Love Sux Lah...

Contrary to last evening, the lectures today were not as enjoyable. Probably the topics have sunken too much into hardcore theories, and becoming a scholarly buddhist is not something which I wish to be. Reminds me of one of the pitfalls in ppl practising theravada buddhism - the greed of accumulating merits without rejoice.

Nevertheless, I still feel the extreme importance of gaining knowledge, be it through lessons, dharma talks or readings. And all of us we need to balance it with practice. A BS fren once joked about the ppl in CMC. He gave an analogy of a flock of birds, who will all packed and crowd together around the teacher when she is around. But once the teacher is gone/away, this flock of birds will scatter.

Last evening was a dramatic night. 2 friends (Jin & Zhi) called me abt 10 min apart to complain about their love problems. As both of them know each other too, I decided to ask them out although it was already midnight. In the end, we met at Jin's house who has a very lovely garden roof, for beer drinking.

Both Jin and Zhi were my army friends, and quite amazingly, all 3 of us joined NUSBS separately without knowing the other 2 have joined too. When we were in yr2, Zhi got attached to another common friend (Min). I was kinda suprised by their union cos just barely 2months ago, Min has expressed her love for me, but things did not work out. And 2 months later, they were attached. Nevertheless, I was glad they were together as I no longer need to face Min with embarrassment.

Throughout the next 3-4 yrs, there have been a couple of friends who commented on the incompaitability of Min and Zhi. However, the secret tat Min was once in love with me has never been leaked out from my mouth. Furthermore, we often have outings and gatherings, and the 2 of them seemed to be a very loving and sweet couple.

Last evening, Zhi told me that he has broken up with Min. Min is currently seeing a new guy, and told Zhi she has never really loved him for the past 3-4 yrs. You can imagine how painful Zhi must have felt, after putting in so much efforts and time in nuturing this relationship. And Zhi gave me a 2nd shock when he told me that he has already learnt abt the 'secret' from Min, and kinda blamed me for not telling him earlier. If he were to know that Min was still interested in me juz a couple of months before they were hitched, he wud not have accepted her then. Still, I felt a sense of relief, as I no longer need to keep this terrible secret of betraying my buddy, and not letting him know the truth that his gal was once in love with me.

I guess my story has kinda placed Min into a very bad picture, but the truth is NO. I still find her a very nice lady, but probably too driven by ego to cover her weakness and face, tat she resorted in finding a new guy to replace the earlier one, one after another.

The broken heart is extremely hard to heal. Love can bring you high up into the heavens, but can also send you crushing down to the ground dead. So how? Learn the Abhidharma... haha.