Stress

I think my condition has worsen. I found myself having no appetite during lunch, and worse, I actually woke up in the middle of the night thinking of how to reply a work mail. It sounds so silly, and i find it silly too. But still... it happened to me! Although i was in a half-dream-half-awake state, I could recall vividly how i have planned to draft my mail.

The nearest I could get to this was during my uni days. I remember there were nights that i dreamt of the theories taught in the lectures. In my dream, I was still struggling hard to understand and digest the theories. I even dreamt of solutions to debug the programs i wrote etc. And almost 1 yr after i graduated from NUS, i sometimes still have nightmares of worrying 'not enough time to study for exams'! And of cos when i woke up, I felt relief and glad that i have already graduated .... P h e w .... The repercussions were indeed great and lasting.

I also remembered that during the first 2 yrs of my uni, I was still having nightmares of myself undergoing the tough 'army trainings', and being shouted around and tortured by the instructors in the fields. I think those unpleasant memories really left a great imprints on me, despite the fact that i have many more wonderful memories from the army.

In conclusion, I am just a very stressful person, and that explain why i often look very tensed up and unpleasant. Sometimes, I feel so ashamed to tell others i am a buddhist.