Pierce Reservoirs ; Kranji Sky

Visited Kranji and the 2 Pierce reservoirs today. In case u ppl r wondering who is that guy in the pic, he is none other than barry - the person I mentioned in my earlier post. I am sure quite a number of ppl who read my blog know him too.

The reservoir parks were extremely peaceful and quiet today. We are fortunate that it didnt rain this morning + its not too sunny. We spent the entire morning enjoying the sights of blue waters, green patches and white clouds + listening to bird chirps.

Several friends have requested me to bring them along to these reservoir parks whenever I go. I am sorry i didnt do so, becos most of the time when i visit these places, I want to enjoy the peace myself. If not, I will jus bring 1 other friend along whom i thought can share the same appreciation of the nature. Sorry that i have practised some form of judgement and discrimination here. But pls do not hesitate to jio me if u sincerely wanna visit these places.

Oh yes, thanks to all my frens (littleway, pearl, gillian, weiyang, JJ etc) who have shown concerns to my parents. My dad is recovering well, but my mum's wound is getting more disgusting. Click here if you dun mind viewing the wound. But warning - its really disgusting.

Today I was chatting with my ex-gf who commented i was v vain and love to put my own self taken pics on my friendster account. She mentioned that most ppl in real life do not look as good as their photos posted, and the testimonials are often exaggerated (to the positive side).

Well, I have to prove her wrong by taking a self pic on spot and send it to her immediately. My face, be it side profile or front view, it is still as sharp, ok? Haha... Perhaps the glows i used to have are now gone. But i believe i am going to shine again this yr, i am confident! For the start, there were already a few gals sending me requests to add me to their friendster list once again in 2006 - hmm, interesting, haha, ego ego..

Anyway, Mr Bao was asking me for help. He asked if i can spare him all my NUSBS t-shirts for BS day decoration. Unfortunately, I have given almost all of my old yet new-looking nusbs t shirts away to my juniors. I have lost track who i have given them to, so those jnrs who read my blog, pls contact mr bao and lend him the t shirts ok?

1) Black tee with white bodhi leave/mediation posture - 1999

2) Blue polo tee with orange dharma wheel - FOC 2000

3) Black EhiPassiko colourful tee - FOC 2001

4) Yellowt tee - BS Day 2002

5) Black tee with 4-colour-arms tee - FOC 2002

6) Maroon tee with Bodhi Leave - Camp Voyage 2003

7) Black tee with buddha face - BS Day 2004

8) Orange tee - FOC 2004

9) Green tee - CEP 2005

More recent ones i really lost track. I think Mr Bao shldnt have problem getting item 6-9, but item 1-5 may need help from weiyang, zeathereal, pearlyn and those jnrs i have given the tees to. If NTUSB needs any tee, i think i have abt 5 of them, haha, mostly CIA ones.

My Brother, My Gui Ren

When I look back the past few yrs of my life, I have indeed encountered quite a few 'gui ren' and received much of their help. My god brother Adrian is definitely one of them.

This evening, I met him for supper at Simpang Bedok - our usual meet up place. Adrian has supported me in various aspect of my campus life, which included his encouragements + helping to pay for my laptop. And whenever i meet him these days, he wud dig up an ugly past of mine to tease me. I once wrote him an extremely nasty email tat made him tear. Haha..... I was really terrible.

Adrian is now happily teaching at a junior college and i last heard he has a large female fan base in his jc. This guy is a freaking monster who doesn look older as he ages. Being 3 yrs his junior, i feel i more and more older than him each yr. And he still doesn wanna get married despite being with his gf for quite a no. of yrs already.

I have a gal friend who got herself into many unfavourable situations becos of her good looks (or self proclaimed good looks, haha!) U shld know who u r, cos u r reading my blog, hahaha!!!. Adrian is the guy version who suffesr the same fate. He got himself into many unnec hassle becos of his looks, haha. It is something which i will not experience. But lately, I noticed tat i seem very appealing to this particular grp of females. Even my mum notice it and she told me yday in the lift "hey, do u know the maids like to beo?" WTF... but i am not a racist oke?

Dogs Dogs Dogs - I hate you

I have tough luck with this stupid dog on the very first day of the dog year. I brought my parents to visit my grandparents early in the morning. Upon reaching the door step, my uncle's dog rushed out, pounced on my dad and gave him a deadly claw on the thigh. My dad bled profusely.

Minutes later, the dog came and wanted to pounce on my father again. Fortunately my uncle came in time to carry it away and lock it in the room. 5 min later, he accidentally opened the door, and the dog came rushing out and gave a very deep bite on my mum's thigh.

My mum gave a small cry and her wound turned blue black shortly lately. I could see the pain and fright she was in. This is really the very first time in life that I experienced pains in my heart seeing my mum was in pain. No wonder they say parents and their childrens are connected by flesh and bloods. Its as if my own skin and flesh have been attacked. My heart was feeling so painful seeing the wound on my mum's thigh. Without saying much, I dragged my mum out of the house an drove her to CGH.

The doctor told us that medical treatment MUST BE given for both my parents cases. DAMMM THE FUCKING DOG! I really feel like carrying it up and slam it hard onto the wall. BLOODY HELL!

I can understand why dogs attack ppl when they were disturbed by them. But my parents really did nothing to it. Can u imagine she was happily doing her CNY visit only to receive such a misfortune? Not only my pocket is bleeding, my heart is bleeding more profusely.

Happy New Year!

35 more min to the Dog Year.

Wishing all friends and your love ones a Happy Lunar New Year!

-------------------------------------------------------

Wow, its already the Dog Year now!

The number of SMS greetings I received for this yr has far exceeded the previous yrs. And there are also 2 interesting cases: 1) I was sending a CNY greeting to this friend and have just finished pressing the sent button when i received a SMS from her at the same time. The timing can nv be more zun! 2) Yday i suddenly recall this uni fren who has helped me quite a lot during my yr2 days, but i have lost touch with him and also lost his contact num. Jus nice, he smsed me tonite with a CNY greeting. His name is Jiayuan.

I was chatting with a junior who has jus entered the army earlier. He has been released back home for the CNY hols. While talking to him, I recalled my very onw CNY eve experienced when i was a recruit. I may have repeated this story many times in my blog, but still, I wish to mention it again tonite:

It was the eve of CNY. On a typical book out day, we wud not be catered lunch and shld be able to board the ferry back to Singapore mainland by 11am. But this CNY eve book out was an exception, we had our lunch catered - which our instructor tried to appease us by saying its a 'CNY Special lunch'. But i remembered it SUX big time, although it came with a pathetic mandarin orange. Forcing jus a few mouthful of rice into our mouths, we ended our lunch in double quick time. Naively, we thot we wud be able to go home faster by eating fast.

By 12noon, we were all sitted at the training shed, looking forward to be sent to the jetty so that we can take the ferry home ASAP. But we were terribly wrong, as the wait has provened to be much longer than we have expected. One by one, we saw recruits from the other companies happily mounting up the 3-tonner to be sent to the jetty, but we remained sitted hrs after hrs. It seemed that the entire P.Tekong were fighting for the ferry back home to Singapore Mainland. The companies have to draw lots to determine who to go first.

By 3pm, i really felt like crying. It was the first time in life for CNY eve tat i didnt make it home at such a late hr. For all the yrs, I wud be back home helping my mum with the food and prayers to my grandparents. I was full of exasperation. The instructors could see from our faces that we were getting impatient. He made some of us sing CNY songs. It did help a while but v soon, the effect ran out. Everyone was getting very impatient. Finally near 5pm, it was our turn. By that time, the entire Tekong was almost empty. Yes, we were the last company, and it was not until today then I guess I know the reason why. MSN me if u wanna know the reason :P

When I reached Changi Village, I was glad to see my dad was still waiting there with his 'big fat white merc' - the exact words which my instructor (Sg Suwandi) sometimes used to tease me. BY the time i reached home, its dinner time. My mum's eyes were all red. I guessed she must be more anxious and impatient than I was.

Well, it sound like a boliao story, but its definitely a day which I will nvr forget, esp during CNY eve. That was exactly 8 yrs ago, WOW.

I nv thought I will use a PDA in my life, as I do not have the habit of keeping a diary and nv bother to record down my schedules and appointments. Everything goes to my head. But lately, my life has been involved much with the PDAs. Its always good to know these products well at my finger tips since i am the back up PDA engineer.

Still, I do not see the usefulness of PDAs to my life. Probably its a very useful gadgets to some occupations like Insurance Agents, Financial Planners, teachers etc. But to me, its jus for the sake of games, surfing and msn @ outdoors.

However, PDAs are definitely very powerful tools, jus tat i always feel the technology around us are not advanced enough to work on par with these PDAs. For instance, a PDA can be used to control all the electrical appliances at home (eg. turning on/off lights, boiling water, record tv shows, control air-cons etc). But these electrical gadgets are not advanced enough yet to work effectively with the PDAs.

As such, PDAs these days are still v much restricted to the role of an online electronic diary book. I may be wrong, but tats jus my self conclusion, haha.

My good fren Barry is back from China. He has been posted overseas last yr and has come back for a short CNY vacation. As the duration he will be spending here is short, we spare no time to meet up to catch up with each other.

Barry has a character which is totally diff from me. He enjoyes jazz music, classical dance and speak french. He is a motivated soul who is always on a look out for money making opportunity. On the other hand, I dun enjoy any particular music, i duno how to dance and i only know english and mandarin. I dun feel motivated to make more money.

However, I always find my conversation with him very intellectual, something which both parties enjoy a lot. As I told pearl sometime back, I am beginning to dislike grp sharings. I prefer either a talk by someone, or a 1-1 conversation. We went down to ECP to enjoy the nite breeze by the sea.

Barry is on MSN now and he asked wat am i doing. I told him i am writing abt him, his china gal rendevous and heavily tainted china-accent speaking. Here's wat he replied:

FOTO FOTO! says:
haha!
FOTO FOTO! says:
about my pseudo chinese accent
FOTO FOTO! says:
oh no!!!
FOTO FOTO! says:
i go and shut down your web site!

Gorlen! goorlen!!! Thats what some of my army friends call me, all thanks to my CSM who has serious problem pronouncing our names. Here are a few examples on how he 'mutated' our names:

1) Gordon -> Gorlen
2) Jeffrey -> Jeh fee
3) Dillon -> Di4 Ren2 (地人）
4）Andrew -> En doo
5) Joseph -> Jo ser
6) Royston -> Loyston
7) Yian -> Yuan
8) Joel -> Jwell

Haha, we imitated him so much that it has now become a habit for us to call one another using the mutated names he has given us, even after 6-7 yrs. I guess my army mates are very interesting ppl as we do not only have our own ways of calling one another, we also have our own unique style and patterns in our communications.

Talking abt pronounciation, I am now getting pretty appreciative of the singapore government for educating us as biliguals, and emphasizing English as the first language. I really see its usefulness now helping to make Singapore a regional hub in the competitive business world. For instance in my company, i feel tat we are made playing the regional roles not becos of our geographical location, but rather, becos of our command of language.

In a typical conference call, I am often the translator for the attendees who may come from diff parts of the world. You will be hearing chinese-english, jap-english, indian-english, US-english, korean-english, filipino-english and of cos, singlish. Its basically like putting dogs, cats, ducks, chickens, cows etc into one conference call. All may be speaking english but they may not understand one another. Thats where and when we Singaporeans play the impt roles.

My weight has taken a dive again by 2kg. Meanwhile, while shopping for a pair of jeans for CNY, I realised my waist line has also been reduced by 1-inch. I am not on a diet, neither have I been exercising excessively. I think my loss in mass is a result of the stress i m facing everyday.

Today, I had a great laugh while chatting on msn. I had conversations with 2 guys separately, but talking on the same gal. These 2 guys do not know each other.

GuyA: Hey small world! I din know you know SF too!
Me : Oh yeah, she is my xxxxxyyyyyzzzzzz
GuyA: I think she is quite chio le, kekeke
Me : Haha! I send u some of the grp photos we took (sent over)
GuyA: *drools*
Me : You want to chase her ah? I support u la..
GuyA: Thanks...

20 min later, i saw GuyB online.

Me: Hey, I jus realised my friend also know SF leh.
GuyB: Oh, small world
Me: Yeah, and he finds her chio
GuyB: Wait.. u sure its the same SF or not??
Me: Ya la, of cos, i even verified with our grp photo
GuyB: hahahah, she only looks chio in the pic, or mabbe among the gals in the photo, she most chio liao, hahaha

It may not sound funny here, but it was indeed a very hilarious chat for me. My colleagues were startled by my sudden blurt of laughters.

HP Invent

It was just a typical english lesson in 1995 when my english teacher asked the class a qn: Have you all read the newspaper about Hewlett-Packard? This company is doing so well bla bla bla bla.... Arent you motivated to get a job there in the future?

Working life to me was still very far away then. I didnt even give a single thought to what i wanna do in the future, but the name "HP" certainly sound like a very sophisticated and great company to me then. Haha, and i didnt expect myself to land a job in this company exactly a decade later.

This morning, I went to pick up my colleague for work. The moment he stepped onto my veh, he said: I think a lot of ppl still have this idea that HP is a good company, but.......

This afternoon during lunch, this colleague who sat opposite me said: I duno why ppl think I work in HP, I m must be very great and sud.......

Hahahahahaha....... good or bad, very hard to say. But one think I wish to convince everybody here is that HP doesn stand for Highly Paid. There are a few reasons why i am still holding to my job. I need the $$$$. I need to gain sufficient experience before i hop (at least 1-2yrs). I dun wanna quit just becos I cannot tahan the job. I will be the greatest loser then. I shld only leave on the day when i found there is no longer any added value to myself holding on to this job.

I think i did an ugly job for the pic but anyway, it took me only 5 min, haha. My love for my ride is building up gradually, quite diff from how i usually feel for my other possessions. I really see the practicality of owning it. It has to do with my character - I like freedom. The 7-door design really enhances the ventilation. Its so nice to sit/lie down on the sofa bed behind.

For the past couple of yrs, the foreigner students in Singapore are pretty fortunate, as the CNY holidays fall continuously with the weekends - meaning they can fly back to their hometown during the long extended weekend. Comparatively to the past, i really feel sorry for some of my foreigner student friends, as they were mostly stuck at their hostels/halls during this festive period.

I really feel much for them during CNY, as they were not only unable to celebrate this festive with their families, but also have no food to eat. I remembered I always used to send them reminders to stock up food in their halls/hostels during this festive season. Many newbies to singapore do not know that almost all the shops in Singapore wud be closed during this festive season. Every yr, my mum wud also help to pack some CNY goodies for me to bring back to hostels for my foreigner neighbours and BS friends. I wonder if there is still much support given to the foreigners in BS nowadays.

So sian tmr gonna work again. My sianness has gradually developed into fear. Now i am developing phobia to check my work mails and listening to phone calls. I think i am turning mad.

WOW, tonight's Dharma talk was indeed excellent. I always feel very revitalized after attending Ven Kaizhao's talk, esp having to see so many familiar faces. NUSBS/NTUBS alone, i think there shld be around 20-30 ppl:

yeling, chinkoon, fengying, pearlyn, kenny, kici, kinsong, birdtan, huiying, teddy, khian nam, waitoo, cindy, david, keepang, yuhan, zhiyong, vincent, gekhong, fenny, katrine, aikhong, kairene, albert, chungfee, zeathereal, boyao, chinlee, yuandeng & gf etc

Something special tonight for me was that my mum actually requested me to bring her along to the Dharma talk. The first few things that came to my mind were: Place gonna be cramp and squeezy + need to kneel down + sit for at least 2 hrs + chantings that are aliens to her - Can she tahan?

After a short hesitation, i decided to go ahead and bring her along. Sometimes, its not worth the effort to worry so much. Instead of deciding for them, I feel we shld let them decide for themselves. I try not to have any expectation whether my mum is going to understand or accept wat Ven said. But I know she did enjoy the talk a lot, as she laughed heartily at the jokes made by Ven along with the crowds. Besides me, Pearl and Katrine also brought their mums along.

I actually have something else to add on to this entry, but that is gonna make the entry unwholesome. I shall keep tat thought to myself.

Berlingo & Partner

This morning, I was feeling so perplexed with my job that I took 1/2 day off and went home to sleep. I have been sick for the past 1 week and after this aftn's nap, I really feel much better. I guess having sufficient rest is really important.

While I was at home, i stopped myself from checking the work mail - as doing so will defeat my purpose of clearing off, might as well stay back in office to work. But my itchy hand went on to clear my work mails after the clock struck 530pm. Damm.. lots of issues, which are going to cause me sleepless nights again. I really feel the fear in me that i duno how to tackle some of these issues, sighz.

On the brighter side, I managed to successfully organise a meet up for the Citroen Berlingo and Peugeot Partner owners this evening. A total of 11 berlingo + partners turned up, filling the entire stretch of the Farrer Mac carpark. I have nv expected tonight's turn out to be so good!

In order to faciliate the organising of our future meet ups, i have engaged this online web service by my army friend at NUS (www.7happydays.com). This webservice provide forum function and appointment reminders via sms for free!

Promiscuity Vs Adultery

I asked Jane 2 days ago which type of guy he cant stand more:
1) A married guy who keeps A mistress
2) An ummarried guy who lives promiscuosly

Personally, I really cannot stand someone who is married and yet commits adultery. Not that I promote promiscuos behaviour, but I always feel that if you cannot commmit to a single sex partner, then dun get married.

A colleague confessed to me that he enjoys casual sex, and do not wish to commit to anybody. Although the risks of getting HIV is high, at least he doesn hurt anybody with promises and vows - many a times to be broken later. On the other hand, another colleague who is married with kids had an affair with another lady. Her wife found out abt it and is now filing for a divorce. I feel such men are really irresponsible. They are not only sorry to their wife, but to their poor children! Hence my stand is: If you cannot keep to a sex partner, then dun get married/committed to anyone.

I was chatting with a friend 2 days ago when i brought up the topic of 'ghost' - something she has encountered in a buddhist temple yrs ago. I think her encounter has made me realise that these lower beings can too exist in buddhist grounds, even in the presence of the Buddha and other diety statues. It also reminded me that i used to naively think that after placing the buddha statue in my room, my room will be freed from these beings! Haha. All the wrong concepts and mentality.

Something which made me appreciate Buddhism more is that Buddha always preach on using loving kindness to all beings. If by placing buddha statues we can 'chase' or scare away the lower beings, then we are already contradicting the Dharma. Learning the various buddhist chants + sending metta have further reduced my fear for these good brothers.

I Am Stupid

It was in late 1998 when I was posted to my active unit as a junior commander. My peers and I were directly under the charged of this superior, S. S was then a young guy, probably in his mid 20s, very fit and on-the-ball. He made an effort to know each and everyone of us well. However, he was soon posted out to a neighbouring company. Although we still see one another in camp throughout the remaining of my army days, I didnt get to talk to him anymore.

2 midnights ago, I received a surprise home phone call from S. I have never expected S to remember me after these long 7 yrs, and needless to say, call me on my home phone. Initially, I thought he is into financial planning or trying to sell me some insurance. But to my surprise, he said he call jus to check out how am I now recently etc. I was of cos very touched and happy to get re-connected to an old friend.

The next day, I was happily asking around my army peers if they too receive surprise phone calls from S. Most of them responded "NO" initially and even gave me the puzzled response. I remained in the dark until this friend finally told me that S has actually been going around to borrow money from my army peers. Many of them have been cheated.

Morale of the Story:
1) Fancy I always think i am smart, i am actually the biggest fool who thought ppl are still so nice nowadays - to call u up and catch up with u. I have failed to see his ulterior motives.

2) My army peers are actually so nice that they didnt wanna expose him (but at the expense of my innocence la) or gossip behind him.

If he were to call me again, telling me how bad his situation is and how he is in need of money, I will spare no chance to return him with all the problems i am facing too. I'll see which party runs away first, ahahaa.

Morale Low

From the multiple pics i have posted, it seems that i have endless gatherings with my friends, but actually not. It jus happened that we have several meet-ups recently. However, CNY period is gonna be busy. I have diff grps of friends organising 'reunion' dinners. As i do not have the habit of keeping an organiser, I did not record down the dates and jus verbally agree to the dates proposed.

This morning, I realised I have lost track on my appointments and decided to jot them down on my paper calendar. Fortunately, all 5 dates do not clash with one another (2/3, 2/4, 2/5, 2/11, 2/12). Heng ah!

A colleague of mine feels himself crushed. He has jus broken off with his gf of 6 yrs. He told us over tea break today how touched he was when his parents one by one entered his room to give him advices. He is indeed fortunate. I have no time and no bandwidth to worry abt love life. My job itself is giving me problem, in addition to my family woes. My morale is very low. It seems that i have not see the bright sunny days for a very long time. Probably i lack the nourishment from love which many of my frens have, haha. But i remind myself the analogy of licking honey off the knife.

I went to the airport to send pakwing off to sweden. He has many friends to send him off. I wondered if i were to leave singapore one day, wud i have so many friends to send me off. Somehow, I do not wish to take my BS friends into consideration as I feel that the friendships formed among BS are not exactly hard to come by. Its not becos i dun cherish them, but rather, its definitely much harder to build strong and solid friendships outside a religious body, esp to break through the superifical level.

Zeathereal said i look very tired. I dun think i jus look tired, but i feel very tired too. I am wearing out. I feel sick but there r tonnes of work to complete. But i always wanna cater some time for my friends. Friends, share with me your problems if you want. I will be most glad to listen to you.

To my Christian friends: Pls kindly refrain from reading this entry as I am going to write some very sensitive religious issues. Just as much as I wish to respect the other religions, pls do not continue reading and I apologise for any upsets and offence(s) caused.

Its rather depressing to see several of my BS friends, one by one converting to the other religion. If you feel i am being biased against 'them', pls drop this idea completely, as I do have a fair share of Christian close friends. I just feel that the Dharma is precious, and its a great waste to have found the right path, and yet giving it up eventually.

The latest 'discovery' is one of my BS senior, who once participated in one of our earlier BS productions. She was also one of the 3 most regular attendees of our Engine Dharma Circle back in the older days. She has since given up buddhism for the other religion.

Another close BS friend is asking me: Jesus or Buddha; Bible or Suttas? I approached a few fellow buddhists for help. I received several kinds of replies: Its up to their own karma; There is nothing wrong with the other religion; Dun force him to take up buddhism!; Let him be; To each his own; bla bla bla...

Yes, I do agree that our faith in buddhism must be built up from within ourselves. Not everyone is ready for the Dharma. Tats why i nv wanna convert someone who is already happily settling down with another religion. But such arguement does not apply to someone who is still desperately seeking help and direction in life. His msn nick itself shows that he desperately needs guidiance and support. However, he felt he has ZERO fellowship in buddhism, whereas friends from the other religions have been offering him helping hands and making him feel real good abt life. I think all he needs is just a gentle pull from the other side and he will be successfully pulled over.

Sayalay always love to repeat in her Dharma talks and retreats that there is NOT much time to waste. Treat every single moment as if its the last. Treasure the human life as we may not necc be reborn as a human being again. In fact its so hard to get the human life.

Sad to say, i seldom see fellow buddhists supporting one another in life. I seldom hear of ppl encouraging one another to go for retreats, Dharma talks or even share the Dharma books. Many will choose to go with their bf/gf or with their fixed small grps of friends. I am not saying it ALWAYS happnen like tat, but most of the time they love to use 'law of impermanance' and 'karma' to teach one another, which most of the time + unfortunately makes the 'sick' guy feels more unbearable and depress.

I am saying all these not becos i feel great or noble myself. I know i am pretty much a problem kid myself. But at least my faith in the Dharma remains strong and i do feel the urgency to help those who are feeling very shaky in their faiths in the Dharma. But i myself as a small candle cannot light up the entire room. It requires everyone's effort.

I just got back from my army fren's wedding dinner. I was sitted with my fellow specialists, and it was like a big family reunion dinner for us. Although we do have gatherings every now and then, we rarely have such a big attendance at one go.

As my friend is an army regular, we get to see many other familar faces - the other more senior army regulars, many of whom have tekaned us before while we were still trainees or green commanders. Somehow, i see the ego swelling in me, as i purposely dressed up more and behaved in a more 'yaya' manner, all becos i knew i wud be facing these army regulars.

There seems to be a devil in me who wish to tell them that: Hey! We are no longer the blur and young soliders with student mentality, who were once easily manipulated and bullied by you ppl. We are now all university graduates, filled with confidence and have visions of our own. True enough, most of these army regulars did not come to our table and greet us. Only a few friendly ones did.

On a lighter note, I am really glad to have this bunch of army friends (my fellow specialists). ALthough i did not walk through the entire 2.5 yrs with them as i fell out halfway due to my surgery, they have not excluded me. It has been almost 6yrs since we parted, but the talking style, the unique way that we address one another (each of us have a special nick modified from our real name) and typical rowdy behaviours remain the same. We are so close becos we have been thru the same 'shxx'. And its also becos of one another's support and influence at the age of 19-21, an age that most of us carve and mould out our own individual character.

Pls pardon me, but sad to say to the singaporean gals, this is something that you gals have missed out. The wonderful friendships and experiences we have gotten from the army are indeed invaluable, and cannot be described using mere words.

Although the sky already stopped pouring yday, I only get to feel the scorching sun today. Not willing to give the weather a miss, I put on my skates and went on with a relaxing skating session down ECP. ECP was unusually quiet on a saturday night. Sometimes it gets eerie, but not for tonight.

I am known to some of my direct NUSBS juniors as a great 'ghost story' teller. But seriously i am NOT. Its jus becos i happened to witness and went thru the 'ghostly' encounter in NUSBS FOC2001, plus the fact i have tonnes of ghost stories acquired from the army, in addition to the encounter I had at home - they see me as a great ghost story teller, haha.

My friend who has a 'third' eye told me he ever saw a ghostly luminous figure standing by the sea at ECP. Tats interesting. I skated along the coast jus now but i couldnt see any. However, i got myself a mysterious scratch on my right arm, though faint, but enough to cause a noticeable pain. An indian army subordinate once told me that if u ever got a mysterious scratch or felt for cobwebs while walking in open air where cobwebs cant possibly form, u r likely to have brushed against those 'good brothers'.

Haha, anyway, just take it a a pinch of salt. I know its very LC in buddhism to talk abt these beings, but well, i am just being bo liao. If u r interested for more ghost stories, always feel free to msn me. I have made a feel colleagues so scared that in the night that they couldnt wait to jump onto the bed and sleep. Haha!

Mud Flaps On!

My hair is really growing at amazing speed. Moments ago, many friends remembered me as a botak. But the next time they see me, I was already cropping an armani spike cut. Now, they are seeing someone with a thick flop of golden hair over the forehead. I am truely amazed myself.

Botak -> Armani spike: 6 weeks
Armani spike -> Armani: 6 weeks
Armani -> Centre parting: 6 weeks

I gave my Eurovanclub meet-up a miss tonight and joined my BS FOC gang again for a super fun time at Settlers' cafe. The concept of this shop is really good, but the price is steep. I havent had so much fun in recent times. Very enjoyable.

I went to visit the doctor this morning and my company pays for my medical bills. My insurance continued to give me problems though. But i am really fortunate to have all my medical check-ups, X-rays and other scannings done during my days at CDGE, where the work environment and schedule allowed. I wonder how am i going to do it at HP. I dun even have time to claim my off or clear my leave.

Just like learning how to drive, i think its always better to get all these done during the school days when the schedule is more flexible. Once working, the freedom is lost, almost totally. We cannot suka suka leave or do watever we like liao.

Insurance

I think i am in the most unfavourable situation.

Whilst the NUH doctors feel i am perfectly healthy and fit and can take IPPT, the AIA underwriters concluded that I have to pay more for my insurance premiums and even excluded my coverage from certain illness. Tats really ridiculous.

All because a medical letter from NUH states that i have slightly fatty liver, AIA is charging me $10 more every month. NUH doctor told me this condition is not uncommon, and no action is required though.

I am perfectly fine with the NUH doctors declaring that I am normal and fit. I am fine with taking IPPT as it keeps me fit and healthy. I also have no issue with AIA charging me extra premiums if my medical conditions justify it. But NOT when these 2 conditions co-exist together!

Perhaps this is how the society works. The society is ugly. My work place is uglier. The outside business world is the ugliest. Working in HP allows me to work together with some other giant IT manufacturers overseas. Just as u think that the big fish can eat the small fish easily, the small fish has its own way to bite back the 'big bully'.

Rain

This must be the first time i am getting so irritated by my car wipers, ever since i started driving v often 5 yrs ago. Its practically raining every single moment. Each time i hop onto my car, i will be facing my wipers swiping continuously from left to right. Visibilities on roads are also getting poorer.

And becos of the stupid rains, we are all immobilised. Over the last weekend and haji holidays, I cant even go out to skate, swim, jog or visit the reservoir parks. During office lunch hrs, we cant even walk out further to have our lunch. In the evenining, i cant even jog with my colleagues. Damm the stupid rain.

I am feeling very guilty that i have over spent on my ride. I have spent at least close to 2K over the past few months buying and installing gadgets. However, the money spent has proven its worth lately. For instant, i went shopping at suntec last weekend and with my newly installed alarm remote controller, I was able to locate my ride very easily. Also as i seldom turn on my aircon, I have to wind down my windows when driving. With my window visors, the rain droplets are blocked off effectively, preventing the interior of my van from getting wet during rainy days.

Comments that i am getting thinner continued to be heard even till today. I did that the initial few comments well as indeed, i have reduced by a few KGs during the clearing of my IPPT days. However lately, I have stopped jogging vigorously. In addition to my increase in appetite, i think i have put on weight again. SO i am quite puzzled by the comments i have been hearing lately. But at least its still better than wat i used to hear very often in 2003/2004 that "hey gordon, i think u have grown fatter!".

Rainy days - good for sleeping, no need to wash car, BMT guys can siam outdoor PT and joggings. Bad for ice-cream sellers, bad for soldiers who are doing outfield missions, bad for motorists, bad for ppl who love outdoor sports.

爱一个人是多么奢侈, 那幸福喜宴还没开始, 这离别的悲剧已成往事

The above phrase is part of the song lyrics which I find pretty meaningful. Indeed, loving someone can really sap away and drain out lots of your energy.

Perhaps its jus a societal norm to get attached, to get married, to have children, and then to suffer? Well, it doesn mean that as long as i dun get attached, i wun have sufferings. But I will definitely have one set less of sufferings to bear. I feel tat there r much more important stuffs in life that require my attention.

I was shampooing my hair just now when i recalled some of the shampoo advertisements i saw on TV. There are plenty of commercials which are deceptive and deludes the human minds. They make the ignorants believe that they can actually 'grow' younger each day if they were to use their products. Its against the law of impermanance. These advs instil wrong views on the people. Bad karma for the producers.

Likewise, I remembered Sayalay or some venerables were saying that actors/actresses are also creating bad karma, for they deluded the minds of the audiences with their acts. Of cos that will depend on what type of shows they are performing.

Aww.. nothing much to write tonite :)

Friends who have seen me recently wud notice i am now sporting a very obiang hairstyle - the centre parting aka aaron kwok (guo fu cheng) hairstyle. I used to keep this hairstyle during my younger days in sec + jc sch. However most of the time in uni i was sporting the short-geled hairstyle.

The reason why i am keeping this hairstyle again is not becos i find it nice or trendy. Rather, an ex-colleague of mine has dared me to keep this hairstyle now, as this hairstyle has always been the centre of our jokes for my ex-manager, who has been sporting it since his seconddary sch days till now, which is almost 20yrs. We always teased him for being old-fashioned and aaron-kwok-wannabe. Anyway, the armani hairstyle i have been sporting is also out-of-trend for a very long time. Its nice to have a change. I may go bald before or after CNY again.

Talking abt fashion sense, one of the reason why i nv wanna associate myself with any buddhist youth grp is partly becos of their fashion sense. Coincidentally, I have jokes with 2 person on 2 separate occassions on how obiang the fashion sense of some buddhist grps out there are. Its not difficult to sport them, as their characterics are:

1) Bright polo tee shirt with white collar (polo tee is okie, but the white collar....)
2) Chinese characters printed on them (nothing wrong with the chinese wordings, but not when they wanna use this shirt to attract youths out there in orchard?)
3) They love to button their collar all the way up (for goodness' sake)
4) They tuck in their polo tee into their pants!!!! (speechless)

Anyway, dun take my comments too seriously, as i know i do not have v good fashion sense myself. I remembered Ms Angie also once commented on our NUSBS dark blue polo-tee as too old fashioned and dead. Basically, I have no issue with the buddhist youth grps. I applause their efforts in propagating the Dharma, but pls do NOT try too hard to be trendy or hip. Dress who u r... feel comfortable and happy with ur own dressings. At least NTUBS and NUSBS t-shirts in recent yrs are doing very fine in my opinion, phew.

In buddhism, we are often taught to give in our 100% in whatever we do, and be focussed at ONLY one thing at a time. But below are some paradoxes I find in life:

My work requires me to multi-task. In one single afternoon, I am expected to attend a course, attend 2 different meetings, conduct a pilot run at production line, answer urgent email enquires, on top of other routined but deadline bound stuffs. I can only make use of the breaks in between meetings to attend to the other urgent matters. The art of multi-tasking is so important, and I am feeling so stressed to master it.

2 friends of mine have just ended their r/s with their respective bf/gf. Both friends are deeply hurt and are having a hard time now, all because they have given in their 100% in loving the other party. I feel its just so dangerous to give away ur soul entirely to someone or even something. I always love to maintain some portion of reserves to myself, probably as a form of self protection.

Keeping awareness and mindfulness are rudimental still.

Bday Present

I know its quite lame to do such a posting like this.

But whoever wish to chip in Mr Wong Shwei Lin aka Siling aka Zeathereal's birthday present, pls drop me a SMS. For students just need to pay a nominal sum will do. I will be getting him a bag.

No more surprise element for him as Isen has already burst the bubble in his blog, and Mr Zea has explicitly expressed his interest in getting a new bag. I feel its better to buy a present that the person like. The 'surprise element' for that short moment is definitely not worth the risk of getting the person something he/she doesn like, and not using subsequently.

Anyway this arrow is from ISEN. So next time whoever's bday, pls arrow him to be the IC. Hahaha.

I am so glad i survived today from work! I have made it! Although next monday is a new battle altogether... lets enjoy the weekend first.

A note of clarification to my previous entry that 'all men are bastards'. Haha, no ah, I din mean that all men are bastards for I myself is not one, ok? On the contrary, there are really very nice and sincere gentlemen out there. As spoken to Ms Foo last evening, I wud never forget the few BS snrs whom I met during BS FOC2000. These guys are great! Their mannerism and attitudes have greatly impressed and inspired me to learn more abt Buddhism then.

I have just received an email from my Japan colleague. I feel very frustrated reading it as I know tat will be the first thing in my head when i wake up tommorow morning, and the first thing i have to do when i reach my office desk. But i really took pity on these japanese of having to work 'so late'. I heard that many of the japs have to purposely stay back late at work to show their 'worthiness' and value to their families and neighbours. Even if they were not needed in the company, they will visit pubs and such and wud never go home early. They do not want to be seen as 'lobo'.

Imagine ur life is all about work. You wake up in the morn and u report to work. Then u spend the next 14hrs working, and then u go back home to sleep. The cycle repeats. It reminds me of a dog chasing its tail.

Some guys are really bastards

The above are some back dated pics taken during the last 2 weeks of 2005. The first gathering was at Marche while the 2nd one was at Mt Faber. Mt Faber is really a very scenic and nice place to chill the night out. The $$$ is pretty steep though.

I feel that some men can really be bastards. In a r/s, I feel that its often the gal party that get to hurt more (if not terribly more). Another pair of friend has broken up recently.

1st verdict: The guy finds the r/s very tiring and wanna escape from the r/s. He avoided the gal.
2nd verdict: The gal picks herself up, forgive the guy, and even tried to help him 'forgive' himself. But the guy remained cold and refused to share.
3rd verdict: The gal found out that the guy has actually 2-timed her with another gal for quite sometime. She tried to reason out with him, but he pointed finger at her for the failure of their r/s.

I really admire and respect my friend (the gal) for her wisdom and inner strength to pick herself up initially. She was able to cheer herself up with positive and wholesome thoughts, and successfully forgave the guy. While she was trying to help the guy forgive himself, she got a horror out of her life to learn that the guy has been unfaithful to her. Of cos, she is not doing fine now... sighz.

Anyway, some guys r really bastards. Damm bloody bastard manz... But not to worry man, Karma will be here to haunt them back, its jus a matter of time. I have witnessed so many such typical cases. The party who cheated, eventually has to go thru an extremely miserable period in life. I am jus staying tune to watch the good show manz.

Money is the root of all Evil

Money is the root of most evils, if not all.

I have a family brawl last nite due to money issues, once again. Its not the money problem that upset me, but rather, its the failure of mutual understandings by family members. I am also particularly upset with the way i handle and react to the situation. I feel i am not fit enough to give ppl advice cos i am pretty much an ill disciplined guy myself.

On the brighter side, I managed to debug a work issue which has been bugging me for the past 2 weeks. I carried this work problem with me for my 10-day X'mas and new yr holidays. To make the matter worse, my direct support was hospitalised and will be on MC for 1 month. Fortunately, I managed to get hold of a very helpful malay colleague, who step by step helped me in finding the root cause of my pilot run failure. It sounds so stupid - the failure lies in Seagate hdd (but not hitachi hdd) not compaitable with the system tools.

My colleagues told me that I do not look stress, but very low-moraled. Recently, i feel some pains on the back of my neck. Kici was telling me one night that he was watching a horror movie with Teddy on his laptop. It reminds me of the night i spent watching 'The Shutter' with birdtan and sumantri at hall11. Those who have watched this movie will know the link to my 'stiff neck'.

Flash

Today is the last day of my 10-day break (actually i went back work a few times during the break), and I decided not to waste it.

Places I visited today:

1) Katong Pool for a relaxing NOON swim
2) East Coast Park
3) Shuang Lin Monastery
4) PKS
5) Pierce Reservoir
6) Changi Beach

I brought my mum along for places 2-6 as she is getting quite bored at home. If only I have a sister than I think she can spend more time with my mum.

The pic posted above was minutes after the 2006 countdown at PKS. Get to know a new friend Hong Leong, who expressed his regrets on not having joined NUSBS during his campus days. But he is now actively involved in Foo Hai Ch'an Monastery, and i may pop by their activities one of these days, provided my work schedule allows me.

I did a lot of prostrations these few days, hopefully to wake myself up from my 'dreamland' - a sleep that I have slept for the past 1.5 yrs. I still find myself very much in a dreamy state.

But its a new year. I must start a new year filled with zest. As the word 'flash' often goes along with my name, I hope to work like a flash in 2006!

My 1 Jan 06

I woke up this morning to find my left eye in red. Sub-conciously, I have been rubbing it during my sleep and I found the entire eye swollen. The cornea has become like a piece of jelly, creating folds as i turn my eye ball from side to side. Its jus like a piece of contact lens on my eye ball not worn properly. I was getting quite worried if the cornea flap created during my lasik has given way. Fortunately, the swell went away after i place eye cubes on my eye for abt an hr.

I drove to Mac Ritchie reservoir jus now to take some pics. Met chunkeong (ex nusbs snr) jogging by the reservoir. I wasnt very pleased with myself over there though, shall not elaborate it here.

I proceeded to drive down to Srilankaramaya Temple today. Its crowded with the Sri Lankans, and being the only chinese around made me feel alienated, but i heck care. I wanted to meditate on the 2nd floor but it was occupied. Hence, decided to spend my time taking photos of my van, hehe.

I spent the evening at Siew Ching's wedding (our NUSBSA President). WOW, its the first time i see so many NUSBS seniors, most of whom i have not met before. There were at least 4-5 tables of NUSBS friends. Although i was never in their era and do not know most of them, I could sense the strong bonds and friendships built among them all these years. To my surprise, I learnt that most of them were not from the MCs. It shows how strong the sub-coms and active the members were in the past.

One thing i observed abt these buddhist snrs is that most of them were dressed very casually (i din mean LC but jus not glam and posh). Most do not drive also. It makes me ponder if it is really true that most buddhists do not form the medium-higher or higher class of the society. I guess most probably becos they do NOT see material means and status as top priorities in their life :D

Anyway received a pleasant surprise SMS from my OGL Kenneth that he is already married with a 4mth old baby!!! I must really thank him as he has been a great influence to draw me closer to the Dharma :)

Count Down at PKS

Going PKS for annual countdown has almost become a traditional practice for us. Personally, I find doing prostrations + offering lighted candles + witnessing the striking of bell 108 times much more meaningful then squeezing at suntec city / orchard road /sentosa - places which i went during my younger days.

2004 countdown - I was worrying abt leaving sch and entering the workforce, i wonder wat type of job will i land myself in.
2005 countdown - I felt so relieved that I have found myself a decent job and was taking the job well.
2006 coundown - I have already changed myself a job. Realised impermanance. Worry less, do more.

Year 2006 - A year to let go of the past and move on towards brighter days!