Kogepans!

Friends who hang out with me often wud know that I like babies a lot. And the closest cartoon/comic character I can get to a baby is none other than the Kogepan. Although I never fancy soft-toys like Hello-Kitty, Tweety Bird, Pooh Bear (if i do, then there shld be something wrong with me!) , I do own some figurines/soft-toys/accessories of Kogepans with me, with majority of them are gifts and presents from friends.

Today, a friend gave me a set of 10 kogepan figurines of different expressions, specially ordered from Japan. She also passed me a palm sized kogepan soft toy.....

However, my room has no place for any other displays except for my car models, which are my favourite pieces. Although i do find the kogepan soft-toys and figurines v adorable and cute, sweet and girlish stuffs are still quite a distant away from me, haha. As a result, all my 10 over kogepan items are chucked in one corner of my cupboard. I sincerely thank those friends who really spent effort to find out what i like, but them, i am still pretty much a practical person.

Sometimes, life is jus so difficult. Things you like a lot, or perceive others will like a lot, may not necc be what they like in reality. And i really duno how to be tactful, not to hurt other ppl's feelings, to be able to show appreciation, and yet get my msg across......

Finally out of Comfort Zone

My blog has been extremely quiet lately... where have all my friends gone to? Haha, nvm, i prefer a quieter and more private blog. Lets keep it this way.

Frankly speaking, life is not a bed of roses at my new work place. Everyday is like going to a battle ground without my ammunition with me. In other words, i am fighting battle everyday, ready to be shot and attacked by others, but i do not have any ideas, knowledge or experience to deal with the on going issues.

Life over here is quite different from what i have expected, probably becos the working culture in HP is v diff from CDGE. In the past, I worked very closely with my manager, and can consult him in almost every issues. Over here, I hardly get to see or talk to my manager, and he doesn even know which stage i am in now. Hence, i was really quite disappointed, until a snr came over, brought me to a coffee break at a nearby coffee club, and explained to me abt the situation.

He made me realise that 'empowerment' is very much practised here, that managers no longer always come into picture, but engineers themselves are working like individual project managers. This is actually much emphasized in the new economy, where hierachy is gradually abolished and replaced by 'flatted management'. How come i didnt get to see the picture earlier? I also learnt from him that almost every new comer has to go through this initial hardship stage, jus tat some of the luckier ones may have direct upper study to learn from, while most others may need to struggle more. Still, everyone has to go thru this very confusing and overwhelming stage.

Heard the news that one soldier died after jogging at P.Tekong. Sometimes, its quite understandable why the grieving parents wud blame the govt on their plight under such situations. Most wud have this thinking that 'without army, my son wun die'. Personally, i have very mixed feelings for the army. While i sometimes see it as a waste of time, a filthy ground to pick up all the bad and undesirable habits and expose ourselves to unnecc dangers.... i also see it as a good learning ground, to gain invaluable experiences (tat u cant learn anywhere else), and most imptly, to break the guys out of their protected shells. And i m refering to only those stay-in personnel, who have experienced overseas/outfields trainings. It really differentiates a man from a boy.

Labrador Park

Finally today, my colleagues and I made our way to Labrador Park, which is only abt 1-2 min drive from our work place. We even packed our lunch and ate there, facing the sea and sitting under the super big shady trees.......

We also ventured through the ridge, having a v nice view on the southern coast of Singapore. According to recorded history, it was a failing military strategy at this fortress as the Jap attacked singapore from the north (causeway) instead of the southern coast as expected by the British. So I guess the fortress nv did serve it purpose.. but i could imagine the anxiety, fear and exasperation of british and local soldiers, hiding in the tunnels, guarding behind the canons, anticipating Syonan To to be robbed into the WWII history.

As mentioned before in my prev entries, i have this feeling that i might be a WWII soldiers who spent much time on the southern fortress, and probably got killed in the war. I always have very strong feelings for places like this. Other than the Labrador Park, i ve ventured into 2 undisclosed WWII bunkers directly behind Chinese Library/Old Sheares Hall, well hidden behind the trees and slopes that i guess v few ppl wud ever chance upon. I also feel a lot for Poh Ern Sih, a temple specially built to appease the spirits (of soldiers) that may be roaming around the Pasir Panjang area. They were poor young guys who probably didnt know much abt military, but paid their lives to save our country.

Ran my 2.4km today again, and i was utterly disappointed in myself for my poor timing. Its 20sec slower than my prev timing :(

NOL called me for an interview session, and although its jus 10 min walk from my current work place, i really have no time to go over and gain some experience.

Will be fetching a colleague to work every morning starting tmr, and he wud be paying for me the ERP fees (50cents - $1). I may spend slightly more for the diesel, but get to save up on the ERP fees. For him, he wud also save on MRT/Bus fares, and more importantly, its much more convenient for him. In short, its a mutual benefit and cost saving plan for both parties.

Rantings again

I was walking down the citilink with a friend few yrs ago accompanying him to buy a gift. He asked me whats the most expensive gift i have ever spent on my friends. Frankly speaking, I couldnt recall anything outstanding. In the end, i told him that the most expensive gift I can give my friends is my time - its priceless...

There s this analogy abt friendship, but a rather pessimistic one. It says that friends are like our shadows. When our days are bright and sunny, friends stick with us just like shadows, following whenever we go. But in our gloomy and darken days, they are gone. Yeah, friends are sometimes like shadows...

But pls do not get me wrong. I am not relating to anyone or any particular incident. It jus struck me to write the above this morning. Having worked in HP for the 4th week, i m glad to have gotten to know many new friends. Sometimes, I was really tempted to talk behind ppl's back, but there s always the guilt and karma stopping me to a great extent. I know I didn keep my 4th precept well, but i will try very hard to.

**** deleted ******

I actually wrote some stuffs above, but decided to delete it off. Its really such an irony, tat sometimes i feel like writing and pouring out my hearts, and yet i didnt want ppl to read (for fear they judge, comment and think otherwise?). Anyway, the whole idea of my blog is to pour out and express my capsuled feelings.... i guess by writing it out and then deleting them away has already served the purpose.

Only one chance

Once again, we had our BS FOC2000 gang outing today at East Coast Park (yeah i was there last nite too). Din do much except for nuaing by the beach enjoying the breeze....

A mini picnic, with only lollipops, tibdits, biscuits and crackers...

Among the 9 of us, only 1 is without a driving license and she's gonna take her test this thurs, good luck!

Celebrating 2 person's bdays together at Swenson Parkway Parade. The gals.. forever taking pics...


And i insisted tat i shldnt be the camera-man always....


Figurines bought to represent each and everyone of us??

Most of us get to know one another during FOC 2000, plus some bfs and gfs who joined bs slightly later. It has already been 5 yrs, and we are still quitely closely knitted. All of us agree that our own FOC (when we were freshies ourselves) muz be the most fun and interesting camp we ever had in NUS, although all of us later did play major roles in organising FOCs for the subsq year(s).

Saw an email from NUSBSA publicising NTUBS FOC. I really hope that the freshies joining uni this yr will join at least 1 or 2 FOCs, regardless of the organiser. It will be a sad thing to miss, cos we can only be a freshman once.

I have no talent.....

I feel that I am getting back to my old sec sch days' behaviour. This evening, i was having dinner with my mom at Lavendar Food Square when she asked if i have any activities tonite. I told her NO, but i actually have a bbq session at ECP tonite. Upon realising that, she kinda insisted that i attend tonite's session and 'dun stay at home'. I duno what happened to me but i jus dun feel like going out much these days. Even if i go out, i prefer to go to some quieter places like MacRitchie/Kranji/Changi beach alone or with jus a couple of friends, much like my sec sch days' style. Its only in jc/army/uni that i become a more sociable animal....

In the end, i made my way to the very ulu part of ECP (near changi airport already) to meet up with my friends. Indeed, it has been quite sometime since i see some of them, and one of them commented that i seem to have gained quite a bit of bulk, thinking that i must have frequent the gym. But the truth is that i have put on weight, and under a v loose and big size T, i was able to cover my fats and making ppl think i am just 'bulky', haha. Heard that a few of them are getting married, and mostly are attached. Lots of job hops too. Other than that, we spent some time reminscing the old days, and tried to recall when and under wat circumstances/occassion did we met one another for the first time in NUS. It has been a good 5 yr.. but really it doesn seem tat long ago.

Back to the title of this topic, i gradually feel that i am really a person with no talent. Some ppl can skate so well, some can write very well, some can swim so fast, some can run v long, some have powerful vocals, some are so intellectual, some are born so pretty/handsome, some are so smart in studies, some possess superb soft skills... but i am more like a jack of all trades but master of nun. Its kinda an irony to my philosophy in life that i wanna be a medicore and not some outstanding personnel.

I think we all need a drive in life. Without a drive or an aim in life, we are jus like a living dead. So have u found yours?

No....

Jus got back from Changi Beach, enjoying the breezy nite with my ex colleague eating ice-cream. She passed me a chinese written letter, dated 24th May 2005 (the last day of my work at CDGE). In her letter she wrote this:

" You are not the only one that is unprepared and unable to accept tat today is your last day of work. Me too, also kept thinking that i will still be seeing you tommorow in the office, although we all knew long ago that today is ur last day." And bla bla bla.......

I duno how to respond to her letter, and i chose not to mention abt it even though i am NOW chatting with her msn. Guess when it comes to this type of thingie, i am quite helpless.

At my new work place, a few guy colleagues are starting to make fun of me with another gal. Tats becos i am one of the only 4 guys who are still unmarried among the 30 over guys in my dept. In fact among these 30 over guys, all except 2 are fathers already. And their average age is at most 30-32. Sometimes, i do feel the pressure to get myself attached and live like a 'normal' person. I also know how sweet and nice the feelings of being in love will be. But.........

Why shld i live a 'normal' life just becos everyone else is doing so? And how do we define 'normal' ? And arent all these sweet and nice feelings jus one side of the coin, with the other side as expectations, disappointments and attachments? Sometimes, the temptation can be great, and its a test on my faith , understanding and appreciation of life.

From: HP Human Resources

From: HP Human Resources
To: Yong Yong, Gordon
Sent: Thursday, June 23, 2005 10:14 AM
Subject: Requisition Cancelled
June 22, 2005
Dear Yong Gordon,

Thank you for applying for the position of Procurement Engineer, requisition # 881737. Due to a business decision, this requisition has been cancelled and will be removed from our website. We encourage you to revisit our Corporate website to apply for other positions that may be of interest to you.

We will retain your information in our candidate database for one year for the purpose of matching your job skills and interests to future job openings. You have the option of having your information automatically reviewed against the required skills for future job openings as they occur.

Thank you for your application. We wish you all the best in your career search.


Sincerely,Hewlett-Packard Companywww.hp.com/go/jobsJob Searcher (internal use)

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I only got the above reply today after applying it since late April. In fact, it has already been 6 weeks since i was offered a job at HP. TECHsemiconductor also called me 2 evenings ago to arrange for an interview. Similarly, I have to say the same thing to the HR as I did last yr that i have already gotten a job. So to ppl out there who thot they have sent enough resumes (say 10-15), they shld think twice. Unless u r very outstanding, the probability of getting a reply from the companies is actually very slim. So send more, go for more interviewes, learn more, listen more, gain more experiences. I know time is a factor, but then, never be TOO sure on what you want. Ehi Passiko.... its better late than sorry.

Quite a no. of friends (at least 4-5) have announced closing their blogs, for whatever reasons they feel appropriate, and i respect their decisions. But a couple of them re-opened up theirs again, welcome back! Cos i enjoy reading ur blogs. Some may claim blogging to be a waste of time, but the funny thing is tat u still see them reading other ppl's blogs and leaving comments (wats the difference then?).

Perhaps i am never a 100% sure person, thats why i am never confident enough to openly declare what I WANT or DUN WANT to do, cos i know nothing is impossible, and even my own views and thoughts will be impermanent. And if u dun keep to ur words, it may only become a laughing stock to others, u know?

All abt Singing

I was watching the SuperStar competition on Channel U jus now. There were 6 contestants featured tonite. I couldnt help but feel like dropping some comments....

Seriously speaking, except for a couple of them, I dun really find the rest of their singings fantastic. But then, they are definitely superb in their overall stage presentation. Its not easy to sing 'live' and having to perform on stage at the same time. Most probably they were qualified into the semis not jus solely on their singing prowess, but their stage performance talents.

But wat made me more uncomfortable are some of those judges, whom i think arent very good singers themselves in the first place. From my own knowledge, some of them were not teaching the right stuffs abt singing, esp when they mentioned abt using certain 'parts' of the body to expel the voices out. Its true that this will make the singer sound 'nicer' and also easier for them to sing, but then its definitely not going to help him/her in the long run. That explains why many famous singers (can i name them?) need many months/years of rest before they can launch their next album.. tats becos they have hurt their vocals. Can u recall AhMei and Jeff Chang used to be very powerful singers.. but wat happened?

Just now, one of the contestants really sound soooo nice, but he was practically using his throat voice throughout the entire song... i wonder if he is able to sing a 3rd or 4th song continuously like that.

Haha, i think i am beginning to sound very critical and arrogant.. but such basic knowledge shld be known by many others who have attended formal music lessons before. Still, i feel that it will be better if more qualified and professional singing judges can be invited to give comments, and not those who can write songs but know little abt singings.

Jogging is Shiok

I almost couldnt get the chance to blog tonite, cos my MSN kept flashing and flashing .... regarding some 'critical' issues between some of my frens in my clique. Hopefully wat i have done was able to resolve them....

I felt super shiok this evening, esp after my run at NUS. As planned, my colleagues and I headed for NUS after work for our 2.4km training. This time, we have more colleagues joining us. My timing has improved by abt 1 min, not far away from the passing mark already. Reminds me of my bmt days when my 2.4 timing improved after every jogging session, from a miserable failing timing, subsqly crossing the passing mark, and then eventually to a timing tat very quite safe from failing. I do hope I can pass my running after a few more sessions, but i suddenly feel like particpating in the RT program, haha.

One reason is becos i have my colleagues accompany me for RT, wahaha. Next is becos if i were to pass my IPPT during the 1st 4 weeks of my RT program, it will be considered as clearing my IPPT for the next window as well. But if i were to pass my IPPT now, then i have to take another one after july. Anyway, the feeling of after-run was really shiok, esp relaxing in the evening breeze by the SRC fields. We headed to Fong Seng for dinner after tat. Am glad tat my working place is so near to NUS.. unlike the silly Loyang......

Work is still as helpless and busy, but then, i can always look forward to lunch time, cos one big bunch of us will try to walk around to nearby places for makan. I like the spirit. As for my job, i think i really need to consult my manager soon for help. I hope i wun offend anyone by doing that....

The Ship & the Sheep

I kinda look forward to writing my blog every nite around this time. This is esp so when my day life has gotten so hectic, that nite time becomes a good time for me to recollect and find composure in myself.

I cant precisely explain the situation i am in now at work. Things got a bit out of hand as i got pretty helpless today, cos..

1) My upper study is not my actual upper study..
2) he is jus another victim tasked to temp take over the job within 3 days and then teach me...
3) Many urgent matters await for me to settle
4) I duno how to settle, he also duno how to settle
5) and yet the matters are super urgent
6) plus he is on MC today
7) I try to seek help from other snrs, they r helpful but too busy to help me
8) and emails (issues) kept pouring into my mailbox seeking my attn and soln
9) when i was still busy seeking soln for prob A, prob B came along, followed by C and D, all claiming to be super urgent.

The funny thing is i need to do a presentation today on something that i barely know. The most ridiculous thing is that my manager has expected me to do the presentation, and yet, he didnt really expect me to know the stuffs i was presenting cos he asked "oh, u know this already ah, you know that already ah?" .. damm funny, but i thot i gave a good and brave try, kinda fun. I guess NUS (esp engin fac ppl) have not much problem in formal presentations, cos tats practically wat we did in almost every sem.

Let me try giving an analogy to describe the situation i am in. My work is just like a super huge ship, and i am now standing so near to it that i m unable visualise how the entire ship looks like. I havent even know what are the various components and sections of the ship, but am straight away thrown into repairing and rectifying the faults in the various components. In other words, i dun even know where i am standing in the big picture ie. which parts of the ship i am now repairing and what their functions are. In the end, i decided to ask a snr to explain to me the entire big picture, so that i can always try to 'fit in' the issues i am handling into the big picture. In a way, everything becomes much clearer...

As my upper study wasnt here today (and not as if he surely can solve the issues), 2 other snrs whom i didn talk much to came forward to help me. One of them is really cool, as he kept telling me to 'relax and get used to it soon'. The interesting thing is these ppl do not have the standard solns themselves too, but worked together to seek the best soln to help solve my problems. Talk abt experiences and skills.... tats wat i hope to acquire.

Initial D

With the on going Initial D craze, in additional to my strong personal interest in cars, there is no way that the classic Toyota Trueno could escape from my attention. And yeah, i really find this car model cool. In fact, the last production stopped when riki was 2 yr old (1987), and was subsly replaced by newer and more avantgarde designs, but still, i like this old model very much.

Close frens wud know that i have a large collection of car models which are placed in my glass cupboard. OWY asked me this morning if i have any Toyota Trueno model, and my ans was an immediate NO. But upon 2nd thought, oh yeah, i do have one small red colour Trueno in my collection, but becos it wasnt in a good condition, i nv display it in my cupboard. I also remembered that this Trueno used to be my fave piece among all the other car models, cos the design stood out from among the other car models i have. Tat explains why it wasnt in a good condition now, cos i played with it too much when i was younger.

Coincidentally, while i was out shopping today, i managed to chance upon the Initial D exhibition, with a Toyota Trueno on display. Jus like any other typical guys around me, without much hesitation, i quickly took out my nokia6230 and got a few snap shots of it. Guys are guys, we dun like dolls but cars.

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Over the past couple of weeks, i have spent more than $300 on clothings. I know its not a large amt for some ppl, but it is for someone who doesn spend much like me. And i guess its really quite a lot, considering tat i did not buy any branded or special piece, but just normal polo tees, t-shirts and pants.

1) a long sleeves collared tee from U2
2) 2 x short sleeves collared polo from U2
3) a collared polo from Bossini
4) a pair of cargo pants from Bossini
5) a pair of jungle mock from queensway (brandless)
6) a pair of jeans from queensway at only $20!!!
7) a pair of berms (90210)

I bought the above cos i no longer need to wear long sleeves shirts and business pants for work!!! And now i have more than 10 pieces of long sleeves shirts (of various colours) hanging on my cupboard, and i jus cleared away at least 10 pcs of t shirts, among which 5-6 are my old NUSBS t shirts of various designs. Plan to give them to my jnrs, any takers? They are still very new... and can i say, collectible items? Hahaaha, cos u will not see anyone wearing them in NUS now.

I happened to walk into my mum's room when she was watching the PSC night (or whatever u call it). There was this dancing competition by young children and I managed to catch 2 grps performing. I was extremely impressed by their superb dancing skills, facial expressions and liveliness... i am speechless.........

I am glad that parents these day do not just focus on the academic aspects for their children. I feel so happy that these children are given the chances and opportunities to explore themselves in other areas of interest ie art, dances, singings. It seemed that the era i grew up in has focussed too much on academics. Fortunately i realised it not too late, and got myself engaged in quite a lot of non-academic activities during my jc/uni days.

Dun be alarmed by the background song i used in my blog. Can i say, this must be the KING of all karaoke songs in the chinese industry? Titled ' Bus-stop' or 'chia zam', a v popular song among the karaoke folks. Somehow, i feel that hokkien songs are easier to express out the feelings, but then, i duno how to sing hokkien songs.

Too early to blog tonite? I have nothing much to blog on, an i jus received another email from my manager on work matters :S Ate a bit of medicine feeling pretty goggy and tired, may get back to sleep again.

Mail Flood

I am flooded with emails. Firstly, my personal yahoo mailbox seems to be flooded with forwarded buddhist yahoogroup mails by some unknown ppl. Sometimes, I do get a bit fed up with ppl who use either buddhist names or acronyms, making ppl difficult to identify them. Secondly, i am flooded with my meditation workshop emails with ppl asking if the deadline has been closed, still got vacancy etc.

Thirdly, and most scaringly, my work mailbox nv get its chance to rest for a single moment. Even now, at this very moment, i am still receiving mails from my global counter parts, who work at diff time zones from us. So its now working hrs for them while rest time for us, and vice versa. As a result, i nv have the chance to finish clearing my mails... and most are very important issues, and delays = losing money. I m always mentally prep to stay back late at work to clear my stuffs, but have nv expected to bring work back home to do - no wonder HP gives us mail and server access to work at home.

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Its such an irony. I was still complaining to a colleague on tuesday evening that i feel so 'useless', sitting in the office having nothing to do. But within 2 short days, i have transformed myself into a busy man jus like any others.... Thank goodness i am NOT a freshgrad, if not, i wud definitely be overwhelmed by the very steep learning gradient i am embarking on right now. My prior working experience at CDGE has definitely helped a great deal, for not expecting everything to be spoon-fed, clear cut and direct.

A nusbs jnr is complaining to me now that he has problem settling down on his new found job. He felt unguided and lost. I can understand how he feels, cos the initial stage is always the hardest. I am now experiencing it myself too, but then, thats parts and parcel of life. A lot of things we duno what it is about, duno how to solve it, and worse, duno who to look for help. This is esp so when i am now working 'globally', working with ppl from taiwan, japan, USA, australia etc. I really see the impt of PR and interpersonal skills at work.

On the brighter side, i have v nice colleagues, who drove us out (in 2 cars) to Tiong Bahru for lunch today. Some more snr engineers even treated us to the meals, so paiseh.

Life is very hectic in HP, but i m sure i will feel a greater sense of job satisfaction.

Karma at Work

A friend who grew up in a buddhist family asked me : Why shld we be controlled by karma? Why must we be under 'his' mercy? I didnt have the answer to convince her, but what i can say is karma = me, me = karma, so we are under our own mercy.

I took a 2-week break enjoying myself before reporting to work. Becos of this decision, I did not get to see my real upper study, who left on the very day i reported to work. I later learnt that he has temporary tranferred his work load and portfolio to another guy (Guy A), who has own his portfolio. Becos the handing over was done in a rush, Guy A did not really pick up the job well, and hence, he has problem handing over the job to me properly.

Scenario1: If i were to report to work earlier, I shld be enjoying a better life now, cos i have the 'actual' upper study to learn from, and not from someone who know jus 10-20% of the job i am required to know.

Scenario2: If i were to report to work earlier, i will be in deep shxx now cos according to my colleagues, the prev guy wasnt a good guy. He wud have dumped everything to me within a few days, and i wud be suffering now. At least now i have Guy A to buffer me....

Gordon A: Guy A is a nice and friendly guy. Although he kept emphasizing that he didn know the stuff cos he only spent 3 days taking over, he tried his best to guide me through.
Gordon B : Guy A is a wayang guy. He kept emphasizing that he didnt know the stuff cos he only spent 3 days taking over. He is jus trying to push away the responsibilities...

Gordon A: Guy A asked me to deal with some stuffs today, when i am not even familiar with the entire structure. This is a v good chance for me to learn my stuffs, hands-on and get myself familiarise.
Gordon B: Guy A is trying to push away the duties to me ASAP so that he can get back to his own work.

Gordon A: Guy A is so pathetic, he has only 3 days to take over the job from the prev guy, and now he has to guide a newbie. He is so new into the job, and yet has to play the role of a mentor.
Gordon B: Guy A is just answering his own karma. He has been too slack in the past, siaming all the tough work, and now, he has a hard time teaching me, cos he din even know the stuffs well. Serve him right.

Throughout the 2 days, i have been switching roles from GordonA to GordonB from time to time. In the end, i decided to rule out GordonB, and will continue to tell myself that Guy A is indeed a very helpful and sincere guy. I shldnt judge ppl too negatively. Afterall, i can really see his effort in trying to guide and help me as much as possible.

One great difference betw HP and CDGE. In the latter, most (if not all) of the staffs are full of complaints for their bosses/managers, criticising how incapable and incompetent they are. But in the earlier, the staffs are full of praises and admiraton for their bosses.. hmm.. much can be inferred from this observation.

Diary for today

1) Spent more than 1/2 my day at NUH today. Drank some funny luminous substances few hrs prior to my scanning, and i think i have become an expert in wearing the medical gowns (meant for those who need to go for op or scanning). Something diff i experienced today was the injection of this medicine into my body, that sent very warm waves of sensation from my arm to my heart then to my pelvis. A rather pleasant feeling, esp in the super freezing cold theatre.

2) Work was super sian for me today, even though i spent only 3hrs in the office. My mentor and other seniors were all extremely busy with their work, and have no time to entertain me. I was like the lost sheep, or lobo, amongst all the hectic workers. Occasionally, some will pop over and told me to 'relax lah'... 'enjoy your honeymoon period first la'... even my manager kept telling me 'slowly slowy, dun worry', and wanted me to absorb the HP culture first. But i jus feel a sense of anxiety in me.

3) After work today, 3 colleagues and I went for jogging at NUS, which is pretty nearby our work place. They are all older than me, but i ran the slowest :( Coincidentally, all our birthdays fall on the same month, and one has his bday jus one day apart from mine. And we joked tat if we were to fail our IPPT, we shall go for RT together, ahaha. Nice feeling to have colleagues around my same age grp and we can engage in sports together, esp after office hrs. But to my surprise, only abt 5-6 of us are unmarried personnel in the entire department of 40 over ppl. There are really many young fathers, who have not even hit the age of 30 yet.

4) My ex staffs were in trouble.... i hope they can survive the ordeal.

Hey My Colleagues

This morning, I finally get to see my 'mentor', who was away at China for a project for the past one week. Prior meeting him today, I have already heard lots of stuffs abt him, like he is the number da hao ren (aka the monk of HP), the super clown & joker, Li Nanxing-look-a-like etc. True enough, he is really a damm funny joker and seems to be a very nice senior to me. The things he taught me today has far superseded what i have learnt over the past week. But the sad thing is although he is my assigned mentor, i am not going to take over his projects. Instead, I am going to take over the job of another guy, who seems to me as a very friendly guy too.

However, during lunch today, I was eating with this grp of more senior colleagues who started to talk ill abt the 2nd guy (the one that i am supposed to take over his work). I was tempted to join in the 'fun' and ask them why and what he did in the past, but i resisted and told myself its NO point engaging in such destructive conversations. I thot i wud definitely feel damm miserable if i were to be the one spoken ill of by my colleagues, esp when its done behind my back.

After the lunch break, another grp of colleagues were talking abt those missing cases in Fraser Hill etc, when one guy spoke abt his interest in hiking and venturing thru the forested areas in sg. I was thrilled and asked him if he know abt the forgotten Japanese Shinto Shrine at MacRitchie which is now well hidden by trees and thick undergrowths. He was equally excited when he learnt that i took great interest in it, and even sent me many internet links related to the broken shrine, which are damm hard to find when i try searching them on googles. We have planned to go down sometime soon, like this weekend or wat .. woohoo..

This snr engineer also shared with me some other 'sacred' places in singapore which were WWII battle grounds of sg. He told me there are several places which are very near to our work place, and we could drive down anytime. He wud be bringing me down tmr during lunch break to Labrador park to visit the entrance of the collapsed tunnel which was supposed to link to Sentosa. He also suggested going to Mt Pepsy to visit some old WWII bunkers, but i told him i have accidentally stumbled onto them during my search for a 'haunted' place during NUSBS FOC2001.

So far, i am quite pleased to be at HP, cos the colleagues are definitely more fun. There r really countless no. of eateries around my workplace, and i dun feel the urge to rush home at 530pm sharp like wat i used to at CDGE. But i also know it will be a diff story when the work load starts to pile in. .. but at least, the working env is really good.

Om 11th

As my entry title suggests, I was ranked 11th for my 50m freestyle swimming today. Definitely i DUN feel 'proud' of my miserable ranking at 11th, neither do i feel paiseh or bad abt it , but i jus simply find the number '11' very appealing at the moment.

Coincidently, an old NUSBS fren (JS) was with me in the swim meet. He ranked slightly better than me, at 9th, representing his GRC. The most NBT thingie was tat a national swimmer (who din win any individual title but won a gold medal for relay at 2003 SEA games) was also in the competition. He was directly by my side at lane1, while i was lane 2. I wonder why the council allowed him to take part, since its written 'no national swimmer' allowed. I heard someone has already reported him though.

I got feedbacks from my GRC members that my plunging was weak. I was the last one who touched the water among all the 8 swimmers in my heat, but i did manage to chase up quite a bit during the dash. My timing was slightly over 30sec, din manage to break thru the 30sec mark like i used to before. My GRC members were rather disappointed, for they thot their ex-armour formation swimmer could bring back at least a bronze medal for them.. wahaha.. sorry to disappoint them.

In fact at the 3/4 mark, i began to feel the fatigue on my body. I began to lose my breaths and i couldnt keep my left arm stiff and firm. Tats why according to my dad, i fell back from the 2nd position all the way to the 5th during the last 1/4, with jus split seconds of difference in timings among my fellow competitors. But at the age of 26, i am already very satisfied with myself, for having to acheive a pretty decent swim competiting with the young fellows who were mostly in their early 20s. Yeah, i am the oldest amomg all, followed by JS.

Age is catching up. There are a lot of things that I cant do as well as before. I cannot run and swim as fast, and bowl as well as before. Sometimes, i thought i couldnt sing as well as before also. I feel my peak was at around the age of 20 to 21. After 21, u feel an obvious deteoriation in ur body functions, be it stamina, appetite and vibrance. Now i know why SAF categorises us in CAT X, CAT Y and CATZ1 & 2 for IPPT.

Weekend diary

MSN has become a very powerful tool, even more at my new workplace. A few colleagues told me that MSN is v useful cos its fast and u get almost immediate response from the other party. Esp when everything is so fast paced at work, u dun have waste time picking up ur telephone and search for the right numbers to dial. MSN allows u to communicate and work directly with ur PC where all the information are stored. Even the managers communicate via MSN, cool, isnt it?

What intrigued me more was that one of my section managers asked me if i read the infamous xiaxue blog. The other section manager heard our conversation and was interested to find out the URL of my blog.. walaos... but still, i am thankful for the invention of blogs. Becos i jus simply write wat i feel and din bother to purposely impress others by spending long hours on my contents, tenses, phrasings and sentence structures, my entries are normally written within 5-10 min. One interesting blog will be alex's... which he has impersonified (got such word?), like some old fren he will speak to whenever he feels like sharing.


Last night, I have planned to go for the Ven Kaizhao dana offering session this morning, but somehow there was a bit of screw up in my own schedule. My mum needed my help with her offerings to celebrate the Duan Wu Jie at home. But surprisingly, she asked me to go ahead, and even offered some of her freshly made dumplings + newly bought lychee to be brought to the dana session. I guess I shldnt waste my mum's effort and sincerity, shall go ahead and further extend her meritorious deeds.

The dana session was very very simple and yet complete. Get to see many familiar faces that you wud often see in various buddhist functions. This guy came up to me and asked if he has seen me at XXX or YYY function before... frankly speaking i cant remember (and i dun bother to remember such things), but jus politely told him yes, i have been to XXX and YYY before. Next time i shld brush off by saying " no. .think u ve seen my face on TV before, but tats not me.. jus someone who look like me..." hahaha...

Gonna represent my GRC (Eunos) to compete in 2 swimming events tmr... awwww... i foresee myself tat i will be the clown of the day... a swimmer that is totally out of shape and cant swim fast. I see the name list and found some ex-youth-national swimmers (from other GRCs) in it, so its obvious my roles tmr is to add up to the numbers, such that the audience will see a very nice V-shaped pattern formed up by the 8 swimmers in the waters, with the fastest in the middle and slowest by lane 1 or 8 (which is me!) . Call me cheapo, but i agreed to swim becos i wanna spice up my resume...

Meditation Wksp + Judging Ppl

The response for the meditation workshop i am organising is overwhelming. For the past week, I have been receiving envelopes of application forms and cheques. Now, I am hitting near my maximum limit of 50. I cant imagine having to call up the late applicants that their applications are not approved.

To date, i have received many phone calls and emails regarding the workshop. I feel joyful that there are many ppl who are so keen in learning meditations, but they lack the channels and opportunities to do so. I wudn feel so much if they were old timers who have attended many meditation retreats before. But wat surprised me is 90% of them are NEW to meditation and are very keen to learn.

I cant describe precisely in words how enthusiastic some of them are, but i really feel very happy for them. So friends out there, if u have the experiences, means and capabilities to organise a meditation retreat/workshop, pls do your part.. there r many 'hungry' beings out there who wish to learn meditation but do not have the chance/idea on how to go abt it.

Today, I attended my company's mid year general meeting cum party at a pub by the Esplanade. Think HP is really rich in spending so much money on this event, and its held twice a year. Free gifts, foods, drinks and dance hall for all.... And i get to see the 'real' side of my manager.

Jus like some typical ppl, i used to think i am very good in judging ppl, and was v confident that i can always judge a person correctly and accurately. But we all k now juding ppl is already WRONG in the first place, but inevitably, i still judge my manager during my interview session with him. I concluded him as a very honest, straight and serious person then... but i am wrong, having work with him for one week, i realise he is not a simple person, not so serious too, and can be quite cunning.

Today, i also received some complain smses from my ex-staffs, who told me how unfairly some of them have been treated by our ex-manager. I know i shldnt listen only to 1 sided story, but i know there s nothing i can do already. They told me that they are now 'superiorless' and have no one to fight for their rights and stand up for them. Tats rather unpleasant to my ears. While i feel a sudden relief that i am no longer holding the responsibility of taking charge of 130++ ppl, i am thankful of wat i ve been thru. Its indeed a rare chance that a fresh grad can take up such a senior post, a very rewarding and unforgettable experience indeed.

Talking to a 10 yr old kid

Very challenging to talk to a 10 yr old kid, esp when i seldom mix with kids cos i am the youngest at home. Heres a msn conversation i had at work today with my fren's brother...

boy: I hate my mum
me : why?
boy: cos she promised to buy me a hp, but then now say cannot
me : do you ask her for the reasons?
boy: no, i hate her!!!!
me : what happened to your old hp? Spoilt?
boy: my old hp cannot type chinese, i need to type chinese
me : why?
boy: to my chinese teacher who is in china now, she cant read english
me : ok... (trying not to oppose the kid, so that the communication wud not be strained)

boy: see.. i need the hp, i duno why my mum dun want to buy.
me : a new hp is very expensive, mabbe thats why your mum feel its not worth to buy
boy: no.. i am aiming the xxx model, only $299!!!
me: *gasp* (v hard to talk to kids)
boy: she said only if the hp is spoilt, then i can buy... mabbe i will purposely go and spoil it.
me: Perhaps its more meaningful to play ur part to help your family save money, isnt it better?
boy: aww.....

boy: haha, now i am left with a 1 more battery, if this battery spoilt, then i can buy a new hp already, yeah!
me: *damm* (did he really go and spoil the hp batt?)
me: I only have my first new hp when i was in NUS yr2, i always use my dad's and bro's old hps, my mother also use a very old hp, even my managers now in HP also use v old models like 8250.
boy: but all my frens use 7610i, they so rich, so good, i so poor....
me: you shld work towards being cleverer than them, smarter than them, having better results than them, and not having better hp than them (i kinda regretted preaching too much at this stage).

***after lunch time***
boy: Hi, i decided not to buy the hp already
me: oh why?
boy: cos my parents explained to me already, when the old hp is still working, i shld not throw away cos thats waste of money. Its also part of buddhism teaching, be contented and use what is needed.
me: well done, your ability to absorb and apply the teachings is far more better than owning a new hp...
boy: thanks!

Conparisons

Its a paradox. While I constantly remind myself not to be too optimistic abt my new found job, for fear of having too high expectations that may lead to disappointments, I also tell myself to think positively to ensure I have a good kick off.

Instead of judging how much I like or dislike abt HP, perhaps i shld jus evaluate and compare betw my 2 jobs:

1) The very first few days I stepped into CDGE, i really disliked the place. I dragged myself to work everyday for almost the first couple of months. On the other hand, I find myself looking forward to work for the first 3 days at HP.

2) I have my own personal room in CDGE, meaning i can chat on phone, msn, icq, surf the web openly. I also have my own coloured printer to print whatever i like. In HP, i am seated among the crowd, having only a small cubicle to myself. I cant msn, icq, surf web or print my stuffs as carefreely, even though my colleagues told me nobody cares. I jus feel a lack in privacy.

3) As mentioned earlier, I need to wait for a super long time to get a not-so-good PC at CDGE, but computers and laptops are at abundance in HP. The above pics show my very power PC + centrino laptop. I am actually blogging now with my new laptop at home.. woohoo..

4) The colleagues in CDGE are very warm and friendly, who openly show their concerns and care for you. I remembered many of them took very good care of me when i was new there. In HP, ppl are nice and friendly too, but somehow, perhaps they are more educated and younger in age, I find their conversations more superficial and surface.

5) Colleagues at CDGE may be more down-to-earth, but those who are close to me are mostly 10-20 yrs older than me. Moreover, most of them were my subordinates and staffs and thus, conversations were quite restricted. Everyone in HP (except for the managers) are just slightly older than me. The presence of peers makes me feel less lonely, and i also have more ppl to learn from, seek advice, follow and look up to (which i think is v impt).

6) Lunch at CDGE is quite limited. We either ate at the staff canteen (very limited food), drive to some nearby eateries or walk to Loyang Point (very far and hot). Lunch is NOT a problem at HP, as they are many foodcourts nearby, and even shuttle services to anchorpoint and Harbourfront. Most colleagues have cars too, and we drove out to Harbour front for lunch today. But i foresee the expenditure for food is gonna be high over at HP.

7) Working hrs in CDGE is fixed. 830 to 530 sharp, lunch hr 12+ to 1+ (flexible). In HP, the crowd only start to come in at 930 but ppl stay much later than the knock off time at 530pm. I see ppl leaving for lunch as early as 1130am and coming back as late as 2pm.

Overall, i feel that resources are at abundance in a MNC. However, becos of the great size of the organisation, many process flows and reactions are very slow and inefficient. However in a SME, although resources are very limited, it works very efficiently and changes can be adopted at double quick time. (eg. to get my HP staff card, the HR at HQ has to pass it to the admin in the bldg i work in, then the admin pass it to my dept secretary, then to me. However, in CDGE, the HR dept passes my card to me directly).

Its now still too early to judge, esp on my work scope and nature. But i predict a much brighter future at HP than at CDGE.

I actually din feel like having this entry, but many ppl were asking me online on my first day of work at HP. But before i moved on to HP, i wud like to share something abt MacRitchie again..

Last evening, I had a sudden twist in my emotions, esp after re-reading some past online articles on the reservoir. I remembered i was v fascinated by the Hey! Singapore program hosted by Lisa Ang many many yrs ago, on exploring this Japanese Shinto Shrine which was built on a forested (and unreachable) bank of MacRitchie. I also recalled this 'water' tombstone (dated 1876) which is located by the bank. Both places were documented in the SPI case files, and I only realised tat i have actually walked past both sites last evening after re-reading these documents after the walk, aiz...

Sometimes, I have this strong feeling that my prev life was a WWII soldier in singapore. The image of a jap soldier sitting in solitude has appeared in my mind a few times during my meditation. And i remembered tat i always felt very angry with this image whenever i 'see' it. But i have no clue on my r/s with this image. But i do feel very strongly for some WWII sites like the hidden bunkers behind Cen Library and the Syonan Jinja Shrine at Macritchie.

But wat fascinated me more was the tombstone by the waterside. I read the SPI files and was touched by the love story behind this tomb. It was said that MacRitchie was not a reservoir in the past, but a v scenic spot with valleys and hills. The tombstone was located on the hilltop valley. But an irrigation work took place many yrs later and filled up the valley, getting wat we have as MacRitchie Reservoir today, with the water level rising up to where the tombstone is now.

Okie back to HP... nothing interesting, but inevitably made some comparisons between my day 1 at comfortdelgro and day 1 at HP. Over at HP, i was given a brand new laptop + a brand new PC (with a very very very big LCD monitor) within an hr i stepped into my work place. I could even choose the models some more from the store, for the manufacuturing plant is located jus beside my office. Whereas in comfort, i have to wait and wait and finally resorted to unscrupulous means to get a new PC which wasnt tat fantastic afterall. HOWEVER...... MNC is afterall MNC, very slow reaction in most aspects. To get some IT help, i have to make overseas call for assistance, as they r not available locally. Whereas in comfort, the IT personnel are located within the same bldg, and you can use ur ways to coax them to come down to help u do the configurations and settings on spot. In HP, to apply something, u have to go thru so many ppl at diff locations and the process is so slow....

Guess wat? I spent the entire working day holding on to my telephone line, making overseas call to the IT helpdesk, jus to set up and configure my PC and laptop, and i am only halfway done. If only some IT personnel are around to help me solve on spot... . brrrr.......

Mac-nificent

Mac Ritchie is a really magnificent place, and i am not refering to those areas which are nearer to the main roads/carparks, but those areas which were deeper & further in, away from the human crowds and urban pollution.

I am pleasantly surprised to find out that there r still such quiet places in sg to be explored. The sunset was especially beautiful, and the scenes here are actually nicer than Kranji Reservoir. However, the route to this quiet spot is comparatively longer and tougher than that of the Kranji reservoir... but i will definitely re-visit the place in the near future.

Enough said, for the pictures (minsu my face?) say a thousand words.

Job hop + retrenchment

I had a late dinner cum supper with my hostel mate/course mate at blk 85 (ba cho mee, yeah). The last time i met up with him was also eating ba cho mee at blk 85, which was 1 yr ago. It was then 2 days before he s gonna start work at AFPD. Coincidently, this evening wud be 2 days prior to my first day at HP. I remembered during the last meet up, he was then v excited abt his new found job, but this evening, he sounded super sian with it. .. sighz

Just received a msg from a lecture mate tat she has resigned her job at STmicro and is heading for panasonic. She is already the 3rd person i know who have quitted from that company. Seems tat job hopping is getting quite prevalent for ppl from my batch.

3 days ago, i visited my prev work place and received some bad news that 4 senior managers + 4 executives were retrenched in our head company. Thats very depressing, esp for those new managers and exec who have jus joined the group not long ago. But a couple of the snr managers were very pleased witht the outcome cos they had a very handsome sum of compensation ie. work for 30 yrs means getting 30 x monthly salary. One of them was a GM somemore, meaning he is getting at least 300K at one shot. .. *drool*

After the ba cho mee, i drove my fren to changi beach and we had a very nice and long chat, abt life and career. I guess i am much more fortunate than him, cos he has to share his bedroom with his sister and brother. Jus like me, he has been away from home for at least 6yrs during NUS and army, and shifting back home to stay with his family is not something he can accept easily. Its such an irony, i also know of some foreign students who yearn to stay with their parents and siblings, and singaporeans like us like to shift out and stay alone.

Just like jobs, there is this trend that i see-your-job-is-better and you-see-my-job-is-better, meaning i see u good, u see me good kinda situation. Can be easily explained by the Dharma, but i shall not preach too much as there r a few non buddhist frens reading my blog too :D

Same Approach again

Seeing double? Yeah, I got a little surprised to find 2 cars, of the same model and colour, having all 4 digits similar on the registration plate! Even my bro himself couldnt tell tat the car on the 2nd pic wasnt his when i showed him on my cam phone. And from these 2 pics, u can also see how much improvement there is in the phone cam quality.

I spent today on bowling + swimming again. My bowling was worse than yday, as my middle finger started to develop blisters. Sometimes, i really feel paiseh with my scores, for someone who owns a very expensive Zone bowling ball. Its like wearing a big hat when ur head isnt big enough for it. I spent my aftn at the quiet Kallang Basin pool getting my plunging right. Quite pleased with my plunging, but i dun think there s much i can do with my 50m freestyle dash. A couple was by the side of the pool, with the lady telling her bf "Wah, zhe ge ren hen li hai... swee swa swee swa jiu dao ling wai yi bian le". I am indeed honoured to receive such compliments, but the ugly fact is.... er...you know what. Afterall, u cant expect a 26 yr old guy, with a potbelly + flabby arms and legs to swim like a national swimmer.

I am feeling very uneasy over a r/s with a fren. As usual, i have chosen to 'escape' rather than face it and tackle the problem. I know thats quite unlike me, but I tend to resort to the same approach whenever such things happen. I know its v bad to treat someone coldly, but there arent much other choices out there either. Mabbe i will elaborate more of this in my next entry.

Scattered Entry

First of all, i wanna congratulate XXX for getting first class honours! Wonderful :) Din announce his name cos he may not like such publicity. But still, his family and him must be dammmm happy now, for it hasnt been an easy 4-yr for them all.

This early aftn i have the honour of getting tearbell to join me for bowling (see pic above). Went with him to NUS, dropped him at his lab, had a swim myself .... but he returned back at the most unexpected moment :S

Had rice table buffet dinner with a ex hostel mate. The first time i ate with sumantri was v nice, today, the 2nd time, was jus 1/2 as nice. Too much food is really bad for health, and bad for the mind.

Going to bowl for my GRC this coming saturday, and swim for my GRC too next sunday. Sound as if i am a sportsman, but the fact is i am so physically unfit. Not so worry abt my bowling, but i hope the GRC doesn pin too much hopes on my swim. I dun even think i can plunge nicely into the waters now... probably a half-fxxk one with my goggles coming off .. then i will be dammm malu.

Couldnt help but feel very sian again this evening. My 6th sense is telling me that something bad is going to happen tmr.... my prediction has NEVER failed me, i really x 10000 hope there s an exception for this time round.

Medical report is out - I have fatty liver, but doc said i am not obsese so i can ignore. But... i have to undergo another round of thorough X-ray which cost $800 for private patients. Siao la... shen jing bing then wud go for this x-ray.

Too much to blog abt...

Oh i have too much to blog this evening. If i were to condense it for the sake of my readers, then my blog wud be quite meaningless... so i shall just write.

Port Tour

The much anticipated PSA Port Tour is finally here! I din know wats in the mind of the other participants, but for me, I was definitely much more interested in touring around the ports than getting the job itself. The PSA building is indeed impressive, a very sophisticated high rise building. From the 36th storey, I was given the treat of views which i nv had before... the long stretch of pasir panjang expressway + sentosa + the PSA ports, all at a bird's eye view.

But i think the HR didnt do a good job in making the participants at ease, unlike the other interview sessions i had before at other companies. The 18 of us were in complete silent for almost 20 min (doing nothing + looking at one another) while waiting for the HR personnel to consolidate our documents. I had the urge to do the ice-breakings, but i reminded myself the role i was playing then. I wasnt playing the role of a senior or facilitator in BS activities, neither am I the ops executive conducting briefings for my foremen and technicians, but jus a fellow participant like the others, so i shld jolly well keep a low profile and shut up.

The tour was quite fun. As mentioned repeatedly in my blog, the PSA ports were my best companions in NUS, esp during exam period, where i wud either study at the same time enjoy the sea ports view either from E1 8th floor, my PGP pantry, or directly out from my Sheares hall windows. It always gave me the very calm, peaceful and soothing feelings. But its a place which i nv get to land my foot on before, and thus today was kinda like a small dream come true.

I feel tat i really have the drive and passion for port work, but the pay sux big time. The working hrs is also not so appealing, in addition to the lack of exposure + technical specialisation. I wish my new friends (my fellow port 'tourists') all the best in their coming interviews :)

Ven Tenzin Palmo

I seldom like to summarise or make notes for Dharma talks i have attended, for fear of mindlessly mutating the exact words from the venerables + i believe whatever absorbed shld be in the mind, not on the paper, if not, its jus theories. But for the sake of BSL, i wud jus write a bit.

1) A lady came up at the Q&A session and told ven that she was diagnosed with cancer 6 yrs ago, recovered, but the cancer came back to her last friday again. Today was her first Dharma talk and she seek buddhism's view on death. Ven Tenzin Palmo told everyone that death happens to everyone, be it u r guy, gal, baby, old man, adults, child, animals etc, its jus a matter of time. In fact, knowing that u r not going to live for long can be a blessing, as this person will make very good use of his/her remaining time to live life to the fullest, with no regrets as he/she dies as a happy person. Most others will tend to take life for granted, as if they have an unlimited amt of time to live - wasting life. So the bottomline is to Live Your Life to the Fullest and Meaningfully, be it u r have 3 days or 30 yrs more to live.

2) Ven also reminded us not to seek happiness externally, but internally. Seeking happiness externally is like a hamster spending so much effort and time running repeatedly on the wheel roller (or just like running on the threadmill). Working so hard to fight for what u want, and when u finally got it, u r only happy for a short while before u start to aim for the next 'want'. Seeking happiness internally on the other hand is the seeking of peace and inner bliss.

3) Being a good buddhist is not one who attended many retreats, or do metta meditation for hrs everyday, but spend the rest of the time yelling and shouting at others. The most fundamental and impt thing in buddhism is to live NOW.

Okie enough said, cos the more i wrote, the more fearful i got if i have unknowingly modified ven's actual words. So read it at ur own risk! Hahaa... and i shall end here with a very sincere and non gimmicky blog by our NUSBS Chenrezig Jessy. Pls read it, and u wud feel the difference.