It was only in my last entry tat I mentioned about my ability to predict things (bad happenings). I could feel some form of negative energy in me when i wrote that entry. And just last night, something terrible happened at home.
In buddhist teachings, we are supposed to send metta and show compassion for them. I did. But lately, they/it have/has been getting on my nerves, that I started to sense hatred arising in me, targetting against them. You cant blame me when they/it kept disturbing my family members, espcially my mum. And last evening, I heard the ever most frightening, terrible and scary wails. They were from my mum............ I am going to keep her company for the next few nights.
And to Mr Kici, you have to thank Jane jiejie for volunteering to help u collect what you need. She even offered to take a cab down from her home in the west to Beach Rd for your sake, cos it was already 4 plus when I approached her for help. But of cos I didnt let her do so, its just too much hassle.
Expecting this coming CNY to be a very boring one.
Monday, January 31, 2005
Sunday, January 30, 2005
Contributing back to the Society
Some said we behave jus like a piece of log flowing along the river. Very often, we simply take things for granted and follow the flow without putting in much efforts to determine where we wanna go. Not until when we reach the waterfall, do we experience the sudden plunge in life which is then too late for us to do anything.
We refuse to step forward to contribute, but happily and comfortably stay at the participation level. Liabilities, responsibilities, duties.... Think back and ask ourselves, what have i contributed to the society?! I find myself getting more appreciative of the chinese saying "Qu Zhu She Hui, Yong Zhu She Hui".
Some juniors are getting moody. It occurs quite often for me too. May all of you be well and happy.
We refuse to step forward to contribute, but happily and comfortably stay at the participation level. Liabilities, responsibilities, duties.... Think back and ask ourselves, what have i contributed to the society?! I find myself getting more appreciative of the chinese saying "Qu Zhu She Hui, Yong Zhu She Hui".
Some juniors are getting moody. It occurs quite often for me too. May all of you be well and happy.
Saturday, January 29, 2005
The Old NUSBS
You can call me boliao for my previous entry, but I dun write things without a reason. Just like some are dreams I had before, this one was really vivid in mind, even long after I have woken up from my sleep. Ven Yuan Fan said that there are 2 possibilities of having dreams. One is think too much, while the other is a prediction of something thats gonna happen. Anyway, my 'ESP' of predicting bad things to happen has never grown any weaker each day.
My entire morning was filled with negative emotions, because of my family matters. I dun like to take nap, but to escape from the intense sufferings I was feeling, I decided to hit the sack and force myself to sleep, from 12 noon all the way to 4pm.
Had a meeting with the BS alumni at The Buddhist Library. As usual, there were lots of laughters and fun sharing of past memories (by them). The fact is that I was never in their era (except for shiongwei), with most of them about 4-5 batches before me. However, from the way they relate their past experiences and memories, I could feel that the NUSBS culture and atmosphere during their era were still very much similar to that I experienced in yr 2000 when I first joined NUSBS. Rapid changes in the nusbs culture seems to have taken place from yr2001 onwards.
In fact, when Hwee San shared her NUSBS memories (1990/1) during DC last semester, I could feel a sense of closeness to her era. I am not resisting the law of impermanance, but its kinda strange to imagine that the 'air' in NUSBS in yr 2000 was still pretty much closer to that in the early 1990s, than it is to the present one.
Probably its due reasons like titles used for certain posts like 'DAC' and 'ADAC' were no longer heard after they have been officially changed in yr 2001. And the phyiscal environment of NUS has started to change a great deal in yr 2001, with heavy upgrading works taking place throughout the campus. The old YIH function room and old LTs which I was still able to see in yr 2000 were no longer having the same looks. Inevitably, the feelings experienced will be different.
My entire morning was filled with negative emotions, because of my family matters. I dun like to take nap, but to escape from the intense sufferings I was feeling, I decided to hit the sack and force myself to sleep, from 12 noon all the way to 4pm.
Had a meeting with the BS alumni at The Buddhist Library. As usual, there were lots of laughters and fun sharing of past memories (by them). The fact is that I was never in their era (except for shiongwei), with most of them about 4-5 batches before me. However, from the way they relate their past experiences and memories, I could feel that the NUSBS culture and atmosphere during their era were still very much similar to that I experienced in yr 2000 when I first joined NUSBS. Rapid changes in the nusbs culture seems to have taken place from yr2001 onwards.
In fact, when Hwee San shared her NUSBS memories (1990/1) during DC last semester, I could feel a sense of closeness to her era. I am not resisting the law of impermanance, but its kinda strange to imagine that the 'air' in NUSBS in yr 2000 was still pretty much closer to that in the early 1990s, than it is to the present one.
Probably its due reasons like titles used for certain posts like 'DAC' and 'ADAC' were no longer heard after they have been officially changed in yr 2001. And the phyiscal environment of NUS has started to change a great deal in yr 2001, with heavy upgrading works taking place throughout the campus. The old YIH function room and old LTs which I was still able to see in yr 2000 were no longer having the same looks. Inevitably, the feelings experienced will be different.
Friday, January 28, 2005
Opsie
Driving my blue mini van, I turned into Kent Ridge Rd from South Buona Vista Rd, to be welcomed by the familiar environment which has accompanied me for the past 4 yrs. On my left is PGP while my right comprises nothing but bushes and trees. Further down on my right will be a very steep slope which will bring us to where NUH is located.
A very long trailer has just turned out from PGP in the opposite direction. Due to its enormous length, the trailer had a terrible time making the turn. I have to stop my van to make way for it. Unfortunately, an impatient taxi came behind the trailer, wanting to overtake it. Feeling nice, I reversed my vehicle a little, so that the taxi could squeeze its way through.
But damm.... I have no rear windows for my van, and I couldnt check the blind spots. Nevertheless, I trusted my own judgement and agaration. Seconds after I reversed my veh, I suddenly feel a large backwards force which tilted my veh backwards and send us tumbling abt 30 metres down the steep slope. Its like falling backwards off the cliff.
The next thing I could remember were the sticky substances oozing out from the back of my head. It was a mixture of pain and blurness, and yet I couldnt get to pass out completely.... NUH is just directly in front of me now, except that there isnt a cleared road linking between us. It has been so long but nobody seemed to come to my rescue... damm...
And after some very boliao hospital scene, I was ready to wake up from bed and go to work. Another day has started.
A very long trailer has just turned out from PGP in the opposite direction. Due to its enormous length, the trailer had a terrible time making the turn. I have to stop my van to make way for it. Unfortunately, an impatient taxi came behind the trailer, wanting to overtake it. Feeling nice, I reversed my vehicle a little, so that the taxi could squeeze its way through.
But damm.... I have no rear windows for my van, and I couldnt check the blind spots. Nevertheless, I trusted my own judgement and agaration. Seconds after I reversed my veh, I suddenly feel a large backwards force which tilted my veh backwards and send us tumbling abt 30 metres down the steep slope. Its like falling backwards off the cliff.
The next thing I could remember were the sticky substances oozing out from the back of my head. It was a mixture of pain and blurness, and yet I couldnt get to pass out completely.... NUH is just directly in front of me now, except that there isnt a cleared road linking between us. It has been so long but nobody seemed to come to my rescue... damm...
And after some very boliao hospital scene, I was ready to wake up from bed and go to work. Another day has started.
Thursday, January 27, 2005
Go Beyond That!
A pic taken at Hu Fa camp, with ex NTUBS VP Mr Hou Leng Ar. I like this NTUBS t-shirt very much, designed by Mr didi.
I went to SNEC today for a thorough vision test and congratulations to myself! I have achieved perfect 6/6 visions! Although I have not attended any retreats yet, the convenience of not wearing specs can be felt at the Hu Fa Camp. I no longer need to spend extra efforts in taking care of my specs, esp when I am bathing or sleeping in unfamiliar places (yeah i broke 2 specs at 2 diff retreats b4). But I still have this funny habit of searching around for my specs immediately after i recover from meditation sittings, haha.
Attended the 'video shooting' by NUSBS jnrs at PGP jus now to be shown on BS day. I must congrats my jnrs for having such an interesting and refreshing idea. Unfortunately, I wasnt prepared at all to recollect and plan what I have to say. And I guess the feelings most snrs have for BS are kinda abstract and deep which cannot be easily be represented in words. As such, I feel that things I said just now were kinda cliche` and not sincere.
Nale, together with Sera (or Sarah) was on my car just now when we chanced upon the topic of 'gong de' and 'fu de / fu bao'. This was exactly the topic which interest me alot during Hu Fa camp and i got to asked shifu quite a bit on it. Frankly speaking, I am not exactly sure myself on the definition of fu bao and gongde, but i shall type out what i have understood from shifu (Warning! Its just my personal understanding).
Shifu said that fubao is just a small subset of gongde. Generally, fubao can be considered a lower form of merits. Eg. Donation, organising dharma activities, getting near to sangha & supporting them (with the intention of getting closer to Dharma or having a better rebirth). All these may give you a better rebirth with and support ur future life. However, it does not contribute much in the gaining of one's wisdom. On the other hand, gongde is something that you unknowingly gain without expecting or requesting for it. I guess it has a lot to do with self cultivations like meditation and practising Dharma in everyday life, thus gaining of experiences and wisdom.
I asked Shifu : With the good intention of gaining merits so that I can get closer to the Dharma my next life, shld i follow the crowd and eagerly get close to (and support) the sangha?
Shifu replied: You may gain fubao from doing so but that is just a low level gain. Is that really what you hope to acheive in your cultivation? You shld go beyond that!
Tuesday, January 25, 2005
He the one who cooks curry
I am very fortunate enough to have met many teachers and venerables ever since I was introduced to Buddhism some 4.5 yrs ago. While most of them have given me much invaluable teachings, I sincerely regard only 3 of them as my 'true' teachers. I dun mean the others are not as good, but these 3 teachers have given much more significant impacts in my life learning journey.
Ven Yuan Fan can be considered my very first root teacher. He gives me the impression of a typical successful organisation CEO, full of wisdom, knowledge and management skills. His accomplishments can be witnessed by many, with his success of forming the biggest sangha group in singapore and having invited to Finland by Nokia to bring meditation to its staffs. Its from him that I seriously get to learn abt meditation, and his excellent teachings and explanations on linking meditation to the 5 Skandhas and 3 characteristics of existence. But most do not get the chance to get close to him to learn more.
Sayalya Dipanakara is the next teacher that has given me a tremendous motivational uplift in embracing the Dharma. As experienced by many others, she is superb in motivating and inspiring people to practise diligently, which always come alongside with her great compassion, gentle gestures and sharing of personal experiences that touch the life of many. Without her, I probably wouldnt appreciate the Dharma this much and cant imagine where I would be now. While I have no doubt in her words and am extremely fortunate to have many chances to get close to her, a noticeable distance seems to be present between my present situation / lifestyle / conditions and what she preaches.
Kai Zhao Shifu is my third guru. It would be unfair if I would to describe him as a combination of Ven Yuan Fan and Sayalay, as everyone shld be unique in his own ways. But indeed, there are many wonderful qualities from both Ven and Sayalay that you can find in Shifu. While Shifu is very motivating and pushes us hard in cultivating diligently, he is also able to understand the mindset and lifestyle of a typical lay person VERY WELL. This is precisely why I find little or no conflict while putting what he taught us into practice.
I hope I have not sound too judgemental or disrespectful. But this is exactly what Kai Zhao shifu made us do during the Hu Fa Camp, to share to everyone our first impression he has given us and how we think of him now. I shared to everyone that the first thing I see in Shifu was his very very big pair of spectacles. He later joked that ppl from HongKong asked him if he was going for Scuba Diving. Some also called him the Bee. There were several others who shared that shifu has this wonderful wisdom of understanding our (lay ppl) mindsets and needs.
While there are critics that some Theravadan teachers are too conventional and conservative in their teachings such that it doesn suit the needs of the modern world, there are also complaints on some Mahayanan schools that they have moderated too much of the Buddha's teachings such that the original essence is being eroded or lost. Perhaps Ven KaiZhao is really doing a good job in striking a balance and is able to propagate the Dharma effectively to ppl living in this part of the world.
I shall end my entry with something funny from Kaizhao Shifu. Shifu was explaning to us why the needs of customs and practices like offering food and water to venerables, when they can do it or even cook by themselves. He explained that as part of the Sangha, his duty is to propagate the Dharma. If he were to always cook curry in front of the students, the students wud not be reminded of the Dharma upon seeing him the next time, but instead, call him as "Na Ge Zhu Ka Li de" (that one that cooks curry).
Ven Yuan Fan can be considered my very first root teacher. He gives me the impression of a typical successful organisation CEO, full of wisdom, knowledge and management skills. His accomplishments can be witnessed by many, with his success of forming the biggest sangha group in singapore and having invited to Finland by Nokia to bring meditation to its staffs. Its from him that I seriously get to learn abt meditation, and his excellent teachings and explanations on linking meditation to the 5 Skandhas and 3 characteristics of existence. But most do not get the chance to get close to him to learn more.
Sayalya Dipanakara is the next teacher that has given me a tremendous motivational uplift in embracing the Dharma. As experienced by many others, she is superb in motivating and inspiring people to practise diligently, which always come alongside with her great compassion, gentle gestures and sharing of personal experiences that touch the life of many. Without her, I probably wouldnt appreciate the Dharma this much and cant imagine where I would be now. While I have no doubt in her words and am extremely fortunate to have many chances to get close to her, a noticeable distance seems to be present between my present situation / lifestyle / conditions and what she preaches.
Kai Zhao Shifu is my third guru. It would be unfair if I would to describe him as a combination of Ven Yuan Fan and Sayalay, as everyone shld be unique in his own ways. But indeed, there are many wonderful qualities from both Ven and Sayalay that you can find in Shifu. While Shifu is very motivating and pushes us hard in cultivating diligently, he is also able to understand the mindset and lifestyle of a typical lay person VERY WELL. This is precisely why I find little or no conflict while putting what he taught us into practice.
I hope I have not sound too judgemental or disrespectful. But this is exactly what Kai Zhao shifu made us do during the Hu Fa Camp, to share to everyone our first impression he has given us and how we think of him now. I shared to everyone that the first thing I see in Shifu was his very very big pair of spectacles. He later joked that ppl from HongKong asked him if he was going for Scuba Diving. Some also called him the Bee. There were several others who shared that shifu has this wonderful wisdom of understanding our (lay ppl) mindsets and needs.
While there are critics that some Theravadan teachers are too conventional and conservative in their teachings such that it doesn suit the needs of the modern world, there are also complaints on some Mahayanan schools that they have moderated too much of the Buddha's teachings such that the original essence is being eroded or lost. Perhaps Ven KaiZhao is really doing a good job in striking a balance and is able to propagate the Dharma effectively to ppl living in this part of the world.
I shall end my entry with something funny from Kaizhao Shifu. Shifu was explaning to us why the needs of customs and practices like offering food and water to venerables, when they can do it or even cook by themselves. He explained that as part of the Sangha, his duty is to propagate the Dharma. If he were to always cook curry in front of the students, the students wud not be reminded of the Dharma upon seeing him the next time, but instead, call him as "Na Ge Zhu Ka Li de" (that one that cooks curry).
Monday, January 24, 2005
The Frog in the Well
The Hu Fa Camp was nice. The place was nice, the people were nice, the ambience was nice, the environment was nice. Everything for the past 3 days was nice.
Very often, we thought we have already known enough of the basic buddhism stuffs. We think that we are already 'equipped well enough' to move on to some serious practisings. We may also feel that nothing beats the importance of attending meditation retreats. Other activities in life appear mundane and retundant in our lives.
However, we failed to realise that there are still aplenty of nitty gritty elements in life that we may not have come across and neglected, but are essential in supporting our cultivation. Attending the Hu Fa Camp sees myself as the tiny frog in the well. I got a clearer picture on where I stand. I realised how little I have contributed to the community before crying out loud about renounciation.
The Hu Fa Camp was definitely not a perfect camp, but it comprised many sharing sessions from ppl who are just like us, living in the same part of the world (ie Malaysia & Singapore), facing the same conditions and environment, possessing almost similar attitude and mindsets towards spirituality, and lastly, facing almost the same problems towards spiritual cultivation.
Ven Kai Zhao mentioned to us that everyone who was 'here' have almost the same paramis and karma. In other words, why are we born here, appear at the same place, learn the same thing and attend the same Dharma sessions, shows that we are mostly 'sama sama'. We should not harbour the unwholesome thoughts that we have less paramis than others to cultivate and practise. Neither should we think we are different or 'better off' than others.
I was reminded of a much respected spiritual friend from NUSBS, who surpised me that his priority in life is NOT religion, but acheiving a good career. About a year back, he challenged me on these qns: Have you ever wondered why you are born in Singapore and not other countries? Ever thought of how you can make good use of your billinguialism to contribute to the buddhist community? He has since dropped his idea of joining the sangha by the age of 30. Instead, he has planned to earn big bucks and donate them to support buddhism.
Afterall, without enough service merits for support, its hard to acheive cultivational merits (and vice versa). Another told me that you meditate everyday diligently for hours and for years, but you wun be able to achieve much wisdom - There are 10 paramis to work on.
Very often, we thought we have already known enough of the basic buddhism stuffs. We think that we are already 'equipped well enough' to move on to some serious practisings. We may also feel that nothing beats the importance of attending meditation retreats. Other activities in life appear mundane and retundant in our lives.
However, we failed to realise that there are still aplenty of nitty gritty elements in life that we may not have come across and neglected, but are essential in supporting our cultivation. Attending the Hu Fa Camp sees myself as the tiny frog in the well. I got a clearer picture on where I stand. I realised how little I have contributed to the community before crying out loud about renounciation.
The Hu Fa Camp was definitely not a perfect camp, but it comprised many sharing sessions from ppl who are just like us, living in the same part of the world (ie Malaysia & Singapore), facing the same conditions and environment, possessing almost similar attitude and mindsets towards spirituality, and lastly, facing almost the same problems towards spiritual cultivation.
Ven Kai Zhao mentioned to us that everyone who was 'here' have almost the same paramis and karma. In other words, why are we born here, appear at the same place, learn the same thing and attend the same Dharma sessions, shows that we are mostly 'sama sama'. We should not harbour the unwholesome thoughts that we have less paramis than others to cultivate and practise. Neither should we think we are different or 'better off' than others.
I was reminded of a much respected spiritual friend from NUSBS, who surpised me that his priority in life is NOT religion, but acheiving a good career. About a year back, he challenged me on these qns: Have you ever wondered why you are born in Singapore and not other countries? Ever thought of how you can make good use of your billinguialism to contribute to the buddhist community? He has since dropped his idea of joining the sangha by the age of 30. Instead, he has planned to earn big bucks and donate them to support buddhism.
Afterall, without enough service merits for support, its hard to acheive cultivational merits (and vice versa). Another told me that you meditate everyday diligently for hours and for years, but you wun be able to achieve much wisdom - There are 10 paramis to work on.
Monday, January 17, 2005
O Baby!
This evening after my jogging session, i went over to my boss' house to play with his baby. Haha, this baby is so active that I was unable to catch hold of her for more than 3 seconds. She would be struggling hard to get out from my arms, wanting to crawl all over the place.
Well, babies are really fun to play, but taking care of them is definitely an extremely difficult task. They simply require every second of your attention.
O baby baby baby.....
Sunday, January 16, 2005
Sunday School
I have just ended my phone call with Shiongwei, a NUSBS senior, who robbed me in Tisarana Buddhist Society to help him out in the teenage Sunday Class.
The sunday class i attended this morning was fun. It comprises teenage from 15-18 yr old, a fair mix of guys and gals. These youths are not very interested in the Dharma though, but got very excited when it comes to topics like kayaking, movies, scuba divings and games. Unfortunately for me, I din experience the typical teenage life like most singaporeans do. So thats a hindrance for me to emphatise with them.
The reason why Shiongwei got me involved in the sunday class is because he thot i am very good in grp energizing. He feels that I am a good choice to raise team spirits, motivate youths and interact with them well. Another senior, Vincent Kwan, thought i am very suitable for this job when I asked him abt another volunteering work which he is in charged - the prisons sch.
Sad to say, age is catching up and my focus in life has gradually been changed. In the past, I may be at ease when it comes to grp interactions and mixing with new ppl, but my passion for all these social and fun + laughters activities has kinda died down. What appeals more to me nowadays are those more serious and tone-down activities.
Furthermore, these grp of youths are not keen in learning the Dharma. They may be just a couple of yrs younger or even same age as kici and teddy, but the way I need to talk to them is totally different. Whats up in their mind are just fun, fun and more fun. They even escaped the puja session and din wanna take the vegetarian food :S
Of cos, there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with them for not being interested in the Dharma, but the problems lie in me. To take care of my own cultivation too, I do hope to be involved in more Dharma related activities, esp when it comes to somethign that require long term commitments. In the end, i din give shiongwei a nod that i will be helping him out. Its still pending...
Take care all my friends, let not the mind be ill.
The sunday class i attended this morning was fun. It comprises teenage from 15-18 yr old, a fair mix of guys and gals. These youths are not very interested in the Dharma though, but got very excited when it comes to topics like kayaking, movies, scuba divings and games. Unfortunately for me, I din experience the typical teenage life like most singaporeans do. So thats a hindrance for me to emphatise with them.
The reason why Shiongwei got me involved in the sunday class is because he thot i am very good in grp energizing. He feels that I am a good choice to raise team spirits, motivate youths and interact with them well. Another senior, Vincent Kwan, thought i am very suitable for this job when I asked him abt another volunteering work which he is in charged - the prisons sch.
Sad to say, age is catching up and my focus in life has gradually been changed. In the past, I may be at ease when it comes to grp interactions and mixing with new ppl, but my passion for all these social and fun + laughters activities has kinda died down. What appeals more to me nowadays are those more serious and tone-down activities.
Furthermore, these grp of youths are not keen in learning the Dharma. They may be just a couple of yrs younger or even same age as kici and teddy, but the way I need to talk to them is totally different. Whats up in their mind are just fun, fun and more fun. They even escaped the puja session and din wanna take the vegetarian food :S
Of cos, there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with them for not being interested in the Dharma, but the problems lie in me. To take care of my own cultivation too, I do hope to be involved in more Dharma related activities, esp when it comes to somethign that require long term commitments. In the end, i din give shiongwei a nod that i will be helping him out. Its still pending...
Take care all my friends, let not the mind be ill.
Saturday, January 15, 2005
My Feet hurts
Last evening, I had a very long chat over the phone with a BS fren from my batch. We have planned to go for blood donation today at PKS. Upon arrival at PKS, we found out that there were quite a lot of donors but unfortunately with only one doctor doing the screening. To make the matter worse, this doctor was superbly detailed and careful in his screening that each person took abt 10 minutes at his table (compared to the 2 min we had at other blood donation centres).
Very sad to say, I was rejected for blood donation again :( It seems that the number of times I have been rejected is on par with the number of times I have successfully donated. My friend was accepted but also unfortunately, his face turned pale halfway and the nursing officers promptly stoppped the donation process. Arghh... both of us have wasted our trip there......
And Chingwi came over and called out to me excitedly. I almost couldnt recognise her. The first time I saw her she looked very demure, siwen and docile. Shortly later, she bleached her hair and suddenly became very funky. And all of a sudden, she got back to her old self... haha. And wat disappointed me most was the question she asked me: So how? Finished BMT already ah? Now posted to which army camp?? Grrrr.. she actually forgot that I was from NUSBS!
This evening i joined my NUSBS juniors at ECP before proceeding to BL for the exhibition. I havent been skating for so long (i was madly skating in 1994/5) that I fell down twice today. And my wrist and feet hurt now.
A nusbs senior has approached me to help him out long term at Tissarana Buddhist Society in the sunday sch, dealing with teenagers from 15-18 yr old. I am supposed to help conduct classes and organise activities to benefit and build up the team bondings. But what appeal more to me is the volunteer work every sunday morning at the Prisons Sch, by Buddha Lighthouse. And a colleague has been pestering and begging (really begging)me to help counsel and tutor her 10yr old son. He is suffering from inferior complex in sch and she thought I am the best choice to guide him in life.
Seems that its time for me to get involved in some routine activities and hold some responsibilities again. Ever since I stepped down from NUSBS, I have been loboing and ghosting around for my yr4 and 8 mths in working life. Indeed, that has made life kinda meaningless and non fruitful.
Argh.. my mum told me she was very upset and couldnt sleep for nites, just because i shaved my head.... another hindrance in life.
Very sad to say, I was rejected for blood donation again :( It seems that the number of times I have been rejected is on par with the number of times I have successfully donated. My friend was accepted but also unfortunately, his face turned pale halfway and the nursing officers promptly stoppped the donation process. Arghh... both of us have wasted our trip there......
And Chingwi came over and called out to me excitedly. I almost couldnt recognise her. The first time I saw her she looked very demure, siwen and docile. Shortly later, she bleached her hair and suddenly became very funky. And all of a sudden, she got back to her old self... haha. And wat disappointed me most was the question she asked me: So how? Finished BMT already ah? Now posted to which army camp?? Grrrr.. she actually forgot that I was from NUSBS!
This evening i joined my NUSBS juniors at ECP before proceeding to BL for the exhibition. I havent been skating for so long (i was madly skating in 1994/5) that I fell down twice today. And my wrist and feet hurt now.
A nusbs senior has approached me to help him out long term at Tissarana Buddhist Society in the sunday sch, dealing with teenagers from 15-18 yr old. I am supposed to help conduct classes and organise activities to benefit and build up the team bondings. But what appeal more to me is the volunteer work every sunday morning at the Prisons Sch, by Buddha Lighthouse. And a colleague has been pestering and begging (really begging)me to help counsel and tutor her 10yr old son. He is suffering from inferior complex in sch and she thought I am the best choice to guide him in life.
Seems that its time for me to get involved in some routine activities and hold some responsibilities again. Ever since I stepped down from NUSBS, I have been loboing and ghosting around for my yr4 and 8 mths in working life. Indeed, that has made life kinda meaningless and non fruitful.
Argh.. my mum told me she was very upset and couldnt sleep for nites, just because i shaved my head.... another hindrance in life.
Friday, January 14, 2005
Teddy Jogs (10 rounds)
Just got back from NTU not long ago. Teddy was great, he jogged 10 rounds of the NTU SRC tracks. And nope, he din walk until the final 10th round. Impressive right? I take my hat off for his perserverence. Well done teddy!
Today reprimanded a staff for his poor working attitude. I feel very bad after scolding him, not that I feel guilty but it just spoils my mood scolding ppl. Nobody likes to be scolded anyway, but I have no choice.
Well, tmr is friday! Sat will be going for blood donation at PKS with my grp of frens ... supposed to have a dinner buffet in the evening but I just received a SMS that the bday gal couldnt make it. Argghhh... I have the urge to write an email to express my unhappiness, cos I really hate last minute changes/sabotage. But i hold myself back, in case my emotions get over me.
Today reprimanded a staff for his poor working attitude. I feel very bad after scolding him, not that I feel guilty but it just spoils my mood scolding ppl. Nobody likes to be scolded anyway, but I have no choice.
Well, tmr is friday! Sat will be going for blood donation at PKS with my grp of frens ... supposed to have a dinner buffet in the evening but I just received a SMS that the bday gal couldnt make it. Argghhh... I have the urge to write an email to express my unhappiness, cos I really hate last minute changes/sabotage. But i hold myself back, in case my emotions get over me.
Wednesday, January 12, 2005
Pattern more than badminton
M1 : Good morning Mr XXX, can I help u pls?
Om : Hi, I would like to enquire the upgrading of my sim card. Cos i am holding on to a very old once since 1998, it can only store 85 numbers. Can i upgrade to the 250 one?
M1 : Sure, but u need to pay a fee of $25.
Om : But i am an old customer for 7 years! Shldnt I get more benefits?
M1 : I am sorry sir, but the payment is required.
Darn... I complained to my friend Andrew and he suggested its time I 'chut pattern' liao.
M1 : Good morning Mr XXX, can I help u pls?
Om : I would like to terminate my hp line....
M1 : Oh sure, it can be done within 24hrs
Om : (Damm!!! I thought they will stop me!??!) Err.. well, I still have a sub-line which contract may not have ended.
M1 : Oh, then you cannot cancel that sub-line.. may I know why you wish to terminate your line?
And my story of not having the new sim card i want started.....
M1 : Well, no problem, out of goodwill, I shall waive the $25 fee of the simcard for you, and you can collect it anytime you are free.
Om : But I wish to sign up with another company which plan is cheaper.
M1 : Okay, let me introduce you a more cost saving plan, blah blah blah blah, and I am going to waive the transfer fee of $20 for you.
Hmm... no doubt i will take up both offers, but i thought i could ask for more..
Om : But I wish to purchase a new phone, and if I were to start a new line with another hp company, it will be much cheaper.
M1 : Okie.. which model do you want?
Om : XXXX
M1 : No problem, I will give you a $70 hp voucher, and you can use it to purchase your new phone.
Om : THANK YOU!
Hahaha... I have longed know that such tricks will do for M1, as 1 of my friends was offered a $200 hp voucher and the other a 6-mth waive of caller id charges, when they called up M1 to terminate their line. One was even done in front of me when we were studying outside LT6 for exams. However, the voucher amount will be based on how much you utilise your hp every month.
Initially I really din wish to resort to such means, but then, talk abt the ugly commercial world....
Om : Hi, I would like to enquire the upgrading of my sim card. Cos i am holding on to a very old once since 1998, it can only store 85 numbers. Can i upgrade to the 250 one?
M1 : Sure, but u need to pay a fee of $25.
Om : But i am an old customer for 7 years! Shldnt I get more benefits?
M1 : I am sorry sir, but the payment is required.
Darn... I complained to my friend Andrew and he suggested its time I 'chut pattern' liao.
M1 : Good morning Mr XXX, can I help u pls?
Om : I would like to terminate my hp line....
M1 : Oh sure, it can be done within 24hrs
Om : (Damm!!! I thought they will stop me!??!) Err.. well, I still have a sub-line which contract may not have ended.
M1 : Oh, then you cannot cancel that sub-line.. may I know why you wish to terminate your line?
And my story of not having the new sim card i want started.....
M1 : Well, no problem, out of goodwill, I shall waive the $25 fee of the simcard for you, and you can collect it anytime you are free.
Om : But I wish to sign up with another company which plan is cheaper.
M1 : Okay, let me introduce you a more cost saving plan, blah blah blah blah, and I am going to waive the transfer fee of $20 for you.
Hmm... no doubt i will take up both offers, but i thought i could ask for more..
Om : But I wish to purchase a new phone, and if I were to start a new line with another hp company, it will be much cheaper.
M1 : Okie.. which model do you want?
Om : XXXX
M1 : No problem, I will give you a $70 hp voucher, and you can use it to purchase your new phone.
Om : THANK YOU!
Hahaha... I have longed know that such tricks will do for M1, as 1 of my friends was offered a $200 hp voucher and the other a 6-mth waive of caller id charges, when they called up M1 to terminate their line. One was even done in front of me when we were studying outside LT6 for exams. However, the voucher amount will be based on how much you utilise your hp every month.
Initially I really din wish to resort to such means, but then, talk abt the ugly commercial world....
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
Just another post
At the present moment, the purpose of writing my blog has become totally plain fun. Nothing much of reflections or whatsoever, but merely reports of my daily life and whatever that comes to my head.
Seems that akaaa is getting perplexed these days, relax, and take care.
Today, I argued with a taxi driver who asked made unreasonable demands. I admit its very unprofessional of me to have responded to him in this way, but then, sometimes I just couldnt be bothered. Firstly I have no time, secondly I feel its a waste of time, and finally, my staffs did not do anything wrong. My stand is firm, although I know I totally lack empathy, patience and customer service professionalism.
Its indeed a challenge to walk around with an almost bald head. Today, I still feel the great resistance of stepping out from my office room to face everyone outside. Many people were staring at me with all kinds of looks, some bursting out in laughters, some in giggling non stop, some trying very hard to conceal their giggles, while some just stared at me in shocks.
I strongly believe that the feeling and responses will be totally different if i were in NUS, as it really looks out of place in the executive attire. A lot of learnings and valuable experiences can be derived from this attempt, while, still too early to make a summary :D
Hopefully tmr is a more pleasant and peaceful day for me. Cant spend my everyday life incurring bad karma by losing my temper and arguing with ppl.
Seems that akaaa is getting perplexed these days, relax, and take care.
Today, I argued with a taxi driver who asked made unreasonable demands. I admit its very unprofessional of me to have responded to him in this way, but then, sometimes I just couldnt be bothered. Firstly I have no time, secondly I feel its a waste of time, and finally, my staffs did not do anything wrong. My stand is firm, although I know I totally lack empathy, patience and customer service professionalism.
Its indeed a challenge to walk around with an almost bald head. Today, I still feel the great resistance of stepping out from my office room to face everyone outside. Many people were staring at me with all kinds of looks, some bursting out in laughters, some in giggling non stop, some trying very hard to conceal their giggles, while some just stared at me in shocks.
I strongly believe that the feeling and responses will be totally different if i were in NUS, as it really looks out of place in the executive attire. A lot of learnings and valuable experiences can be derived from this attempt, while, still too early to make a summary :D
Hopefully tmr is a more pleasant and peaceful day for me. Cant spend my everyday life incurring bad karma by losing my temper and arguing with ppl.
Monday, January 10, 2005
Dialect - Handicapped
Verdict:
1)All comments from colleagues (esp ladies) were negative
2)A few positive comments from BS ppl like Nale, Vincent etc.
3)Mum told me she is feeling heartache seeing her son becoming like 'that'.
Today I was having a meeting with my supply manager, his purchaser and 2 japanese suppliers. These 2 japs were supplying us some car spare parts, and conversed in japanese among themselves. As we need to discuss some confidential issues among ourselves too, we have no choice but to converse in dialects. Unfortunately, I SUX big time in dialects, and have a hard time trying to understand what my purchaser and manager were talking abt in cantonese.
Language barrier has always been one of my greatest hindrance in my life, be it in the army or work place. I can only speak mandarin and english... and thats really a great disadvantage, esp when working outside. Almost everyone can speak english and chinese well, so it will be valued added if you can speak beyond 2 languages.
This evening i went to shop for CNY clothes. Its actually not considered too early already as i am sure a few weeks later, you will see all the boutiques crowded with shoppers, with the clothes strewn all over the shop. Worse still, you will have a very hard time getting the sizes you want, esp for males who wear the popular waist size of 29-32. The queues for the fitting rooms will be very long, and the sales assistants will be too busy to serve you. Choices will be less too...
G2000 is now having a great sale. So attention to all guys who are interesting in getting formal shirts and pants, the shirt cost as cheap as $19 now while the pants cost a super low price of $23. The usual price during non festive season was $29 for a shirt and $59 for a pair of pants. Bu Mai zhen de shi dui bu qi zi ji, esp its something i need to wear everyday.
Targetting next are a pair of leather shoes and a pair of swimming goggles.
1)All comments from colleagues (esp ladies) were negative
2)A few positive comments from BS ppl like Nale, Vincent etc.
3)Mum told me she is feeling heartache seeing her son becoming like 'that'.
Today I was having a meeting with my supply manager, his purchaser and 2 japanese suppliers. These 2 japs were supplying us some car spare parts, and conversed in japanese among themselves. As we need to discuss some confidential issues among ourselves too, we have no choice but to converse in dialects. Unfortunately, I SUX big time in dialects, and have a hard time trying to understand what my purchaser and manager were talking abt in cantonese.
Language barrier has always been one of my greatest hindrance in my life, be it in the army or work place. I can only speak mandarin and english... and thats really a great disadvantage, esp when working outside. Almost everyone can speak english and chinese well, so it will be valued added if you can speak beyond 2 languages.
This evening i went to shop for CNY clothes. Its actually not considered too early already as i am sure a few weeks later, you will see all the boutiques crowded with shoppers, with the clothes strewn all over the shop. Worse still, you will have a very hard time getting the sizes you want, esp for males who wear the popular waist size of 29-32. The queues for the fitting rooms will be very long, and the sales assistants will be too busy to serve you. Choices will be less too...
G2000 is now having a great sale. So attention to all guys who are interesting in getting formal shirts and pants, the shirt cost as cheap as $19 now while the pants cost a super low price of $23. The usual price during non festive season was $29 for a shirt and $59 for a pair of pants. Bu Mai zhen de shi dui bu qi zi ji, esp its something i need to wear everyday.
Targetting next are a pair of leather shoes and a pair of swimming goggles.
Sunday, January 09, 2005
Disaster coming?
My mum has been complaining abt it since morning, and she doesn spare me with tonnes of negative, haha. That doesn bother me much though..
What I am more worried is tmr. How will my colleagues react? Will my manager be upset? Will my staffs poke fun at me and start to lose their respect for me? Will I frighten away the taxi drivers? Most importantly, will the snr managers get angry and call me up to their rooms for lectures?
Its a matter of time to get used to it. I admit I am not suitable for it, but well ... if u dun try, u 'll nv know. I love to take up such challenges, so wish me good luck tmr...
What I am more worried is tmr. How will my colleagues react? Will my manager be upset? Will my staffs poke fun at me and start to lose their respect for me? Will I frighten away the taxi drivers? Most importantly, will the snr managers get angry and call me up to their rooms for lectures?
Its a matter of time to get used to it. I admit I am not suitable for it, but well ... if u dun try, u 'll nv know. I love to take up such challenges, so wish me good luck tmr...
Saturday, January 08, 2005
Thursday, January 06, 2005
I am not Ahoyz
Hatred does not conquer hatred. If I choose not to hate, the only alternative path is to get upset....
I was chatting with my secondary school friend over the net. We have not met each other for almost 10 yrs since we graduated from O levels. However, a random search for his name on icq got us reunited again. And more interestingly, I found out that he has become a very devoted buddhist, who is a regular at Jen Chen Buddhist Society. Through him, I managed to get the contacts of a few other secondary sch frens. We are planning to meet up one day.
One week after my LASIK, today is the worse day I ever had for my vision. In fact, I could not even read my screen properly while at work, and it became only slightly better now. The eyes need 6mths to settle down, and the 1st mth will be the worst experience according to the doctor.
The msn nicks which my friend changes everyday really make me feel sourish... If i were a gal, i would have cried right away. And he bravely urged me to use his case, to reflect on myself and how I shld treat my family.
Ananda is really great...
om: wanna cut botak?
ae2004: why?
ae2004: how r u? (strange, ae2004 has nv shown such great concerns for me b4)
om: ok
ae2004: i din know the boy you were with tat day, was your BF!!!
now this really puzzled me, since when i got a ....BF!? What boy? The only boy i can think of with me tat day is Riki...
ae2004: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA
om: ??? wat BF??
ae2004: I thought you are ahoyz!
I was chatting with my secondary school friend over the net. We have not met each other for almost 10 yrs since we graduated from O levels. However, a random search for his name on icq got us reunited again. And more interestingly, I found out that he has become a very devoted buddhist, who is a regular at Jen Chen Buddhist Society. Through him, I managed to get the contacts of a few other secondary sch frens. We are planning to meet up one day.
One week after my LASIK, today is the worse day I ever had for my vision. In fact, I could not even read my screen properly while at work, and it became only slightly better now. The eyes need 6mths to settle down, and the 1st mth will be the worst experience according to the doctor.
The msn nicks which my friend changes everyday really make me feel sourish... If i were a gal, i would have cried right away. And he bravely urged me to use his case, to reflect on myself and how I shld treat my family.
Ananda is really great...
om: wanna cut botak?
ae2004: why?
ae2004: how r u? (strange, ae2004 has nv shown such great concerns for me b4)
om: ok
ae2004: i din know the boy you were with tat day, was your BF!!!
now this really puzzled me, since when i got a ....BF!? What boy? The only boy i can think of with me tat day is Riki...
ae2004: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA
om: ??? wat BF??
ae2004: I thought you are ahoyz!
Wednesday, January 05, 2005
Cruel Statement & Eyes Retreat
A friend received this warning: "Do not talk so much to gordon on xxxx stuffs as he is v good and have his way of making ppl share things with him." How would you feel, especially if such words came from someone who was very close to you?
Though its beyond words that i can describe how offensive and hurt I felt upon hearing, I noticed that this friend has failed to apply the warning to himself, that eventually wat he said to other ppl still came to me afterall. Sometimes, all the passion and good intentions from someone can just be mercilessly killed by a silly statement like this. It jus demotivates u and kill ur passion in providing further helps.
Well, i am indeed honoured that ppl wish to share with me, and they are still doing so now. The most funny thing was a NUSBS freshman (someone i know from DC) actually msged me and asked abt the location of Sutta Studies on monday. I wud have expected him to contact friends he made from Dharma Camp instead.
This afternoon I read Songgechan's msn nick and gave it a good laugh, translated as "Finally I can see clearly!". Purportedly, he has broken his glasses during his retreat. Me too, had broken 2 different pairs of specs at 2 different retreats.
Having done lasik, I have something new to share:
No doubt LASIK has given me much convenience and a refreshing feeling, I do experiecne the downside of it. Believe it or not, i actually missed the old days of having the 'blur vision'. I am already so used to the blur vision that it seems to be the default state of my eyes. It has already been drilled in me that at the end of the day, my eyes must get back to its 'original state' of blurness.
In the past, I have the freedom of controlling whether i wanna have a 'clear' or 'blur' vision, simply by putting on and removing my glasses. But now, I have no chance of giving my eyes a 'retreat', haha!
I think thats another form of undesirable attachment..... still fighting hard to recover from the cruel statement.
Though its beyond words that i can describe how offensive and hurt I felt upon hearing, I noticed that this friend has failed to apply the warning to himself, that eventually wat he said to other ppl still came to me afterall. Sometimes, all the passion and good intentions from someone can just be mercilessly killed by a silly statement like this. It jus demotivates u and kill ur passion in providing further helps.
Well, i am indeed honoured that ppl wish to share with me, and they are still doing so now. The most funny thing was a NUSBS freshman (someone i know from DC) actually msged me and asked abt the location of Sutta Studies on monday. I wud have expected him to contact friends he made from Dharma Camp instead.
This afternoon I read Songgechan's msn nick and gave it a good laugh, translated as "Finally I can see clearly!". Purportedly, he has broken his glasses during his retreat. Me too, had broken 2 different pairs of specs at 2 different retreats.
Having done lasik, I have something new to share:
No doubt LASIK has given me much convenience and a refreshing feeling, I do experiecne the downside of it. Believe it or not, i actually missed the old days of having the 'blur vision'. I am already so used to the blur vision that it seems to be the default state of my eyes. It has already been drilled in me that at the end of the day, my eyes must get back to its 'original state' of blurness.
In the past, I have the freedom of controlling whether i wanna have a 'clear' or 'blur' vision, simply by putting on and removing my glasses. But now, I have no chance of giving my eyes a 'retreat', haha!
I think thats another form of undesirable attachment..... still fighting hard to recover from the cruel statement.
Tuesday, January 04, 2005
Sadhu to all the Helpers!
I know this is a Shakyamuni Buddha statue and not the Amitabha one, but still, the buddha is always in my heart.
This evening, I went to SL to meet a friend before going to PGP for a visit. Semester after semester, I see PGP looping in the cycle of transforming from a ghost-town (holiday season) to a lively and noisy one (term time) and finally into an examination fever environment.
While chatting with my fren in his room, a caucasian came by to seek help in his internet connection. After some tries, we found out the error lies in his internet cable. As he is only in sg for 2 days, he wudnt know where the co-op is. I told him to look out for the stretch of road which is red while taking the shuttle service, and alight there. Haha, the 'red road' is indeed a good landmark, which we have used quite often in guiding NTUBS guests to the engin bridge in our past activities some 2-3 yrs back. My fren asked this caucasian to knock on his door whenever he needs help, and that guy was extremely delighted to have befriended us. Its such a nice feeling to make new frens and be able to help others....
While driving pff PGP in my vehicle, I finally got the chance to settle down from the laughters and jokes I had with my friend earlier on . I suddenly feel extreme sadness in me, recalling on the tragedies happening in the disaster-strickened country. I really feel like crying thinking on a friend's plight. I am definitely not as strong, and a senior told me she cried too upon receiving the news.
I went to the ATM machine just now to draw money, some for my household expenses. I found that my savings havent been increasing much though i have already worked for 8mths. Esp after my LASIK surgery, the first digit has no chance to 'grow'. But then, wats the pt of keeping so much money when we r talking abt life issues? I just told my fren on msn that i have the sudden urge to part with a few 'Ks' to help the victims. But is that practical for my family?
I sadhu to all my friends who have helped the victims one way or another. Sadhu sadhu sadhu, you know who you are!
Monday, January 03, 2005
Altruism Vs Egoism
The recent calamity has caused much impacts on the lives of people in the world. A lot of lessons can be drawn from these impacts.
Appeals have been flying all over, much more in the cyber world. Some critics even mentioned that Buddhist organisations are selfish, for they only take care of Sri Lanka (a buddhist country), which is apparent in the various appeal emails and websites of the buddhist organisations.
One of my friends is also badly affected, and I supposed many friends will be so eager to offer help. I did my own reflections and reminded myself that the 'willingness to help' comes from different intentions. I may not be a psychology student, but from wat i remember, ppl may help because:
1) It makes them feel happy
2) It makes them appear to be nice
3) For rewards/selfish reasons
4) Out of hypocrisy
Altruism is hard to come by, often plagued by egoism. There are even ppl who claimed that Mother Theresa helped because she wants to go to the heaven - I have no idea on it, but at least her actions benefitted many people.
There are ppl who loves to show concern and care openly to others, because they hope others will do the same to them when they are in troubled times. Similarly, there are also ppl who prefer to be left alone, and thus feel that the best way to help their troubled friends is to leave them alone too. No matter what, we shld not impose our views or apply our principles on others, and disturb their peace or deprive them of care & concerns from other friends.
Its almost a week since I have my left eye lasik. I am still not used to the feeling, and would have the urge to grab my specs whenever i wake up from the bed or recover from meditation. Sometimes when I looked into the mirror before i bathed, i would thought of 'removing' my contact lenses, only to recollect the fact that I am NOT wearing any.
I give the Singapore govt 2 thumbs up for appealing to the mass to keep a low key new yr celebration, in light of the Tsuanmi disaster. I also sadhu to Teddy for telling me something similar abt his birthday, that there is no need to over emphasize on it. Now i really appreciate the practice of 1 min 哀悼. Sometimes, its just not the right time to have celebrative mood.
Appeals have been flying all over, much more in the cyber world. Some critics even mentioned that Buddhist organisations are selfish, for they only take care of Sri Lanka (a buddhist country), which is apparent in the various appeal emails and websites of the buddhist organisations.
One of my friends is also badly affected, and I supposed many friends will be so eager to offer help. I did my own reflections and reminded myself that the 'willingness to help' comes from different intentions. I may not be a psychology student, but from wat i remember, ppl may help because:
1) It makes them feel happy
2) It makes them appear to be nice
3) For rewards/selfish reasons
4) Out of hypocrisy
Altruism is hard to come by, often plagued by egoism. There are even ppl who claimed that Mother Theresa helped because she wants to go to the heaven - I have no idea on it, but at least her actions benefitted many people.
There are ppl who loves to show concern and care openly to others, because they hope others will do the same to them when they are in troubled times. Similarly, there are also ppl who prefer to be left alone, and thus feel that the best way to help their troubled friends is to leave them alone too. No matter what, we shld not impose our views or apply our principles on others, and disturb their peace or deprive them of care & concerns from other friends.
Its almost a week since I have my left eye lasik. I am still not used to the feeling, and would have the urge to grab my specs whenever i wake up from the bed or recover from meditation. Sometimes when I looked into the mirror before i bathed, i would thought of 'removing' my contact lenses, only to recollect the fact that I am NOT wearing any.
I give the Singapore govt 2 thumbs up for appealing to the mass to keep a low key new yr celebration, in light of the Tsuanmi disaster. I also sadhu to Teddy for telling me something similar abt his birthday, that there is no need to over emphasize on it. Now i really appreciate the practice of 1 min 哀悼. Sometimes, its just not the right time to have celebrative mood.
Saturday, January 01, 2005
Appeal
My feeling now is sad, very sad, very very upset.
Just as much as I do not wish to sound like whinning puppy, who does nothing except for giving more and more complaints about life, there are times that my threshold has been reached and I need to find a safe way to vent out my frustrations.
What a moody day to start off with 2005. My family problem seems to have no chance of recovery, but only worsen as the day goes by. Not even the first day of 2005 was spared. And I have been such a good actor all the while, who is so good in escaping from this reality of life.
The fact is that my mood has been so negatively dominated by my family problem that I hardly feel anything for the Tsunami victims. Now, who doesn feel pains when you see your family members in sufferings, yet you cant do much to help them?
A timely reminder from Snail Brother that the best thing I can do is to be filial to my parents. Afterall, its widely taught in buddhism that the debts we owe our parents can nv be repaid no matter how much sufferings we bear for them this life. I have enjoyed too good a life (freakingly good life) as a child, and NOW is the time to repay them back. I shldnt complain , yeah?
Since years ago, I have developed this mechanism of 'self healing', instilling myself with positive thoughts and engaging myself with meaningful and constructive activities, to overcome the depressing moments of my life. But I seem to have depowered since late 2003 after Camp Voyage.
To all friends out there who are troubled by 'secondary problems' like BGR, pls remind yourself that you have wonderful family members waiting at home for you. For ppl like me who do not have a warm and harmonious family, we shld be glad that we still have shelthers, nice beds and a PC for us to connect to our friends.
I hope I dun ask too much in life, I just wish to see less sufferings in all sentient beings. I need a healthy mind and body to live on, and I appeal to all my friends to give me your supports.
Just as much as I do not wish to sound like whinning puppy, who does nothing except for giving more and more complaints about life, there are times that my threshold has been reached and I need to find a safe way to vent out my frustrations.
What a moody day to start off with 2005. My family problem seems to have no chance of recovery, but only worsen as the day goes by. Not even the first day of 2005 was spared. And I have been such a good actor all the while, who is so good in escaping from this reality of life.
The fact is that my mood has been so negatively dominated by my family problem that I hardly feel anything for the Tsunami victims. Now, who doesn feel pains when you see your family members in sufferings, yet you cant do much to help them?
A timely reminder from Snail Brother that the best thing I can do is to be filial to my parents. Afterall, its widely taught in buddhism that the debts we owe our parents can nv be repaid no matter how much sufferings we bear for them this life. I have enjoyed too good a life (freakingly good life) as a child, and NOW is the time to repay them back. I shldnt complain , yeah?
Since years ago, I have developed this mechanism of 'self healing', instilling myself with positive thoughts and engaging myself with meaningful and constructive activities, to overcome the depressing moments of my life. But I seem to have depowered since late 2003 after Camp Voyage.
To all friends out there who are troubled by 'secondary problems' like BGR, pls remind yourself that you have wonderful family members waiting at home for you. For ppl like me who do not have a warm and harmonious family, we shld be glad that we still have shelthers, nice beds and a PC for us to connect to our friends.
I hope I dun ask too much in life, I just wish to see less sufferings in all sentient beings. I need a healthy mind and body to live on, and I appeal to all my friends to give me your supports.
A Brave New 2005!
PKS is just as crowded as previous years. I am glad to have spent my past few new year countdowns and vesaks at this very meaningful place. Many of my old buddhist friends were present, and the 108 bells were most memorable.....
I am also glad to have joined in the last round of the Om Mani Padme Hung mantra recitation, before dedicating to all the tsunamis victims.
May everyone be blessed with a healthy mind and body, to deal mindfully and courageously against all obstacles and difficulties in life. A Happy & Brave New 2005!
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