Lately, I havent been feeling well and was quite low moraled - a combination of work + health + other personal matters. I was feeling so depressed that I feel like escaping, something which has never been an option for me in life. I felt i have no energy and motivation to confront the heaps of problems which were constantly throwing onto me.

I told my situation to a Christian friend and he posed me a striking question: What happened to your religion?

He really caught me totally off guard. Its not as if i have forgotten abt buddhism during this dark period, but it definitely takes someone from another religion to wake me up.

After a night of deep thoughts and reflections, I realise my problems (or problems in general) cannot be easily overcome or solved just by mere chantings, or even by a few hours more of meditation sessions. I feel that what matters most is our faith for our religion (buddhism here), which is to be accumulated and steadily built up from our daily practices and applications.

Still feeling doubtful in the morning, i drove to labrador park again during lunch time to further sort out my thoughts. I have initially planned to take 1/2 day off to go SriLankaramaya temple to meditate but unfortunately my work load doesn allow. Fortunately, my taiwan friend (who is a devoted buddhist) called me at the right moment when i was sorting out my thoughts at Labrador.

I left labrador as a happy person. I felt much lighter and could feel a small sense of liberation. Its all in the mind - the sweetest things presented to you yday may end up being your nightmares which haunt you today. Memories only remain sweet if we can truely let them go, otherwise attachments to them will only guarantee you sufferings.

偶然

我是天空里的一片云，

偶尔投影在你的波心.

你不必讶异，更无须欢喜，

在转瞬间消灭了踪影。


你我相逢在黑夜的海上，

你有你的，我有我的，方向；　　

你记得也好，最好你忘掉，

在这交会时互放的光亮

Neo Tiew Revisit

Wow, i have not expected myself to take a hiatus from blogging for so long. Many things have happened over the past 2 weeks or so. Life is sometimes so unpredictable, but i guess i shall leave the details out. Not very comfortable to share them openly on my blog yet.

Work has been getting more stressful. I took half a day off to go home for a nap, only to be dreaming abt work still. I woke up from the nap, logged onto my company network to address those ever coming work mails. Its jus as good as working from home and not taking the off :( At night, i dreamt of work again, sighz.

I continue to wake up in the middle of the night at 4am (everynight) without fail. It seems that my biological clock has been set and fixed at 4am. I was prescribed 3 types of sleeping pills. The first type made me very drowsy and i was totally knocked out, but it has side effects of causing memory loss. The 2nd time was less effective cos i could still wake up in the middle of the night, but with milder side effects. The 3rd type was prescribed by my specialist, which made me very tired and drowsy even throughout the day.

I went for to the polyclinic on thursday to ask for a referral cos i have been suffering from persistent headaches for the past 45 days. Categorised under 'fast track' case, i was arranged to see my specialist the very next day at TTSH with the neurological scan done on my head. Results out only next week, but i am confident i will be alright and nothing is wrong with my head.

I am fortunate that my work place is so near labrador park. During lunch time, i will drive there to enjoy the sun, waves, breeze and peace.

Life is so unpredictable. I always believe that good things which come fast will go away twice as fast, unless they are hard earned by yourself. The invisible wall which i have involuntarily built around myself over the 3 yrs was finally knocked down for a while, but now it has started to build up again, twice as high and thrice as strong.

Trying very hard to revert back to the older days where life can be carefree and relaxing.

Pulau Ubin

More pictures at: www.hpnature.blogspot.com

My pressure has dropped to the 120-130 range. Probably i will stop taking the anti-stress pills to see if my pressure will remain low.

A sincere thanks to Gillian for helping me source this blood pressure gauge, which I can conveniently use to measure my BP myself. Kamsiah!

Just finished casting my votes. I didnt wish to blog too much on the election, not because i am afraid of anything, but i just feel a lot of things are not like what they appear to be. News and propagandas... sign.

Long weekend for me again....

Rich and fun activities lining ahead of me... yeah.

Engineers needed

My department is now looking for 2 engineers.

1) Procurement Engineer
2) Product Engineer

The 2nd job function will be working very closely with me in the manufacturing of notebooks locally. Job will be focussing primary on manufacturing line and parts structuring of the notebooks.

Interested personnel pls send me your resume asap!

iPOD mini & iPAQ

Nowadays, it seems pretty cool to own these gadgets.

This latest ipaq is fun as it allows me to navigate around the island with the GPS function. All i need to do is to specify my location, and the GPS sys will plan the route for me. The instructions and directions given throughout the journey can be pretty accurate, although it may cok up occasionally. The camera quality is satisfactory too. Unfortunately, it has no built-in wifi.

The ipod mini may seem to be pretty useless just as a music player (something which the ipaq can function as well). However, it has significantly larger storage space (allows me to store hundreds of songs). Morever, it allows me to track the songs according to artistes, song names etc.

This weekend was totally spent on visitng the places of nature - i have already posted the photos of these places in my earlier entries so i wun be posting them here again. Its nice to visit these places again.

To be frank, I have been putting up a little struggle to sustain this blog. I seem to have lost the interest in blogging a few months back. There are a few reasons why i am not closing down this blog. Firstly, I have started blogging since early 2003, and it wud be a waste to discontinue it after 3 long years. Secondly, i am not someone who gives up easily nor like to jump the gun too fast. I must be sure of myself before i make a decision. Lastly, if i were to announce closing it, i will nv know when imay wanna blog again in a few weeks/months' time. Nothing is certained anyway.

But after a few months of consistent feeling, my blog may really come to an end very soon. Lets see how it goes :D

过敏

你消失的一百天，我没了笑脸怕别人看见。

我想我才了解，我正停格在爱情过敏的季节。

季节没改变，是想念没断线。

Currently my favourite song from Ms Yang (yeah same surname man!). I think she delivers this song pretty well, and this song is really very nicely written.

I decided to consume those sleeping pills prescribed by the doctor. The first nite i took it, I still wake up in the middle of the night for about 30min, but went on to have a deep sleep till 8am! Last evening, I took half a tablet again, woke up in the middle of the night for just a few min, and went on to sleep till 9am!!!! I think i havent slept till so late in recent years... The sleeping pills seemed effective, though not totally on me.

But i know my blood pressure is still very high. While driving long distance to my grandparents' house yday, i could feel blood gushing up my head. The feeling was terrible, as i feel immense pressure at my temples with cold sweat beads forming on my forehead.

Yes, work is pressurising, but definitely not to the extent of breaking me down. Other than work, my life is really great and enjoying. My bro's wedding is just around the corner, and i have very great close friends hanging out with me often. But i cant really explain on my phyiscal condition... wat happened?