A friend thought I have become 'better', judging from my previous entrywhich was a pretty much cheerful one. However, thats not true as I do not feel any 'better'. In fact, it has been quite the same - neither happy nor sad.
Just got back my Partner few hours ago. The repair package includes polishing and waxing of exterior + vacuuming of the interior. The van does not only look brand new, it feels brand new too. Everything looks sparkling new, including the front lamp, bonnet cover, bumper and sport rims + rim covers. However, i just feel that it looks different from the past already, although I cant precisely tell which part(s). I guess this applies similarly to many things - once there s a change, it will nv be the same again.
And there I say goodbye to the Nissan, which have faithfully accompanied me for the past one week. Though not a very comfortable car, its definitely more 'me', in the sense tat is suits my age better and is more agile. High fuel consumption aside, it does not give me any technical problem, phew.
Today and last week, I interviewed quite a number of workers who are interested in looking for a job at my work place. Unfortunately, I could not hire any of them. This is because I just received a notice from the management that the company is going to reduce the manpower.
About a yr ago, the company was facing its toughest period, not because of the economy down turn but due to a change in the LTA rule (i guess i cant reveal too much info here). The rule has affected us in the way that my ppl had to work very much harder. Finally, after slogging for about 1 yr, the brigher days are back again after everyone's efforts to struggle past that horrendous 1 yr. And just as everyone thought that its time to slow down and relax a little, the company announces a cut in manpower, reason stating that the work load is now lighter :(
I think the society is sometimes really too unfit for survival, especially with the very fast moving and changing paces. I foresee that there will be no more career stability and long lasting marriages in the future.
Monday, February 28, 2005
Omipresent??
'You are Omipresent!' exclaimed Kalden, when I told him that I met his sister at a birthday party cum house warming today. Actually tats not true and neither was meeting his sister coincidental. The owner of the place is none other than dickson, a common buddhist friend to many.
Whats more interesting at the function was i managed to meet up with Margaret (or Margaret jie jie, which s the way we used to call her). Have not seen her since she left for Australia few yrs ago. Finally her husband and her are back, after 3 months at Australia and 1 yr at Myammar.
From my conversation with her today, I realised that I have indirectly helped a friend to a great extent. About 2-2.5 yrs ago, I have this hostel mate who was very pesimistic in life. He is not only stubborn and egoistic, but his life was practically screwed up with countless of unwholesome thoughts. He was also suffering from some pyschological illness and came from a broken family. As I was very free during that semester (having my IA), I tried my best to share the Dharma with him. Eventually, I managed to convince him to follow me to a dana session for Sayalay at Margaret's house.
Initially, my friend was reluctant to prostrate to sayalay, but had a private counselling session with her. After abt an hr of conversation, i could sense a great change in him. Upon departure, he even prostrated to sayalay! My friend became very cheerful for at least the next couple of months, but SARs soon came and I was forced to shift out from hostel. Since then, we were no longer in very close contact, but he did told me he is getting better.
Today, Margaret told me that after we left her house 2 yrs ago, Sayalay told her that she was extremely happy that day. Although she has had many students and have helped all of them in dif ways, she felt that she has helped my friend to an exceptionally great extent - to the extent of 'saving' his life. In other words, she has saved a life that day. It was indeed amazing to hear this from Margaret today. As such, I would like to beseech everyone to eagerly encourage your friends to meet up with venerables, attend Dharma talks or share good dharma books around. You'll nv know how much u can change their life to the better.
Spent a few hrs to rush out a website for Ven Kaizhao's new Dharma centre. KeePang wanted it real fast. If u spot any error or bad links, do let me know, thanks.
To end this entry, I would like to thank my smallbro zea in giving me a chance to offer my service to Bhante Dhammasubho. We even brought him to visit SriLankaramaya Temple today. May the merits accumulated, be shared with all sentient beings around me who are in constant suffering, to the Dharma protectors that protect me from harm, and also to my parents and friends.
Whats more interesting at the function was i managed to meet up with Margaret (or Margaret jie jie, which s the way we used to call her). Have not seen her since she left for Australia few yrs ago. Finally her husband and her are back, after 3 months at Australia and 1 yr at Myammar.
From my conversation with her today, I realised that I have indirectly helped a friend to a great extent. About 2-2.5 yrs ago, I have this hostel mate who was very pesimistic in life. He is not only stubborn and egoistic, but his life was practically screwed up with countless of unwholesome thoughts. He was also suffering from some pyschological illness and came from a broken family. As I was very free during that semester (having my IA), I tried my best to share the Dharma with him. Eventually, I managed to convince him to follow me to a dana session for Sayalay at Margaret's house.
Initially, my friend was reluctant to prostrate to sayalay, but had a private counselling session with her. After abt an hr of conversation, i could sense a great change in him. Upon departure, he even prostrated to sayalay! My friend became very cheerful for at least the next couple of months, but SARs soon came and I was forced to shift out from hostel. Since then, we were no longer in very close contact, but he did told me he is getting better.
Today, Margaret told me that after we left her house 2 yrs ago, Sayalay told her that she was extremely happy that day. Although she has had many students and have helped all of them in dif ways, she felt that she has helped my friend to an exceptionally great extent - to the extent of 'saving' his life. In other words, she has saved a life that day. It was indeed amazing to hear this from Margaret today. As such, I would like to beseech everyone to eagerly encourage your friends to meet up with venerables, attend Dharma talks or share good dharma books around. You'll nv know how much u can change their life to the better.
Spent a few hrs to rush out a website for Ven Kaizhao's new Dharma centre. KeePang wanted it real fast. If u spot any error or bad links, do let me know, thanks.
To end this entry, I would like to thank my smallbro zea in giving me a chance to offer my service to Bhante Dhammasubho. We even brought him to visit SriLankaramaya Temple today. May the merits accumulated, be shared with all sentient beings around me who are in constant suffering, to the Dharma protectors that protect me from harm, and also to my parents and friends.
Saturday, February 26, 2005
Although I have had some experiences of sighting certain 'sentient beings', I must still declare that I do not possess the '3rd eye' and do not have the ability to sight them always.
However, probably I am really down on my luck lately, I thought I had 3 encounters with 'them' today. I was taking the lift up to a certain floor of this building, which was empty with no one around at that time. Upon the opening of the lift door, i heard some noise and when i looked up, I thought I saw a shadow darting quickly into a room which door was diagonally facing me. Initially I thought somebody was around but after some waiting, nobody came out - nobody was around, and I felt nothing abt it then.
The 2nd encounter happened when I was sitting facing another door. The door has those typical long glass panel that allowed ppl from outside to peep in and vice versa. I didn know what made me look up at the glass panel suddenly, and once again, I saw a shadow quickly darting away from my sight. I began to feel something amiss. The 3rd encounter when I went home few hrs ago. I was taking the lift up and when the lift door opened, I saw another shadow quickly darting away from my sight and disappeared behind a wall.... gosh.. my hairs are standing on end now while i am typing this down. It may be just my imagination, or it may be real. Either case, I just need to be very mindful, especially when it comes to driving.
Today, i nearly met with 2 accidents. The first one happened at my neighbourhood carpark. I was driving along this long stretch of carpark and from far, i already noticed this guy walking by the side, in the same direction of my car which means he was back facing me. Upon reaching him, he suddenly wanted to cut across the road, and I guessed the front left portion of my car did touch him. Fortunately he reacted in time after i sounded my horn, if not, my tyre would probably have run over his foot. Next, I was filtering off from the expressway onto a main road. I was too engrossed in checking out the oncoming vehicle that i failed to realise that the taxi in front of me has suddenly halt. I nearly buang into it..... sighz.
On the brighter side, this evening I was at a coffeeshop, listening to the sharings of some dharma friends. There is this guy, who has been buddhism for the past 20 yrs, but recently got 'hitched' to this tradition which he claimed he has 100% faith in. He is very happy that he has found the 'right school' to cultivate. On the other hand, there is another dharma friend who has been in this same school for many years. Instead of ready to plant her roots in this tradition, she found out recently that she is still not convinced in herself that she shld follow this sch all the way. Thats why she decided to move on with her lay life, continue to practise hard in this tradition, while opening up to other schools of teaching still.
I feel very joyous after listening to their sharings. Sadhu to both of them!
However, probably I am really down on my luck lately, I thought I had 3 encounters with 'them' today. I was taking the lift up to a certain floor of this building, which was empty with no one around at that time. Upon the opening of the lift door, i heard some noise and when i looked up, I thought I saw a shadow darting quickly into a room which door was diagonally facing me. Initially I thought somebody was around but after some waiting, nobody came out - nobody was around, and I felt nothing abt it then.
The 2nd encounter happened when I was sitting facing another door. The door has those typical long glass panel that allowed ppl from outside to peep in and vice versa. I didn know what made me look up at the glass panel suddenly, and once again, I saw a shadow quickly darting away from my sight. I began to feel something amiss. The 3rd encounter when I went home few hrs ago. I was taking the lift up and when the lift door opened, I saw another shadow quickly darting away from my sight and disappeared behind a wall.... gosh.. my hairs are standing on end now while i am typing this down. It may be just my imagination, or it may be real. Either case, I just need to be very mindful, especially when it comes to driving.
Today, i nearly met with 2 accidents. The first one happened at my neighbourhood carpark. I was driving along this long stretch of carpark and from far, i already noticed this guy walking by the side, in the same direction of my car which means he was back facing me. Upon reaching him, he suddenly wanted to cut across the road, and I guessed the front left portion of my car did touch him. Fortunately he reacted in time after i sounded my horn, if not, my tyre would probably have run over his foot. Next, I was filtering off from the expressway onto a main road. I was too engrossed in checking out the oncoming vehicle that i failed to realise that the taxi in front of me has suddenly halt. I nearly buang into it..... sighz.
On the brighter side, this evening I was at a coffeeshop, listening to the sharings of some dharma friends. There is this guy, who has been buddhism for the past 20 yrs, but recently got 'hitched' to this tradition which he claimed he has 100% faith in. He is very happy that he has found the 'right school' to cultivate. On the other hand, there is another dharma friend who has been in this same school for many years. Instead of ready to plant her roots in this tradition, she found out recently that she is still not convinced in herself that she shld follow this sch all the way. Thats why she decided to move on with her lay life, continue to practise hard in this tradition, while opening up to other schools of teaching still.
I feel very joyous after listening to their sharings. Sadhu to both of them!
Friday, February 25, 2005
I love babies
There are very few things I like a lot in life. I guess 2 of my favourite things are none other than BABIES and CARS. Quite a weird combination eh? I guess most typical guys would be very interested in cars and planes, but not many fancy babies. On the other hand, I am not interested in sports like bball and soccer which most guys do, but prefer individual sports like swimming and bowling.
I guess my previous has sent a little confusion over. Thanks to all my frens' concerns and offering of help, but dun get me wrong, the prev entry is definitely not written out of emotions. Neither was it a hoax or an effort to AA. Its really what I feel from the bottom of my heart. Sometimes I ponder, why must we be 'created' in this world to withstand so much sufferings, and in the end, we have to work so hard to get ourselves out from the sufferings? Any logic behind it? Whats the rational of having to go through all these?
The above is not taught in buddhism, not because buddhism isnt complete, but its not necc to know. The Dharma is to teach us on how we can break away from the viscous samsara cycle. But that doesn answer to my doubts above. Perhaps, there isnt a need to know.
This evening, a boyfren told me his galfren is bringing her fren to a dharma talk, but ended up the fren told me its her who brought his galfren to the talk instead of his galfren bringing her to the talk. Hahahaha...whatever, I am just glad that there s a strong spiritual support for one another, in encouraging everyone to practise the Dharma diligently. Its even happier to meet some familiar faces, faces that used to form part of BS, faces that I have met at various Dharma activities etc.
Got a pleasant surprise that Jian Fa shifu suddenly called out my name, and offered me a seat which is directly next to him, a small space of approximate 50 x 50 cm sq area, very humid and hot corner, but a good spot to keep my attention span lengthen, esp after a day of hard work since 7 plus am. I would like to encourage everyone to attend the subsq sessions, which comprises short stories of the buddha, followed by explanations + elaborations + sharings from the 3 shifus.
Thursday, February 24, 2005
Away from the Norm
Sometimes, I thought of ending my life, if not of the fact that we are bound by karma. I know I sound very pessimistic, but life is indeed full of sufferings. Sometimes, we engage ourselves in things that we do not know will bring us sufferings. At times, we may even get ourselves involved in things that we know will bring us sufferings, but we still insist in doing them.
I think I am getting paranoid of life, which isnt very healthy. The more I fear abt incurring sufferings, the more sufferings I am getting. Was sharing with bean that happiness is not what i want, because the other side of the coin is suffering. I just want peace and a calmness in mind.
Bhante told me in my van last week tat struck me pretty hard. He said some practices taught by certain buddhist sch/tradition are actually not following the middle path, but closer to the path of self-mortification. He urged me to actively help support the Sangha, cos the Sangha cant survive without the lay people.
Some ppl laughed at me, saying I am silly or ridiculous to drive all the way to NTU or NUS just to wash my car. Some thought I just want to save water, or I am too free. Well, my explaination is: Washing the car in a peaceful and quiet environment, standing under the big shady trees in the hot afternoon sun, with occasional breeze brushing through my singlet, provides therapeutic effects for me. We are often too caught up with practicality, always wanting to involve in activities that readily bring us visible rewards or immediate effects.
I think I am getting further and further away from the norm. I yearn for a breakthrough in life, not following the societal norm.
I think I am getting paranoid of life, which isnt very healthy. The more I fear abt incurring sufferings, the more sufferings I am getting. Was sharing with bean that happiness is not what i want, because the other side of the coin is suffering. I just want peace and a calmness in mind.
Bhante told me in my van last week tat struck me pretty hard. He said some practices taught by certain buddhist sch/tradition are actually not following the middle path, but closer to the path of self-mortification. He urged me to actively help support the Sangha, cos the Sangha cant survive without the lay people.
Some ppl laughed at me, saying I am silly or ridiculous to drive all the way to NTU or NUS just to wash my car. Some thought I just want to save water, or I am too free. Well, my explaination is: Washing the car in a peaceful and quiet environment, standing under the big shady trees in the hot afternoon sun, with occasional breeze brushing through my singlet, provides therapeutic effects for me. We are often too caught up with practicality, always wanting to involve in activities that readily bring us visible rewards or immediate effects.
I think I am getting further and further away from the norm. I yearn for a breakthrough in life, not following the societal norm.
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
Injured Partner (again) + Nissan
Nale asked me me few days ago if I have stopped blogging completely. The answer is NO, although there r times that i really feel like giving up writing for good, esp after my hospitalisation. And yet when the feeling to write is back, I will begin to blog again. So I see no point in declaring to others that i wanna stop writing or doing this and that. Really no point, it only gives shame when u dun keep your words.
Thanks to Khian Nam for sending pics from the accident scene to me (Notice teddy wasnt around at all?). To protect the other party, I have censored her car number plate. In exchange of my damaged Partner, I am given a Nissan Sunny as shown below.
This Nissan is an agile car, with relatively good power (for its small capacity) and very small turning radius (which is excellent). However, the suspension sux big time and the petrol consumption is horrendous. Overall - quite a lousy car. Btw, the Nissan pics were taken this afternoon, and for those who have been to 'that' place shld be able to tell from the 2nd pic background where I have been today.
Ended my day at the Om Mani Padme Hung recitation session at PKS. Thanks Nale for encouraging me to attend, at least quite a meaningful evening to end the CNY.
Thanks to Khian Nam for sending pics from the accident scene to me (Notice teddy wasnt around at all?). To protect the other party, I have censored her car number plate. In exchange of my damaged Partner, I am given a Nissan Sunny as shown below.
This Nissan is an agile car, with relatively good power (for its small capacity) and very small turning radius (which is excellent). However, the suspension sux big time and the petrol consumption is horrendous. Overall - quite a lousy car. Btw, the Nissan pics were taken this afternoon, and for those who have been to 'that' place shld be able to tell from the 2nd pic background where I have been today.
Ended my day at the Om Mani Padme Hung recitation session at PKS. Thanks Nale for encouraging me to attend, at least quite a meaningful evening to end the CNY.
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
Losing Mindfulness...
Recently, my mind is so screwed up that I made many mistakes, especially after the car accident.
Firstly, it was the installation CD that my colleague has requested from me. The night before, I have already placed the CD into my working bag and brought it to work the next day. However, when she asked me whether I brought the CD for her, i actually said NO. The fact is that I knew I brought it but I din know why I end up telling her I have forgotten to bring.... sigh.
And today, I was driving along PIE and wanted to exit at Toa Payoh. I cautiously followed the road sign and took the right route. However, similarly, I thought I have taken the wrong route and kicked a fuss over it, only to discover, hey, I was on the right way :s
My boss called me today when i was in SL meditating. He called to tell me about my salary increment of $150++. Frankly speaking, I wasnt too excited over this amount. Had a CNY gathering with some engin frens, only to realise many of my course mates (many as in close to 100 of them) were enjoying take-home pay of average 4-6K per month. Anyway, its still a good news that the management did not totally reject my manager's request to give me a pay rise, except that they lower the increment. And once again, its in SL that i received 'good' news from my company. Abt a yr ago, I was at SL meditating when the company called me up for the job interview.
The meditation sitting at Srilankaramaya Temple was really great, although i was abrupted by a phone call from my boss shortly later. I think SL is magical, and probably with the contribution from my BS companions who were meditating side by side with me, that my concentration was pretty strong today.
And lastly, thanks to my dear NTUBS friends for helping me out at the accident scene that evening. Special thanks to sumantri, kean yap, kin song, aik hong, khian nam, riki, woei kang, jipau and some others (were agus and kai rene there?) for being around. Thanks for helping me take photos and offer drinks to both me and the other party. Your actions & presence have definitely helped to ease down the tense atmosphere... paiseh for disrupting your BS day. Once again, thanks!
Firstly, it was the installation CD that my colleague has requested from me. The night before, I have already placed the CD into my working bag and brought it to work the next day. However, when she asked me whether I brought the CD for her, i actually said NO. The fact is that I knew I brought it but I din know why I end up telling her I have forgotten to bring.... sigh.
And today, I was driving along PIE and wanted to exit at Toa Payoh. I cautiously followed the road sign and took the right route. However, similarly, I thought I have taken the wrong route and kicked a fuss over it, only to discover, hey, I was on the right way :s
My boss called me today when i was in SL meditating. He called to tell me about my salary increment of $150++. Frankly speaking, I wasnt too excited over this amount. Had a CNY gathering with some engin frens, only to realise many of my course mates (many as in close to 100 of them) were enjoying take-home pay of average 4-6K per month. Anyway, its still a good news that the management did not totally reject my manager's request to give me a pay rise, except that they lower the increment. And once again, its in SL that i received 'good' news from my company. Abt a yr ago, I was at SL meditating when the company called me up for the job interview.
The meditation sitting at Srilankaramaya Temple was really great, although i was abrupted by a phone call from my boss shortly later. I think SL is magical, and probably with the contribution from my BS companions who were meditating side by side with me, that my concentration was pretty strong today.
And lastly, thanks to my dear NTUBS friends for helping me out at the accident scene that evening. Special thanks to sumantri, kean yap, kin song, aik hong, khian nam, riki, woei kang, jipau and some others (were agus and kai rene there?) for being around. Thanks for helping me take photos and offer drinks to both me and the other party. Your actions & presence have definitely helped to ease down the tense atmosphere... paiseh for disrupting your BS day. Once again, thanks!
Monday, February 21, 2005
Running out of luck...
The above picture was taken during our mass CNY visit today. Finally, we have managed to complete covering everyone's house (9 of us) in 2 yrs of CNY visits. I took a comparison between the pics we took last yr and today. I could see a great difference in our outlooks. Me especially, look much more run down and haggard according to my friends. The shine and vibrance are absent.
On the positive note, today's final stop at sihui's place must be the most fun gathering we ever had in recent years. They were plenty of laughters and jokes, in addition to the happy atmosphere given by her family members.
This morning, I visited the Prisons Sch with Ven Chun Hui and Ven Chun Yi. Similarly, the very first thing that Vincent said to me was that I looked very tired and burnt out. A continuous string of predicaments have fallen upon me... first its hospitalisation, followed by a jialat car accident, i wonder whats next.
Well, the prison immates were very impressive. They could chant many sutras and mantra very well. In fact, I felt quite embarassed that we were supposed to help propagate the Dharma to them, but ended up they seemed much more proficient than I do. Anyway, the visit was a real eye opener, and am sincerely very joyful to see that the Dharma has really touched the lives of so many immates.
I may be running out of luck this year, but the Prisons visit plus the wonderful home visits to my friends' places today have at least made up ONE joyful CNY day for me.
The gal who rammed into my car told me she was feeling 'damm guilty and bad'. I guess its just a normal reaction that a buddhist will remind himself to show compassion and forgiveness. I tried my best to console her, although the loss i have incurred is definitely much more than the physical injury, cost of the repair, plus the depreciating value of my car + possible unseen damages and faults caused to my car due to the accident. I m really quite puzzled myself too - its really her fault that created so much trouble to me, yet I couldnt help but feel sorry for the plight she is in now.
May she be well and happy.
Saturday, February 19, 2005
My Poor Partner
It was yesterday that my family happily welcomed a new vehicle entry - A Toyota Liteace which i named 'Dog-Head'. And today, I got into a rather serious car accident with my Partner at NTU :(
My poor partner is gone. Part of the engine has been shifted, and I believed the great impact of the hit is likely to cause some internal damage to the engine. The exterior, needless to say, was very jialat. The windscreen tanked was crushed with the blue liquid spilled and flowing all over the road, just like a person crushed in an accident with his intestines and blood spilling all over. The bonnet cover was dented, the side fin was also crushed. 2 rims were dented and the bumper is definitely beyond recovery.
Phyiscal injury? Yes..... the hit has definitely caused a significant impact on my chest and diaphragm area, painful siah. And duno how the careless student lady driver of Acct yr3 could actually drive into my lane and hit my partner head to head. She told me she was blur already.
And no thanks to one of the BS snrs.. who insisted in asking me hows the accident when i was more interested to find out how come she knew abt my accident. Instead of aceding to my request, she insisted that its not important to know who told her but discussing abt the accident is more impt. Couldnt stand her analogy of stating buddha's words, that its not impt who shot the arrow but how to treat the wound. It definitely doesn apply in this context. Instead of making me feel better, she is provoking me further.. damm her!
And i duno why i am always so suay, always kena hit by ppl (4th time), with all the prev 3 cases my vehicle at stationary, and this present one ppl came driving into my lane crushing me head to head. If you cant imagine the accident, then think of playing the bump bump car, whereby someone driving headlong towards you - the feeling is exactly the same, except that you have glasses shattering and pieces flying all over....
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
Sunday, February 06, 2005
Abhidharma, and fears
The Abhidharma course has finally ended, with a series of 5 lectures packed over the weekends. I am sincerely thankful to the organisers and Sayalay Susila who have made this crash course possible. I also rejoice for all my fellow participants for this course.
In the 3 baskets of Tripitaka, Abhidharma is regarded as the higher Dharma, recited by Arahat Mahakassapa during the 1st sermon. Every now and then, I have heard bits and pieces of the Abhidharma from various Dharma talks by different teachers. This course has magnificently bring these pieces together and fit them into a larger and clearer picture.
The unfortunate part is that Sayalay was only able to cover the consciousness part of the Abhidharma. However, she has planned to complete the remaining of the Abhidharma after returning from her USA and Cananda trips, covering on Matter and Mental Factors. One excellent news is that she will be publishing her book on Abhidharma very soon, probably in 2 months' time. Sadhu x 3!
Contrary to last evening (again), today's sessions were much more comprehensive and interesting to me. It may be just knowledge and theories, but having the fortune to possess these knowledge this life will greatly help to support our future lives. Moreover, the learnings from the Abidharma has greatly increased my faith for the Triple Gems.
There was a sharing session between Darren, Vincent and me over the dinner. All of us could feel the fear factor after listening to the Abhidharma. As what Vincent said: Not much time to waste already. Darren exclaimed: Dun u think we can recall more of our unwholesome acts than the wholesome ones?
In the 3 baskets of Tripitaka, Abhidharma is regarded as the higher Dharma, recited by Arahat Mahakassapa during the 1st sermon. Every now and then, I have heard bits and pieces of the Abhidharma from various Dharma talks by different teachers. This course has magnificently bring these pieces together and fit them into a larger and clearer picture.
The unfortunate part is that Sayalay was only able to cover the consciousness part of the Abhidharma. However, she has planned to complete the remaining of the Abhidharma after returning from her USA and Cananda trips, covering on Matter and Mental Factors. One excellent news is that she will be publishing her book on Abhidharma very soon, probably in 2 months' time. Sadhu x 3!
Contrary to last evening (again), today's sessions were much more comprehensive and interesting to me. It may be just knowledge and theories, but having the fortune to possess these knowledge this life will greatly help to support our future lives. Moreover, the learnings from the Abidharma has greatly increased my faith for the Triple Gems.
There was a sharing session between Darren, Vincent and me over the dinner. All of us could feel the fear factor after listening to the Abhidharma. As what Vincent said: Not much time to waste already. Darren exclaimed: Dun u think we can recall more of our unwholesome acts than the wholesome ones?
Saturday, February 05, 2005
Love Sux Lah...
Contrary to last evening, the lectures today were not as enjoyable. Probably the topics have sunken too much into hardcore theories, and becoming a scholarly buddhist is not something which I wish to be. Reminds me of one of the pitfalls in ppl practising theravada buddhism - the greed of accumulating merits without rejoice.
Nevertheless, I still feel the extreme importance of gaining knowledge, be it through lessons, dharma talks or readings. And all of us we need to balance it with practice. A BS fren once joked about the ppl in CMC. He gave an analogy of a flock of birds, who will all packed and crowd together around the teacher when she is around. But once the teacher is gone/away, this flock of birds will scatter.
Last evening was a dramatic night. 2 friends (Jin & Zhi) called me abt 10 min apart to complain about their love problems. As both of them know each other too, I decided to ask them out although it was already midnight. In the end, we met at Jin's house who has a very lovely garden roof, for beer drinking.
Both Jin and Zhi were my army friends, and quite amazingly, all 3 of us joined NUSBS separately without knowing the other 2 have joined too. When we were in yr2, Zhi got attached to another common friend (Min). I was kinda suprised by their union cos just barely 2months ago, Min has expressed her love for me, but things did not work out. And 2 months later, they were attached. Nevertheless, I was glad they were together as I no longer need to face Min with embarrassment.
Throughout the next 3-4 yrs, there have been a couple of friends who commented on the incompaitability of Min and Zhi. However, the secret tat Min was once in love with me has never been leaked out from my mouth. Furthermore, we often have outings and gatherings, and the 2 of them seemed to be a very loving and sweet couple.
Last evening, Zhi told me that he has broken up with Min. Min is currently seeing a new guy, and told Zhi she has never really loved him for the past 3-4 yrs. You can imagine how painful Zhi must have felt, after putting in so much efforts and time in nuturing this relationship. And Zhi gave me a 2nd shock when he told me that he has already learnt abt the 'secret' from Min, and kinda blamed me for not telling him earlier. If he were to know that Min was still interested in me juz a couple of months before they were hitched, he wud not have accepted her then. Still, I felt a sense of relief, as I no longer need to keep this terrible secret of betraying my buddy, and not letting him know the truth that his gal was once in love with me.
I guess my story has kinda placed Min into a very bad picture, but the truth is NO. I still find her a very nice lady, but probably too driven by ego to cover her weakness and face, tat she resorted in finding a new guy to replace the earlier one, one after another.
The broken heart is extremely hard to heal. Love can bring you high up into the heavens, but can also send you crushing down to the ground dead. So how? Learn the Abhidharma... haha.
Nevertheless, I still feel the extreme importance of gaining knowledge, be it through lessons, dharma talks or readings. And all of us we need to balance it with practice. A BS fren once joked about the ppl in CMC. He gave an analogy of a flock of birds, who will all packed and crowd together around the teacher when she is around. But once the teacher is gone/away, this flock of birds will scatter.
Last evening was a dramatic night. 2 friends (Jin & Zhi) called me abt 10 min apart to complain about their love problems. As both of them know each other too, I decided to ask them out although it was already midnight. In the end, we met at Jin's house who has a very lovely garden roof, for beer drinking.
Both Jin and Zhi were my army friends, and quite amazingly, all 3 of us joined NUSBS separately without knowing the other 2 have joined too. When we were in yr2, Zhi got attached to another common friend (Min). I was kinda suprised by their union cos just barely 2months ago, Min has expressed her love for me, but things did not work out. And 2 months later, they were attached. Nevertheless, I was glad they were together as I no longer need to face Min with embarrassment.
Throughout the next 3-4 yrs, there have been a couple of friends who commented on the incompaitability of Min and Zhi. However, the secret tat Min was once in love with me has never been leaked out from my mouth. Furthermore, we often have outings and gatherings, and the 2 of them seemed to be a very loving and sweet couple.
Last evening, Zhi told me that he has broken up with Min. Min is currently seeing a new guy, and told Zhi she has never really loved him for the past 3-4 yrs. You can imagine how painful Zhi must have felt, after putting in so much efforts and time in nuturing this relationship. And Zhi gave me a 2nd shock when he told me that he has already learnt abt the 'secret' from Min, and kinda blamed me for not telling him earlier. If he were to know that Min was still interested in me juz a couple of months before they were hitched, he wud not have accepted her then. Still, I felt a sense of relief, as I no longer need to keep this terrible secret of betraying my buddy, and not letting him know the truth that his gal was once in love with me.
I guess my story has kinda placed Min into a very bad picture, but the truth is NO. I still find her a very nice lady, but probably too driven by ego to cover her weakness and face, tat she resorted in finding a new guy to replace the earlier one, one after another.
The broken heart is extremely hard to heal. Love can bring you high up into the heavens, but can also send you crushing down to the ground dead. So how? Learn the Abhidharma... haha.
Friday, February 04, 2005
Wonderful Learnings
Finally, I get to see Sayalay Susila for the first time, after hearing much about her in the past. Not much difference from what I imagine her to be, as I ve already heard she is a very out-spoken, eloquent and dynamic teacher, who is an expert in teaching the Abhidharma.
~~~ Sayalay Susila, not to be mixed up with Indonesian President Susilo, the one that ae2004 looks like (or so claimed by his friends) ~~~ Although she speaks the typical malaysian english, she seems to have no difficulties searching for the right vocab words to express her ideas. Reminds me of Ven Robina, definitely a very wonderful speaker/teacher.
I am very pleased that I got to learn a lot from today's lecture. Most importantly, its something which I am always very interested in. Many a times, I have tried to source the web for more info on the 5 Skandhas , but couldnt effectively grasp a comprehensive picture of even after spending hrs in front of my PC.
In fact, what Sayalay Susila taught today has often been emphasized by Sayalay Dipankara in her various Dharma talks and private sharing sessions. However for today, with the aid of lectures handouts + powerpoint slides, I find learning has become much more effective and easier.
4 more lectures to go, and I see the need to be early the next few sessions so as to ensure a good seating. Oh sincerely thank NTUBS Kendi for helping me get an almost perfect seat jus now.
~~~ Sayalay Susila, not to be mixed up with Indonesian President Susilo, the one that ae2004 looks like (or so claimed by his friends) ~~~ Although she speaks the typical malaysian english, she seems to have no difficulties searching for the right vocab words to express her ideas. Reminds me of Ven Robina, definitely a very wonderful speaker/teacher.
I am very pleased that I got to learn a lot from today's lecture. Most importantly, its something which I am always very interested in. Many a times, I have tried to source the web for more info on the 5 Skandhas , but couldnt effectively grasp a comprehensive picture of even after spending hrs in front of my PC.
In fact, what Sayalay Susila taught today has often been emphasized by Sayalay Dipankara in her various Dharma talks and private sharing sessions. However for today, with the aid of lectures handouts + powerpoint slides, I find learning has become much more effective and easier.
4 more lectures to go, and I see the need to be early the next few sessions so as to ensure a good seating. Oh sincerely thank NTUBS Kendi for helping me get an almost perfect seat jus now.
Wednesday, February 02, 2005
8 Temples
We have then just stepped down from the 23rd MC and were visiting all the patrons to thank them for their support. It was during the discussion at Ms Angie's house when I realised what many of us seriously lacked in. No doubt most of us have spent quite a bit of effort in helping to propagate the Dharma to the campus community, but I guess very few have actually tried to bring their parents to the Dharma.
*** They are not interested *** They refused to listen to me *** It is impossible lor *** They are too superstitious *** We have given ourselves aplenty of reasons or excuses.
Today, I decided to sacrifice a day's leave to conduct a mini temple tour for my mum. She was very chirpy all the way until we met a shifu, whom I thought we could share our family problems with. Unfortunately, she was rather strict and harsh in her approach. Shifu meant well but my mum may not be ready for it. Nvtheless, she told me she felt good abt the tour.
1) Golden Pagoda Temple
2) Sakya Tenphel Ling
3) Wan Fo Lin
4) Palelai Buddhist Temple
5) Fo Guang Yuan
6) Shuang Lin Monastery
7) Phor Kark See Monastery
8) Poh Ern Sih
It seems that ONE FULL DAY is insufficient to cover that many temples... but I tried my best already.
*** They are not interested *** They refused to listen to me *** It is impossible lor *** They are too superstitious *** We have given ourselves aplenty of reasons or excuses.
Today, I decided to sacrifice a day's leave to conduct a mini temple tour for my mum. She was very chirpy all the way until we met a shifu, whom I thought we could share our family problems with. Unfortunately, she was rather strict and harsh in her approach. Shifu meant well but my mum may not be ready for it. Nvtheless, she told me she felt good abt the tour.
1) Golden Pagoda Temple
2) Sakya Tenphel Ling
3) Wan Fo Lin
4) Palelai Buddhist Temple
5) Fo Guang Yuan
6) Shuang Lin Monastery
7) Phor Kark See Monastery
8) Poh Ern Sih
It seems that ONE FULL DAY is insufficient to cover that many temples... but I tried my best already.
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