Money not an issue

The first pic was the original pic taken using my 6230. The second pic was a 'doctored' pic with the help of Jane and UK, impressive right? I know the quality is still bad, but considering its taken using a camera phone, i thot the results is excellent. Anyway, this pic is taken on a very tall old tower at Jurong, capturing the night scene of Jurong Island and its linkway to mainland s'pore.

Since my NUS yr2, i have taken a great liking for the sea ports. During the examination period, I would study at E1 8th floor, and would often take a break looking out of the window, enjoying the sea port view. Back to my room in PGP, i would be facing the same scenery from my corridor and pantry. When I moved to Sheares, my room was practically facing the sea ports.

I took an extremely great interest viewing the night activities at the PSA ports. Although I know the ports are busy, the systematic movements of the cranes and trailers and the neat arrangements of the containers give me a sense of peace and calmness. The lightings from the structures admist a dark sea backdrop also gives me a sense of warmth and security. Magnificent feeling.

Jane brought me to a very interesting restaurant on a hill top near Jurong Bird Park. The restaurant serves very economical yet tasty food. And most imptly, the place is very peaceful and quiet. For sure its gonna be a new hide out for me, esp when i can eat at the same time enjoying my fave scenery.

One pros abt working life is that i am financially independent. I no longer need to feel guilty about spending too much, and living on my parents' money. The guilt has been especially harsh on me during my final yr in NUS. Now, i can drive to anywhere i like, spend on whatever food i wish to eat, and treat whatever friends i like. I know money is hard to earn, but money is meant to be spent too. I really dun mind spending on things i really like or enjoy.

Cute little gals....

The above pictures were all taken last friday during my boss's mini bday celebration. The baby (or toddler now) is none other than my boss's baby, while the other gal is my foreman's daugther. If you r observant enough, both the gals were in pink, including the toy baby that trisha was holding. The unfortunate thing is that these pics were taken by my Samsung hp, and the quality of the pics were horrible.



Yippie..finally pasted the 70km/h speed limit behind my Partner, meaning i can now officially drive at 70km/h! And this pic was taken using my nokia 6230.

I jus did something, or rather, said something which i duno i shld or not in the first place. I meant well for one party (1), but it may jeopardise another party(2)'s chance of getting something. But then, it may be just another scam from the 'innocent party (2)' using me to trick party (1) in failing to get the things he want. Am quite confused, but there shldnt be any regrets. The choice made shld always be the best choice.

Samsung Sold, back to Nokia again

Over a short 2 week period, I get to change 4 phones in all.

14 March : bought a new nokia 6230, but got defects
16 March : got another new 6230 for replacement, but also have the same defects
17 March : return the nokia to M1
19 March : bought a new samsung E810C from singtel
28 March : sold the samsung cos i dun like it
28 March : bought another new set of nokia 6230, without the earlier defects

Waste of money? Initially I thought too, esp after selling my samsung at a low price of $450, but who knows i got a brand new set of nokia with a larger Memory card of 64MB a few hrs later? Anyway, the new 6230 is not totally without defect. Its vibrator is not working, and its a common problem in this hp model.

Took a few pictures using my nokia, uploaded to my PC, and found that the quality is really 10000000x much better than that of samsung. So if u guys were to hear ppl arguing abt which hp brand is better, then trust me. Nokia is really better in terms of image quality, although they have the same specs. Durability wise, i guess samsung is the winner.

Really getting quite sick of the office politics at my work place. Not that I love to meddle, but such things are really affecting my work. I have to be very alert, cautious and careful in making decisions. Besides some really close colleagues, i really duno if the others are really 'hao ren' or 'huai ren'. I am beginning to lose trust in one of my direct subordinate. I suspect that he is in cahoots with the lady whom i have mentioned earlier, although they openly behave as loggerheads in the workplace.

The precept which is MOST widely broken at my work place is none other than the 3rd one. The crime scene is none other than the Snr Manager's office... scary rite?

手语

The title of my blog is 手语 (Hand Sign Language), so is the background song title. Sorry to Nale for failing to keep the song in my blog for a few more weeks as promised. While the previous song was indeed nice, i find this song even more touching.

This song is about a loving couple, while on their holiday journey, met up with an accident. The guy was unhurt while the gal lost her ability to speak (mabbe half paralysed?). The gal was unable to express her feelings and thoughts, as each time she speaks, her voice will disappear in the thin air. And whenever she tried to express herself using sign language, that will be the moment when the guy feels the most guilty. A sad but TRUE love story.

I hope I dun sound like condeming love here (sorry if i do), but i deeply feel that if not handled properly, love can really drive a person to the graves. During my secondary sch days, i have this old chinese spinster teacher, who was always very strict and fierce. I remembered very vividly tat during one lesson, she told us NOT to anyhow meddle with LOVE & feelings, as it may result in very painful sufferings. My understanding of love then was not be deep, but I could tell she must have been a suffering victim of love to sound so serious and melancholic.

When u miss someone, u will think of him/her before u sleep, dream of her/him in ur sleep, and think of him/her again the first thing u wake up in the morning. Whenever your hp beeps, you will hope that the SMS is from him/her. On the streets, u will see images of him/her, but more of then than not, those were just illusions. I am not sure how many of u have had such experiences, but its definitely a terrible feeling isnt it? As such, I hope frens of mine who are troubled by love, may you get well and see your bright days soon.

Lately many of my friends are feeling either sick or down, either physically or mentally or both. Perhaps its a collective bad karma. My colleague had a terrible sore throat and was unable to communicate with us verbally. Hence, we used sign language and MSN. Tmr, its gonna be my turn... cos i am already losing my voice :(

Sign language pls........

Evenings with Zeathereal

Zea requested a blog entry, titled ' Evening with Zeathereal'. Probably he was just merely playing a fool or an effort to cheer my gloomy days up. Indeed, I did spend my thursday evening at his place swimming, followed by a peanut tangyuan session at old airport rd market. After going home that evening, I really feel much relaxed and better. Thanks to zea, but unfortunately, M1 once again agitated me by failing to waive my contract when its supposed to be. Damm it, i have to pay unnecc extension of my contract + a delay in using my new singtel number. Waste of money and time.

Last evening was kinda spent with zea again. He made me do some stuffs over and over again, until the wee hrs of 2am. Haha, shant elaborate on it. And stupid M1 did it again, by sending me a letter that i have outstanding bills to clear, stating my GIRO has been terminated. The letter even suggest i go find out from my bank why my giro was terminated. I called up M1 of cos, and found out that there is NOTHING wrong with my GIRO. Wonder which idiotic M1 staff sent tat hoax letter to me.

This afternoon, i went to suntec, supposedly to meet up with a guy who expressed interest in buying my samsung phone. For the past few days, he has been bargaining, and I have already given him a $30 discount. Still, he was always very hesitant, and kept wanting to delay the transaction. Futhermore, he refused to answer my phone calls or give me a confirmation on whether he wanna buy. And today, he flew me aeroplane by not turning up. I got flare up and shoot him with *#@*&(#@*)# over SMS. Finally, he told me he hasnt got enough money and is trying to pool enough by this evening.

A pang of guilt suddenly hit me, as I finally realise why he has been trying hard to delay the transaction (and telling me not to sell away the phone), cos he hasnt got enough money. But still, he may be just another BIG LIAR who is awaiting for a better bargain out there. In fact, he has lied to me a few times by saying he has gotten a much lower deal elsewhere, but each time, he sms me back to ask if i still wanna sell the hp :s

This guy ( i believe from NTU) promised to meet me tonight for the transaction. But i couldnt care less, cos someone from my work place has already expressed interest in my hp, and even at a higher price. Its jus that i dun wish to sell hp to someone i know, thats why i rather sell it cheaper to this guy. Lets see if he will turn up tonite.

Getting too hard

Sincerely grateful to my friends for their comments posted on my blog.

Sometimes, when bad things come one after another, I just feel like giving up everything altogether. I would feel like quitting my job, stop going for medical follow-ups and treatments, stop keeping in touch with my friends, or even stop my own existence in this world. But i am not exactly depress, just feeling very indifferent towards this world, losing the passions in life as a working adult.

I duno what type of impression i have given others, but since young, my family has always regarded me as a very soft-spoken kid. Although I tend to talk a lot at times, but my voice projections were neither strong nor loud. However, my temper can get really bad to an extreme level. About 6-7yrs ago, due to some abnormal reactions in my body, i was brought to the hosp and had my blood samples sent to USA for testings. It was found that a certain constituent(acid) in my blood was found to be at an extraordinary high level, resulting in my strong bodily reactions towards certain things. The doctor also commented that I should be a very bad tempered and easily agitated person due to this enzyme (or is it hormones?) in my body.

Quite a handful of NTUBS and NUSBS ppl have witnessed a pretty gross scene from me in yr 2002, during our CNY visit at The Buddhist Library. I had an attack over there and my eyes were practically swollen till the extent that I almost couldnt drive home due to poor visions.

Probably due to the reason that i mix mostly with buddhists over the past four yrs, I have much less chances to get agitated and angry like before. However, after working for almost a yr, the bad seeds in me begin to erupt again. Due to surrounding conditions + the type of ppl i face and the lack of my effort in self-control, I see myself getting much more aggressive, harsh and quarrelsome than before.

For instance, a supplier has been coming down to our company to promote his products for weeks. During his many private discussions with me, I have always been very friendly to him and even went for lunches together. However during his final product presentation to our managers, the devil in me crawled out suddenly as I began to shoot his pants down with difficult questions. What a jerk am i? I din know why i am doing that, probably sub-conciously, i was trying to score points infront of my GM. But most importantly, I realise i have picked up this 'mannerism' from my senior managers and GMs, who were often very critical, harsh and agressive on such occasions. I tend to pick up this 'skills' pretty fast.

And this behaviour of mine is not only restricted in my working life, but also when i am out of work. Perhaps I tell myself that i am NO longer a student who is financially dependent on others, I become more demanding, non-compromising and DARING in my words and actions. In other words, I could have been labelled as a 'difficult person' to deal with in the public's eyes.

I see that my personality has gradually gotten harder and harder. Initially, one may think that getting tougher is a good sign. But when things get too hard, it becomes brittle. I need the Dharma to soften myself, really.

Dun feel like doing anything

Recently, I have not been feeling well, not just mentally but also physically. Probably the 2 are inter-related.

Lately, I have lost my temper many times, especially to the M1 customer service officers. They have once again failed their duty by NOT removing my contract when its supposed to be. As a result, the porting of my old m1 number to my new singtel number failed. Extra cost is incurred for the unnecessary extension of my M1 line.

Physically, my stomach has never really given me much peaceful days. Furthermore, the giddy spells in me come back quite often lately. But no more puking of blood though. Tried to do some joggings and am amazed i could still run relatively okie.

And I am supposed to like my boss's baby a lot. However today, I found her quite a nuisance, probably i get to spend longer hours with her today. Was accompanying her at the rear seat while my boss drove us to celebrate his bday. She was practically screaming and crying out loud throughout the journey. I was so helpless that there s really nothing i could do to pacify her.

Negative thoughts and energies seem to be engulfing me lately. And have no mood to do anything, dun feel like reading, dun feel like meditating, dun feel like going temples, dun feel like lying down on my bed, dun feel like going out, dun feel like eating, dun feel like talking, dun feel like doing anything.

Backstabbed.... ouCH!

I think this will be my very first entry to share on how badly i was backstabbed at work place.

There is this lady in my work place, with very outstanding working capabilities and performance. She also looks very attractive at her age (mid 30s). Unfortunately, she often resorts to unscrupulous and dirty means to get her things and jobs done. Sometimes, we wonder why is there a need for her to do so since she is only holding such a low post. She is definitely not aiming for promotion (she rejected it before), and claimed that she is just after money (bullshit, cos her husband owns a jaguar and cefiro).

Few weeks ago, she nearly tricked me into agreeing into some matter. Fortunately, I consulted my manager and my foreman, and found out I shldnt agree to it. In the end, both my manager and foreman emailed her to stop her from carry out her plans. On the surface, she replied us very nicely and told us she wud not 'do so' without my consent, and i thot the matter have rest.

But yday, she started her 'performance' by going up to my foreman, saying that I have always purposely mislead him into thinking tat she is a bad woman. She said that she has been gravely misunderstood by everybody due to the previous matter, and i was actually the one who made up stories to sabo her. However, my foreman has once been tricked by her and thus, didnt believe her and defended for me. This lady began to cry out very loudly infront of everybody, saying that whatever she said was the truth, and wud get knocked on the roads by car if she were to be found lying.

The strange this was that after the incident, she could still call my office and ask me abt my health, talk abt tonics etc. So far, most of the colleagues knew that her words couldnt be trusted, but there are still a handful of sor zai (stupid guy) who were smittened by her lady charm and believe tat i am the bad guy.

But one thing i must admit is that this lady is really a gao shou. She is simply tooo great in her acting skills, and her ability to twist and turn situations and make them so believable and convincing. Personally, i have been tricked by her a few times, and sometimes, i really got touched by her 'sincerity' and my heart softens after she came to plea with me. Wonderful i must say, she shld be the best worker in my company. And i am really not sacrastic..... good worker in company, but definitely a wicked and evil lady of mankind.

The Deserted Land

Can u imagine a world that is without concrete buildings? There will only be trees, lakes, ponds and abundance of living creatures beaming in the nature.

Read Nale's blog on her ordering of graduation gown. It seems as if it was jus a couple of months ago that i was busy taking my own height and head size. Was jogging with OWY 2 weeks ago in campus, taking the route which i always jog while i was staying in PGP. The pavements, the sightings, the surroundings and most imptly, the feelings, were so familiar and near to me.

Whenever I drove past Sheares, I would miss my room - the one which i have the shortest stay yet my favourite. It has been a wonderful ground for me, where my work efficiency and motivation were at peaks. With the avantgarde furnishings, under the soft homely orangy lightings + stepping on the comfortable floor tiles, I miss those days that I could look out from my very large windows (one entire side of the room comprises window panes) into the PSA ports. Not forgetting one corner of the corridor where I would often stand, staring at a narrow windling road leading to the site where the Old abandoned SEA building once stood - also the place where I had NUSBS FOC2000 fright night.

How many times have I mentioned in the blog that i miss campus life? That should be almost the same number of times I have repeatedly told my NUSBS snrs how much I miss army life when i was a freshman in 2000. But as the yrs pass by, my attachments for the army faded off. Similarly in no time, I guess I will no longer miss NUS as much as I do now.

But missing a place is incomparable to the feeling of missing someone. I guess nothing can be more miserable and depressing than to miss someone u love. Or shld i say, its not missing the person that makes u suffer, but missing the feelings that the person has once given you.

To all my friends out there, esp those who are feeling hurt now, do realise everything, be it good or bad, will come to and end. We can allow ourselves to feel sad and depress, but not for too long. Be brave to face the reality and truth, no matter how much you hate it.

Samsung in place of Nokia

Returned my nokia to M1, and signed up with Singtel + bought a samsung phone. Decided to take some pics to compare the quality:



A pretty clear pic featuring Partner and Jane's Liteace parked together.



Took a super long drive to Wetland Reserves (sungei Buloh) and had a super x 2 long walk in the wetland reserves. There were countless of dead fishes lying around, and most of the lands were very dry with cracks. I asked one of the young employee on the reasons of the dead fishes. He said that the actual reason is not known, but he suspected that its due to the hot weather, heating the fish to death. He even verifed that claim by showing us some dead prawns in the water, which were already 'cooked' to orangy red, instead of their usual greyish black colour.



Third pic taken at NTU. Ordination ceremony of Riki by stoneman. Poor riki, may you have a wonderful haircut for your 20th birthday.

Conclusion: The samsung built in camera is far inferior to that of Nokia. Although the hp screen resolutions and colours are better, the pics when uploaded to the PC pale much in comparison. Samsung also has much less functions than Nokia and is less user friendly. However, Samsung is so much better looking than Nokia, and the entire feeling of the phone is much more solid and durable.

Sian ah, tmr working again....

The above is among the last few pics I took with my Nokia 6230 before I bid my final farewell with it at M1 shop today. The lady from M1 shop told me that they were unable to find a defect free 6230 from other branches. Too bad, the phone is indeed nice, with a rather sharp camera resolution(see above pic), very clear MP3 output, infra-red plus some advanced technology like bluetooth. But i wudnt wanna acccept a new phone with defects.

After the refund, I sent an SMS to thank the wonderful M1 sales gal for her efforts and troubles in getting me a working set. She has previously called me using her own hp after working hrs, and tats why i got her hp number. And yeaps, she replied my sms, wishing me all the best and hope I can get a defect free set. My emotions got the better of me and I began to send her more SMSes, and finally she din reply me :(

I guess I have gone overboard in this case, and have intruded her privacy. There should be a clear cut betw work matters and personal life. She has already gone beyond her job scope by calling me using her personal phone. I shldnt have taken this advantage to try getting to know her better.

Handphones issue aside, it seems that quite a few of frens may be suffering from schizophrenia or split personality after reading their blogs. Well, I hope they are fine, haha.

I do find myself getting very quarrelsome lately. Probably due to stress from my medical problems and bills, plus a yr of bad personal influence + development from my job, I have evolved once again into a new character. I am expecting now expecting even more from others, especially in the customer service line like the M1 staffs and the NUH nurses. And am more daring to speak my mind without fearing of hurting others.

While i was driving today, I kinda visualise the society as a gigantic human pyramid. To climb up, u have to step on others. If you dun climb on others, you will be stepped on and climbed upon by others. So you either climb or get stepped.

Fxxking Service Provider II

After my strife with M1, i had my second quarrel with NUH today. The doctor was excellent, but he wanted me to do an ultrasound + endoscopy to confirm if there are any stones in my gall bladder and liver, and to rule out colon cancer. The unfortunate thing was that I chose B1 class ward during my hospitalization. As such, all my treatment and consultation charges will be at the FULL rate instead of the subsidized rate, which is a hell lot of difference.

Although I could claim my medical expenses from my company insurance, I dun see why I shld be charged the full rate, as i am a singaporean too. I told the nursing officer I want to opt for a subsidized rate by going to polyclinic to get a referral. To my surprise, the nurse said I cant do that, as I am alreaady under this doctor and was already classified as a Private Patient at full rate. I told her i dun mind changing the doctor, since today was also the first time i see this doctor! The nurse said it will be a great hassle as I wud need to go through all over again to make appointments and such. I told her I dun mind either.... since I could save up a big deal. Still, she said it cant be done, until i raised my voice and insisted I want it.

Finally, they gave in and told me I could go down to get a referral from polyclinic, and then pass to them and they would arrange the same doctor for me. Shucks man, sometimes if u dun raise your voice and be demanding, you would jus suffer under their laziness and fear of hassle, and be taken in by their words.

M1 is even much worse! This aftn, the customer service lady told me I could go down to m1 to get my replacement set. But i thot tats something fishy as all the sets i tried yday were faulty too. I asked her if she was sure the 'replacement set' is working, if not, it wud be a pure waste of my time to go down. She replied tat its actually the same faulty handset they are replacing, and told me tat the fault is actually not a fault, its common, even in her own phone. I ticked her off by saying that wats the pt of buying a new handset when its not 100% in good condition?

I later called up the m1 win back department, who spent much time sweet talk to me and give me offers, so that I wud not terminate my line. I told them about my problem, and the fxxker told me its M1 shop problem, not theirs. He also kept 'ng ng ng' as I told him my problem, until i got so fed up and asked him.. wat do u mean by 'ng ng ng'!? He said he was jus agreeing with me, darn... He later pushed the blame to nokia, and also said that my phone is not faulty since i could still call in and out. WTF! I asked to speak to the superior but he ignored my request, and kept telling me its not their problem. He din know i wanted to complain abt his customer's service instead of the faulty handset.

The M1 shop gal finally called me and told me even Nokia cant solve the problem. She sweetly suggested I take another model, if not a refund. I finally proposed her a soln (which i wanted them to take the initiative to do it, but they din), which is to take a set from another branch, and check out if there is any different version of the handset. She happily accepted this proposal, and yeah, she left me the last good impression i have for M1. And guess what, she called me using her own personal line, cos she was alread off work. Did i also mention tat she is a babe?

Fxxking service provider

When I got angry, I would tell others that I wanna puke blood. And just now, I really puked blood, and i dun mean figuratively. I was bathing when i tasted blood in my mouth. I rinsed my mouth and the water which came out was reddish with my blood. No open wounds or pains in my mouth, i duno where the blood came from.

And indeed, I was extremely x 10000 pissed off with M1. As mentioned earlier, I bought my nokia 6230 less than 48hrs ago, and a certain fault in the display came shortly later. I went to M1 shop to have my hp changed, as there is this 7day one-to-one exchange policy. After getting the 2nd set, the same problem was there. 3rd set, same, 4th same.....

The customer service lady told me tat it was due to my 'picture' problem, as she has did not have the same fault when using a default pic in my hp. On the spot, i took another picture, and showed her tat other pictures gave the same problem in the display. Then she told me its my memory card problem, since the pics are saved in my memory card. I transfered the pic to my phone memory, and showed her tat the problem remained. Then she said its my software problem... and no matter wat excuses they give, they just want me to deal with nokia directly.

I told them tat there is no way i will go to NOKIA, since i bought the phone from them barely 48 hrs ago. And its not jus the set tat i took is faulty, but so are the remaining ones in the shop. So its M1's problem to deal with nokia, not the customers'. The lady told me tat she cant do anything cos all the sets in the M1 shop are faulty, and suggested me to change to another model in the shop. I told her NO WAY tat i wanna do that, and suggested tat i wait for the next batch of 6230. She told me tat there s no promise the next batch will not be faulty, but i told her i can wait and dun mind trying and trying. Another lady told me the next batch may take 3-4 months to come, and I told her it will be a joke that the phones in their store can last for 3-4 months. Eventually, i requested for a refund and termination of contract.

Finally, they proposed a soln that i found reasonable. I would take back a new set of 6230 home first (although still with the same fault), and wait for them to deal with nokia the next day. If i cant get a good set of 6230 by tmr, i will ask for a refund, which will take 1 month to process but must return the phone immediately :s

When i reached home, i called m1 to complain abt their poor customer service. The guy who attended to me was worse than the m1 shop gals, and got scolded by me. He told me he could only reflect my problem to the management, but they will not get back to me with a follow up. I was pissed, saying that i have nearly been tricked by the gals that the faults lie in my pic, my mem card, my software etc. I gave an analogy of going to hosp and the hosp prescribed us the faulty medicine. Who shld we look for? The hosp or the medicine's manufacturer? He argued that my analogy is wrong for comparison, and challenged me. I fxxk him off and told him i am extremely displeased with his reply. I insisted that someone else talk to me instead of this fxxker.

I will see how they r going to reply me tmr.... I am utterly disappointed with this service provider, for smoking me out and being so unhelpful.

At worK

The above pic is my boss, the father of the baby that I always love to show here. The pic was taken with my new nokia phone, the resolution is cool isnt it? Besides the image quality, the MP3 is surprisingly clear, and the bluetooth technology means I am able to exchange pics with my frens without wasting MMS $$$. And the phone was bought after getting a further discount of $100 (not $70 this time!) from M1 when I told them I really wanna terminate my line.

Shucks, I duno why I have been feeling light in my head for the past couple of days, especially today, tat I experienced several times of fainting spells. I hope its due to my busy schedule at work and not anything else. And yeah, my work has never been this busy ever since i started work 10 months ago. In the past, I was still able to stone in my room, surf the net, chat on the msn.. but now, I hardly have the time to even sit by my table and check emails.

My IT department is well known to be very unapproachable and pushy in their work. Asking the IT specialists to do work is as good as begging the impossible. Unfortunately, I have quite a lot of problems that only the IT ppl could help me, and I have no choice but to approach them for them. I decided to use wat my brother taught me, to 'flirt' with the gals to get things done. And i grabbed my manager along (see how yandao he is!).

True enough, it worked! I din know if I sound sacrastic or apple polishing, but what i did today was repeatedly praising one of the IT gals on how helpful and nice she was in front of my manager. Although she responded that she is not into ppl sucking up, she got really very happy and patiently taught me steps by steps on how to generate some results using the SAP system. Her sudden helpfulness and patience made my manager's jaws drop, haha. Usually, it will take weeks for them to customise a program for us, but today, she rushed it out for us within an hr. I guess sweet talk really helps to a great extent.

I have nv imagined that I could get this busy at work. Though busy, I do feel some satisfaction at work. And lately, there seem to be quite a lot of job opportunities flying around, and i am getting quite tempted to switch job. However, changing job will also mean giving up a lot of things. Giving up the nice colleagues, good pay and 'comfort zone' which I have gradually and painstaking constructed over the past 10 mths. Well, I feel at our age, we just need to challenge ourselves as much as possible.

Not so scary la..

I was driving along PIE last night when it started to drizzle. The night seemed very misty and the chilling cold air gushing out from my air-con blower didnt help. As I exited PIE via Pasir Laba, I noticed the mists getting thicker. After turning into the small road leading to NTU, i could see a very thick layer of fog covering the roads as high as my car tyre level. Both sides of the roads were nothing but trees of endless darkness.

The fogs on the ground were moving very rapidly. If u r an optimistic person, you prob would imagine yourself driving on the clouds in the 'heaven'. If you a neutral person, you probably would relate the fogs to those you get from dry ice in a wedding dinner. But if you belong to the other extreme end.......

I couldnt help but recall a story shared by one of my guard commanders during my night duty in the army camp. My camp is located jus slightly further down NTU, separated by a very huge sea of cemetries. Our guard room was situated jus beside the main gate, which is facing a very narrow but long stretch of road leading to the main road where the cemetries are. In the day, you would see nothing by the roadsides except for the very thick forested areas. At night, it will be complete darkness and you would see NOTHING.

It was said that during one midnight, the guards were standing by the gates when a gush of white fog (at about knee level) suddenly came flooding from outside the narrow road into the camp compound via the gates. The guard commander quickly summon everyone into the guardroom and locked the door. It was only after sometime that the fogs got cleared up. Nobody knew what happened. I took this story as a pinch of salt when i heard it 6yrs ago.

Last evening, I get to personally witness this scene. The fortunate thing was that I was in my car and could drive off fast. If i were to walk on the road, I probably would get frightened. Still, I believe there is a high possibility that the fogs were a result of some chemical reactions between the hot road surfaces and the drizzles. But the sight is definitely enough to freak out any weak hearted ones.

And thanks to birdtan, sumantri and siewting, who invited me to watch The Shutter in their room. The dark, chilly and quiet atmosphere may contribute to the scariness, but the small laptop screen + occasional MSN pop ups from sumantri's laptop spoilt the eerieness. Sumantri asked me if I dare to drive back alone, but he didnt realise that I have experienced much more than watching horror movies and driving on the misty roads. I even drove to NUS in the later hours for a jog in the quiet and deserted SRC tracks :D

Not Scary la....

I was driving along PIE last night when it started to drizzle. The night seemed very misty and the chilling cold air gushing out from my air-con blower didnt help. As I exited PIE via Pasir Laba, I noticed the mists getting thicker. After turning into the small road leading to NTU, i could see a very thick layer of fog covering the roads as high as my car tyre level. Both sides of the roads were nothing but trees of endless darkness.

The fogs on the ground were moving very rapidly. If u r an optimistic person, you prob would imagine yourself driving on the clouds in the 'heaven'. If you a neutral person, you probably would relate the fogs to those you get from dry ice in a wedding dinner. But if you belong to the other extreme end.......

I couldnt help but recall a story shared by one of my guard commanders during my night duty in the army camp. My camp is located jus slightly further down NTU, separated by a very huge sea of cemetries. Our guard room was situated jus beside the main gate, which is facing a very narrow but long stretch of road leading to the main road where the cemetries are. In the day, you would see nothing by the roadsides except for the very thick forested areas. At night, it will be complete darkness and you would see NOTHING.

It was said that during one midnight, the guards were standing by the gates when a gush of white fog (at about knee level) suddenly came flooding from outside the narrow road into the camp compound via the gates. The guard commander quickly summon everyone into the guardroom and locked the door. It was only after sometime that the fogs got cleared up. Nobody knew what happened. I took this story as a pinch of salt when i heard it 6yrs ago.

Last evening, I get to personally witness this scene. The fortunate thing was that I was in my car and could drive off fast. If i were to walk on the road, I probably would get frightened. Still, I believe there is a high possibility that the fogs were a result of some chemical reactions between the hot road surfaces and the drizzles. But the sight is definitely enough to freak out any weak hearted ones.

And thanks to birdtan, sumantri and siewting, who invited me to watch The Shutter in their room. The dark, chilly and quiet atmosphere may contribute to the scariness, but the small laptop screen + occasional MSN pop ups from sumantri's laptop spoilt the eerieness. Sumantri asked me if I dare to drive back alone, but he didnt realise that I have experienced much more than watching horror movies and driving on the misty roads. I even drove to NUS in the later hours for a jog in the quiet and deserted SRC tracks :D

Not Scary la....

I was driving along PIE last night when it started to drizzle. The night seemed very misty and the chilling cold air gushing out from my air-con blower didnt help. As I exited PIE via Pasir Laba, I noticed the mists getting thicker. After turning into the small road leading to NTU, i could see a very thick layer of fog covering the roads as high as my car tyre level. Both sides of the roads were nothing but trees of endless darkness.

The fogs on the ground were moving very rapidly. If u r an optimistic person, you prob would imagine yourself driving on the clouds in the 'heaven'. If you a neutral person, you probably would relate the fogs to those you get from dry ice in a wedding dinner. But if you belong to the other extreme end.......

I couldnt help but recall a story shared by one of my guard commanders during my night duty in the army camp. My camp is located jus slightly further down NTU, separated by a very huge sea of cemetries. Our guard room was situated jus beside the main gate, which is facing a very narrow but long stretch of road leading to the main road where the cemetries are. In the day, you would see nothing by the roadsides except for the very thick forested areas. At night, it will be complete darkness and you would see NOTHING.

It was said that during one midnight, the guards were standing by the gates when a gush of white fog (at about knee level) suddenly came flooding from outside the narrow road into the camp compound via the gates. The guard commander quickly summon everyone into the guardroom and locked the door. It was only after sometime that the fogs got cleared up. Nobody knew what happened. I took this story as a pinch of salt when i heard it 6yrs ago.

Last evening, I get to personally witness this scene. The fortunate thing was that I was in my car and could drive off fast. If i were to walk on the road, I probably would get frightened. Still, I believe there is a high possibility that the fogs were a result of some chemical reactions between the hot road surfaces and the drizzles. But the sight is definitely enough to freak out any weak hearted ones.

And thanks to birdtan, sumantri and siewting, who invited me to watch The Shutter in their room. The dark, chilly and quiet atmosphere may contribute to the scariness, but the small laptop screen + occasional MSN pop ups from sumantri's laptop spoilt the eerieness. Sumantri asked me if I dare to drive back alone, but he didnt realise that I have experienced much more than watching horror movies and driving on the misty roads. I even drove to NUS in the later hours for a jog in the quiet and deserted SRC tracks :D

Not Scary la....

I was driving along PIE last night when it started to drizzle. The night seemed very misty and the chilling cold air gushing out from my air-con blower didnt help. As I exited PIE via Pasir Laba, I noticed the mists getting thicker. After turning into the small road leading to NTU, i could see a very thick layer of fog covering the roads as high as my car tyre level. Both sides of the roads were nothing but trees of endless darkness.

The fogs on the ground were moving very rapidly. If u r an optimistic person, you prob would imagine yourself driving on the clouds in the 'heaven'. If you a neutral person, you probably would relate the fogs to those you get from dry ice in a wedding dinner. But if you belong to the other extreme end.......

I couldnt help but recall a story shared by one of my guard commanders during my night duty in the army camp. My camp is located jus slightly further down NTU, separated by a very huge sea of cemetries. Our guard room was situated jus beside the main gate, which is facing a very narrow but long stretch of road leading to the main road where the cemetries are. In the day, you would see nothing by the roadsides except for the very thick forested areas. At night, it will be complete darkness and you would see NOTHING.

It was said that during one midnight, the guards were standing by the gates when a gush of white fog (at about knee level) suddenly came flooding from outside the narrow road into the camp compound via the gates. The guard commander quickly summon everyone into the guardroom and locked the door. It was only after sometime that the fogs got cleared up. Nobody knew what happened. I took this story as a pinch of salt when i heard it 6yrs ago.

Last evening, I get to personally witness this scene. The fortunate thing was that I was in my car and could drive off fast. If i were to walk on the road, I probably would get frightened. Still, I believe there is a high possibility that the fogs were a result of some chemical reactions between the hot road surfaces and the drizzles. But the sight is definitely enough to freak out any weak hearted ones.

And thanks to birdtan, sumantri and siewting, who invited me to watch The Shutter in their room. The dark, chilly and quiet atmosphere may contribute to the scariness, but the small laptop screen + occasional MSN pop ups from sumantri's laptop spoilt the eerieness. Sumantri asked me if I dare to drive back alone, but he didnt realise that I have experienced much more than watching horror movies and driving on the misty roads. I even drove to NUS in the later hours for a jog in the quiet and deserted SRC tracks :D

Blogging in the midst of my work

This is the song I first heard almost 15 yrs ago, while I was on my flight to Beijing in the early 90s. The journey was a terrible one due to bad weather, and I was suffering from air-sickness. This was one of the 10 song that was played over and over again on the plane throughout the 6hr journey tat I got v familiar with it overnight.

The song is about a gal's waning love for her bf. Instead of telling him directly, she told him to look at the moon, which she claimed has already been gradually and secretly changing. 'The path we have taken is far too long, till the extent that we no longer have much things to talk to each other'.

This song reminds me of the impermanance in life, that there is no such thing as 'Forever Love', 'Eternal Flame' or 'Love You Forever'. After taking it, you either learn how to let go graciously later or end up suffering.

The same applies to the people in my company. Too many backstabbers that the recent one hit me hard right on my back. Thanks for the early cautions given by some kind colleagues, tat I am already well prepared for all these nonsense and din really end up getting hurt. Probably in the past, I would be very upset upon hearing ppl badmouth or maligning me. But right now, I am pleasantly surprised by my own graciousness in dealing with such a situation.

I can only laugh all these backstabbings off with some of my closer colleagues. It doesn matter tat not everyone likes you, as long as you have close frens by ur side. Moral of the story : Just like we need good spiritual friends in our cultivational path, we need a group of close and supportive colleagues. They are someone we can turn to in times of trouble, and also give us the motivational and spiritual uplifts at work.

To Edward: LTA has approved the fitting of rear glass side windows on vans. This has made driving safer (checking of blind spots will be possible) and in my view, makes a van appear more like a car (good for those not-so-rich yet want-to-drive ppl like me). Morever, the speed limit has been increased to 70km/hr (closer to the speed limit of 80km/h for many roads). FYI, nowadays, speed light cameras are installed in many major roads in Singapore + all Expressways.

A Big Gulp of Barium Sulphate

This afternoon, I was starting to get frustrated when she called me. Its definitely not a new feeling, but something which I have experienced before with some other ppl. Its like forcing me to take on the same route whenever I encounter such problems. But I told myself she is a very nice friend, I cannot get myself frustrated or harbour ill feeling for her.

This morning, I reported to NUH after fasting over the previous night. In the radiography department, I was told to dress up in the operation suite. It took me quite a while to figure out how to put the 2 pieces on. In the radiography room, I was told to gulp down ONE HUGE CUP of Barium Sulphate. Prior to that, the 3 medical officers had an arguement on the right amt of BaS04 to give me.

1) The first said: Its 400ml of BaSO4 + 40ml of H20
2) The second said: Its 40ml of BaSO4 + 400ml of H20
3) The second said: Its 400ml of BaSO4 + 340 of H20

Whatever the combi, I gulped down whatever they provide me. The BaSO4 is supposed to have illuminating effects and push down whatever particles I have in my stomach and intestines down to my bowels. Moreover, I was also instructed to swallow some crystals that taste like ENO. Its supposed to bloat my stomach up so tat the radiography could be taken better, and I was not allowed to burp so that the 'effectiveness' wun be lost.

Initially, I was told to stand and lean against a machine. After changing various poses, the machine began to move and tilt, as it gradually bring my body along until a sleeping position. After which, there were a series more of turning here and there. Walaos, I wonder if the old folks could take such treatments. From the screen, I could see my own stomach, intestines and other organs. But to my pleasant surprise, the medical officer was unable to detect my small bowels/intestines. A huge metal rod was used to press and rotate around my abdomen... painful siah.

I know I may look strong and healthy from the outside, but the fact is I am full of rubbish within. My colleagues shared and bought me a huge bottle of Centrum, supposed to provide supplements to my diet. They assure me that I will look much vibrant and feel more energetic after one week. I have to accept the gift out of my gratitude and respect for them.

Good news to all van owners. A series of new rules have made van driving much more worth while and affordable... shall share more in my next entry :)

Not again, hopefully...

When I first started work, there is this lady, a graduate from NUS too, who took very good care of me. She would give me tips on surviving in the company, assist me in the SAP program and helped me settle on several complicated issues. On top of that, she would often buy me breakfast and after meal deserts.

1) Last X'mas, she bought me a wallet cos I kept complaining that my wallet was torn.

2) 3 days later, the eve of my eye lasik operation, she bought me a v cute soft toy hugging the words 'ping an'.

3) Early this yr, she bought me a pair of ear studs, cos she said they look nice on guys.

4) When I had my car accident 3 weeks ago, she bought me a kogepan soft toy cum car accessory, to beautify my 'injured' partner (and cos she knew i like kogepan).

5) Lastly, she bought me a silver chain + black stone (or crystal?), supposed to ward of evil spirits cos I told her i have been sighting beings again.

Last evening, she called me, requesting for some listening ears. Apparently, she has some problems with her ex-bf. I drove her to Changi Airport, supposed to eat ice cream, but ended up talking rubbish at Burger King. This evening, she called again, asking me to eat ice-cream, since we didnt manage to eat the day before. I was hesistant, as I feel its not right to go out so often with her, esp she is not my gf. And most imptly, i din want the 'same thing' to happen again to me. I kindly rejected her by saying i am tired.

However few hrs later, she called me again, and she told me was waiting at my void deck, asking me to come down. I din want my neighbours or my family to see, so i drove her to bedok reservoir, sat by the waters, to eat the ice-cream she bought. The ambience was supposed to be very romantic, peaceful, fresh air and nice breeze. But no, the feeling wasnt there. I tried my best to avoid discussing on the topic of 'love'. I may be escaping, or perhaps I was just being over sensitive. Whatever the case, I dun care, I just dun wish to get myself involved in love.

She is different from the previous gals I met. She is really a nice gal, and definitely not as irritating as some of them. Besides on the push factors from my religion, I know I can NEVER be a good bf. Love will make me a selfish person, a demanding one and an unreasonable one. I do not wish give myself more sufferings, jus as much as I do not wish to add on more sufferings to the life of others.

She just told me on MSN a few seconds ago as I was typing this blog: Next time, dun anyhow sing to gals who are moody, if not you will have to worry abt them falling in love with you. G D M......!

NDR

Was torn between choices whether to join my army frens for dinner cum movie at orchard, or to attend the Dharma session by Ven Kaizhao.

Attending the Dharma session would require much attention and I would probably be struggling to keep my concentration on the talk. Morever, the place is rather small & cramp and the air-conditioner is not strong enough for everybody. On the other hand, watching movie and makan do not require much energy, is definitely more relaxing, and is obviously a better choice :D

I din know what happened, but eventually I still made my way to NDR for Ven's dharma session. The stories adapted were good, in addition to the humorous style that Ven Kaizhao adopt, making the 2 hrs pretty fun and interesting. Whats even more encouraging was to see quite a handful of NTUBS and NUSBS juniors attending the Dharma session in the midst of their very busy and hectic study schedule. If they can make it there in the evening, I dun see why a working personnel like me cant, esp I have no studies or revision to do in the evening. Perhaps I really need to put in more effort.

Have a 2nd draft of the website for Nibbana Dhamma Rakkha. Pls feel free to comment, thanks.

Tackling the Modules

I read one of my jnr's blog about his disappointment after taking a quiz. I guess this is not uncommon to most students, esp having to study and mugg so hard for a quiz /exam, but ended screwing it up. I did ever discuss this issue with my friends: Is hard work equivalent to scoring good results?

I recall a very effective method adopted by TJC which helps us improve in our results (I duno if its still greatly emphasized during bean and littlecow's time). Esp from the chemistry department, we were continuously and strongly urged to review our own exam scripts seriously, to find out why we didnt manage to score well. It may not sound great or new to most ppl, but I dun think many ppl practise it eventually when coming to uni. At least I din for the first few yrs in NUS.

Probably in NUS we couldnt get back our own exam scripts, thats why we could only rely on our experiences in quizes. After some reflections, I realise that one of the main factor that stop me scoring well was laziness. It's not that I din study well or attempt the past yr papers, but I was often too lazy to solve them on my own, but heavily relied on answers, either given by lecturer or done by friends.

Due to this habit, I lost confidence in myself during examinations. I became so used to having the answers alongside with the qns, that I found great resistance to start off from scratch with my own answers during exams. In other words, I have lost the 'swiftness, speed and fluency' when attempting the questions during exams. Finally, I realised what Sukandar did in the past was very useful (he has one stack of dean list certs). He would always reserve some past yr exam papers and used them as his mock exams. He would also time himself, and tell us before hand not to disturb him during that 2 hrs. This method may be conventional, but it really gave me the added confidence during exam conditions, even if the exam questions do not appear similar to those you have attempted from the past yr papers.

Another factor which I found out on why i didnt do well for my exams, was becos there were many things in the modules that I didnt know I duno. Studying by myself, I was always trapped in my own loop, with very limited occasional break through. I may be able to go find out what i duno, but wat abt those concepts that i dun even know i duno? Studying with friends definitely help a lot. Over the yrs, I found out that a lot of my marks have been robbed or wasted due to this factor.

In reply to my earlier query on: Is hard work = good results? The answer on a strict note, is NO. Gone are the times that we could rely on diligently reading up of course materials and hardcore practising of past yr qns. Its all abt how much we can think, develop ideas and interpret from the limited course materials.