eaT eAT EAT

It seems that nowadays I am gradually digging my grave with my own teeth. I have been eating non-stop. I was in my brother's car when my mum touched on my stomach and face, saying I have gained much weight after working.

Last friday, I had an army gathering at Breeks Marina. It was a buffet and the servings were mostly meats. Meats and meats and meats. Saturday, I have a colleague's wedding banquet to attend. I had my dinner prior to the banquet and hence, I had 2 rounds of dinner last night. Just now, I took my dinner before going for meditation. And after the meditation, we had plenty of snacks like chocolates, crakers, cakes etc at Mr Lim's house. Eat eat and eat again. And back home, my mum pushed me to finish up some glutinous rice she bought in the afternoon. She said the rice cannot be left over night.....wah... bloated siah.

Talk abt gaining weight, I met my cousin just now when I went out. From far, I already noticed this plump guy but I din realise it was my cousin, until he called out to me. Waseh, he was once our family's Li Nanxing (due to his good looks and slim built), but now.. he looks more like gurmit singh with his permed hair, a much fatter version of gurmit. I was stunned.

Meditation tonight was fine. I am thankful to Ananda for making the effort to introduce me to the Sayagyi tradition. Thanks akaa... Tonight's sitting was not an easy and peaceful one, but I am glad that I put on a strong struggle to concentrate on my breaths. Day-dreaming moments were minimal, but leg pains are aplenty.

Dun really feel like writing these days. As I told potato head this afternoon, sometimes we thought we have already recovered long enough, only to discover some past sad memories are back to haunt you, esp when you are feeling down. Its scary.

Sometimes, I rather I have sad and negative moments - all i have to do is to get rid of them. On the other hand, I shld be worrying if I start to feel happiness or blissfulness (conditional ones) without realising of the attachments, as I would have to deal with the aftermaths of disatisfactions, jealousy, hatreds, unhappiness and disappointments.

All are results from the roots of 贪嗔痴.