Pride & Honour

I have been experiencing great resistances in my writing lately. Could it be because i have not been reading much lately? Hahaha, perhaps writing is just like jogging. The more you read, the more fluent your writing will get.

Anyway, this entry aims to write abt my own BIG FAT EGO. Pls pardon me if u find it a sore to read on.

Last friday, my company had a function held at a KTV lounge, and my colleagues spared no time in making the deejay busy with their song requests. Majority of these ppl's singings sux, yucks. But i applause their courage to sing, ahhaha.

Yes, I am an ego pig and i am always confident with my own singings - probably one of the very very few strengths i have. However, I nv like to sing in front of the crowd, for some funny reasons. Firstly, I do not wish to be seen as showing off or haolian. Secondly, I feel singing shld be for self enjoyment or at most, entertainment for frens. It shld nv be used to impress or prove something to others. Lastly, i do not wish to be hated by others. I just feel tat ppl in general will not be impressed with u if you were to perform better than them. Instead, u incur their jealousy, and this does not apply to only singing but all other things.

With such screwed up mentality, i decided not to sing at all during the event. And a lot of attention was given to another colleague, whom a lot of ppl regarded him as the 'star singer'. Indeed, he could hold his tunes well, but then, i thought his basics and fundamentals of singing is not there. I could do better than him anytime, i thought silently. Throughout his singings, i applauded together with the rest, and nodded superficially when my other colleagues told me how great his singing was.

I guess my ego got the better of me. Under the strong encouragement of another colleague, i decided to select a song to sing eventually. I have to admit that part of my intention was to prove to the ppl tt i could sing as well, if not better. And as expected (to myself), my singing gave an impact to those who stayed back and listen. Its definitely pleasing to my ears to receive their compliments and praises like: WOw, you are then the real star for the day! Wow, we have the best for the last! What a hidden talent we have at PSG (from my director).

However, the light hearted feeling was only short-lived. I am actually more disgusted by my own ego after i went home. My intention is sick to start off with. May I have nothing to do with pride and honour.