Talk Too Much

Nale was asking me to consider contributing to the B-digest she will be preparing. Well, I know where I stand when it comes to writing serious articles, haha, but nvtheless, I will try to practise writing more on my self reflections in my blog (which i havent done so for so long), rather then shallow & meaningless reports on my daily encounters (which i have been doing much lately).

This evening, I attended the last session of the CMC evening meditation at Qing Liang Jing She. I even stayed on for the Dharma discussion, something which i havent done so for a very long too. The reason why I always leave immediately after the meditation session is because I did not enjoy the Dharma 'sharing' sessions.

Well, I have to admit that my own perceptions and reactions do play a significant part in contributing towards my negative attitude towards Dharma sharing sessions. While there are times that I feel very motivated and enjoyed the sharings by ppl, i found out that most of the time ppl were jus trying to voice out whatever they know, to a certain extent trying to show off. However, most of them still meant well and speak with very good intentions, jus that their eagerness to instil their thoughts and ideas to the rest often did not make the sharing sessions beneficial to them eventually.

Just now, the discussion topic was coincidentally on 'Approaching Death' too. The main issue discuss is about how can we let go of our attachments (family esp) and enter the bhikkuhood.

1) Guy A commented that if he were given a choice to look after his mum or go for ordination, he wud rather choose the former, for its his duty to take care of his mum.

2) Guy B kinda 'corrected' him by saying that we have not much time left to waste. He felt that we often claim that we feel guilty abt not taking care of our parents, but how come we wun feel the same if we know we have contracted a terminal disease any is dying soon? He felt tat its more of ourselves refusing to let go, and not becos our parents refuse to let us go.

I personally feel that such discussions were retundant. I dun find the sharing beneficial in anyway. And most imptly, these ppl most probably wun gain anything from the discussion after leaving the session too. Perhaps I have been talking too much in the past, often dominating the Dharma circles when i was in yr1-3 era, that now I feel ashamed and guilty of what i have done after some reflections.

Sometimes, there isnt really a need to open up my mouth. Before i speak, I shld ask myself: Is the sound I am intending to produce soon gonna be better off than the silence we are having now?

PS: it excludes writing this blog, hahaha