Back to NUS

1) Pic with Jane, capturing our convo suits in vain
2) Current BS leaders practising their dances for FOC, SADHU!

I was feeling very excited throughout yday at work, as I would be going down to NUS in the evening. Not that I was excited over collecting my convo gown, but I really miss the campus atmosphere.

Met up with Jane and gang at MPSH to try out our gowns and motar boards. I duno how the others felt, but I know I am not looking forward to commencement. I dun have any special feeling over my graduation, and I dun feel great wearing my convo suits. Perhaps in my opinion commencement is something too 'Academic', and I really dun feel a great sense of acheivement having obtained my honours degree.

Probably my heart hasnt been fully put into my studies throughout the 4yrs. Its true I did work hard for my exams, but most of the time I did my work with minimum effort hoping to acheive the minimum acceptable grades. Pls pardon me if you find me cocky, but i am sincerely telling you the truths. My heart was not there when I did my labs, FYPs etc. I only studied for the sake of my grades. Thats probably why I dun feel much for my honours degree, though I cant deny the fact I NEED it to survive.

On the contrary, I have spent a large part of my campus life in ECAs and hostel/hall activities. Every hols was spent preparing for BS stuffs, and most of the evenings after lectures were spent eating dinner, talking cok and interacting with my neighbours. Everyday, its practically waking up in the morn, go for lessons, lunch with course mates, lessons again, swim (if possible), back to room, dinner with neighbours, nite joggings, if not supper or other BS activities and then back to sleep. That completes a day of my campus life...for almost the past 4 yrs.

Last evening, I headed towards SRC. I miss those nights when I was staying in Ext A, and would jus cross the road and jog round the SRC tracks. I would sit near the chin up bars, looking at the cars speeding past the expressway, feeling very protected and sheltered as a student. I knew life is going to be tough outside. Its also a nice place to spend alone during my depressing nights, the most depressing moments of my nus life.

I walked past the tennis courts and saw a few orientation grps conducting night games. Saw some guys being blind folded, and reminded of myself being blind folded too 4 yrs ago, haha. How exciting were the days as a camp participant, feeling the team spirits, and constantly flipping the program booklet wondering whats gonna happen next....

As I was driving along Science Link, realising myself dressed in executive suits, its still quite hard to accept the fact that I am no longer part of NUS, part of this lovely campus. I have spent my days and nights here, and can u imagine how much i miss the place. Perhaps I have started work too soon, that the transition period i am experiencing now seems to be extraordinary long.

But dun get me wrong, I am not yearning for a student life. I just miss the days as an undergraduate but I know life has to move on. I always miss a place more than the people. But I think I am doing fine now :)

Pls take me there, driver?

Haha I hope I wunt be sued for copyrights for my title. Anyway, the person in the above pic is really me, not superimposed or works from photoshop. This taxi is really very big and spacious, and its extremely powerful. But dun ask me why am i driving the taxi :p

I have been searching high and low for the "NO Smoking" sign for my new vehicle. This is becos sometimes my dad picks up his smoker fren who is often too BUAY paiseh to carry on with his puffs while my dad is too paiseh to ask him not to do so. Now this is a brand new vehicle, there is NO way i shall compromise.

Just as I was cracking my head where to find the logo, an idea struck me. It can actually be found all over at my work place! Its found in almost all the taxis haha. So i quickly called up the store personnel to help me to get one. Perhaps i shld start sticking the 521,1111 outside my van too haha.

Well, finally i got some support from frens who advised me on how i shld deal with the problem. Its actually NOT my own problem but a problem to the community at large. Cant share with shifus too cos i dun wish to complicate them into the matter... but thanks for all the suggestions!

Why me?

Last evening, I did not join in the CMC sitting but went to SL instead. Did a lot of chantings + walking around the temple + offering of lamp, flowers & water to the buddha. Its a break from my usual routine.

The guided meditation session by Bhante Gunaratana was very special. Not that I havent attended one before, but the atmosphere last night was rather unique. The lights in the meditation hall were switched off except those dim orangy lights shining on the very huge Buddha statue. Surrounding me were huge window panes in which behind are swaying trees of complete darkness. The talks by Bhante was punctuated by several quiet moments. In the dark, I looked at the huge smiling buddha statue and felt as if i was back in 2500 yrs ago, with fellow buddhists gathering around the Buddha listening to his sermon in the forest.

After which, I sent sumantri back to NTU and visited SiaoLang Ananda. The above pic was taken in his room. A very big and nice room indeed. Hope you can gradually detach from ur room, just like what I have to do a couple of months back. Sometimes I look at the pictures i took in my NUS rooms and feel very much like going back to stay.

Lately, I am getting very confused and worried about some matters regarding my spiritual path. I happened to chance upon some unpleasant encounter, and was pretty helpless on how I shld go about dealing with it. While it concerns my 'spiritual health' in practising the Dharma, it will also affect some existing buddhist community to a very GREAT extent. Sounds exaggerating? Well, its indeed a very SERIOUS issue which sent a buddhist senior alarmed after hearing my sharing about the matter. I will be working alongside with this senior, probably with some veteran buddhist advisors on how to go about dealing with this matter. Its too great a karma to bear shld we make the wrong choice, and yet we definitely cant sit back and do nothing. It will be another set of bad karma if we know it and yet we arent doing anything to stop the wrong doings.

This matter does not really make me depress, but it kinda discouraged me and make myself more skeptical towards people, esp those from established buddhist organisation or even established personnel themselves. While we often talk about showing compassion, loving kindness and forgiveness, these have to be done with wisdom. I have to confess i am really LOST, I really need spiritual guidiance.

Why does it happen to me?

Found My Partner

I got my Peugeot Partner 5 days ago but havent really introduced it here. This shall be my partner that follow me to work everyday.

Its the 2nd European vehicle I am driving. The feeling of driving a Euro car really differs significantly from driving a Japanese one.

Running on diesel = Save money! Hopefully u wun hear any complaints from me in near future :p

Post Retreat Effects

Just got back from another Dharma talk at Cheng Beng Buddhist Society. In fact, its a Dharma Dialouge session. The above picture is Ven Ji Kang, one of the 3 teachers who conducted our meditation retreat last week. He is not to be mistakened with the famous HK artiste, Liu Qing Yun or Lau Cheng Wan.

Ven caught me by surprise by emailing me late last night, with well wishes. He called me today at my work again, for a chat, but unfortunately I was too busy to talk to him. Decided to meet him up this evening at Cheng Beng instead of going to train for my coming IPPT.

Frankly speaking, I am still pretty uneasy with the way Ven JiKang carried himself. I think he is getting too close to the lay people, to the extent of joking and leaning his arm over the shoulder of another fellow yogi during the last day of the retreat. I personally feel that we shld respect and keep a distant away from our spiritual teachers for effective learnings. However, he keeps reminding me that I shldnt learn the Dharma in such a strict and tensed up atmosphere, reminded me of Ven Chang Qing. Considering the fact that he has been ordained for more than a decade, I have absolute faith in his teachings and guidiance.

Similarly, I am glad to have met some new friends during the meditation retreats. Among them are some NUSBS snrs (the alumuni), whose presence reminded me of the few snrs i met in NUSBS FOC 2000. Similarly, they have the very calm and peaceful looks on their faces, compassionate smiles and speak very gently plus mindfully. These are the traits that impressed me during foc2000 and made me opened up to Buddhism. Indeed, the presence of these alumuni at the retreat reminded me of the days i spent in FOC2000.

Also, I get to know a couple of youths who were new to meditation retreats. They shared very interesting views on life, and one of them is extremely helpful when he learns abt the problems i am facing.

What touches me most are the aunties who are extremely devoted to learning the Dharma. No, most of them are not veterans in buddhism but also relative newbies like me. But they have such wonderful good karma to realise the importance of practising meditation at this later stage of their life. As such, I feel tat this retreat for them is even much more precious than to any of us youngsters.

Before I left the retreat, a few of these aunties stopped me and told me that I MUST continue to organise retreats, so that they can attend them in future. They have thought I am part of the organisers cos i took charge of some items during the retreat. I din bother to explain, but i 'promised' them i wud do so. This evening, I told Peisen to rob me in for future retreat plannings.

I feel so happy to share with the aunties on the importance of good meditation postures and getting themselves meditation cushions. Also explained to them on the different traditions of buddhism. This is the 2nd time (after vesak day at PKS) that i actually did my small part to reach out to ppl of a different age grp from mine.


Anyway, thanks to Edward and Jane for your concern abt how my retreat went. Its splendid, really :D May u all find a good job soon!

Accident

This evening, I have planned to visit PKS for Ven Kai Zhao's Dharma talk.

However, a freaky accident took place in my workshop, with one of my technicans scalded by the radiator water after an explosion. His face, half his body and left arm were all scalded.

When i reached the hospital, I found him shivering in one corner, half naked. His body is full of red patches, results of scalding from the chemical boiling liquids. I was quite helpless on how i could make him feel better.

Worse of all, he is a malaysian, who ride his motorbike to work daily. He stayed in Johor and I was wondering how he can go home now, esp he needs to come back to dress and undress his wounds everyday. Poor boy, i wanted to offer him my place to stay but i thot thats not very right. In the end, i left my foreman to settle the rest of the matters after collecting his medicine and paying the medical bills.

I thot the retreat helped me in a way that i did not react strongly to the situation. I believed if i havent gone to the retreat, i wud have felt very sad and worried abt this worker of mine. Thats not called compassion but getting myself emotionally driven easily by situations around me.

Anyway, much to reflect on after the splendid retreat i attended, but i thot its unfair to pen them down in words on my blog. Whatever I have appreciated and learnt shld be in my heart. If not, i havent learnt them, so no pt vomitting them out here :D

May my technician recover fast and sleep well tonite.

Off to Retreat

I will be going for a meditation retreat tommorow. So there will be no update of my blog until next week. I guess it will be the same for most of my fellow bloggers, who will be away for retreats too. So i supposed the blog world will be very quiet for the period.

Just like what happened in dec 2002, i was given 2 retreats to choose from. In the end, I chose to join in a chinese retreat at Malaysia instead of a local Theravadan one. It was a good experience and we even had to do the cookings ourselves. It was a good break.

This time, I have to choose between joining Ven Kai Zhao's retreat (Theravadan) and another Mahayana retreat by several Chinese venerables. My previous encounter with Ven KaiZhao was indeed rewarding, but I thought I wanted to experience guidiance under some new teachers.

I looked throught the time table for the retreat and found it very relaxing. Although each sitting is 2hrs, comparatively there are much less sitting sessions than most other retreats. Instead, there are Dharma lessons.

Since there wun be any intensive meditation practices, I wouldnt expect or anticipate my meditation to be pushed to a higher level. In fact, I see it as a good break from work (6 weeks in the working force already). It shld also be a good chance to throw myself back to a Dharmic atmosphere, a place for me to learn and feel the Dharma, and hopefully to push my motivation to cultivate well up again. This break is too important for me.

Haha it seems that i am already harbouring a lot of expectations. But like what Ven Kaizhao taught us, we shld make some well wishes to ourselves, that before any meditation sitting, we wish that we have a nice and good sitting. I also wish myself a good and fruitful retreat.

And I wish the same for those others who are attending the same retreat or the other on-going retreat. Hopefully my allergic cough recovers soon, if not i am going to disturb my fellow yogis... awww

Thanks

I would like to thank the following people for making effort to make my days brighter:

1) My Manager: Who allowed me to go for my other job interviews. He felt that he shouldnt stop me from advancing to better job opportunities as it concerns my career.

2) The Siemens recruitment officer: Who allowed me to change my interview appointment dates thrice.

3) My Manager (again): For allowing me to go off from work early on Wednesday after learning my mum was hospitalised.

4) The Indian nurse at TTSH: I think she is a superb nursing officer. I have stayed in hospitals so many times, and i know the 'pattern' of most nurses (emotional labour). But this nurse is really very committed and helpful in making my mum feels better in her hospitalisation stay.

5) The Siemens recruitment officer (again): Who wrote me an email, asking me to take care and sending well wishes to my mum after I told her why I couldnt turn up for the interview. She even said she will try to do some arragements such that I can straight away go the subsequent rounds of interviews. She signed off as : God Bless You & Your Mum. I think Christians are really doing very good job (with actions) in helping those in need of help.

6) Francis: Who is always ready to share with me his words of advice to help me overcome my hurdles + making effort to organise outings to gel up the ppl.

7) Jane + my other BS frens who have shown your concern one way or another.

Alrite, back to work :D

TEMPORARY BREAKDOWN (hopefully)

Greed

This afternoon my dad SMSed me, telling me that my mum has been diagnosed with mild stroke. The doctor claimed that half of her face shows signs of numbness. I was momentarily affected but shortly later, my work swarmed and occupied me, and I almost forgot abt the SMSes.

Its scary how one can be so engrossed in work till the extent of forgetting his family. I may sound exaggerating, but even I myself was surprised by my own reaction. But the sadness crept back immediately i went home.

It has been a painful decision to turn down the interview appointment for the post of Management Executive with Singapore Customs. Today, I received another phone call from Siemens. Its for the Siemen Graduate program, which include a 12-month working program and experience multi-faceted exposure to different business units & departments, including R&D, Production, Sales, Business Admin, Engineering, Logistic, Finance etc... Wah!!!

I was instantaneously tempted as the person began to interview on the phone. Having impressed with what i have said, she asked me down for an interview anytime this week. But sad to say, I have to work! and i actually lied to her that i am working part time (musavada!). She told me to try my best to get a time off, and I have to probably musavada again to my boss for letting me go.

Its a great dilemma.. i ve said i wanted to stay at a work place for more than one yr before deciding to 'jump'. But this package is too tempting. Its really a very good exposure. On the other hand, my present company is paying and treating me very well. The snrs here have painstakingly and selflessly shared with me their experiences and advices. I will feel extremely guilty if i were to leave them. In fact, my manager got worried today when i told him abt taking a block leave for my meditation retreat. Tats becos i have gradually taken over a relatively large responsibility by now.

My mum has discouraged me from leaving comfort, while my bro supported me to pursue my 'dream' job. My fren asked me issit that i dun like my present job. Well, i think i am GREEDY. When there are better options, i will start to dislike what i have now. Shldnt i be more contented with life? Anyway its jus an interview, with so many ppl fighting for the limited number of places.

By the way, I went to Ubi Medical Clinic jus now. Feel so great tat i dun have to pay a single cent for visiting the doc! hahaha... another pulling factor tat stops me from leaving my present company :(

Baby Baby Baby

Yday, I went to malaysia to attend my cousin's wedding dinner. Over at my uncle's house , there were several toddlers, most of them are my distant relatives' children (making them more distant?). Upon stepping into the house, a small fellow in yellow, probably less than 2 yr old, ran happily towards me wanting to hug my leg... aww, this baby is so cute!

I later found out he has the same chinese name as me : Yang Yang. I began to feel having a great affinity to this baby. In fact, he is not the most beautiful and good looking amongst the many toddlers around, but a rather thin and skinny one. However, he is definitely the most 'guai' one. He nv cried a single time whereas the other babies cried so much. And when he laughed or smile, there was no sound too. He is totally silent. And he is willing to play with everyone.

The above pic was taken during the wedding dinner. While the other kids were very playful and running around, he remained very guai and clinged quietly to his mother. I found myself keep on stroking the baby's head. He reminds me of someone.

Okie enough of babies.. aww i am down with an irritating sore throat and a bit of flu. I still find everyday's work a chore. When will i reach a stage whereby I can enjoy my work?

Praises & Critics

Counting down 45 minutes to knocking off. Within these 45 minutes, will I need to handle any sudden/surprise cases? Will I receive any last minute big arrows from my boss? I hope not.

It seems as if I am so free now to be able to blog. But frankly speaking, I still have quite a number of stuffs to handle, mostly plannings and devising projects which I cant complete within a couple of hrs. I ve decided to leave them till tmr and give myself a break after a long hectic day.

Not long ago, I gathered all my foremen and 13 team leaders for a briefing on a new scheme implemented. As I have got no stage fright and am experienced in talking to a large crowd, hence conducting such a briefing is a breeze for me. However, I thot i wasnt too effective so far in giving instructions. I may be talking out aloud with confidence + without missing any essential pts, but I felt as if my instructions have not been effectively brought across. In other words, I couldnt connect to the audience.

My Foreman feedbacked me positively that I did a good job in conducting last week's meeting and today's briefings. He has compared me with my manager who previously did my job. He always thot i was soft spoken but was alarmed when I sounded much more confident and steady as he has expected. Still, I feel a bit uneasy having to give instructions to ppl who are definitely much more experienced than me.

To add on further, another 2 foremen feedbacked to me that I appeared to be too 'soft' and 'weak'. I have been smiling and not harsh enough, both towards the staffs and the taxi drivers. They were worried that I will have difficulties to handle the staffs, and the hirers will take advantage of me by making unreasonable demands. I duno wat to say.. i have nothing to defend myself and as a newbie, I can only try to be humble now. But its a tiring process...

Mistakened

While learning the Dharma,

We often thought that the best Dharma book we ever read must be the best for others too.

We often thought that the teacher we respect most must be the one others respect most too.

We often thought that whatever aspire and motivate us, must aspire and motivate others too.

We often thought our views are the most correct (including wats happening now haha) and others shld follow too.

We are often mistakened.

Fun Nite

I wasted the entire morning and afternoon at home doing nothing constructive. Anyway, its supposed to be weekend and I chose to laze around at home.

Evening came and I went off to meet smallbro OWY and chun kit for dinner, before going for the CMC sitting. Chun Kit has expressed his interest in meditation earlier, but he has to go back home this morning. Unfortunately or fortunately for him, the tics were sold out. But he got the chance to join in the CMC sitting this evening, in which Sabz and Pearl were there too :D Sadhu for all of you!

Coincidentally, the ACB carnival was directly infront of the place where we meditated. We went there to spin the wheels. Initially the carnival din look great to me when I went there at 6 plus with the sky still bright. But when i went back at 9pm, the lightings really make the place look magnificent and grand (see the pic above). Anyway, ABC is the very first temple I feel I have the affinity to after joining NUSBS FOC2000. Its a place I got many good Dharma books and CDs. I am deeply grateful to ABC.



After the sitting and spinning the wheels, we proceeded for our dinner at a coffeeshop opposite the carnival. We had fried rice and was very full, when chun kit suggested eating more. Eventually, we walked all the way to eat Dou Jiang You Tiao, something which i dislike actually. Today, my dislikeness for it strengthened when we were chased away shortly after consuming our share cos there were too many ppl waiting for seats. I wasnt particularly happy with it becos we ate fast and actually stayed there less than 15 min. Furthermore, I find nothing special abt the Tow Huey except that its more costly than other places. In fact, i thot the pandan tow huey in Bizad canteen tasted much better.

Well now let me criticise a bit on the singer Fan Wei Qi. I used to like her songs a lot, like 'Qi Chen' and 'Xiang Tai Duo'. I thought she is a young + pretty + good singer who can deliver her songs very well. Unfortunately, her latest song 'Zhui Zhu Meng Xiang' sux big time. Its such a nice song and her delivery was damm pathetic. I feel thats not the right way to sing and deliver the song. No wonder her producer was against her singing style for it too. .well too bad.

Too Much Today

Within a short day today, many things happened. So this blog gonna be very lengthy, yet without a smooth flow.

1) New Job Opportunity
This morning, I received a phone call from Singapore Customs, asking me to go down for interview for the post of a Management Executive. It’s the kind of job I wanted very badly. I could feel my passion for this job even before I go down for the interview, I simply love the job nature. Moreover, the pay is 3-3.1k!!! Sad to say, I already have a job now. I thought I shld stay at one job for at least 1yr before I can learn enough to decide and conclude where I shld jump next.

2) Problems at Work
i) Disputes between Snr Workers
Today, one of my foreman complained to me about another senior technician. Both of them are supposed to be among the most seniors in the workshop, without 100s of technicians under them. I do not know how to solve the dispute, but I guess such things shld be handle with extra care. My manager couldn’t be bothered with this issue when I told him abt the problem, he is a not so ppl oriented person, and is only concerned with work quality and results. However, I feel that if the workers are not happy and cooperative, we cannot produce good work. I will do something abt it.

ii) The IA Student
One of the IA students came to my room today. He had a quarrel with one of the full-time technician, whom he claimed has bullied him. He felt that he is here to pick up technical skills and this technician has kinda disturbed and affected his learnings over here. He also added that he see no pt why the technician shld be nasty to him when I am always smiling at him. I told him coming to work is just not abt learning technical skills, but also learning how to work with ppl. It a good opportunity for him to be exposed in a real working world, to witness how ppl behave in the society. He agreed with me and said: Sir! I shld have studied harder and go to uni, then everyday sit in the air-con office like u.

iii) The Worrisome Taxi Driver
I have encountered many taxi-drivers by now, however, none was as special as this one I met today. I immediately notice the melancholic and worrisome face when the driver came to my room. I later found out he may have some psychological imbalance. He told me that he suspected my technicians were against him and they have purposely delayed the repair of his vehicle by making him wait for so long. I told him that’s not possible as my technicians will only try to finish their job fast so that they can rest earlier, they will nv wanna drag their job. He later added that his engine burst and suspected my technicians were out there to ‘revenge’ and sabotage him. I felt like laughing but I din, and told him that they wudnt do that as by doing so, they are creating my job for themselves as the ‘spoilt vehicle’ will ultimately come back to them for repair, giving themselves more work. The driver was convinced and said he felt better and more relief after hearing wat I say. I know I shldnt feel good or gloat over this driver’s misfortune, but so far, this has been the most happy case I ever handled. Perhaps I enjoyed making someone feel better.

iv) Reprimanding for the First Time
I have been working for four weeks, and so far, I have never lost my cool or scolded any of my technicians or Foreman. Firstly, I feel I was too new to throw my weights around and secondly, I dun like the feeling of making ppl unhappy. However an incident happened today which has reached beyond my threshold of tolerance and I called one of my snr technician to my office and reprimanded him. I guess everyone was surprised as I have never seemed to be so serious at my workplace before. This snr technician was apologetic for his mistake and I felt bad abt scolding him. Just imagine your father got scolded by someone who is around your age…. I think sometimes ‘respecting for snr’ and ‘getting things done right’ cannot comprise.

iv) Are you a Taxi Driver?
This week, there’s a road show at my work place selling insurance. There is this bunch of recruiters who miss no chance into getting the taxi drivers to buy themselves a policy. I happened to walk past the reception area when I was approached by one of them “ excuse me, do u mind if I introduce u a good stuff…. Blah blah blah”. “Sorry I am not a taxi driver!” I smiled back. Its alrite as I walked further down, I was approached 2 more times. I went back to tell my admin staffs, and they laughed their heads off. Well well, I shldnt wear blue to work next time then….

3) Blood Donation + Chinatown Walk
This evening, I met smallbro OWY and Chun Kit at outram for blood donation. For many times, I nearly blacked out after my blood donation and I always have to warn the nurses before hand. This evening, the ‘black-out’ feeling started to creep in minutes after my blood start pumping out. I thot “Shxx! Not again!”. Fortunately, it lasted just a while and I got back to shape shortly later. I am very happy that the National Blood Bank opens till 8pm every Friday. It has given working class ppl like me a chance to donate blood too since its close on Saturday aftn and Sundays. Surprisingly, the receptionist could guess I am an engineer! I thought I look like a taxi driver?

After the donation, we brought chun kit to the often-heard Evergreen Bookstore. Its his first time there, as we proceed on to eat Yong Tau Foo and ice-desserts at Ppl’s park Hawker. I felt as if I am bringing a tourist around, bringing him around to walk on the streets of Chinatown, haha.

4) Meditation is Good
I found out more and more of my friends, including jnrs of BS, are getting interested to learn meditation seriously. Most of them only attended those short and introductory meditation courses in NUS, but nv to any formal and proper courses. Indeed, its very impt to learn meditation through a formal and proper course, from a good and experienced meditation teacher. These frens have approached me to intro them a good meditation teacher/course. Anyone has lobang? Pls tell me, I really feel like arranging one for my frens.

Upside Down

My day turned upside down today...really upside down arghh...

Just as I thought the sky is clearing up after Vesak, a phone call came crushing me down towards noon time. I received a call from my insurance company, telling me that the other party whom I have met accident with during Christmas have wanted to claim from me.

It was puzzling as i thought the case was closed and settled long ago. Weeks after the accident, I actually received a letter from the other party's insurance company, NTUC Income, that they are willing to compensate for my loss on the agreement that I would not pursue the matter anymore. This also means that they other party has given the consent and green light to NTUC for letting me do the claim. In other words, he must have admit liability.

Disgustingly, he moved on to claim his damages from my insurance company. The agreement only stated tat after accepting the compensation from him, i cannot pursue anymore, and doesn mean he cant pursue anymore. Damm.. he wanted to claim around 2K whereas his insurance company only compensated me $200+.

My insurance agent said that they will gather evidence to see if they allow the other party to claim from them. If we were to reject him, he is most likely to pursue in court and I have to be present myself in court.. Damm..

Just as I was trying to gain my composure after the 'hit', a taxi driver caught up with me and began his shoutings and complaints. Walaos, this old indian fellow was really very nasty and fierce, and before I could settle his case with him, another Indian driver came shouting at me: Hey! After his turn, its my turn to complain to you! I suddenly feel my whole world crushing down... I reminded myself not to be a racist.

Fortunately, I managed to deal with them. My tricks were smiling at them, apologising to them (yeah hypocritically cos i really dun feel apologetic) and tapping their back + asking them to take care of their health. It works for most of them.

I duno why bad things come in a row.... back to the point on the car insurance claims. Be it the other party wins or lose his claim, he will have his own karma to bear. All I know is that my conscience is sparkling clear.

Sometimes when you r faced with big problems, esp those that deal with court/legal cases, u will feel ur other problems so small and minute, yet they used to bother and trouble u so much. So to my friends, dun get urself too upset over trivial matters. Save ur energy to cultivate yourself and practise the Dharma :D

More Vesak Reflections

1) Sadhu to Francis for his most recent blog entry. He has spoken almost exactly how I feel, so there is no need to repeat in my own blog.

2) To smallbro tree, i cant access your blog anymore. Probably my IE has conflicts to the real player or whatever music player u have in ur blog, that it causes my windows to shut down whenever i enter ur page. Too bad, jus msn and keep me updated of urself in the future :)

3) To caicai, peifen and organisers of PKS Vesak Celebration. Thank you for giving me this chance to offer my volunteer service. Its indeed a fun and meaningful Vesak for me working as a tour guide. Its a rare chance that I can share my limited Dharma knowledge with the public. While most of the time in campus we have to get our peers interested in the Dharma, last evening, many curious and inquisitive public members came to me themselves to ask me abt the Dharma. Some of the ppl that have left me indelible impressions include:

1) A young boy, not more than 10 yr old, asking me several buddhism qns including " what is a buddha relic".

2) A grandma with his grandson, who thanked me so many times along the way during the tour

3) A family of 4, with the wife/mother showing extreme great interest in every single word i said. It has served as a good incentive and encouragement for me to keep my job going.

4) An Israel couple who were very curious on buddhism, asking qns like what is namo ben shi, shi jia mo ni fo.

5) A guy in his late 20s, who asked pretty funny questions like whats the material of the buddha statue, and why was Prince Sidhartta pointing up to the sky, and wasnt him being arrogant etc

6) And a few others who ask questions on offering of flowers, incense etc cos they couldnt hear properly during the presentations

I think the activity that interest the ppl most was the prostrations by diff traditions of buddhism. I am glad most of the ppl were willing to do the prostrations after my demonstrations. Sadhu...

Its indeed a meaningful event this yr done by the Youth Ministry. At least ppl who came to the Vesak Celebration did not go home 'empty handed', but brought back with them some new knowledge in buddhism.


Oh well, went with sumantri to SL this evening. He complained that he couldnt feel the Vesak Celebrative Joy and mood in Singapore, be it at PKS last nite or at Suntec over the weekends. I have to agree with him, but we did feel the Vesak Joy at SL jus now. Its something more 'genuine', less commercialised and meaningful to the both of us. We met qinsong and ananda who were on their way there too.

After which, I went back to Raffles Hotel where my dad left his car. I walked past chijmes, and it reminded me of the christmas eve date i had with the 2nd gal of my life. It wasnt a pleasant memory, but it reminded me that i have fallen and managed to recover repeatedly. I feel blissful :D

Vesak Reflections

I just got back from PKS Vesak celebration and am now fresh from the showers. Its indeed a tiring night, considering I have to rush home to work, get changed and then to PKS. But then its definitely a very meaningful and joyous evening for me.

This evening, I was walking past the open space where Ven Kwang Sheng struck the bell 108 times during the count down of 2004. While the ppl around me were feeling joyous then, each hit of the bell kinda wake me up and instill some fears in me. It was then I realised I would be graduating by mid this yr, and i shall also end this yr no longer as a comfortable student but someone who needs to take charge and plan his own life. Thinking back, I feel pretty relieve now. At least I have gotten a pretty good job and is trying to settle down fast :D

This evening, the road by PKS was heavily jammed, with vehicles park illegally by the side of the roads. The nearest HDB flat carparks were all closed and reserved for residents only, leaving about only 20 parking lots for the public. I thought I wudnt be that lucky but true enough, there was one parking lot left for me!!! I was so happy to get it although the walk from there to PKS took about 15 min.

Along the way, I took a short cut in which I have to cut through a very dark grass field and climb down a slope. An old man was behind me as I offered to help him cross the field. He turned me down... oh well, but as I reached the slope, I knew there is no way the old man can climb down by himself. Thus, I waited for him until he reached me at the slope and he has no choice but to hold my hands. He thanked me and I felt very happy to help the old man make his way to PKS.

Last yr, there was SARS and we had to fill up declaration forms and walked thru the thermal scanners. Saw many MDC ppl then. This yr things were much easier, but definitely much more crowded.

The job of being the tour guide was tiring, but i got happier after each group. The idea of sharing the Dharma and explaining what i know buddhism to ppl makes me happy. I feel even happier to learn that there are still many ppl, some as young as 7 yr old, asking me questions on Buddhism. A small boy asked me what is meant by 'relics'.

Sorry to those NUSBS jnrs whom i have turned them down in joining our vesak tour. The vesak tour is targetting ppl with very little Dharma knowledge. In fact, most of the tour guides also have pretty shallow knowledge on the Dharma, but becos they wish to help out, they are tasked as tour guides so that any deeper questions can be directed to the facilitators. Moreover, the response for the tour is really very good and we were kinda short of manpower at some stages. I think some of u may be able to understand our situation, but to those who still sulked, grumbled and complained... well, thats ur business, i dun care.

If u really wish to find out more abt buddhism, I am willing to spend one whole sunday with u at the monastry explaining to u what I know abt buddhism, but tat will be definitely something pretty shallow, which u can definitely learn more from joining the NUSBS activities like courses and temple tour.

Well overall, I really enjoyed myself on Vesak Eve. Well done all the volunteers and organisers. Well done to those aunties who approach me where to sign up as volunteers the next Vesak.

Oh Suffering World

A short passage on the 3rd mark of existence - Suffering

The third mark of existence is suffering, dissatisfaction. To put it
concisely, we suffer when we resist the noble and irrefutable truth of
impermanence and death. We suffer not because we are bascially bad or
deserve to be punished but because of three tragic misunderstandings.

1st, we expect that what is always in the process of change should be
graspable and predictable. When we mistake what is impermanent to be permanent, we suffer.

2nd we proceed as if we are seperate from everything else, as if we are a fixed identity, when our true situation is egoless. When we mistake the openess of our being for a solid and irrefutable self, we suffer.

3rd, we look for happiness in all the wrong places. The Buddha called
this habit "mistaking suffering for happiness". We become habituated to reaching for something to ease the edginess of the moment. Thus we become less and less able to reside with even the most fleeting uneasiness or discomfort.

What begins as a shift of energy - a minor tightening of our stomach, a vague indefinable feeling that somethin bad is about to happen -
escalates into addiction. This is our way of trying to make life predictable. When we mistake what always results in suffering to be what will bring us happiness, we remain stuck in the repetitious habit of escalating our dissatifaction.

Courtesy of Zhihao (NUSBS ex-Dharma Director) Taken from Pema Chodron's book: comfortable with uncertainty-108 teachings on cultivating fearlessness and compassion)


Everyday I see the unhappy faces of the taxi drivers, worried about their vehicle problems, fighting for monetary compensations, rushing for time, angry with the technicians and such, I feel very sad too. Why are human beings chasing round the clock in exchange of more unhappiness?