Incapable leh...

Crossing over from my ex-job to the current one is just like a fish being released from a stream into the big sea. I have to swim alongside and live together with many more fishes. 99% of my job requires the use of emails, and I have always tried my best to write in the most polite, courteous and politically right manner. This does not only prevent me from offending ppl, but I also feel that bring nice to one another shld be the way of life. Tat shld be quite contrary to what my ex-fellow committee members may perceive me to me, as I used to be very harsh, direct and crude in my emails.

As my manager was away for a business trip, I was left alone to battle against a big issue. I wrote an email to highlight this issue to other parties and was intercepted by my director. She felt that my email was absolutely 'inappropriate'. She called me to her desk and drafted the entire email for me, before asking me to send out using my name. While i was very grateful to her for her guidiance (cos she is such a fierce lady that we wud nv expect such good treatments from her), i also felt very embarrased by my incompetence and inadequacy.

The email she drafted for me is definitely more convincing, but at the same time slightly more offensive and demanding. Initially i was v impressed with her writing style, as it really proved to be effective in getting responses from ppl. However, a fellow colleague commented that using the offensive approach may not necc be the best way, as we need to rely on long term good & healthy r/s with the other parties. Frankly speaking, I really duno which is the better way, cos i really see the effectiveness in her email (tats why she s so successful in her career). But i am also reminded of Dr Ang's words and her soft but tactful approach in dealing with the landlord of the ex-BF unit. She said tat no matter wat we deal, NEVER sour the r/s with the other party.

A Korean lady kinda offended me in one of my earlier dealings, and I bear this grude till today, though i din really have much dealings with her subqly. Finally, my chance came today! And she got herself into a situation that i can 'play' and get back to her. And boy i was so tempted to reply her email requests either in the most sacarstic or nasty way, but luckily i refrained myself from doing so. In the end, I replied her in a polite and helpful manner. And tats not becos i am NOBLE but i dun wish to get myself hit by the ball which i threw out myself earlier.

The big issue i mentioned earlier really got blown up tremendously, and without myself approaching anyone for help, i already have 3 snrs stepping in to help solve the situation. And they were fast getting into actions, even before i could provide them with the info. I duno their true intentions, but i know definitely if without them, i will be drop dead.

For the 2nd time in life, i find myself incompetent and lousy in dealing/handling matters. And i feel that has little to do with the fact tat i am a green horn. I am just not as capable.

Working in an IT company

I met up with one of my nusbs fren-turned-insurance agent to discuss on buying an additional policy. The 'promotion' AIA is having now is giving away free printers, mp3 players, storage devices etc. None of them caught my eye, probably becos i am facing all these gadgets everyday at work.

The above pic was taken during one of the meetings i had today. Unlike my meetings at CDGE, not a single piece of paper was brought into the meeting room. Instead, you can only find laptops filling up the meeting table. Computer gadgets and devices are really at abundance.

I am glad that i get to learn at work everyday, be it handling skills or computer/techinical knowledge. I feel that such stuffs are useful and interesting, compared to what i used to learn at my previous job : how many kilometres traveled is equivalent to a 10cent jump, how many months a tyre need to be replaced, what is the avg diesel consumption rate, how to measure the amt of blacksmoke emitted etc. I was once worried that my IT nourishment has come to a standstill after leaving NUS. I am glad the journey continues after taking up my present job.

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A nusbs snr asked me to help her buy the IPAQ at staff price. As the company policy does not allow us to sell whatever we bought to others within 6 mths of purchase, i did not ask her to pay me first. Unfortunately, this snr seemed to have quite a bit of problem with the new gadget, and wud call me up every now and then for solution. Today, she complained her battery connection has problem, causing her to lose all her data (which to me is not a techinical problem but a user problem!).

Since the unit bought was a brand new one, i thot she can visit our service centre to get either a replacement or have the problem rectified. She has the receipt and warranty card with her. I thot that i am just helping to purchase this unit at a cheaper rate, and morever, i am neither a sales rep or earning commision from her. By right, i shldn be responsible for anything.

Apparently, she was angry with me for pushing her to the service centre. Walaos.. . i vow i will nv do such thing again. Hao xin mei you hao bao.

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Oh yes, i feel tat xiaomei aka chin lee did an excellent job over the past 1 yr as the nusbs welfare director. To me, she has paid attention to every single detail in her job, and i could find no flaw in preparation for every of the nusbs event i attended. Work produced by her are filled with sincerity, care and warmth. And of cos some credits have to go to her wonderful helper. Well done.

....

Photos taken at NUSBS AGM 2005, starring 'Heavy weight' snr Mr Tham Zisheng, Ex-hyena Ms Foo Yeeling, MSC supervisor Ms Jessy Chee, 'Siang siang gai' Mdm Tse Ying & Husband + lastly Xiong bao bao aka Mr Wong Shiongwei.

Most probably only some snrs wud understand why the above nicknames, haha. Every yr, AGM wud be the day that i took many many photos, but somehow i didnt do so this yr.

A very cheerful Wilsanto Jony's pic taken at the PGP lift lobby. Not another playful boy.... Used to mix a lot and v closely with the NUSBS/NTUSBS indonesians from Sutomo High sch. Batch after batch, from 1981 (sukandar) to 1982 (hadi + david) to 1983 (sumantri) to 1984 (Jipau) to 1985 (riki + teddy). Here comes the latest entry, Davis (1988!!!!!).

Nothing much to write tonite except to report that i have lost abt 3-4kg over the past week. Its quite strange cos i didn do as much vigorous exercisings as compared with the past couple of months. I suspect the weighing machine is giving the wrong weight, haha.

想太多

After so long, I finally got myself back to attend the CMC weekly meditation sitting. I din usually like to stay back for the grp discussions, as I didnt find it beneficial. Instead, I sometimes got myself filled with undesirable thoughts by judging ppl negatively - he talk too much la, she trying too hard to impress ah, show off ah etc.

However, this evening sharing session was great. The topic was on ' Offering Dana & Gaining Merits'. I am particularly touched and impressed by Wee Seng and Fenny's sharings.

Wee Seng (quoted from Ajahn Chah) : A lot of ppl want to gain merits, without first working on getting rid of the undesirable qualities in them. Its just like wanting to dye a piece of dirty cloth.

Fenny: The idea of offering dana is to practice on letting go of of attachments. But many offer dana to gain more merits (be if for good or bad cause), leading to greed.

This topic has always been on my mind. We often think too much of the outcomes of our actions. Shld i offer dana to gain merits, so as to support a better rebirth? Or shld i do it only when i have true intention of offering and letting go? I actually seek advise from some venerables, on how I shld go about offering dana in the right way. Sharings by the brothers and sis at CMC further reinforced my personal conclusion: Just do it, xperience it yourself and then decide whether your actions are good or not good. Why bother to think so much?

...

Just got back from NUSBS AGM. There are 2 things which I really appreciate - Hostel and Car.

With a hostel, the members of the society could afford to stay up late till the end of AGM, or even go for supper after the AGM. I really appreciate my hostels throughout the 4 yrs cos i could stay up late for many activites, without the additional worry of not able to catch up with the last bus to go home. And i guess my car did serve up many purposes over the yrs in BS, transporting bulky stuffs from point A to point B in various activities. And of cos to transport myself and several other fellow BS friends home.

Though both items are not essential, but they definitely make life easier. But without them, my life certainly wud not be as enriched or meaningful.

This must be the 5th AGM i have attended. The jnrs have done a good job, although i see that there were still a couple of essential gaps that require me to personally fill up. I dun blame them, but could only blame on the failure of passing down the baton well. A lot of impt things were not passed down properly (including my batch to the jnr batch) and thats probably why, i feel that many things have been 'simplified', 'short-cut' and obliviously omitted. I personally feel that this is v serious.

I learnt and realised tonite that I have been taking certain things for granted, again. Running the MC or not was just a matter of choice for me in the past, i realised it may not be the case for some other ppl. There shld be some ppl who wanted to run quite badly, but yet circumstances (like family or studies) do not allow them to. Its jus like the much spoken story abt this person who complained he doesn have nice shoes, until he saw someone with no feet. Sometimes even if u have the heart to help, u dun have the means to do so.

Smile more

Its really freaking fast. Within the blink of an eye, NUSBS AGM is here again. I had my first experience 4 yrs ago standing at the stage to hard sell myself. Last yr i took a cab and rushed down from work (as my dad took away my car). Tmr, i will be there errr.... ti help count votes? grrr..

I wonder how many more NUSBS AGMs will i still attend... I believe this will be the last and final one, as I have no more intention to link up with the new batch. The gaps are getting too big, and personal commitments do not permit to go down as often as before.

My job is getting tougher and more challenging. I made a visit to my ex-company, and received warm welcome from my ex-staffs. However, my ex-manager (my brother brother) was pretty cold to me. The new engineer who took over my post was v happy to see me, and we clicked and joked almost immediately, much contrary to wat ppl describe him as dull, woody and boring. Perhaps age really matters, and we have common topics to tok cok abt.

Its really v v v important to know how to interact and mix well with ppl - good PR skills. I am still lacking in it. I duno how to put it down in words, but perhaps you might have experienced it yourself somewhere or sometime in your life. The more successful ppl in the society, are often those who treat ppl nicely, can mix well with ppl, and v popular among ppl.

If ur golden mouth cant be open, then dun give others your black and sullen face..... at least give others a smile, if not u r only courting your own trouble.

Phases and Stages

While i was typing this blog now, i could hear Bryan Wong's incessant and irritating quackings from the TV in my mum's room. Damm irritating... If only i could 'go over' to him and tell him to SHUT UP.

Haha, me and my sick mind, reminded me of a NUSBS snr that i have been working pretty closely with over the past few months. This guy has really impressed me lately with the change in his mannerism and attitude. Very happy for him.

On the contrary, i used to dislike this snr quite a lot. When i was an MC jnr member, he criticised us for our lack in interest in the Dharma. He felt that as MC, we shld attend ALL Sutta studies and go for all Dharma circles. He also often critcised practices and teachings from other schs of buddhism, just because he was faithfully following the teaching of one v popular teacher. He felt that what he learnt was most correct, and tried to bring down other ppl's practices (which he think were not right). Whenever i see him, i could feel some negative energies emitting from him, and i tend to get v tense and uncomfortable whenever he was around.

But over the yrs, he has transformed quite a lot. He has since followed another teacher, and has become very pleasant, calm and friendly. I guess yrs of meditation retreats, Dharma talks, daily practices and living a life closely with venerables have brought about this positive change in him. Nowadays, I can feel the compassion and loving kindness emitting from him when i talk to him. I feel so relax and comfortable whenever he is around now.

Indeed, all these changes do not come overnight. It comes in stages and phases of personal development and improvements. I am really happy for him.

Feel free to hop on

Last evening, I shared my reflection with Jane that I felt as if I am a bus travelling around the city. This reflection came abt while I was alone trying to find my way to the carpark at Marina Square. As Marina Sq is currently undergoing a huge revamption, I had difficulties finding my way out. In the midst of searching my way, i saw huge crowds of ppl passing by me. I decided to pause a while to observe the surroundings...

I wondered how many times more will I still go out with my army frens for movies and dinner (although we have been doing so for the past 6 yrs). It seems to me that every moment in life is just a fleeting moment. At diff phases of my life, i mix with diff ppl, and I get very close to diff ppl. In jc, i have my closest jc buddies. In army, i have my beloved bunkmates. And even in NUS alone, i get to mix with diff ppl at diff phase of my 4 yrs of academic pursuit. To me, everyone that crosses my path is just another passer by in my life.

And I feel myself like an empty bus travelling around the Singapore city. Occasionally, I will have fren(s) joining me for a ride. Some r frens who need my time and attention, while some r frens who simply enjoy the ride with me. But the time they spend travelling with me varies. When they have found new directions or activities in life, they will alight from my bus and move on with their own life. Similarly for me, i will continue to move on.. . jus as before, but you are always free to join me for a ride whenever u feel like it.

Perhaps the above analogy may sound melancholic or 'empty' to some ppl, but thats really how i feel, and what i choose and want in life. I dun need any permanent passenger, I dun even need a permanent companion, but am already grateful to have you accompany me for a jolly good ride from time to time. Feel free to hop on.

The Hair and The Maid

It really takes quite a bit of effor to make it out on the streets. Its not the length of my hair that really matters, but the uneveness of my hair cut. I think the 'sponsor' of the charity event really did a bad job, haha.

I wanted to shave myself completely bald, but my mum disallowed. Also, i do not have the tools to do either, except for my shaving blades which i cant possibly do myself (cos my mum refuses to help). She asked me to go to the barber, but it doesn make sense to me cos i will be spending $$$ on the haircut when i am supposed to raise funds. I shall leave it alone.

Went to watch "The Maid" jus now with some old frens (yeah i only watch horror movies). Instead of commenting whether it is a good or bad movie, i shall jus state down how i felt after watching the movie:

1) The maid doesn look like one. She looks more like a model, really quite pretty.
2) The fear element is instilled among the audience by sudden pop-outs of ghostly (but not so scary) images + screechy sounds, the plot is neither intriguing nor scary.
3) The ghosts in the movie doesn look scary also, but look more like puppets or mannequins.
4) The movie has an interesting twist towards the ending, though not v original, but i like it.
5) The way they promote and intro the movie does not match what the movie is abt.
6) Storyline of this movie is definitely interesting, but the movie does not bring out the exasperation of the maid , who is supposed to be struggling with her life in a foreign land not knowing the cultures and customs.

Sounds quite negative eh? But i still like the movie and find it very nice. Basically, i like local context movies or stories that I can relate to. Something tat is near and true to myself, and not something too far fetched or i cant imagine them to be. A good example wud be 2 stories i sent to Jane. I prefer the 2nd one while she prefered the first. Pls pardon me, but i feel the 1st story is v kuazhang and cliche' (guy lying on the hosp bed, gal patiently waits by the bed hoping he will open his eyes).

Alrite tok too much tonite.

Some egoistic views from me again...

My running still cannot make it, despite having long distance jogging + speed running every week. My last clocked timing was 13:06, still abt 20 over seconds away from passing, damm.... Just couldnt get back to the older days where i could achieve 11+ min easily. Age is definitely NOT an issue, but the weight is, heh heh.

Oh yes, congratulations to KICI for his new found post! Sadhu sadhu Sadhu!

I spoke to a few jnrs and asked their views on running the MC, and their engagement in campus activities (need not be BS). Most of them are worried abt affecting their sch results. No doubt, priority should aways go to our studies in NUS, and i do respect them for their views. However to me, studies and results are 2 diff things. Results are definitely NOT as important or crucial as many wud think or treat them to be. Whats the pt of acheiving good academic results, but when u miss out a lot on ur life?

I may be a 2nd upper class honours student, and I do not really feel very proud abt it. But then, i am actually earning quite a lot more than a couple of my 1st class and several 2nd upper class honours frens. On the other hand, I also have frens who got 2nd lower and 3rd class, who earn more than me! Those who are already out there in the workforce, dun u think wat i said is true? And still, its also true that money is NOT everything. Its the overall package... the sense of fufilment, the satisfaction, and how meaningful u feel ur life is!

Why are students behaving like slaves to academic results, just like working adults working like slaves to money? I really feel that campus life is much much more than acheiving good grades and taking part in campus activities. Its also a lot on personal development, gaining experiences, project management and engaging in a healthy social lifestyle. From my own personal working experience, these r the elements tat are actually more crucial to our future employment.

A person who handles an area well, is most likely capable of handling other things well as well. Its more of his attitude and management capability, isnt it?

ESP = Extra stupid power

Suddenly, I just feel that I have nothing much to write about. Nothing.....

" Om - I dun wanna have ESP " is my MSN nick, which drew quite a bit of curiosity from frens. If u dun believe I have it, then dun bother to ask. If u are really sooo curious to find out, u can ask me. I may tell u in details if i feel like telling at that moment.

Having 6th sense is not necc a good thing. Its really bad for me. I hate it.

Donation continues to pour in...

Thanks thanks thanks.... thanks to all who have donated to the Children Cancer Foundation today, you know who you are. The rows on my donation card continues to get filled up, surpassing the $300 mark today.

I know the impact of a guy shaving off his hair is negligible compared to that coming from a gal, still, the losing of my locks have cost me quite a bit. Esp in my current work place, i need to deal with a lot of ppl everyday. And ppl are really seeing me in a different light. I guess the outlooks of a person is still v impt. Ppl tend to judge u by the way u look, dress up and groom yourself, and will hold high regards on ppl who are nicely and poshly dressed. On the other hand, they tend to relate ppl with crew cuts as kids or recruit, treat them with less respect and have less confidence in them. Thats an ugly fact in life.

But i always wanted to try something special. Shaving my hair is definitely not something new to me, but thats almost the best i can do to help contribute to the society - help raise greater awareness. Imagine myself having a normal haircut raising fund, and having a crew cut raising fund. The impacts greatly differ.

As wat Ms Angie Monksfield has echoed Ajahn Chah's teachings today : Give in your best in whatever you do. I am proud tat i give in my best in almost everything i do, be it in the Army, NUSBS, work, helping ppl, giving supports and all except for my first few yrs of NUS education.

Have a nice chat with Angelina on our way back home. She is a nice person to chat with.

Donation Pours In

I am sincerely thankful to all my friends and colleagues who have donated through me to the Children Cancer Foundation. Your kindness and thoughtfulness will definitely benefit the kid- patients.

Within the first day, I managed to raise more than a quarter of a thousand dollars. I hope to double or triple the amount by the end of the campaign. Friends and colleagues whom i have approached donated very willingly. But there are still a handful who would ask me many questions but in the end, i receive nothing from them.

And why is my blog so quiet? No donation from my blog readers? haha.. well, its totally up to individual. No forcing, no obligation.

I used to feel very paiseh taking a donation card asking around for donations. I feel very bad to make ppl fork out their money, esp when i witness how careful some of my frens keep watch of their expenses, like choosing the cheapest food, save on bus fares and all sort of money -saving ideas etc. Hence, i was often reluctant to ask ppl to donate, cos i really feel very paiseh.

But after understanding the law of karma, and how merits work, i feel that i shld go around more asking ppl to donate. When they donate, its not only doing the beneficiaries good, but also themselves (the donors) good. So its a double edged sword!

Support Children Cancer Foundation!

Hi Folks! I have shaven my head again, but this time round its for charity - Support Children Cancer Foundation.

Why shave?

Cos we wanna encourage cancer-stricken kids to fight bravely against cancer! Most of them lose their hair, esp after the chemo treatment. Hence, we wish to let them know that there s nothing wrong losing our hair.

Also, some children with cancer may tend to feel isolated and inferiority complex. Thus, shaving our heads is another way to give them our morale support.

Most imptly, we hope to raise awareness for Children Cancer Foundation. We hope our actions will touch everyone, and urge them to donate generously.

For buddhists, pls bear be kindly reminded that the only thing that we bring with us to our next life is not our possessions, looks nor fame. Its our merits!

So anyone out there who wish to donate to Children Cancer Foundation, pls spare no chance to CONTACT me via my hp or msn. Alternatively, u can approach other common frens who have gotten their heads shaven too - Vincent kwan, Rongfa, Goh Yeeling, Meibei, Katrine etc.

Nice making frens

Woohoo... i am $1500 richer tonight, after receiving my very very very last monetary scholarship award this evening, given by my ethnic clan and association. Have been getting this award almost every yr except 2003, which clashed with BS Welcome Tea.

There were abt 3 tables of students at the dinner this evening, who were receiving the awards. I was seated among the NUS students + 1 jc2 boy. As all of us belong to the same dialect group, we get to click with one another pretty fast. Needless to say, I am the oldest guy among all, and I spare no time to help promote for NUSBS welcome tea. A few others also started to promote their own ECAs' welcome tea too. I was really impressed by how the youngsters these days behave. A few of them can be instantly identified as good leaders, very sociable, friendly and charismatic.

Seated next to me was the jc2 boy, and i spent most of my time talking to him. He was from HCJC and he told me abt the Children Cancer Foundation shaving thingie, which was held in his sch. He said that the response was really good, and he was impressed.

Yes, i always enjoy making friends. I love to throw myself into an environment where everyone is a stranger. I recalled that whenever a new academic yr starts (means shifting into a new hostel/cluster/hall), i will be very excited to get to know my new neighbours. And more often than not, the frenships among us can be greatly catalyst with the help of MSN. MSN kinda breaks the invisible barrier between ppl, and allow ppl to be more daring and willing to communicate with one another.

Orite, tmr is an exciting day!

I love my country

In case you are wondering what am i up to with the above 2 self pics, they are actually representing our nation's colours!

Last yr when i watched the NDP (or was it NDP rehearsal?) with OWY at the National Stadium, i was having this small reflection - Why issit that i can feel so much for NUS when i only spent 4 yrs of my life there, while i dun really feel as much for Singapore, my real home, where i have grown up for the past 25yrs?

Indeed after this reflection, i have grown to like my country more - which is also reflected in my MSN nick. I guess most of us have taken our homeland as granted. Too sheltered and protected, that we only care abt complaining what we dislike abt our nation, and forgot that it actually provides us with all the basic necessity that we need to survive till today.

Anyway, the pics actually serve a 2nd purpose. An ex colleague has requested me to take photos of myself revealing my fringes, send them to her, before i am going for a change in my hairstyle this weekend.

And why on the bed? Cos my bed is really soooo comfortable with my new mattress!!!

PS: I dun think junyang sang well. I only find his singing very consistent and 'safe', and i notice he doesn use diaphragm at all, just throat -> head -> chest tats all. May sound nice, but i bet he cant sing more than 3 songs in a row decently.

Good Investment

Close frens will know that i am a pretty thrifty person. But there r also few things tat i am more willing to spend such as food, and things i like very much and find worth spending.

One good eg will be my Lasik operation. It costs me a bomb, but it really improves my life to a great extend. The feeling of not having to wear glasses is great. There have been rumours that theres a likelihood short-sightedness will come back. I did have a fren who got perfect visions after lasik, but the perfectness lasted only 2 weeks.

I am also v willing to spend on handphones. I used to hear ppl saying tat all they need in a phone is to be able to call in, call out and sms. But there are indeed many add-in functions which are very useful as well. The FM function in my prev nokia phones accompanied me in the cen lib during my exam period. The camera function is full of fun. The MP3 player rocks... allowing me to listen to buddhist chants when i wanted to.

Today, i bought myself a Seahorse brand mattress, cos i found my 4-star coil mattress too 'soft'. Not long ago, i also got myself a seahorse pillow, which cost several times more than a normal pillow. Just like my hp, i feel that my mattress and pillows are something that i use everyday! I definitely wudn mind spending more money on things that i need to use everyday. Moreover, the pillow really exchanges me with more quality sleep and a better day.

Watched the Jue Dui Superstar and i really feel quite disgusted. Other than the visually impaired guy whos singings were really touching, i find the rest of the contestants sux. Esp this guy, who sang as if he was riding a full-speed horse from the start right till to the end of the song. No control and song arrangement at all.... On the other hand, i find the gal contestants really great in their singings.

(> . <)

A 9 yr old boy spotted with a crew cut at NTU.... Ohhh... he is none other than riki in his new room at hall 8.

Hall 8's design is exactly the same as hall 11, but with the toilet renovated and furniture replaced i think. And riki's room reminded me of some cave situated high above the moutains. To get there, there is no straight path (or flight of stairs) tat bring u directly to his room. Need some twist and turns, pretty cool.

Was working from home sending and replying mails with my company laptop. A korean guy asked me why am i still working on our National Day public holiday. I think I dun have a choice....... A lot of work were being pushed around.. and i have gotten this idea from some ppl that as long as I throw the ball to your court (as in i forward that mail to you), its becomes your duty and responsibility to solve it and close the case, and its no longer my pasha...

But i will nv do that. I think taking pride in one's work is very important. But on the other hand, learning how to protect ourselves is equally impt too. Cannot always remain diam diam and kena eaten. Sometimes, must really learn how to retaliate and defend myself. Real challenge on the way manz..

Fujitsu Rox

I have not touched my Fujitsu notebook for a few mths and decided to take it out for fun just now. As usual, it did not fail me and boot up perfectly well. In fact, it has NEVER failed me even once ever since i bought it in mid 2001. No harddisk crash, no driver problems... absolutely problem free over the past 4 yrs of heavy usage during my stays in halls.

It has accompanied me countless of nights when i studied for my exams, supported me with my numerous projects, assignments and even my FYP thesis!. The only time it didnt serve its purpose was when i run simulations for my FYP. It was simply not strong and fast enough to support the long hrs of simulation runnings.

Initially, I wanted to buy a Toshiba notebook cos its the cheapest among all the models available in NUS, and yet come with specs from the higher end. On the other hand, Fujitsu notebooks are more expensive, and the specs were inferior compared to the former. But the design was definitely more sleek. Alas, the sch ran out of stock for Toshiba and thus, i have to land myself with the Fujtsu. The funny thing was i wrote my cheque wrongly when i purchased it at the notebook centre. Fortunately, my brother adrian was around, and he paid for me in full cash using nets.

And yes, i have to say a big THANK YOU to jane for passing me her supposedly faulty power adaptor. JANE!!! Do you know its still working perfectly fine now?? Hahaha, yeah, her adaptor is much smaller than mine and thus, its more handy and convenient to carry it around in campus. Thanks thanks.

But well, life moves on and v soon, i stopped using my notebook excessively ever since i moved out from hall back home, using my PC. I am also given a notebook from my current work, which is supposedly to be more powerful and advanced in technology. But still.... I find my fully-japan-made Fujitsu much more solid and reliable - the feel is simply diff using a jap made notebook and a china made one.

If you are considering buying a notebook, pls consider Fujitsu. Arghh. .what a traitor i am... fancy i am the notebook engineer for my company for the entire Asia Pacific + Japan region.

Using the Heart

I think one of my greatest flaws in lif e is impatience. I want everything to be instant, fast and immediate. Whenever i checked my email box and found many issues awaiting for me to solve, I wud feel very stressed out and couldnt wait to clear all of them at one shot. To make the matter worse, I am now working with a larger number of ppl and i need their cooperation with good coordination. Many a times, ppl do not reply u immediately with full eagerness, and that further delay my job. Well, i just find the feeling of 'owing others' sux.

Back to poems, I think i am gradually getting to appreciate poetry and literature works. Tats quite surprising for myself cos i have always been classified (be it by myself or the singapore sch sys) to be a hardcore science and maths students, and nv been an art student. But ever since coming to NUS, my love for reading and writing grow, while my interest in mathematics and sci seemed to have stay stagnant.

Yday, i tried sharing a chinese tang poem to my ex-gf, who is currently pursuing her PhD in Engineering, NUS. Both of us were hardcore sci student and nv a fan of GP. When i asked her abt the poem, she told me she couldnt appreciate it. She also couldnt 'get' the metaphor tat the poet has used to describe his exasperation. Instead, she took it wholesale by translating the words literally - hence, she got no meaning out of it.

Our conclusion: She hasnt changed, but i have changed a great deal. She teased me that i used to be a very playful and crappy person in jc, always disturbing the gals and incurring their wraths. But now, she thot i have extremely serious, esp after reading the testimonials left by my frens at friendster. Together with another jc gal fren, they thought i am no longer the gordon they once knew. But crap, who doesn know the testimonials in friensters are all tooooo good to be true? Nobody wrote nasty stuffs, only nice and over-exaggerating strengths of everyone. Hahaha. .. Dun u often see this comment on ppls' testimonials " Oh, he is the best guy u can ever find on earth, the best catch, what r u gals waiting for?"

Well, the msg i wish to put across this evening is that i feel we have missed out so much in life. We have missed out the true beauty in life, which can be found within. The beauty of the nature, beauty of poetry and art, may never be identified or appreciated, if we dun use our hearts.

虞美人﹒春花秋月何時了

李煜

春花秋月何時了，往事知多少。

小樓昨夜又東風，故國不堪回首月明中。

雕欄玉砌應猶在，只是朱顏改。

問君能有幾多愁，恰似一江春水向東流。

In case you are thinking that the background song is just another aunty or old-man song, you better think twice. The lyrcis is actually derived from a a Tang Poem, written by the 3rd and last emperor of 'Nantang' kingdom, Li Yu (not refering to gillian).

Li Yu, the last emperor of the Southern Tang kingdom (937–976), was the poet who elevated the status of Ci poetry to equal that of Tang poetry. He wrote his most memorable poems about life and the loss of youth and happiness in the two years after losing his kingdom. He has regretted neglecting his kingdom, while engrossing excessively on enjoyment and beauty of life on songs, poems and literature.

While serving in exile under the new governing Song Dynasty, he asked a dancer to sing out the following piece of poem on his birthday. This incurred the wrath of the King and he was subqly forced to drink poison as death penalty. Try reading the poem in depth, and see how much you can appreciate and relate it to the Dharma:

Oh when will autumn moon and spring flowers end?
How many past events I've known.
- A sign of relentless by the poet towards the superficial beauty of the world, with countless repeats of events in life.

The east wind buffeted my room again last night,
I cannot bear to remember the bright moon of the old country.
- Sufferings caused by great attachments to the past

The marble steps and carved balustrades must still be there,
The people's rosy cheeks are all that's changed.
- Though externally everything may seem to remain the same ie. the houses, buildings, but the faces and people are no longer the same (although i believe this is not exactly what the poet was trying to say)

How much sorrow can one man have to bear?
As much as a river of spring water flowing east.
- A sign of exasperation by the poet towards endless sufferings mankind has to bear in life.

Duck Tour

2 days ago, my department has 'Duck Tour' as the company outing. We had lunch at an Indo restaurant at Suntec, before proceeding to ride around the esplanade and padang on the 'duck', entered the Singapore river, and finally back to Suntec to have dinner and ice-cream at Swensen - all paid by the company!

Nothing great abt the Duck tour though, cos probably everything is packaged for the tourists instead of the locals. Tats why the tour guide had a hard time trying to suit the local context, cos she has planned to say we already all know (eg diff buildings in sg and history of s'pore). The good thing is i won myself a mp3 player during the company quiz time.. not bad.

I went to Harbour Front of lunch today and bought my mum a big bottle of Lysine - hopefully to treat her ulcers. The Lysine is not cheap, but i hope it will be effective. And during dinner, i used the soft approach to tell her tat i am going to shave my head again. This time, she was quite okie abt it, after i explained to her my reason for doing so.

Okie, nothing much to write about. V hot and room has this burning smell.... grr

Ulcers, ouch!

I am now feeling a mixture of sadness and anger in me. I am angry with my mum, not becos she did something wrong, but becos she is sick but refuse to eagerly seek medical help.

Very unfortunately, she got contracted with this v funny mouth ucler problem which has been plauging her for more than a year. The ulcers will come, get healed after a week or so, go away, and then come back again. In other words, the mouth is seldom 'free from ulcers' as many can appear at the same time. The doc has given me the name of this illness, but i nv keep it cos i thot it isnt tat serious. Anybody knows the correct name for it??!?

My mum has been refered around diff departments of the hospital to seek medical help. But the docs always tell her that there is currently 'no medicine' to heal this illness, and altogether there are only abt 6 patients with this symptoms, and my mum is the worst case. And we were told that some ppl take 10-20 yrs to heal, while most will never get healed for life.

My mum always complain abt the pains she is experiencing, esp taking meals. To me, her life is like so unbearable and toturing. Just imagine having many ulcers in your mouth everyday. I told her that since there is no western medical cure for it, she shld try Chinese medicine. But somehow she is jus soooooooooo stubborn and refuse to visit the chinese doctors. To make thing worse, she has decided to stop going for western medical treatment too, cos she said it has been money wasting visiting the doctors who cannot provide her a cure.

I really feel very miserable and terrible imagine my mum in constant pain. What has she done to deserve all these.. .sigh. But after reading the internet forums, i realise many many many other ppl all over the world are experiencing similar pains - that somehow made me feel better. There were also many suggestions given which some patients claimed to have cured their ulcers.

Instead of getting pissed and worried, i think i shld start hunting around for potential cures for her. No pt sitting back to wait for the incompetent doctors.

I choose my own Pie

Recently I got rather stressed over my work as I am now part of a team to handle a very big project. This project needs a lot of coordinations and handshakes between parties from different countries. On top of my other more 'routined' work, I wonder if i will have the energy and time to handle this 'ECA'.

But I found out something that kinda motivated me today. If my dept were to take up this project, we will be awarded extra wages to the concerned staff (which is me!!!), or either that, the HQ will add in a head count to manage the newly launched system (the project i am working on now). Upon hearing that, i feel much better.

At least in MNC, the work distribution is more reasonable, unlike my previous company, the staffs are only squeezed and pressed hard to take up more roles and responsibilities, while the benefits they receive are getting less and less each year.

I am now into my 2nd job, and i get to realise there are indeed a great variety of pies out there, with different sizes and tastes. But nobody can actually judge which is the 'best' pie among all. Afterall, diff ppl have diff tastes and appetite. But sad to say, ppl nowadays (sometimes myself) have this mentality that the biggest and most expensive pie is the best - wait till we choke ourselves to death.