No mood to write

Dun feel like writing lately. Wrote a few entries halfway but didnt load them up eventually. Wait till my mood of writing comes back :D

Quit quit quit - not yet

To ae2004: Its a rather surprising fact that I have not been comparing much betw my prev job & present one. There were indeed comparisons when i first hopped over, but v soon i almost forgot abt my old job. Its only last nite after a long chat with my ex-colleague that brought me back memories of my ex-manager.

Anyway, if i were to compare between these 2 jobs, i wud said my prev job sux super big time, although life is much tougher now than before. I rather die a busy man than living + rotting in a stagnant place.

We had a "Voice of Workers" session today with my big big boss within my team. My direct manager was not allowed to join so that we are able to speak our mind. I spare no time to shoot out all my problems and difficulties in the job, risking the fact that i may end myself in big trouble for offending my manager. According to my big big boss, she could see that i am struggling at work, and thus, i was not performing at all.

I will be telling my boss: I always see myself as a brave warrior, and is prepared to go for war and put up a fierce fight. However, i am now only given empty weapons and guns. I need the ammunitions to fight the war.

ae2004: Quit if you think you shld, dun think too much. I quitted my prev job without giving much thoughts, and i am glad i left that company.

----________----

My friend was feeling very lousy cos her boss gave her a pretty negative review on her job performance. I can kinda emphatise with her as I always feel that besides monetary awards, one of the greatest rewards an employee wud wanna get is the recognition/appreciations from his/her boss.

Back in my prev job, I have no worry on this issue as my manager and his direct boss, my GM, often showed their appreciation for my work and effort put in. But to me, those were really child's play. Working in the MNC, the bosses do not really care much abt you. They give u almost complete freedom, but will squeeze u mercilessly for results when they need them.

So in a way, i feel the great difference in the way my ex-boss and present boss treat me. My ex-boss talked to me whole day long, exchanged smses, msn and we even jogged together. I know his wife as well and played with his baby countless of times. My present boss is someone that I do not like to get near. He doesn talk to me much, and i dun think he knows what i am doing everyday, and i dun think he is impressed with my work. I was given his msn account but i refused to add him in my list. The culture is v different.

Now, my dad and brother are at overseas, and both their cars will be left at the carpark untouched for quite sometime. What a waste... sometimes when u dun need to use the car, they are available. Sometimes when u need a car, u got none!

Once again, i lost my faith in mankind. There are too many ppl out there pretending to be nice, caring and helpful. But they are actually most nice, caring and helpful to themselves.

下一站在哪里？

Thanks to songgechan and ae2004 (he copycatted??) for this interesting statement - 下一站在哪里？ The photo of this bridge kinda coincide with this statement - it was taken at Sungei Buloh Nature Trail (once again, i repeat its NOT sungei buloh Wetland Reserves!).

Do you have any idea where this bridge will lead u to? Does this path look scary to you? Indeed, its a path of uncertainty, but tats the only path you can take. Brace yourself and walk bravely foward.

This bridge actually brings you to a swampy area. Not many ppl wud like to go there, to get your shoes dirty and to feed the mosquitoes. Nobody likes to take on a bumpy path. Nobody likes obstacles and problems - 麻烦. But do we have a choice?

My fear of uncertainty and problems actually gives me even more problems, worries and stress. I detest having to spend efforts to overcome troubles and obstacles. And the more i think abt it, the more i feel myself drained.

The best advice is to tell myself to take watever tat comes to me graciously - "Come heaven or hell" (eh doesn it sound v familar to someone? haha). I shldnt be afraid of problems and obstacles. I shldnt be run down by them. I shldnt...

Low Luck

I went to the following places today:

1) Hindhede Quarry
2) Bukit Batok Quarry
3) Bk Batok WWII Memorial Site
4) Sungei Buloh Trail (not the wetland reserve)
5) Sembawang Nature Park

Took a lot of pictures, but i am not in the mood of putting them up. The trip today was costly, not only did i spend on my fuel money, i was also issued a parking summon at Bk Batok. The first parking offence i ever kena in my 5.5 yrs of driving experience.. damm suay.

My fave site today was the WWII Memorial site. Upon climbing up the long flight of steps built by the POWs (as ordered by the Japs), I gave my deepest respect to all the mighty soldiers who have lost their lives for their respective countries. It must be a tough project for them to build the shrine, but wat was left today was only a long flight of steps.

Sembawang Park is also nice. A very spacious and peaceful park. Sungei Buloh trail was not bad either, at least better than Sungei Buloh Nature Reserve itself. The 2 quarries are quite typical though.

I didnt enjoy the trip today. The summon was dampening, in addition to some ridiculous drivers who honked at me for no valid reasons, not forgetting their fiery stares too, damm them! Also, i forgot to exit via the woodlands exit and ended up jamming myself in the traffic congestion towards JB customs. My luck is really running low....

My hairstyle is back to normal again (gosh, it takes me only slightly more than a month to recover from a botak head to an armani head, fast isnt it?).

What can i do?

I encountered more problems at work today. During one of the conference calls i had today with people from various countries, i lost my patience and started to scold a few ppl whom i think were trying to push away the jobs. To my surprise, none of them argued or talked back to me, which is quite contrary to their characters. But i think i m just courting my own death and creating problems for myself in the future after offending these ppl...

The emails were not spared either. After the conf call, a super non-cooperative lady from the team started to create trouble by making unreasonable requests, distorting the finalised plan i have drawn up for everyone. I turned mad, and in my fit of anger, i replied an email back to her to ask her to get her manager to write to me. The fact is tat this lady is already at managerial level herself, and getting her manager to write to me is like a mouse ordering a lion to meet him. But what can i do?

I got a fren out to accompany me for dinner in town. I initiated to watch the movie - The Myth. Its a nice movie, i like it, and i thot watching the movie can make me feel better. But i felt extremely lousy inside the cinema thinknig of all my problems, and i felt even more lousy after the movie... grrrrrrr.. But it goes back to the same thing - What can i do?

I m thankful to some of the kind advices given by my frens. But pls pardon me for being unappreciative or ingrateful, some of the 'theorectical advice' doesn help, it makes me feel worse only. Who doesn know all these golden rules and advices? But its not easy to digest and swallow, esp when u r feeling extremely lousy and down. Instead, they become a great sore and makes u feel more painful and depress.

But really thanks to sumantri for his brilliant anaylsis of my problems.. which i think really help to make me feel better. What he said really makes sense to me. Thanks thanks. . ..

When is this roller coaster ride going for an upride again?

Lowest Point of my Life

I know its exaggerating to say its now the lowest point of my entire life - but it is indeed very low and i am feeling lousy.

I took my IPPT test just now, passed all my static stations comfortably but failed my 2.4km run by 6 seconds. I struggled together with my friend for all 6 rounds but he managed to make a dash during the last few metre. He passed by a few seconds, and left me to fail by a few seconds : ( I suddenly recalled the countless no. of times that we had taken our own initiatives to go for trainings together over the past few mths, be it at NUS or East Coast Park. I was always the stronger runner, but not for today. Arghh.. i feel so alone now .. i m left to train alone . . sob sob sob.

My work is shit. Yes, notice the term i used for my job has been degrading again and again. I duno when is this torture going to end. I told my friend tat this shitty feeling will only end on the day when either:

1) Most of the shits are finally resolved, and i can have a good time relaxing
2) I got immuned to all the shits, i will no longer be so affected by them
3) I quit

Option 3 is kinda out, not so much of becos i need the job and money badly but rather, I dun wanna add a 'failing' mark in my career history. Giving up makes me a loser. SO far, i havent been much a loser in my life, except for my physical fitness...

I feel i am having a v tough job. But that does not mean my company is a bad place to work in, cos most of my colleagues are having good time enjoying life, although complaints can be heard every now and then. And yes, they took pity of me cos of the job scope i am taking. An observant colleague also noticed tat i have been yawning a lot lately, which is contrary to his impression of me as someone who is often very awake, alert and virbant.

Arghh.. it sux. The feeling sux....

Whats new?

What's new? Nothing! Here i go again to complain abt my work, work, work ...... and nothing else.....

A senior advised me last nite over msn that i shld focus on 2 portions of my work. First portion is to learn my stuffs well, make sure i know all the things i needed to know, the process flows, the practices, technical knowledge etc. After i am good enough, I shld start to work on the 2nd portion which is communication skills, cos this job really requires lot of communication with different people from all over the world.

Right now, a lot of my work cant be done smoothly largely due to my lack in experience. I also realise that i am often NOT bold, confident and firm enough to discuss terms with ppl. As a result, i gave myself a lot of problems at work. Nobody has ever given me the above advise which i think is very true. I am grateful.

Lets talk a bit abt music. The background music (if u can hear) is one of the classics i like from jacky cheung. However, my favourite songs are not melancholic ballads, but rather, fast techno songs. Next on the list are the melancholic ones. Light-hearted and chirpy songs are never on my fave list.

Orite, prep to sleep and enter another battle tmr!

bla bla bla........

I dragged myself to work today, because i knew a big issue was waiting for me to solve. And no, my problem is not solved yet, but at least there s some progress. I jus checked my work mail and found out tat this Ang Moh is still unable to understand wat i want. I wudnt wanna call him as i believe we might have even greater difficulties understanding each other.

My colleague and I were engaging in the same conference call today. He commented that I could speak both mandarin and english pretty well. Seriously, I dun think so. I used to speak more fluent english back in my sec sch days, but i got 'corrupted' somehow in TJC. . army made it worse, and NUS didnt make it better. My chinese speaking sux as usual...

Even in emails, I thought i have written very clear and simple english for ppl to understand. Sad to say, i often get misunderstood replies. Its either ppl are too busy to read my email carefully enough to digest them, or they cant be bothered, act blur or worst case - there s problem in my written english.

Whilst my work issue was not solved yet, i was thrown with another big news - my dad has been warded to the hosp, due to an emergency need to remove some stones in his kidneys. The hosp $$$$ is scary.. and most insurance policy doesn cover hosp bills. So when u buy insurance, pls understand that the difference betw life plan, critical illness, disabilities AND HOSPTILAZATION coverage (which most ppl neglected).

Blah...

Sorry if i have sounded rude on my previous entry tat i found attending the sharing session a torture. Its actually something very individual and obviously does not represent how the rest of the alumni felt. Some of them did enjoy the session though. Most imptly, i wish to thanks the organisers for their effort in bridging up the alumni with the newbies. Tats definitely something essential.

Its really just me... tat probably becos my present job has kinda caused a drastic change in my lifestyle. I am not in my best of moods lately, and i feel less energetic. With such a foul mood, I probably am unable to induce a positive influence or impact on others. So ppl who need my help better stay away from me.

Another negative aspect of life tat came to my mind is on bgr relationship. There has been a lot of weddings going on this month. So wat if its a 'fairy tale' marriage? So wat if both parties are pious and serious in their spiritual cultivation? They still get themselves divorced eventually. Well, i am not trying to tease or jeer at the plight of my friends, but i m jus uncomfortable when ppl tend to paint too nice a picture on buddhist couples or buddhist marriage.

The church pastor at the wedding ceremony mentioned that marriage is a complete union of 2 individuals. After the marriage, both parties no longer behave individually, but act as a union. They shld live together and do everything together, with a single heart. Pardon me.. i m not against any religion but i have to disagree with him TOTALLY. In my view, thats rubbish. Such marriage will NOT last.

Love betw 2 persons shld just be the overlapping portion of 2 individual lives. It is the common area cum platform where both parties share similar views, interests and engaging in common activities. Other than that, they shld have their own life, portions that do not overlap but require mutual respect from both parties.

A pair of friends has divorced. Another pair has broken off. The 3rd pair is on the rocks. I wish all of them well and happy.

Alone

I have 3 events in a row today.

1) NUSBS MC Retreat

Pls pardon, hopefully no offence to anyone, but i found my time spent in the sharing session a torture. Actually i duno why or since when it happened that i began to detest sharing sessions. And I dun think what i 'shared' today were beneficial to my juniors. The more we tok, the more it gave me the 纸上谈宾 kind of feeling. Actions speak louder than words.

I may be wrong, but i personally feel tat the best guidiance shld be coming directly from their immediate predecessors. I am really toooo far apart from them liao. Just like a heartless guy who no longer have any feelings for his gf, my feeling for BS has kinda died. I feel that my future contributions to the society will no longer be driven by passion, but rather, by obligation.


2) Colleague's Wedding Dinner

I attended a church wedding of my colleague. My biggest boss, that powerful lady, commented on my ear ring. She expressed her dislike for guys having ear piercing. Gosh.. i must have given her a pretty bad impression. I guess i shld stop wearing accessories to work then - no choice, i work under her.

My colleagues are a rather playful bunch of ppl. But i m sick of seeing them everyday at work, so i wud like to give myself a break from them during my weekends. I left the wedding dinner super early.


3) NUSBS FOC2000 Gang Gathering

We have our annual mid autumn festival gathering at NUS Engine bridge tonite. We recalled the many fui nites we have spent on the bridge for BS activities. We even danced the 第一支舞， haha. The only diff is that we no longer wait for buses at the bus stop to go back to our halls. Instead, we went to our cars and drove home. We have all grown up, our lifestyles have changed.

Once again, they were pressurising me to get a gf. I am one of the only 2 guys left in the grp without a gf. Pls.. i dun think i have much of a problem chasing skirts or picking up gals... but pls..... leave me alone - i want to be alone.

Lanterns

Hopefully this pic doesn look spooky to you. They are colourful lanterns i hanged up on a tree branch at Labrador Park tonite.

Today must be the most terrible day I had so far at work. I have nv encountered such intense pressure in sch. Cherish your school life while you can, considering you can have almost full control of your own schedule and can manage your own time. Working life depends a lot on others.

Back to Labrador Park, its indeed a v nice place. However, Singapore is too small to accomodate all. Even a super ulu park like L.P was filled with ppl, carrying lanterns, BBQ and having picnics etc. The carpark was also full, with one stupid car blocking me, preventing me from driving out from my lot. I have to sound my horn for a very long time, before the owner came to move his car away @^%@%#*&

My schedule for tmr is super packed. I wonder how i can rush from place 1 to place 2 to place 3 within a few hours' time. From extreme east to extreme west manz... tired. . lei.

Blood Blood Blood

Whenever I feel frustrated and stress, what approach shld i use?

1) Drive to some quiet places like the reservoir parks or places of nature
- Effectiveness : High
- Feasibility : Low (Can only do so during weekends and daytime)
- Conclusion : So i cant apply this method always due to the above constraints

2) Pick up the mic and sing to my heart's content
- Effectiveness : Low
- Feasibility : Moderate (Sometimes bro watching tv + noise pollution)
- Conclusion : Sometimes works, sometimes doesn work, depends on wats troubling me...

3) Seek solace in friends (on msn or phone)
- Effectiveness : Moderate (must choose the right listening ears)
- Feasibility : Moderate ( friends are not always available)
- Conclusion : Works rather effectively, but do not wish to constantly bother my friends. My problems are my problems, why bring my troubles to my friends?

4) Attack my blog
- Effectiveness: High
- Feasibility : High (can blog anywhere, at home, office, outside using palmtop)
- Conclusion : So far, the favourite method for me to vent my frustrations, express my feelings and organise + conclude my thoughts.

Yes, i have just finshed reading and reply my work mails, find out the latest updates and issues which i will have to face tommorow. The feelings sux. But my blog is always here to release my pressure.

As my course ended early today, I decided to make good use of this 'rare chance' to make my way to SGH to donate blood. Why issit a 'rare chance'? During 1 of the ITE courses i attended last yr, i got acquainted to this Snr Staff Nursing Officer of HSA, who told me that they have difficulties coping with the crowds during after office hrs and weekends. They wud most prefered donors to turn up during office hrs. It seems that HSA has made quite a few improvements - Look at the fanciful bandage round my arm!

Midway during my blood donation, a pretty cute gal, probably abt 20 yr old, came in to join us in the donation. She told the nurse that it was her first time donating blood. When she saw the blood flowing out from her arm through the tube, she got very excited and asked the nurse : '" oh... thats my blood? so fast!" I could sense her satisfaction from the grin on her face - sadhu for her!

A chinese guy came in next. He told the nurses that he is from China, and is only in singapore for a short business trip. He has made multiple blood donations back in China, and wud like to contribute his blood over at Singapore here. Sadhu for him too!

Once again, pardon me for being harsh. To those ppl who are medically fit to donate blood but yet refuse to do so be it you r selfish, a chicken or watever crap... you suck! If u kena accident one day and need blood tranfusion, make sure u dun take other ppl's bloods.

On course - but still on working mode

Hope this entry will not end up as another J.A.N.E again... cos i have nothing much to report or reflect abt tonite.

As usual, I checked my work mail immediatley after i reached home, even before i went for my bath. Saw a big arrow from Korea asking me to do something, which i thot shldnt be in my portfolio. As such, my 'defensive mode' was turned on naturally. Hence, I forwarded the mail to my boss, complaining to him abt the issue, and that this Korean guy shldnt have asked me to do this and that....

During bathing, i realised tat i have not replied the email professionally. I sound more like pushing the job, then to help solve the real problem, esp the sender from Korea must be as equally helpless as me. As such, i try to recollect the entire issue, and slowly analyse what might have gone wrong throughout the entire process. Hence, I recalled back the email i sent out earlier (yeah, our company mail has this function), and replaced it with a new email - providing the background of this issue, the possible failure and suggestions. Although my analysis and solutions may not be right, at least i feel i show some professionalism for my job.

It seems that most giant companies are slowly selling off and out-sourcing their departments. Even depts like R&D, finance and H R are not spared. Only 2 grps of ppl will remain - Marketting and Program/Project Managers. I am learning hard to become an experienced program/project manager now.

POS

I seem to be dealing a lot with the term "POS" lately. I am currently attending a 3-day course at Grand Corpthorne Waterfront hotel. And POS was greatly emphasized throughout my entire course today - Project Objective Statement.

Just becos i missed out the right exit at the expressway, i found myself wasting a few more dollars (on erps) plus 30 more minutes to get to my destination. Nvetheless, the day was compensated by the v good course contents + good food.

In fact jus within my 16mths of working experience, I have already attended abt 6 such typical training courses (learning thru using of flipcharts, grp discussions, strategy games, mini projects etc). While most of the courses i attended were kinda bullshxxting, i found this one rather different. Not just becos its held in a very grand hotel function room with good food, excellent services and nice ambience, but the course contents are really very useful and applicable, in addition to the wonderful methodologies, tips and experiences shared by the trainer + fellow course mates. HP is indeed very generous in providing its staff with really value-for-money courses.

If u bother, take a nice 'stroll' down the right column of my blog. I have uploaded some of the nice pictures which i have taken over the past few mths of my nature explorations. And yeah, they were all taken using my nokia6230, very good for a cam phone isnt it? Trust me, such quality are not obtainable from a motorola or samsung (of exactly the same specs) - cos i owned all 3 brands before!

Okie, hope this entry doesn end up as J.A.N.E - Just another nonsensical entry

What type of person I am

Sometimes I really wonder what role or character am i playing to my friends. While I strongly believe I do possess multiple selfs, I dun exactly call it split personality. I will not be surprised tat if 2 of my friends were to describe me, the descriptions wud be so different that a 3rd party wud thot as if they were describing 2 different persons.

Perhaps to some friends, I am a kind-hearted, helpful and reliable friend who is good in giving advices and suggestions. To another grp, I may be some critical fellow, who loves to give negative comments, criticisms and unpleasant remarks. While to the 3rd grp, I may be a cynical or eccentric fellow, someone deep and v hard to understand out there. In other words, the Om you know may not be the Om his other friends know.

I remembered when i was in the army, we often need to do peer appraisals, and one section wud be on 'popularity' (which is based how much we honour integrity, helpfulness , team work + cooperativeness etc). When i was in the BMT, i was somehow ranked somewhere in the middle among my platoon of 40+ ppl. When i moved on to SISPEC, i was actually quite honoured to be ranked 2nd! (i nv thot ppl like me so much then, heh heh!). But when i moved on further to the Specialist Training course, i was ranked last 3rd among my platoon of 18 ppl.

When I was in JC, the gals in my glass hated me to the core and wrote me hate mail - cos they said i always disturb them. But after leaving jc for so many yrs, i became one of the very few guys who remain close with them. They told me abt a month ago tat when they read the 'testimonials' left on my friendster, they thought they have gotten the 'wrong' Gordon!!! wahahah... but once again, i repeat tat comments left on friendsters are ALL overly rated.

So which is my real self? No doubt i see myself growing up and changing quite a lot over the years, I have nv bothered to fake myself in front of my friends - and i can truthfully say that i always present my most genuine and sincere self to my friends. But how you wish to interpret me is ...err.. your own business, yeah?

I know i have been irritating to some ppl ( and i apologise for it). But to other friends who have really appreciated me as a good friend, i thank you for giving me the chance.

Quarriessss

Places I visited today:
1) Bk Timah Nature Reserves
2) Singapore Quarry
3) Hindhede Quarry (in vain)
4) Sembawang Hot Spring
5) Pierce Reservoirs

My last attempt at Bk Timah hill was slightly more than a decade ago. Today, my colleague and I took a more challenging route, and nbz... some of the steps were as high as my knee level. Nvetheless, it was a pretty short trail, v cooling and peaceful. There was also a huge fallen tree (5 times thicker than me?), and its fallen trunk extended abt at least 20 over metres.

The sad thing was that the summit/peak of bk timah is such a bore. One can no longer have a bird's eye view of Singapore (the water catchment area and 3 reservoirs), as the trees have all grown up, blocking the views. I was amazed by how fast these trees go.. but think abt it, the last time i went to the summit was 17yrs ago, when i was still a pri sch kid. The nice scenery i once enjoyed was no longer available.. sighz.

Next, we tried to access the Hindhede Quarry, but in vain. The cliff was simply too steep from the Bk Timah side, so we decided to try our luck on Singapore Quarry instead, which we tried accessing from Rail-way Mal sidel. We bashed through a v thin forests before reaching an abandoned road, leading us to the quarry (see pic). I believe this road was once used by big trucks to transport out the granites from the quarry, but the road has been blocked and abandoned since. And lady luck was really on our side tat we soon found the 'entrance' to the quarry!!! We were v excited, even though the quarry was fenced up. The place was really so peaceful, quiet but also deserted tat i wonder when it was last visited.

The 3rd destination was to visit the hot spring at Sembawang. I heard tat the hot spring was located within the military ground, and the govt has to specially re-fence the military ground so that the public can access to it (after much requests from the citizens). Sad to say... no hot spring was found. Instead, we only find a cemented ground with a few taps tat were gushing out with extremely hot water (from the spring of cos!). No natural sights.. shld have done more homework before i visit it today.

Last stop was Pierce reservoirs - which i have been before.

A nice but very tiring walk for today. Hindhede Quarry is our next target destination, but i heard the ONLY accessible entrance is restricted to only pass-holders of certain rock country clubs.. damm..

Pepys Hill Tour

(Click this picture for the enlarged version)


This aftn, I decided to take a break from work and made a visit to the Canopy Walk. The Canopy walk is not be mistakened as the Tree Top Walk. I feel that the latter pales much in comparison, although its more popular among Singaporeans.

Canopy walk- Measuring 280-metres long, the bridge links Kent Ridge Park to the museum Reflections of Bukit Chandu (pic of the house above). Walk along the bridge will be able to see sunbirds, doves, squirrels, lizards, and white-crested laughing thrushes. It is said that this is exactly the place where the last battle of Singapore was fault, before the Britons surrendered to the Japs.

Trust me, this is another nice place. Whats the big deal with Tree Top walk?

...

Last sunday, i failed by 2.4km run by 10 seconds. Today, I failed by 1 min plus ..... really duno wat to say. On the other hand, i am v pleased with my static stations performance.

First thing i did when i reach home jus now as to check my work mails again. I feel I have become an emotional slave for my job. My work has been affecting my mood lately, but not the extent of affecting my sleep or appetitie yet, phew... I hope to take it positively, as a form of training and toughening myself. One good thing is i will be attending a professional course next week in town, a good break from work. But coming back i must be prepared to face a huge heap of arrows and issues.

Talking abt karma. Firstly, the email and blog acct of this rather infamous blogger werehacked. Next, someone set up a hate-blog for her, with a lot of her pictures photoshoped in extremely nasty ways. The fact is that she has been writing nastily on others and photoshopping their photos too. It reminds of throwing out a ball onto the court, and eventually it will bounce back to you. Who knows? She may chance upon my site, and decided to 'publicise' me on her blog and begin her attacks on me.. awww.. i veri scared.

Yeah, i am getting slimmer... dun believe, see me yourself next time, haha.

Embracing Challenges

NUSBS FOC 2001 Gamers-sub-com outing.

The ex-Pacific cafe at Citylink was purposely chosen as the place for our gathering, as thats exactly the place where we had many of our FOC 2001 gamers meeting some 5 yrs back. Haunted house, temple tour, telematches, mud crawls etc were all originated from this place, haha. The preparation of this camp started so early that we have almost 10 mths of preparation, which prop explains the close bonds between the 17 (ooopps left abt 10 now) of us. In fact, neither of the 2 MCs i was in were as close.

We recalled and reflected, that all of us have indeed grown up a lot. We were only poor students then with limited spending power. Our topics were all revolving around sch, lectures, bs and anything abt the campus. Now, we talk abt our jobs, income, credit cards, views on marriage etc. For a moment, i thot its a very nice feeling to see ourselves 'growing up'.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Chunkit asked me if i find my job stressful. My immediate answer was NO. In fact, i dun really know how i feel abt my job, but its definitely very tough and demanding, which makes me feel helpless most of the time. One of my snrs have advised me to use 'value-add' as the pillar to support myself in this job. That really makes me feel better. I feel myself getting stretched, unlike my prev job.

A Principle Engineer was telling me today that he has been waking up at 2am every night, reason being very stressed with his job. I was really taken by surprise, as i wud never expect him to feel so stressful abt his job. Being in this job for more than 10yrs, i thot he has become a very lao jiao and knows how to handle his job very swiftly and easily. But i am wrong.

I recalled what Jaisey told us last nite at the gathering was so right. ' NO point taking a job which is easy and boring'. She has always been such a confident and positive lady that carries herself superbly well. At our age, we shld really embrace challenges......

-_-

The much earlier version of this currently v popular song. Although the new version is now sang by a very powerful singer, somehow, i still prefer the older version. The feelings injected in this song was jus so right in the original version. The exasperation, the aspiration and the outburst are so real...

100+ ppl were killed in the medan air crash - may all the deceased have an early rebirth.

Read the blog of a fellow fren who got rid of some spiders (Daddy Long Legs) in her room using tissue paper. I cant help but feel very remorseful of my own actions when i was younger. I used to find daddy long legs quite often under a shelf at home. As these daddy long legs have really very long legs, i wud use a lighter to burn off their long legs, leaving their body to 'survive'. Of cos these spiders must have died without their legs. I did even more cruel acts like sometimes putting sugar solutions on the gound to as bait to attract the ants. As soon as the ants gathered around their new found food, i wud burn them using lighters, or catch them one by one and drown them in water. All these cruel and inhumane acts were done when i was at a v young age, and i thoroughly regret my actions and evil thoughts.

When i joined foc2000, i met this gal called jingrui in my grp. We were running from SRC back to YIH when she exclaimed aloud and told us to be careful not step on a trail of ants. I was quite taken aback as I nv expect someone to be so compassionate and particular abt 'killing ants'. But thanks goodness I was taught the Dharma, and i told myself to abstain killing even the slightest living things i see. Sad to say, i did kill a few mosquitoes after tat during my a study session at BRE.

I wud not like to say which actions are right or wrong, but definitely we are sure that certain doings lead to certain outcomes. For all the wrong doings i have done in the past, may i receive my fruits and punishments.

Insurance

Sayalay ever mentioned that the best insurance we can get for ourselves is to meditate and take care of our own karma. I couldnt agree more. Whatever we do now support our future life. Hence, the best policy is to be very mindful of our every action, as if affects our future.

But reality is often harsh, and standards of living in singapore is well known to be very high, esp medical and hosp bills. No matter how good we take care of our own body, we cannot guarantee that we will be free from illness or other misfortunes. Even some great vens around us are diagnosed with terminal illness : (

As such, I have decided to buy myself another set of insurance policy, in additional to an existing one. Although my company has bought me medical coverage policy + i have my own medisave and medishield policy, i feel that they r not enough, considering the freq of my hosp visits. I shld buy one policy when i am still young and healthy.

Besides on medical coverage, buying insurance is also a form of small but good investment. For eg, my dad is now enjoying a moderate sum of money he got back from his insurance investment over the past 2 decades. And the premium to buy at a younger age is significantly less than buying at an old age. I regret that i shld have bought myself one earlier, and i wud have saved up quite a bit.

Alrite sounds as if i am insurance agent myself. But i really see the benefits of spending a bit more every month on insurance.

...

Thanks to Jessy for pulling me to CMC for the meditation session this evening. Used to be able to breeze through an hr of sitting easily, but now it has become a struggle. And i dun have to spell out the reasons why.

I have to repeat the fact that nowadays i dun like Dharma grp discussion or sharing sessions. Somehow, I feel that most of the time, most ppl are unable to share any useful or beneficial stuffs. Ruiting told me this evening that she dun wish to talk but jus wanna listen - exactly how i feel. But fortunately CMC has a few ppl whom i find their sharings very sincere and touching. I found Peifen and Bro Goh's sharings most meaningful.

From the sharings, I identified one of the gravest mistakes tat i sometimes made, and often made by many others - Giving blind advices. Peifen shared that we shld only advise on things which we have personally experienced before. We shld not be telling ppl how 'nice' a place is, without having visted the place ourselves before. Bro Goh reinforced this idea by further sharing his views on the need to understand tat diff ppl are facing diff challenges at diff stages of their life.

V often, ppl love to give advices to others, assuming tat they have a complete understanding of their situations and problems. What might be applicable to you might not necc be applicable to others. So stop telling others what they shld do and shld not do, if you have no fxxking relevant experiences yourself, or u havent tried putting yrself in their shoes yet. And this reminder goes to myself too.

The NUSBSA AGM held today was very efficient and fast. The working style, attitude, feelings and atmosphere generated by these BS snrs were very similar to what i have experienced in BS when i was a jnr member. Hopefully some of these esscence and good practices passed down from batches to batches will be conserved and be continued by the juniors. But somehow once things are lost, they will be lost for good.

I m back into playing my same old role in the alumni. Frankly speaking, i see NOT much purpose in ourselves playing the roles of 'Alumni' in the society. Rather, i see it as an organisation that helps to organise Dharma activities for the public, which i find meaningful. Afterall, I applause to all these snrs whose faith and passion to learn + propagate the Dharma can remain so strong after so many years. Imagine some of the ppl already started raising the white flag after jus 1 yr of committee work.

Somehow the culture of the Buddhist society is v different from the other religious grp. When i was setting up the bs booth for matric fair few yrs ago, i saw that this christian grp has some middle aged helpers, who provided them with the transport and labour (and i bet financial support was included!). I was filled with envy then. And nowadays when i go back to NUS, I wud sometimes meet some of my course mates - and most of them are back to campus for their cell grp activities. The presence of snrs in these christian grp activities is like so common, but i bet any snrs who go back to NUSBS activities will feel alienated. Correct me if i am wrong, haha.

Car-free Day

Sincerely thanks jane for the timely reminder posted on the comment box. I have been taking my job too hard lately that I forgot to enjoy it. For the past month, whenever i reach home esp at nite, the first thing which i wud do is to check my work mail. I dun really call it stress. I duno how to call it. I havent got the time and chance to sort out my own feelings towards it. But i know for sure i have forgotten to enjoy my work/life lately.

I have decided to declare tommorow a 'car-free' day. In other words, I will not be driving tommorow. Firstly becos of the high parking charges in town area (tmr nusbsa agm at raffles place). Secondly due to some internal warnings tat i shldnt drive tmr.

Whenever i was driving and my dad as the passenger, he wud complain abt my slow driving. But on rainy days, it wud be a total contrary, and he wud constantly nag at me to slow down. Reason being : Braking is not effective on wet roads and the car will spin in circles if the gripe is not strong. I always take his words v lightly, as all the prev cars owned by my dad were big cars, with powerful braking systems. But this van obviously doesn belong to that category.

This evening was raining and i was driving towards Chinatown at a moderate speed. The car ahead of me took an abrupt halt at the traffic junction, and i immediately applied my brakes too. My van did slow down significantly but becos the rear wheels were still in spin, in addition to the great reduction of friction due to the wet road surfaces, my vehicle rear began to swerve slightly towards the right behind taking another strong and forceful throw towards the left. I lost control of my vehicle with the front wheels acting jus like the pivot of the spin. Fortunately, i was mindful in time to swerve the steering wheel to keep the vehicle in lane, otherwise, i wud have been hit by the vehicles coming from my rear right.

Besides this freaking incident, I nearly create an accident at a major road junction by the National Library. I was trying to make a right turn at the cross junction when i thot a veh on the opp lane was trying to make a left turn. As such, i proceed to drive across the junction, only to discover tat the veh wanted to go straight! Once again, i was fortunate to brake in time... it was really MY mistake.

My legs became soft after these 2 narrow shaves. I decided to keep my day free of car tmr. And i realise i havent been riding on the MRT since 2005?