Over estimation

I am feeling extremely tired, for I have over-estimated by own stamina. Today, I slept from 2 plus straight after work all the way till evening time. I seldom take naps as I thought it slows my brain functionality. Today was an exception, i am getting old.

I almost forget the fact that I am holding a full time job. Having to wake up at 6 plus and reporting for work/course every morn, I continued my evenings after 530pm involving in some other activities. While the ppl around me were just as tired, I just realised the fact that I have been the last to reach home almost every night, to bathe, sleep and rest, and then to wake up earlier than them for the next day.

Definitely not trying to gain some recognitions, sympathy or credits, cos those were never my objectives for my actions done. But not so nice a feeling when ppl start to have misgivings abt your actions. I know I shldnt really be bothered how ppl view me or say abt me, but it serves as a disincentive to continue what I have aimed and planned to do, for the good of the community.

Like what Dr Kenneth Tan and Bhante Dhamaratana said last evening, many ppl are unwilling to give up their time for others. To me, i feel the "heart" is not fully there. When I really wanna do something, I will put my heart all out to do it, and not simply do it for the sake of doing it, not becos others want me or expect me to do it etc. Working alone and be responsible ONLY TO MYSELF is definitely different from working in a grp and being responsible to everyone in the grp. Many still cant get this fact right.

During my sch days, when i was feeling down, I can simply shut myself away from the rest of the world - go for an afternoon swim, evening jog, dun talk to anybody or hide myself in the hostel. But now i cant do the same in working life. I need to wear a mask at work everyday. No matter how tired or down i may feel, i still need to appear a smiley face in front of my clients, guests, bosses, workers and colleagues. I can no longer do whatever i like freely....

Well well..... the bottomline is - we must know how to take care of ourselves before we want to take care of others :D I have kinda overestimated myself a little this time.