Too much thoughts

Nowadays, I seldom update my blog as often, not because I have nothing much to write. In fact, I have too much thoughts in my mind that I duno which to pen down. In the end, I decided to let them go, and pen down only when I feel like doing so.

Last evening, I attended the 2nd half of the meditation session at PGP. The number of participants were small, and most were unfamiliar faces. Isnt it a wonderful feeling staying in campus, where you can clad simply in your comfortable t-shirt, sandles, hop down to the function room to attend evening Dharma sessions? Life as a student has tat freedom to do the things you like.... but many ppl are not appreciating campus life.

Last evening, I had a pretty long chat with Ven Fa Rong from Sagaramudra Buddhist Society in my mini van. Ven Fa Rong is the very first venerable that i 'befriended' and interacted with this life. I remember him vividly as the monk by the receptionist counter, asking for my name when I stepped into the old Hai Yin temple 4 yrs ago. Subsequently, I attended a meditation course conducted by him, and he brought me and a few bs friends to a meditation retreat at Batu Pahat some time later.

When asked if he remember the guy whom I brought to see him to 'read' his life, he said yes. But when I ask if he know he the same guy that fetched him home in taxi every week for the past month after the PGP meditation session, his answer was negative. Well, he must have grown so much that Shifu was unable to connect the 'two person' as one.

I asked shifu if its good to find out more about our life through some special techniques of readings and such, his answer was positive. Shifu said that it can help us better prepare for any coming misfortunes and realise our own weaknessess and strengths. However, i concluded that it must be done sparingly, and not to the extent of 'greed'. Sometimes, ignorance is a bliss, as we flow along with the karmic river. I was once a victim of fortunte telling, and i suffered from lack of confidence and paranoid after that.

All these tellings can be superbly accurate and true, but it really doesn help me but gave me adverse effects instead. I must say its due to 'improper handling'. Anyway, I believe Buddha didnt encourage us to engage in fortune telling or anything along the line.

I told shifu I have this special psychic power. I have ever told this to a couple of close friends, but they either thought i was bullsxxing, or i was just overly sensitive. Since yrs ago, I found myself able to predict certain things that are going to happen. However, the things which I anticipated are mostly those negative ones, which adds on to the sufferings of my life instead of helping me. Anyway, I know that its very bad karma to claim that you have certain powers when u havent got them. So I seek advice from shifu last evening cos I really hope I can get rid of such unpleasant powers.

I have waited for this weekend since a month ago. Next week, i will be back to ITE dover for courses until the end of the month. However, I did not leave my office high spirited last evening as I was caught up with too much work undone. A lot of tasks seem to be in a mess, and I surprised myself by having thoughts of not wanting to go ITE next week but come back to work. Thats funny, and thats our human mind.

When you dun have it, u want it a lot. When you have it finally, u dun feel anything special, and may not even want it anymore.