I sux in friendships

I am feeling pretty light this evening, quite contrary to last evening. Tats becos the 'Tripitaka' of my workplace didnt chant much today and thus the Sun WuKong need not suffer from severe headaches.

Presently, majority of the Singaporeans are focussing on the NKF issue. I didnt know if i did the right thing, but i did encourage my colleagues to cancel their monthly contribution to NKF, and change it to other charity organisation. The NKF issue remined me of the law of karma. Whatever ball you threw out will eventually come and hit you back.

Read a fren's blog which is pretty melanocholic. Somehow, I could emphatise my friend in certain aspects, esp on the 'loss' of friendship. I used to be a proud guy. I thought i have found myself a very close friend whom we can understand each other left right upside down in almost all aspects. I even secretly laughed at others who have yet found themselves a 'good and close' friend whom they can call their own. Sometime later, i get aquainted with another friend and I thought i was so fortunate to have found a 2nd friend that i can regard as my 'soul mate'.

While i was feeling on top of the world, i lost both of them overnight, for whatever reasons, i dun really know till today. The feeling was sucky and terrible. You felt you were being robbed, being ripped and plundered. You were basically left with nothing by your soul.

I know it may sound silly, but somehow, the prev encounters have made me feel more skeptical in life, less trusting to ppl, and given me an 'in-built' fear of getting too close to ppl. It also reminded me of impermanance. The pains may be gone, but the scars will remain.

But life moves on. Its kinda tired to start all over again. Working in the new env has given me plenty of chances to befriend new ppl (yeah i do enjoy), but i really dun wish to get too close to anyone, be it guys or gals. I wish to be alone, independent and carefree.