Babies Babies Everywhere

Today, I have the chance to play with 2 babies.

The first baby is the daughter of my manager, who brought her to my house today (see pics above). This 8-mth old baby is extremely active, who kept moving her hands and kicking her legs. I pretended that i wanna carry her and she struggled forward away from her mum, wanting to let me carry. The baby was laughing throughout but silently. And when I sent them off, the smiles from the baby's face suddenly wiped off at the instant the mum closed the car door, hopefully she didnt cry later.

The second baby I played with belongs to a couple whom i met on a bus journey back home from the meditation session at Ocean Park. This baby is probably about 5mth old, much smaller than my manager's. As the couple was sitting directly one seat infront of me, the baby was facing me throughout the journey. The baby kept looking at me, and her shrieking baby sound/laughters filled up the entire bus each time I make funny faces at her. The parents also turned back and smile at me occasionally. Haha, this baby is even cuter than the one I played earlier.

I think it flows in the family blood. I know my relatives, my 3rd and 4th aunt in particular, love babies extremely. During every chinese new year gathering, they will be the ones carrying the available babies (either from my younger uncle or older cousins) throughout the day, be it the babies were awake or asleep. They never give chance for the baby to sleep on the bed or sarong, haha. And yes, i am also crazy over babies.

Meditation this evening wasnt good, day fream a lot....

No Suitable Title

Our lives change a lot after graduation and joining the workforce. The 9 of us used to be able to meet up for gatherings easily, but now its so difficult to get everyone together.

In the past, we could easily settle dates for chalets, ubin cycling and other outings, as we shared the same schedule of sch exams and holidays. Now, we have ppl working on shifts, some going occasional overseas trips etc. In fact, I was able to attend a BBQ from this grp of friends not long ago as I was stuck in Camp Sadhu. Finally tonight, everyone was free enough to meet up for a birthday celebration. Its indeed a very precious night for working adults like us.

Few days ago, I stood up from my office chair and heard a tinkling sound - Some tiny metal object must have fallen onto the ground. I looked around and found myself 'unbuckled'. Waraozz... the buckle of my belt has loosen off as one of the screw came off. I tried to repair on spot and it seems the belt could only tahan for a short while more. This evening, I received a birthday present from this grp of friend, and it turned out to be a Pierre Cardin Belt! The belt really come at the right time, thanks to my friends.

Last few evenings, I found my mailbox flooded with mails and mails and mails, mostly from the various buddhist yahoogroups. In the past, I will bother to read and browse every single one before I delete them. But I was really fed up lately that i simply deleted some of them without giving a second look.

But dun get me wrong, I still welcome meaningful forwarded mails of buddhist quotes, abstracts or write-ups by some renowned + wise ppl. But NOT those meaningless exchanges of personal views or deliberate displaying of personal knowledge on buddhism. The funny thing is that I observe there are ppl who only love to write and talk a lot, hoping others will read and accept their views, yet they will end their emails not wanting ppl to 'further discuss' the issue anymore. It only shows that these ppl have poor listening skills, as the only want to talk but dun want to listen and accept other ppl's views. At least thats what our ex P Vincent thought so too. Sometimes, I just feel like emailing these ppl to shut up and leave the yahoogroups alone, and keep their email exchanges personal.

Meditation tmr, akaaa?

My Unhappy Eyes

This is supposed to be a sequel to the previous entry, but I shall not linger too much on fatness....

A day after I wrote the earlier entry, my manager asked me: "Gordon, have you put on a lot of weight recently?" I replied: "NO! I have always been so fat', but there is no way my boss is going to believe me. "No la, i dun remember you being like that last time..." Haha.

I have been extremely lazy lately, jogging only once per week. Moreover ever since i started working, I have been drinking can-drinks every working days without fail while having lunch with my colleagues. It has never been my liking to take sweet drinks, but I have no choice, as it will be embarrassing if i dun 'participate' in the culture in which my colleagues take turn to treat one another drinks everyday. Finally this week, I told my colleagues that I will give all can drinks a miss and stick back to my Nalgene water bottle once again, like those days I had in NUS. Its indeed very funny to see a working adult carrying a water bottle around at the eating places, but ....I dun care for now.

This morning, I went to Singapore National Eye Centre for my eye assessment. After a brief inspection on my eyes, the doctor could straight away tell that I have been wearing contact lenses for a long time. Indeed, i started contact lenses since sec1, which is abt 13yrs ago. He told me that all my blood vessels are growing in very abnormal position which is highly unhealthly. Strangely, I do not really feel uneasy or uncomfortable with contact lenses, so i din know my eyes have been suffering. Walaos, after hearing wat he told me today, i doubt i will wear them again.

The doctor also commented that my cornea is too thin, so I cant do the normal wavefront surgery. Hence, I have to pay slightly more to do a more complicated technology which he assured will give equal excellent results. He said based on past results, abt 95% of the ppl who have around the same eye power/degree as me will be able to get perfect vision. Even if i dun get perfect vision after the first surgery, I can opt for subsequent corrective surgery at Free Of Charge - of cos i hope that doesn happen to me.

Next week will be a hectic week for me, rushing reports, attending dialogue sessions and some major meetings. Fortunately, my big break will come the week after, in which I will go back to ITE again for courses for almost the entire of November. My operation will only be conducted after Christmas..oooh...

Not much reflections lately, cos too much activities in the day that at nite, they keep flashing on my minds.... seeing too many ppl per day and talking too much in the day... at nite jus dun wish to use any more brain power.

eaT eAT EAT

It seems that nowadays I am gradually digging my grave with my own teeth. I have been eating non-stop. I was in my brother's car when my mum touched on my stomach and face, saying I have gained much weight after working.

Last friday, I had an army gathering at Breeks Marina. It was a buffet and the servings were mostly meats. Meats and meats and meats. Saturday, I have a colleague's wedding banquet to attend. I had my dinner prior to the banquet and hence, I had 2 rounds of dinner last night. Just now, I took my dinner before going for meditation. And after the meditation, we had plenty of snacks like chocolates, crakers, cakes etc at Mr Lim's house. Eat eat and eat again. And back home, my mum pushed me to finish up some glutinous rice she bought in the afternoon. She said the rice cannot be left over night.....wah... bloated siah.

Talk abt gaining weight, I met my cousin just now when I went out. From far, I already noticed this plump guy but I din realise it was my cousin, until he called out to me. Waseh, he was once our family's Li Nanxing (due to his good looks and slim built), but now.. he looks more like gurmit singh with his permed hair, a much fatter version of gurmit. I was stunned.

Meditation tonight was fine. I am thankful to Ananda for making the effort to introduce me to the Sayagyi tradition. Thanks akaa... Tonight's sitting was not an easy and peaceful one, but I am glad that I put on a strong struggle to concentrate on my breaths. Day-dreaming moments were minimal, but leg pains are aplenty.

Dun really feel like writing these days. As I told potato head this afternoon, sometimes we thought we have already recovered long enough, only to discover some past sad memories are back to haunt you, esp when you are feeling down. Its scary.

Sometimes, I rather I have sad and negative moments - all i have to do is to get rid of them. On the other hand, I shld be worrying if I start to feel happiness or blissfulness (conditional ones) without realising of the attachments, as I would have to deal with the aftermaths of disatisfactions, jealousy, hatreds, unhappiness and disappointments.

All are results from the roots of 贪嗔痴.

黑白画印

I am listening to 黑白画印 while typing this blog. Hmmm, I thought this song is cool, and its very 'my type' of music, although I dun think I can ever sing this type of song well.

This afternoon, I called up Singapore National Eye Centre and made a booking to get my cornea sliced. I am not a new member to SNEC, as the telephone receptionist excitedly exclaimed today "Oh! You were with us some time back". Yeah, I had eye operation at SNEC once in 1994 and the other in 1996.

I miss you so, why do you have to go... hey o hey o hey~~~~

Academic Challenge

I can feel that the academic tracks are running hot. NTU is left with less than 2 weeks to exams while NUS has about a month left. The fact that there are still many quizes, tests and report deadlines to go certainly does not help. "No time to settle down for studying" is pretty often the case, isnt it?

I have always been telling my juniors (oh nagging to juniors) that one of the most effective way to study well is to study in groups. It is only through discussions and sharings with friends that we can find out what are the stuffs we thought we already know but we actually duno, and also the stuffs which we dun even know we duno.

Has it ever occurred to you that its only in the midst of taking the paper, you found out something that you shld have gone find out before the exams, but its already too late? Or is it only during the post-exam discussions with friends that you realise most of your friends 'know about this and that' but you didnt know...

Instead of repeating the same old naggings again, I would like to share over here some of the invaluable advices I have gotten over the past yrs, by some of my BS snrs and friends.

Just like any other typical undergrads, I was often stressed up with poor results, rushing of deadlines and endless of work to clear. I once complained to Ruiting and she advised me with something like this: "There may be a lot of work to do, but still, you have to do them eventually. So Just do It!!! One at a time." I thought this advice came in handy as instead of wasting time troubled with the undone stuffs, i geared myself up to pin down the obstacles one by one.

Another time was with ruiting again, discussing with Ven Pema on our heavy sch load. He said something like this: Sch life may be hectic, but you can still find peace in the midst of your busy schedule. His adivce helped in a way that when I was struggling to understand my lecture notes, I told myself to fully concentrate and focus on what i was doing then, instead of worrying about whats next and whats still left undone.

Another very irritating and disturbing fact that I couldnt accept was my inability to score well in my exams. I complained to my senior that a large part of my failure was due to my careless and bad luck, eg. 1)Missed out the entire question undone (1 out of 6 qn), 2)Calculation errors causing the entire qn to be marked wrong, and 3)Studying things that did not come out in the exams while things that I din study came out instead.

A senior Rongfa gave the following advice: What ever hard work you put in now may not be rewarded immediately. Whatever you have studied hard for this module may not be put in use during the coming exams, but they may serve as platforms and build up your foundation in tackling future modules and exams. His words did not provide me much comfort then, but it was after going through many semesters myself tat I find his words v true. A lot of things may not seem applicable now, but they will be of use eventually in some other areas.

Gd Luck Everyone!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When an unpleasant feeling, physical or mental, arises in him, the wise man does not worry, complain, weep, pound his chest, pull his hair, torture his body and mind, or faint. He calmly observes his feeling and nis aware that it is only a feeling. He knows that he is not the feeling, and he is not caught by the feeling. Therefore, the pain cannot bind him. When he has a painful physical feling, he knows that there is a painful physical feeling. He does not lose his calmness, does not worry, does not fear, and does not complain. Thus the feeling remains a painful physical feeling, and its not able to grow and ravage his whole being.

Exactly one year ago, I was at my peak. In fact, the positive energy was built up the during the 2 short retreats which I attened prior to sch opening in Aug 2003. In addition to the wonderful conditions I had then, I felt good and was happy almost everyday.

But things are often too good to be true. The positive spirit suddenly died down fast and took a nose dive towards the end of the year. It never did go up steadily ever since, despite my great efforts in keeping my spirits up. Something is just bogging me down throughout, together with the various problems which I gradually face at home and at work.

But I am glad I have my friends around during this phase of my life. Sorry for all the complaints and nonsense I have been sprouting at some of u, esp on msn. Its just one way i release myself. And i have been oblivious and unconcerned with the problems my friends are facing, needless to mention about spending time listening and showing concern for them. Sorry I havent been myself for the past 1 yr...

Making Use of Buddhism

Early this week, I spent some time re-decorating my office room with some buddhist postcards, bookmarks and picture cards. Also printed Sayalay's photo and paste it on the wall. My boss wasnt too comfortable seeing all these Buddhist related items, but well, I shall cooperate by not actively preach the Dharma at my work place.

Few days ago, a very nasty taxi driver barged into my office and complained about his vehicular problem. Apparently, my workshop is facing shortage in one of the vehicular parts and could only give him an alternative brand. He was very unhappy and insisted in having the 'original' one which is only available next month. He even suggested me taking it from the scrape cars or other unused taxis to fit into his taxi. I was at my wits' end on how to deal with him when all of the sudden, he turned very friendly. It was such an unexpected and abrupt twist that he eventually told me he was fine with the alternative brand, and did not mind coming down to the workshop next month for replacement after the stock arrives.

Shortly later, he pointed to those buddhist picture cards I have and told me he has plenty of them. After which, he persistently brought me to his taxi where he passed me one stack of those pic cards. I kindly rejected them but he insisted I keep them and claimed that there were some designs which I dun have on my wall. He even used the reason of "Help others to 'jie yuan' with buddhism" and encouraged me to distribute these pic cards to my colleagues. I finally gave in as the reasons he gave seemed so 'aspiring & meaningful'.

Yesterday, this driver came back again and shook my hand. He said that the 'alternative' brand was just as good, and praised my foreman and technicians for the great job done. He said he will be writing in some compliment letters for us. I told my boss about this driver and found out he is one of those 'listed' drivers that my workshop has highlighted for being "ngiao and demanding".

Well, I dun wish to use buddhism in such a way to solve my problem, and that certainly doesn potray very well on buddhists though...

Well done Lemoncow!

This evening I went for blood donation at SGH HSA. The queue today was very long at tbe blood bank. However, I am very pleased to see many working ppl rushing down from work to HSA for blood donation as friday is the only day that it opens till 8pm. And yeah, I got a very nice free blood donor t shirt from HSA!

After which, I proceeded down to NTU to meet the kichis for BS Supper. Prior to my donation, I have gone to the grocery shop to buy 2 loafs of bread. One giant loaf for riki kichi, and one banana flavoured gardenia bread for sumantri. I purposely chose 'banana' as I know he loves banana.

Unfortunately for sumantri, the entire banana loaf was soon eaten by the ppl while we were chatting, and thats even before we realised it. We have already placed the loafs aside but somehow...... Fortunately riki's loaf was 'saved'. Anyway, we din feel the pain of losing the bread but found the entire thing funny & hilarious. I may be buying more next week.

Oh yes, I wonder if anyone of you do follow lemoncow's blog closely. I like to read her blog most, as I find her manage to express her inner feelings well in her writings. Perhaps to her thats far from perfect, but to me, I am often touched by her writings - very sincere and real.

Cheer up everybody! Including myself...

Bad MOooOooOOooD

I was in an extremely bad mood this morning. In fact, the negative energy is still very strong in me now.

My family siutation has gone from bad to worse. I quarrelled with my dad over some issues. I find myself being tapped and taxed too much in the family, both emotionally and financially. And it seems that my dad has made not much attempt to switch back to a humble and simple lifestyle after his 'retirement'.

At work, I have to face colleagues and customers who gave me different faces and attitudes. At home, I have to see those black faces who are at loggerheads. Its like living in hell.

My wish and will to live a renounce life grows even stronger. My manager told me its an escapism. But like what Ven Robina said: Do you laugh at an alcoholic who attempts to run away from liquor, that he is escaping?

I am not escaping from reality and problems, but I just wanna escape from those conditions and environment that add more problems to my life.

Stop scolding, pleaseeee.....

This morning, I was walking along a narrow corridor approaching my manager's office when i heard shoutings from within. A lady colleague happened to walk behind me and both of us quickly stopped and dared not walked in further. We could recognise the shouting voice belonging to the senior engineer of my company(SE). He was scolding some junior staff in my manager's office.

Poor boy, all the jnr staff wanted is to voice out his unpleasantness at work to my manager. He complained abt unfair treatment given by the SE. Unfortunately, my manager has overestimated the SE's control in temper and invited him for clarification, and there the poor guy got a thrashing from the SE instead. The scolding was so intense that how i wished he could stop immediately. Stop scolding this poor guy, pleaseeeee.... scolding doesn help, does it?

This afternoon, we had a meeting with a supplier from XXX company. The boss is an extremely arrogant fellow. By right, he shld be getting into our good books since we are his customer, but for some particular reason, he was very nasty towards my manager. Perhaps he looked down on my manager as he looks very young. The words he refuted my manager were really unbearable whenever the latter tried to make some comments, and how I wish i could defend for my manager and talk back at him. @(*&(*@&#@*($#@(*

The working society is really filled with so many nasty fellows around. Firstly, there are ppl like the Senior Engineer of my company who doesn do much work except for bossing around, and the boss of XXX company who is so rude and nasty even towards ppl of management level.

Sometimes, I wonder if I can really survive in this society, considering my short temperedness. I am fortunate enough to have such a gentle and caring boss (except for the fact he is too old fashioned and inflexible). Being so spoilt by him, I worry I may not be able to survive well under my future bosses who definitely will not be half as nice as him. I am still in a very big and comfortable cushion.

Oh yea, one of my BS xiaomeis gave me a surprise for being attached to another BS guy of my batch. Although both were from BS, I nv recall them knowing each other, as the guy was pretty inactive in the society but did help us a lot in planning of some major events (in her absence though). Anyway, both parties are very nice ppl and gentle ppl, may they be well and happy!

Surprises surprises ... life is full of surprises. Isnt it great that sometimes you can still amuse yourself with little news here and there?

Not again Love...

Last saturday, I felt very bored in my office and decided to print out out some photographs using the given HP printer. I have been told that my office looked very bare and dull, and many suggested i place some decorations. So these photos would come in handy. Unfortunately, a few of my colleagues came in and commented I am 'hao lian' jokingly. To me, these graduation/commencement photos are just photos and I have no intention of showing off I am a graduate. I believe everyone who read my blog are either graduates or undergraduate themselves too, so you will know how I feel. Anyway, I will not remove them unless I really got sick of them myself.

Last evening, I chatted with 2 gals - one of them is my colleague (Jen) and the other is a gal (Jan) i acquainted from the internet (oh yeah, their names are really quite close). Both of them are troubled by love.

Jen met 'the guy' again last evening in town and she couldnt help but feel her heart sinking. This guy is a married man but was seen last evening with another 'new gal'. Well, love can really make the wise blind. Jen is a graduate just like myself but unknowingly she fell into his trap. It has been almost a year but she still find it very difficult to let go.

I tried to explain to her on attachments, and also to avoid producing those conditions that will make her miss him more - answering his phone calls, going out with him, SMSing him etc. She thought my these were great ideas.


Jan was more jialat. She was still unable to get over her ex-bf whom she broke up one yr ago too. To make the matter worse, she is still harbouring hatred and sore feelings towards the guy. Like what Kalden said : Love (bgr) often leads to posessiveness, which subsequently lead to selfishness and hatreds.

I tried to explain to her on the 2nd noble truth that its due to our attachments and cravings that lead to her sufferings. But she insisted that love without attachments is not called love, and loving someone without any attachment for that someone is being unfair to that someone :s The discussion got more tensed up as both parties tried to argue their way through.

I recalled the very much given advice that when I am unable to take care of my own emotions, its better that I dun try to handle or help others first. While I clearly see that she may not be that ready to accept the 'teachings', I was very eager to 'correct' her misconceptions on love (which she said attachment is compulsory), and to stop her from continuing to suffer more by having such wrongful thoughts. I was once again reminded of the adverse effects of being over-eagerly in sharing the 'Dharma'.

1) Thee ego in trying to correct others and instil what i know onto others
2) The over-eagerness in trying to get others out of the sufferings

Commando Jetty

This is the Commando Jetty, which was used to ferry countless number of recruits from Singapore mainload over to Ladang Jetty at Pulau Tekong. Those friends who know me well will know that I love Tekong very much.

I pretty much remembered those miserable sunday evenings, that I have to wear my army No.4 uniform and jockey cap, carry a super heavy full pack (with lotsa unneccessary yet compulsory items inside), marching into the training shed with polish-shined boots. Those RPs (guards) often love to tekan us by making us re-do the entire procedure over and over again, hurling us with nasty remarks, until we finally get to reach the holding bay which was barely 15m away from the guardroom.

There were many unforgettable moments spent at the commando jetty. It was the place where i first tasted the army food, learnt how to tie my boots and fold my no.4 etc. Its the place where we discussed about our newly gotten A level results, the place where talked about chinese new yr plan etc. Its the place we dyingly looked forward to from tekong every saturday noon (the time to book out), yet it is also the place we dread to report to on every sunday evening when we have to book in.

Marching along the walkway from the holding area towards the ferry, we all knew that our wonderful weekend was completely over. Here we go again - and we have to wait for another week of trainings, tekanings and hardship, before we could be 'set free' again to book out on the next weekend.

And I nv know the commando jetty is so near my workplace. I was very sian one day that I drove out from work to visit the very famous Loyang Tua Pek Gong, and found that the commando jetty is just next to it! =)

Too Late

I got this news article from straitstimes online - Mr Eugene Lim is no longer in denial over the death of his wife, Mil-Com founder Diana Young. But while he is moving on, nights and Sundays are still hard

'It feels so strange stepping into Diana's office now. When I used to come in here, she would be right in this seat. I can hear her voice, see her expressions and sense her feelings and emotions,' he said.

'Now, all I have of her are pictures in the room.'

At first, things were awkward. Dinners were 'a bit quiet' then, but things are slowly getting back on an even keel.

Nights and Sundays are the worst, said Mr Lim. He sleeps fitfully, waking up every few hours to realise that his wife's side of the bed is empty.

It is quite a change from the past. 'We used to talk the most in our room, because in the day, everyone's too busy. Now, waking and finding that there's no one to talk to - that's the most difficult part.'

Sundays used to be family day, when all four went to church, did some shopping and had lunch together. Each family member took turns to decide what to have for lunch. Last Sunday, the remaining family spent the day together but there was no outing. They went to church then headed home. Lunch was fast-food takeaway.

The children are in the middle of their final examinations, and Mr Lim said they appeared to be coping well with the grief. But it will be some time before the pain really eases, he added.

Showing an SMS which Clovis had sent to his mother's phone after he knew she had died, Mr Lim struggled to hold back his tears. It read: 'Mummy, it may be too late already, but I love you.'

Bai Yue Guang

I have heard the song Bai Yue Guang (by Jeff Chang) several times while driving but I did not have a liking for it. However, when I heard it in my workshop 2 evenings ago, blasted over the large speakers, I thought the song was splendid - talk about sound quality & effects.

I have stopped be-friending ppl from the internet ever since i stopped using MIRC some 4 years ago. 4 yrs ago, a gal out of the blue added me to her icq list, and I found out she was a fellow NUS freshman just like me then. We met up several times for meals outside, but have nv met up in campus before - thats funny. We share the common interest in singing and even sang to each other on the phone. But I have since lost contact with her after she went overseas midway through her studies.

With the introduction of Friendsters and other programs/service of similar nature, the craze of 'befriending' ppl online starts to pick up again. Recently, a gal msged me and offered her friendship. And we started chatting on msn. What makes the new found friendship interesting is that our conversation ended up with talking about religion, as I introduced to her on the 4 Noble Truths and Noble 8 fold paths. And it didnt take quite long before we found out we were fellow TJCians from the same batch :) She is even a close friend of Peifen back in TJC then...

What a small world

Musavada Day

Today, I kinda broke the 4th precept, just to get myself posted back to my parent unit for reservist. I rang up the admin supervisor in charged (lets call her Miss T), who is a widow and a mother of 3 teenage sons. From my previous encounter with her during my last reservice, I realised that she is a very 'figure-concious' lady who is actually quite plump but can easily be flattered and will 'fly' if someone were to comment tat she has slimmed down or is getting prettier.

me : Hi is that Ms T? I am XXX
Ms T: You are no longer in our unit you know, why you still call here?
me : Ya la, you were the one who posted me out what... now i want to go back..
Ms T: No! Not me okay? Our unit too many ppl already.. very hard to come back
me : I am now posted to XXXX unit, good or not?
Ms T: Not bad one la... the CO quite nice....

me : Ms T, heard from Johnson you have slimmed down again...
Ms T: (very excited) issit? really meh? ya lor, i slim down a lot liao.... now XX kg
me : So good... i am very fat now liao u know?
Ms T: No la, you are tall, nvm one... u know u look like the 5566 singer XXX??
me : Ya la, but last time you said ppl say u look like Fann Wong wat...
Ms T: Haha ... I am old liao la, u r still young
me : You are old but you are a mother of 3 what, you are a mei li de ma ma (pretty mum)
Ms T: YAYAYA!!!! Today I took cab, the driver say i am a meili de mama also! So coincidental!
me : You are really one mah.....

me : I think beauty comes from within lor, if u r happy, u r pretty
Ms T: Ya lor, i am a very cheerful person, thats why i am pretty lor...

me : So how? can post back to the unit or not?
Ms T: Oh, actually all you need is to write a letter to request lor..
me : You welcome me or not? I scared....
Ms T: Of cos la! The more the merrier mah, somemore you helped me so much before..
me : (puzzled, cos i nv help her before) Oh thanks ah!
Ms T: Ya if you write in and they never reply, tell me, i will shoot them an email!
me : Paiseh leh Ms T, trouble you...
Ms T: No la... i feel guilty mah cos i posted you out..
me : (damm, just now u said u din...) Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Haha trust me, I din exaggerate the conversation!!! Such a person really exist in the world, but if she is harmless and can remain so cheerful in life, whats wrong right? But its me... oh no.... the way to survive.

No TV

Most of my close friends will know that I seldom watch TV.

When I was in the army, there was a TV in my bunk, but most of the time it was utilised by my bunk mates to play Play Station - hence no tv for me.

When i moved to NUS, I did not bring along any TV set with me. Neither did i visit the TV lounge nor bother to click on the NUSCAST to watch the TV programs - hence no tv still.

The introduction of TV mobile on SBS buses does not help either as I seldom travel on SBS buses. But this evening, I got this opportunity of travelling on a public bus with TV mobile, showing the Cancer Charity show. During that show time, it was veteran taiwanese singer Chen Sheng, singing his famous song ' One Night In Beijing'.

This reminded me of the time when I first heard this song which was 12 years ago. I used to have a small radio set placed at my study desk, passed down by my late maternal grandfather. Everyday, I would listen to FM93.3 without fail and hence, I got to know every single new song that was brought into the chinese pop industry. When I was away to Beijing for 3 weeks, I got a temporary 'cut off' from the chinese pop... and the very first song I heard on the radio in my room right after my Beijing trip was none other than "One Night In Being". I was still very "Beijing-minded" then that this song came at the right timing to touch my heart.

I feel that Chen Sheng sang the song superbly well jus now. The feelings were 100% there.... Yeah, I always judge a singer's capability by his/her live performances and not on CDs. Thats why i feel jolin tsai cnmi. And the compere of the show tonite, Tang Na, is herself an excellent singer too!

Happy 21st Birthday to Sumantri aka didi!!!

My Life is Degrading

Children's Day is over, so riki how u celebrate your day?

The offer by MOE is going to expire 3 days later, and I still havent officially rejected or accepted them yet. Although I will be able to by-pass the sch assessment period and enter NIE directly, I am still not very ready to go into the teaching line. Some told me that I will be condemed and blacklisted if I reject MOE again (yeah this is the 2nd time since 7 yrs ago), but I just couldnt care for now.

I am a very greedy person, as I am now tempted to get myself an overseas job. It seems that majority from my batch is leaving singapore for overseas job appointments. The early birds have kinda lose out in this aspect, as the 'late-comers' seem to get aplenty of overseas job opportunities which came pretty much later after we graduated - to USA, Japan, Germany etc.

I must have mentioned so many times in my blog that I am so used to staying 'outside' form home that I really wish I am not at home. Perhaps getting an overseas job is just an escapism for me from home. But going overseas is definitely a good thing, with invaluable experiences to gain and great exposure. Take care my friends!

I wrote an email to my manager last evening tell him all my displeasures at work. He replied me with an email, and also SMSed me about it. He gave me lots of encouragements and assure me that I am doing a good job. But then.... thats not what I needed right now. I told him the fact tat I wudnt wanna see myself taking up his role five yrs down the road, as thats not wat i wanted. His face turned a bit ugly, but I have to speak the truth. I also told him that I am too green and junior in this industry to hold up such a senior post. Its so hard to strike a balance between 'respecting the snr workers' and 'exercising my rightful authority' to get them to do work.

Like wat i told bean over msn right now, I still I have been living a degraded life, wasting my time for the past 4 months, working just for money. Life has never been so dull and meaningless during my days in sec sch, jc, army and needless to mention, NUS.

A taxi driver told me: Without us paying the company our taxi rentals... where u all get ur salary and jobs!?! So u all are relying on us and u shld serve us well!

I told him back: Well, without my ppl servicing your taxi and maintaining it, you cant even go out to pick passengers and earn a living! DUH!

= The inter-dependant relationship of human beings =