin sector. Very easily, I compiled a list in my mind who are the personnel i can approach for help and who are the touch-me-nots.

Mdm G was a senior administrator in her old company before it merges with the present one. Hence, she was posted here and given very little work to do. It may seem good in the surface but the true reason behind it is becos the ppl here are UNWILLING to teach and share their knowledge. They are afraid to be replaced or superseded.. sighz..wat an ugly world. Nevertheless, I am thankful to Mdm G for her tips.

Next, I move on to another senior officer Mr H. Mr H came to my office to chat as its more private there. I was showing him the company's nominal roll and one by one, he described and 'introduced' those interesting personnel to me. Well, guys are guys, our topics eventually move on to talking abt who are the few can-make-it gals in the company haha. True enough, wat Mr H told me seemed to tally pretty much with Mdm G.

Well, my direct boss would nv share with me on the company politics and i could only learn from him on the 'Operations' matters. But i strongly believe there is a need to know both the bright and dark sides of the company if i want to learn and get myself rooted fast. Mdm G later shared with me more tips on how i shld carry myself around at the work place, which my own direct boss din teach me either.

And i must really thank Mdm G for her advice when one of my foreman suddenly brought me a technician to seek approval of applying compassionate leave as his grandma has passed away. However, he could not confirm the number of days he will back to malaysia for the funeral as the number of days is not fixed yet! Mdm G advised me that I shld only allow him to take a max 4 days of compassionate leave, and the rest he has to consume his own Annual Leave. I am too new to know all these... thank goodness for her guidiance.

Well, there is really much more to learn. Mdm G lastly added that this will be a very good exposure for me as a first job as i will not be only working with Admin ppl (white collar), but also technicians (blue collar), engineers and taxi-drivers.

After i have settled down further, I guess i wud be taking up a part time diploma course on Human Resource Management by SNEF. Anyway, my company will be sponsoring us with all these courses, but of cos with a PRICE TO PAY ie. To apply wat i learn and contribute back (with significant performance) to the company. My own superior has advised me against it as he was arrowed to do a lot more stuffs after attending some courses in the past 5 yrs, haha.

Mozarella didi

This evening, didi treated us to another round of pizza hut feast. A set meal of almost $50 meant for 4-5 person, but not a big problem for the 3 of us. Obviously i ate the most. The 2 brothers not only look alike, but also choose the same items to discuss when we visited carrefour and other shops. Too alike liao.... now didi is asking me why i nv put his pic on msn, haha...

btw, its not as 'mushy' as u think when i call sumantri didi. Its his official name back in medan, known by everyone in his family and neighbours.

Talking abt makan, yeah, smallbro Tree, pls eat more so that your tree trunk will grow thicker and stronger, and be free from illness. Recover fast yeah?

Indifference

I just got my results 2 hours ago. Unlike the previous semesters, I am not even 1% as nervous as before. Probably I know my results in this semester is not going to affect me much in my overall performance in NUS. Hence, i also do not have much expectations for my results.

I failed to perform another miracle this sem which i did for HRM and other written/essays kind of modules in the past semesters. I got a B+ for Law. As for FYP, i think there is this pretty default or standard grade that most final yr students will get.

But for the rest of my electives, i really nv expect myself to Ace them, with neither a 'minus or plus' sign. Oh.. do u believe i have never gotten a single 'A+' grade in NUS? I think its uncommon for engin students. But i shld be thankful and contented, and its too late, i find myself only starting to perform well in my final yr.

By rite n the past, I shld be very happy over the results i have for this sem, but apparently not for this time. I dun feel sad over the B+ also, jus feel very indifferent. Probably I have already stepped out of my student life, and i shld be focussing more on my career. Right in front of me are very thick files of documents tat i need to go through for some tasks plannings and implementations. All the nus stuffs, esp the NUS/OSA/NUSSU emails seem so distant and unrelated to me.

Oh congrats to all those who have either safely secured ur Honours class, and congrats x 2 to the many others who have managed to jump from 2nd lower to 2nd upper class. I can understand ur triumphant feelings. So far, all my final yr friends did very well.

To my juniors, dun give up. I used to have sleepless nights worrying over my grades too when i was in yr 1 and 2, but i find it so stupid and silly now. Its definitely not worth the drive and energy to worry over ur grades, ultimately u will understand wat i mean. Jus enjoy ur NUS campus life to the fullest, join more activities and study hard and smart :) Dun be bogged down by grades!

Suffer Ring

Life is full of sufferings.

This evening, i got home and learnt that my dad has received another legal letter, and it sent the entire family's mood to rock bottom.

I am already very stressful at work, and it doesn help to come home facing the negative energies at home. I ended up quarrelling with my mum after i told her to stop her complaints. Its really beyond my threshold, as i am now facing pressure from work, no longer a carefree student enjoying his holidays.

I thought I have already done my best. I gave up going on hols, and applied for a job immediately after my last paper. I gave up going out to play in the evening and stayed at home for dinner. I managed to get a job faster than most of my peers, and am earning a decent pay. I duno wat else i can do really....

Just like what the workshop does everyday in changing the timing belts for taxi, i wonder when my own 'timing belt' will snap.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr..............

Seeking Advices

Got these words from some frens, esp the first one from a very wise and experienced person:

1) An engineering degree can bring us to wherever we want to go to. Spending 5 years as a process engineer doesn't give him a better prospect when he apply to be an embedded systems engineer. The field of engineering is so diverse today. But as we work longer (ie 5 years or more), if we don't go into management, tat means he is condemned. All work experience is valuable as long as we learn something from it. Not those kind of routine jobs.

2) Those are really hardcore engineering work. Essentially we need to know where we want to be 5 to 10 years down the road. Either still as an Engineer or somewhere in the management. The experience and knowledge may be useful but it is not a compulsory pre-requisite. We have to know about the company we are in now: does it gives us the opportunity to develop ourselves (upgrading) and what is the career ceiling offer to us (promotions).

3) The IA company which I worked in previously have 40 people in all. Half of which are managers which do the planning, coordination and talking. The technical people are ITE people which do checking.

So weak So incapable

I think i am so weak and incapable. Yday, i was feeling very cheerful but today i feel heavy. Its not something unexpected though.

I choose this present job becos i want a job that can deal with ppl. I thot i will enjoy dealing and helping ppl, but ended up 'dealing with ppl' becomes the nightmare of my job. I have to deal with taxi-drivers. Its not the hassle that i am worried abt, but i find myself implanting too much emotions in my job. Today, i had my first experience to deal with a taxi driver who complained to me abt money matters with the workshop.

Although the conversation with him was far from getting heated, I worried a lot for myself as I tend to side the taxi drivers more than siding my company. I found myself sympathising ppl very easily, even though they may be lying to me. Am i not suitable for this job? Well, this is jus a v small part of my job scope though. But i am sure its going to be useful for my career, a long long way to go.

I learnt that my company organisation is really big, ranking 5th in the world transport industry. There is also much mobility in between the organisational groups, not jus engineering. But alas, i am not ambitious, haha, i dun have the calibre also.

I sincerely thank my friends, esp the buddhist friends + Jane for encouraging me in my new found job. All of u have given me much spiritual support.

What's Next???

HAHAHAAHAHAHA!!!!! I am now listening to FM93.3, the Y-Y yu le zhan program. Mr Jia Zhen Jing said: Oh our local singer Lin Junjie won the taiwan best new comer award, and he thanked God for the award. Mr Jia Zhen Jing added that of cos he can thank God, but we dun need another Ho-Yeow-Sun... wahahahha.....

Yeaps, i just got back from jogging. Am feeling very light today, quite contrary to last week. Exercising helps! And I guess i am gradually adapting to my workplace. Getting more used to the people and environment. But still, there are new arrows throwing at me everyday, and i hope i can take them off graciously. But its still too early to tell...

Today, i tried to inject some Dharma elements at my work place. I purposely brought in some Dharma topics during lunch time to my foreman and manager. My manager is a typical young fellow who is not interested in religion, but his career and family. My foreman seems to know a lot on Buddhism, and he thinks our life is pretty much fated. Although it kinda contradicts the often-heard Dharma teachings, i still agree with him.

They were shocked when they learnt that i dun intend to start a family and bear children. My foreman thought if i dun 'produce' offsprings this life, i will not be born a human being next life. This is somehow similar to what Ven Yuan Fan said on homosexuality. Sad to say, they will not be reborn as human beings becos they dun produce children. But i am thinking wat abt nuns and monks then? haha..... anyway ppl out there, jus take my words as a pinch of salt :D

My colleagues also told me that although they are pro-buddhism, they find that the propagation of Dharma in the local scene is not professional enough. True, becos we lack the resources and heart to do so, compared to other religions. This sunday big walk is an unfortunate incident. Do you call it bad karma or poor plannings?

But as a buddhist, of cos i will choose to support the buddhist community, and for volunteer work, priority shld be given to buddhist organisations. One may argue that we shld not be selective when offering dana, but if we dun support these buddhist organisations first, who else can we expect to do so? And well done PKS, they have come out with this "Volunteer membership" which i thot is a pretty good idea. Having joined in as a member, i will be informed and encouraged from time to time to lend my helping hand, and it kinda remove the inertia and laziness which i foresee i will have in the future when i wanna help.

Oh well, i simply love chunkit's blog entry, the one he stated that a lot of ppl ened up spending money buying liabilities instead of assets. In other words, they thought they have gained assets but ended up incurring liabilities. But i hope we r not too blinded by greed, which is one of the 3 greatest poisons in buddhism.

Monday Not so Blue

Guess what, I am now in my office typing this entry, haha. The monday i have today doesn seem too bluish, or issit becos i am looking forward to knock-off timing which is abt 5 min later? Yeah....

Monday Blues

Tmr is monday again... awww :( I am dreading work, i am dragging my feet to work everyday, i dun like to work.. i want to be a student.

Oh no, its only the first week, and i m already like that. How am i going to survive in the working force for the rest of my life? I duno.. mabbe i am lazy, mabbe i dun like to be in a discomfort zone, mabbe i am too pampered and dun like changes, but this is life. I hope to settle down fast to find out the reasons behind my negative feelings. Hopefully its nothing much to do with the nature of the job, cos firstly, i love to be in a service industry and talk to ppl.. this job is supposed to be ideal wat.

Today went to PKS, and its like a massive buddhist community gathering. Few hundreds of volunteers were present for the general briefings.. saw many NTUBS members, including Kin Song, Ai Kit and several new faces. As for NUSBS side, we only have old birds (yeah, very very very old birds i must say) + 2 current members kat and OWY. Glad that everyone is one way or another involved in the coming vesak, and not jus a buddhist by name and doing nothing on the big day. Have managed to pull in my xiaomei to partner with me for the Vesak temple tour guide work.

The heat wave is getting stronger, sweating in my rooms after doing some pull ups. Dun dare to try push-ups cos i will be drenched definitely, haha.

Oh yes, i forgot to thank Francis for giving me much encouragement and assurance that i will do my job well. Thanks to others who feel i can do the job, but seriously speaking, i am far from wat most of u think i am that capable. I am actually quite a sub-standard worker....

Hope to get my motivation back in my career. As for the Dharma, i really see the limit in how much a typical singaporean can acheive, unless like wat Sayalay said, join her in Myammar forever.

Sunday Morning Singapore

Sunday Morning Singapore, still waiting for sumantri's pic. He said he wanna take a pic with every sunday's SUN together with his smiley face.

Smallbro Ong SMS this morning that he has reached Singapore. Siao Onz and he is joining us for PKS volunteer briefing 2 hrs later. Argh, I have to be frank here that i dun feel like joining the meeting later as I wish to rest more. I din know working life is so tiring. I wonder if I can tahan and volunteer on 1st June evening (which is a working day) and have to tawn overnight and volunteer a 2nd round on 2nd June. But a promise is a promise.. since i have promised myself to others, i have to fufil my responsibilities.

Last nite i had unpleasant online conversations with 2 person. I think its probably i feel very stressed lately tat results in a smaller tolerance threshold. And i believe its also partly due to the fact that they have stereotyped me as someone agressive since donkey yrs ago? One ended off well with efforts put in to 'salvage' the situation. The other one did not end well, as i simply ignored the person all the way until the other party went offline.

I was chatting with ruiting yday and we discovered some common sentiments in the process of discussion. We felt a lot of inertia in our starting of work, and we came out with my possible reasons like its a transition period, new environment, not used to work life. Finally, our most satisfied conclusion is : Our work now has no dateline or 'expiry date' to look forward to. Unlike IA (6mths), MC role (1 or 2 yrs) or even our engineering course (4yrs), there is no time limit for our career liaoz.. . its jus working everyday and everyday and everyday...

I used to channel almost all my mid-yr holiday time for BS FOC and other BS related stuffs for the past 3yrs. This yr is definitely different for myself. I hope it doesn apply to the members in BS also, hopefully many of them r hot on heels preparing events for the society in the hols.

Weeeeeeekends!!!!!!!!!

1) Ananda drinking bandung at Bugis Parco
2) Hanbin aka Teddy with Ananda
3) Ananda & Sumantri (no, its not sukandar) ready for meditation

Sorry kean yap, i duno why i lost some of the pics with u in the process of transfering... lost the v nice one i took for u all on MRT :( Paiseh...

The meditation this evening started off terribly. Like what Ven Yuan Fan taught us, a troubled person becomes more troubled after/during meditation. This is becos in the midst of his work, he has not time to reflect. His mind becomes like pond water, with the daily activities equivalent to the constant digging up of mud from the bed of the pond. The mind is messy and unclear. When he finally gets to settle down for meditation, the mud settles down as well, and he begins to see his problems clearer... => feel more frustrated and troubled.

I guess it happens to me. .for the past one week, my life has been quite hectic. I know i am stressed and tired, but i have not much time to reflect. This evening when i meditate, scenes of my work place kept flashing in mind.. projects, tasks, expectations all came flooding me once i settled down for meditation. Fortunately, they went off after 10-15 min.... and the meditation became better gradually, with relatively deep concentration. Unfortunately, there were pretty much disturbances this evening, hp rings, watches alarms etc... awww... i lost my concentration during the 2nd half.

Well, most of us have heard that meditation allows us to see into our past lives... which can be 1 life to countless and eons of lives back. Ajahn Brahm shared his experiences repeatedly on recalling his days as a baby... he is powerful enough to remember the 'scent' of his baby pram.

As for me, i could remember some of the incidents tat took place when i was v young. Not that i deliberately force myself to recall, but i remembered 2 very kind souls whom i am very grateful to.

I was about 3-4 yr old, when my brother and me went to A&W to buy fast food. The set meal we bought came with a set of stickers... the cashier was a young lady, abt 20 yr old. After giving us the set of stickers we were entitled, she bent down and get one more set of me, saying : give u one more set lah, in case the 2 of u fight over it. I was too young and blur to react or even say thanks then. But i remembered her face and words vividly, till today.

Further back, was an incident that took place when i was not even 2 yr old. I was hospitalized after i fell down, cracking my skull. I remembered all my four limbs were tied to the corners of the bed, as the nurses scared i might fall off the bed or struggle around. I tried very hard to move but in vain, and my wrists were in great pains. (My mum confirmed this incident with me many yrs later tat my wrists and ankles were full of bruises, resulting from my struggles).

During my miserable days in the hopstial, i remembered this young gal, about 6-7 yr old, totally dressed in blue, with long sleeves t shirt and long pants. She was standing by my bed looking at me, smiling. Her smiles kinda stopped me from struggling. I knew I liked her presence. Eventually, she gave me a banana (must be requested from her own parents, who came visit another patient). The nurse finally released my hands, and i took the banana and bite it without peeling the skin! haha. ..

I remembered all these incidents vividly, esp the 2nd gal, even though i was barely 2 yr old then. I also find it strange myself, mabbe its due to my karmic link with these 2 kind souls. I wonder how are they now. . and i will nv get to recognise them even if i see them on the streets now.

The most bizzare incident i can recall was when I was jus a few months old. My brother studied in the Bethestha Cathedral Kindergarten, and my mum had to bring me along when sending him to sch. I remembered she put me sleeping on those long long benches u can find in the church... and as i faced up, i remember vivdly the sight of the pointed ceiling (like those u can find in a typical cathedral). The 'sight' was the only thing i can remember, nothing else... but its very vivid.

Well.. of cos there are rightful reasons why we meditate and look into our past lives, but its something deep and profound to be explained here online + my concept of it is not v strong. Shall end my blog here cos too many incoming icq msgs...

Learning to be a Lao Gan

Today, i finally got the chance to show my lao ganness...

In my company, we are actually splitted into many departments, each with their hierachy system. The store department is indirectly under our charge. There is this snr store supervisor, call him Mr S, who always like to call me for every small reasons. Everyday, he wud call me at least thrice to complain abt my technicians' attitude, esp when the IT system was down. And each time i went there, i found the matters very trivial.

Finally today after the 3rd call from him, i told him rather unhappily to look for the foreman first instead of always calling me. For the past few days, i was too sotong to be called around by him as he see me as someone 'easy' to talk to, and has the authority to control the technicians. But such matters were really too trivial..and the foreman could easily take over. Rather surprisingly, he wasnt that unhappy when i told him to stop calling me, instead, he apologised and thank me, haha.

This afternoon, i was talking to my superior and he highlighted his concern of me being too quiet and soft. Yes, i know i am soft-spoken by mind u, i am nv quiet... infact, i am talkative and noisy. He thot i have fear talking to the lower educated workers, but seriously, i feel at ease with them around. I only feel uneasy with big shots. He also thot i do not have the confidence to make presentations, but i told him he is wrong again... presentation is my favourite. However, i told him i am not as capable as he thought in plannings and strategising. I know I am jus weak in these, i can only talk (NATO).

This evening, i feel so bad. One of my foreman actually told a technician to stay back after work, jus to repaint my entire office. He is only given abt $6 for OT :( I know i dun deserve such good treatment... and i feel even more stressed to perform well. However, my colleague told me that i have to learn and get used to the 'system'. "Behave what you ought to behave, do what u ought to do". I am also given reimbursement for my monthly telephone bills, and i actually use less than 200 SMSes every month (1 compulsory every nite)... but my call time is high la.

Yesterday, both my smallbro and small sis SMSed me at almost the same time, asking me if i have taken my lunch... wah so zun, and i see their nice photograph on smallbro tree's blog. Thanks for their concern.

Later this evening, I went to Marche to meet up with my army frens, 15 of us. Still the very same army behaviour. .. . even though immersed in uni for 4 yrs and some working for 1 yr, their behaviour, when meet up together, is still v typical army style. But i enjoyed catching up with them....

Very shag ......

More Politics on the way........

You may have often heard of office politics, but i spent only 50% of my working time in my office, and another 50% running about the workshop. So do I really face 50% less of office politics? The ans is NO. There are politics everywhere....

Today, I was introduced to this senior technician, call him Mr J. Mr J was very nice to me and together, we took a cab and visited another workshop at the other end of the singapore. Throughout the journey, he taught me on the taxi meter system, the components within, the technology and system used by different taxi companies. He even taught me how to differentiate between meter counts by time and distance covered ie. which type of cabs is cheaper lah...

Sad to say, he began to pour out his woes to me, complaining this and that personnel at our workplace. He told me many negative aspects of the workshop. Unlike Mr B who had ulterior motives in telling me all these, i seriously believe Mr J was sincerely voicing out his displeasures.

I wasnt affected much by the negative things he told me, but am worried for myself in another aspect. How am i going to handle all these snr technicians next time? They are all very nice to me now, treating me like their son, always buying me drinks. But v soon, i will need to order them to do work, very often against their wish. I really feel stressed and pressurized, drawing a line between establishing good relationships with them and getting them to do work. How can i learn to be more diplomatic? That will be wearing different masks at work, breaking more of the 4th precepts.

Anyway, I am tasked to write minutes for tmr's meetings. Not that i do not have experience writing minutes, but the contents of the meeting tmr will be very very very foreign to me. All these technicals terms and such, i wonder how i am going to do it, and the minutes shld be forwarded to the GM and CEO... :(

Money is really so hard to earn. Today, i visited another branch and i was told by the executive there that the HQ took so long (6 mths) to look for 'me' as the suitable candidate. I really wonder wat they see in me to have chosen me. Seriously speaking, i think they have placed the wrong bet. I hav nv seen myself as a competent person, becos i dun see the need to be the top. But they want someone who is competitive and outstanding. With such a good pay and much incentives given to me, i really feel the need to push myself further, not so much of proving myself as capable, but to 'repay' them back. Perhaps i am now bearing the karmic effect of the 4th precepts which i broke during the interview session.

The tasks and responsibilites are really getting heavier each day, and i admit i am feeling stressful, one of the v few times i openly admit defeat.

Finally its friday tmr, and although each day seems very short to me, i dun really look foward to go to work each day... probably i am still in a discomfort zone.... sometimes, i really wish to change myself into the coverall uniform, take the spanner, and crawl underneath the vehicle to do work.

An analogy wud be : When i was studying for exams, how i wish i can be in the temple having retreats, meditating and chanting whole day long. But when i was midway in the retreat, i wud wish to give up the 'monastic life' and get back to the society, sleep on my nice bed, bathe in the nice and clean bathroom + eat good food. Life is so ironic.....

More work to come...

Firstly, I have to thank for all my concerned friends who have either left me comments in my blog or sent me well wishes SMSes these 2 days. Specially thanks to smallbro Tree, your smses made me very happy.

My job scope is actually very non technical but very operational. Lotsa paper work + decisions making. For the past one week, the computerized system in the store has been down, and technicians have to draw the stores for each taxis manually. The process is very slow, tedious and confusing. As my immediate superior wasnt around this morning, the store supervisor suddenly called me to settle and make some decisions. I was at complete loss.. i dun even know wat the heck they are talking abt... and i have to go and give briefings to the foreman and technicians... but i managed to bluff my way thru. . hahaha thank goodness the system was up by evening. Hopefully it remains functionable for long.

Besides all these ops work, I have to go and familiarise myself with the motor/engin parts, although i am not expected or required to know them. Crankshafts, flywheel, alternator, valves, cylinders.... i get to see them one by one... Sad to say, i din learn anything abt them in NUS ECE, in fact, my knowledge of them came from my army experiences in dealing with tanks.. . oh goodness.. wat did NUS taught me for the past 4 yrs? I really see nothing much of relevance, except for the learning, thinking and analytical skills adopted here and there.


Next, i already have 2 very thick files of documents and datas to study and analyse. Moreover, i have to come out with a circular to solve a serious problem faced by the company regarding air pollution caused by taxis. Once again, i was helpless.. . even now, i still feel helpless. . but i guess thats the best way to learn and work. .. only when i am given a task, i go all around asking ppl from technicians to foremans to taxi drivers to mechanics to executives.... it shld be a good training ground, although i dun really like it (i am lazy, wanna remain in my comfortzone).

Halfway thru the meeting, i received a call from ST microelectronics asking me for an interview this saturday. Arghh, i began to imagine working in a lab, facing semicond stuffs and testing devices/machinery, and mixing with fellow engineers (in the clean clean environment la). I couldnt help but compare... and momentarily, i regretted taking up this job. I have expected a job dealing with 'more educated' ppl and a more posh environment.

But i woke my idea up shortly, thinking that its so hard to get a job these days. My boss jus threw away 2 thick files of application forms for my job post. They have actually gone thru a first round of interviews earlier but were not impressed by any of the candidates. They decided to do a 2nd round of interviews and i was very fortunately chosen! Can u believe or not, its not my Uni results that they were impressed, not my A levels too, but my O levels, which the AGM was impressed. (argh, how much can O levels tell?) And I jus found out my pay is actually $200++ more than wat i have expected and promised. . .waseh ... hahahahaha

Well with regard to my last entry on 'becoming an old bird fast', i have to thank kinsong for his reminder of getting rid myself of any ill thoughts and judging others negatively. Its definitely something important in life, but i also tell carol, that we need to apply the Dharma with wisdom. I cant possibly sit there and let ppl backstab or attack me. I have actually learnt this from the army, from almost all my superiors, that i have to protect myself first before i can perform my work well or even wanting to help others. There r really too many scheming ppl in the society, we cant give in everytime.

Today, i kept telling myself (ended up stressing myself), that watever i do now is no longer like in the past.. its not as if i am planning or making decisions for NUSBS...(do wrong also nvm) its something that concerns money. .MONEY.. services, reputation of company, PPL.....ppl who are not buddhist but from all over... young, old , educated, uneducated, nice, nasty ..... all kinds.

Yeah i finally get a small sense of self worth today, having thrown so much responsibilities at one go. . still, i find my superior very very very very very nice .. .i know its too early to say, but hopefully its the same in the long run.

Once again, thanks my smallbro Tree...

First Day of Work

Frankly speaking, the first day of work wasnt great for me. Not that this job itself is not a good one, not that my superiors are not good, not that the job scope is stressful, not that the pay is low, its just me....

Well before anyone mistook the person in the above pic as me, no no no, this person is not me, he is Tree. I am so envious of him that he could take such a nice pic with the old temple of Poh Ern Sih. I felt the combination was near perfect, the smiling face nicely placed beside the temple building which is going to pull down very soon. Yes, heavy construction work has started taking place. Arghh. .how i wish i have a pic like tat with Poh Ern Sih, but i nv get such 'nice' effects myself.

Well back to talk about my work. I actually dun feel like writing it in my blog, but i cant find anyone appropriate to share my feelings with. Smallbro ong, who used to ask a lot on my updates is not around for the week. I thot I could just pen down my feelings here....

The workplace reminded me very much of my army camp, full of grease, oil, vehicle components etc. The workshop is just like the workshop I had 'lived' in while in the army, except the vehicles dealt here are not tanks but taxis.

I am given an office room myself, a pretty big room really, air-conditioned with a person computer and a phone set. On top of that, i am issued with stationary which comprises pens, pencils, ruler, hole puncher, staplers, calculator, erasers, scotch-tape, correction pen, lots of note pads, foolscap, paper-clips, post-it etc and a parkng lot. I nv thot a junior executive will be given such good treatments...

My main job requires me to plan and strategise the company's usage of resources. Theres a lot of plannings and proposals to make. On top of that, there are daily work and chores to take care of like supervising and taking charge the disciplines of 150 odd technicians. The worse thing shld be dealing with taxi-drivers, who often abuse their authority and 'jump channel' to complain to the maintenance engineer (which is me) instead of the immediate channels. There are also several performance indicators for me to take note of.

Of cos, i am not expected to full take charge of the above in one day, and i am very fortunate to have a superior to guide me along the way. He is an NTU grad, newly married with a 3-mth old baby girl. Besides him, I need to work very closely with technicians and foremans who do not share the same education background as me. They are mostly very experienced personnel who have served the company for more than 20 yrs. Awwww.... i wonder if i am under their charge or they are under my charged.... so far, the few foreman (uncles) i have met are very nice to me...

Not forgetting the admin ladies.. all very nice.... of cos la..

But sad to say, the day ended with an unpleasant encounter with a senior personnel. Fancy i always call myself a sensitive, alert and sharp guy... i actually failed to detect some under currents which took place in one of the conversations today.

This guy, call him Mr B. Mr B came to me and appeared to be very very nice, helpful and talked to me a lot. He kept offering me help and talked to me a lot on technical stuffs. As an engin grad, i have almost ZERO technical knowledge and experience... and i took no offence when he highlighted that to me. However, he began to slowly talk ill abt my superiors..and told me how tough it is to please them... and one by one, he pointed out to me all the negative aspect of my job.... yes i admit i was affected by quite significantly by his words, although he kept saying " i dun wanna stress u la, dun worry, i will help u".

All along, another 30yr old guy, who is under-studying to become an assistant manager, was beside me, listening to us. After Mr B left, this guy told me... walaos, cant u tell? cant u tell? It took me quite sometime before i put everything into pieces... The guy who used to run my present post has been promoted, so has another, except Mr B, who remained behind.. he must have felt threatened by all these grads . .. . stupid me, i fell for his trap.


This is only one very simple incident that I failed to detect the presence of scheming ppl around in the society. More to come definitely, but i cant help but feel myself so GREEEEEEEN in the working society .. yeah, i always thot i am smart to deal with all these, but i am wrong... jiang hai shi lao de la.. i am really too green....

I vow to be an old bird within a short time. ..