Changi South

High Blood Pressure

My Blood pressure level has gone bonkers again. 4 days after i stopped taking my medication, the chronic pains are back.

Blood pressure readings taken on 2 consecutive days, sigh.

And the diff doctors i am seeing gave me diff medications and advices, getting me more confused.

Specialist A: Take these medicines for 1 more mth, and after ur supply is completed, go to your GP and ask for more with this letter from me.

GP A: No, this is an anti depressant, you shld not be taking it. Take medicine B instead.

GP B: No, u can take this medicine also, its used for treating other chronic pains as well.

I shall take GP B's words :D

A dream comes "true"

After the break-off, many thoughts come to my mind. One of them is to brush up my looks. Yes, i am getting vain again... Pics taken after a speed run late in the night.

Trying to trim down to 60+kg again. Decided to head towards the gym - something which i detest doing so in the past. Why? Cos i feel inferior stepping into the gyms, and worry those v fit guys will find me an eye-sore. Also, i am not comfortable with macho feminine ppl - whom i tend to associate with the gym (hahaha).

And lets get back to the title of this entry. Indeed, i have something VERY INTERESTING to share with all my friends. Last evening, I went over to my friend's place to stay overnight. While sleeping, i dreamt of my Primary One form teacher - Mrs Chua. Mrs Chua taught me English, Maths and PE and I remembered her as a very kind and warm teacher. I didnt keep in touch with her as i proceeded to upper primary, as we tend to keep more in touch with our graduating class teachers. This is the first time i dreamt of her after 20yrs.

Today, i attended my very first prisons counselling class. There were 12 of us who successfully made it to this batch of trainees. Before the ice-breaking session starts, i saw this lady in her 50s walking in. I took a read at her name tag - it didnt strike a bell. But halfway through the ice-breaking session, i suddenly recalled this name - Anne Chua!!! Yes! She is my Pri-one sch form teacher whom i dreamt few hours ago!!!

Now, i am not talking about how small the world is - that you can get reunited with someone whom u have lost touch for 20yrs. What is so biazzare is that i actually dreamt of her this morning in my sleep, and i get to see her hours later! In fact, i have never dreamt of her throughout the 20-yr period, and i have only met her once when i was in pri6 at a super mart.

Mrs Chua was so elated when i acknowledged her. She rushed over to give me a very warm hug. And yes, she could remember me, even by my chinese name.

Now, can anyone pls explain to me how dream works?

Commencement 2006

Well definitely its not my own commencement, but my smallbro zea. Took a pic with JS also. Nv ask zea for permission before using his photos, haha.

Hmm.. where is the other smallbro? When u wanna take picture with me? LOLz.

那女孩对我说

那女孩对我说 说我保护她的梦
说这个世界 对她这样的不多

她渐渐忘了我 但是她并不晓得
遍体鳞伤的我 一天也没再爱过

那女孩对我说 说我是一个小偷
偷她的回忆 塞进我的脑海中

我不需要自由 只想背着她的梦
一步步向前走 她给的永远不重

The process of recovery is interesting. Throughout the 2 months, I observe much changes in myself be it physically or emotionally. New thoughts arise every now and then which supersede the previous ones. Old reasonings are no longer valid in assuring my unrest mind as I constantly seek new reasonings and justifications.

At the end of the day, I am just glad to have friends who can understand how I feel. They are a bonus to me. There are also friends who got upset and frustrated with me. Whilst I do appreciate their kindness, I do not see the need to rebut or refute my feelings, since they are really true from my heart. Its really beyond my control.

Over the past month or so, I may have succeeded in controlling myself physically ie. To stop calling her, smsing her and asking her out to meet her. But the heart hasn’t reached a closure yet. The heart still thinks that she will call me one day, we will meet up one day , we shall remain as good friends etc. The door remains open.

But now, I am forced to the door. And the door slammed hard on my face with the heart-wrenching fact tt she has changed her hp num, and no longer wish to be in contact with me. The hopes, which were once hanging high up there, smashed hard onto the ground and mercilessly shattered into pieces.

Yes, I have finally reached the door, and the door has closed. I need to turn around, and carry on walking my life.

Escapism Vs Confrontation

It has been over 2 long months since the relationship is over. I have not seen her for abt 7 weeks and we have not spoken or exchange smses for more than a month. Throughout this period, i try my best not to think of her or mention abt her in my conversations with my friends. As the days pass by, I felt lighter and feel my days brighter.

Last friday was my bday and foolishly, i have this little expectation tt she may sms me a birthday greeting out of courtesy. She didnt. And I received a piece of news from a common fren which slapped me real hard on my face - she has changed her hp number. A sudden surge of pain developed in my heart, which remains till today. And the subsq few mornings i wake up with her filling up my mind, AGAIN.

Well, i thought I have been recovering and progressing well, but obviously i havent. The pains i am feeling now shows that i havent gotten over it. On the surface, I may seem okie over the past month, but probably its jus a temporary escape. There are still elements of poisons remaining in me, awaiting for me to purge them out. It reminds me of the analogy that before you want to dye a piece of rag, u have to wash it thoroughly clean first.

Barry was telling me that instead of viewing them as poisons, i shld view them as an abyss. Its nice to stay there in the dark and bottomless pit, indulging in self-pity. Ironically, it makes us feel good, but only momentarily. Once we realise we are in it, we shld climb up fast, put everything behind and start to move on. But isnt this another form of escapism but not truely confronting the reality? I really duno.

One thing i realise i did a lot is giving myself tonnes of excuses, to prevent the closure of the entire episode. From time to time, i kept churning out possibilities to help defend for the actions of the other party that she isnt that heartless or merciless a lady. Melody was telling me that even though these excuses may turn out to be valid or true, i shld always view them in the most pessimistic angle - so that i can move on faster.

Its really very easy to succumb to a relapse and indulge myself in sadness again. I could give tonnes of reasons to justify why i shld remain sad - oh be patient ah, oh i need more time ah, oh its normal to feel sad ah etc. Not exactly a form of self pity but more on spoiling myself and allowing myself to remain sad. But conscious effort is required to put this to an end. I am trying hard, and i will succeed.

Goodbye 26

I had quite a number of mini celebrations for my 27th bday this year, unlike the previous years.

When i was 6 yr old, my dad threw a very large bday party for me at his warehouse. I guess at least 100 over ppl attended, most of which are his business partners, our relatives and family friends. And u can imagine how many presents i received that year, and quite a number are 'large scale' presents - computer gadgets (considered v rare in the mid 80s'), giagantic toy cars (bigger than me), bicycles etc.

Every yr during my bday, I would request my dad to bring me to Mandarin Hotel's Chatterbox for the special chicken rice set. It was a pretty unique presentation but nowadays u can easily identify 'copycats' all over the foodcourts in singapore. The chicken rice set used to cost only $12 in the mid 80s, followed by $17 in the late 80s, and subqly at $21 in the early 90s. I stopped patronising when i was in sec sch and lost touch of the price. I also stopped celebrating my bday, as it becomes less and less significant to me all the way till last bday.

My bdays were jus like any other ordinary days for the past decade, until this yr, i thought it wud be a special one for me - cos i have found Her. I have really expected myself to spend a very unique and special bday with her this yr but ............

Anyway, i am glad many of my friends still remember me. I received really lots of smses greetings yday - probably my friends could emphatise with me and did their part to cheer me up.

1) 6/7 - lunch celebration with colleagues at AV
2) 6/7 - dinner celebration with a HK friend at Sizzler's
3) 7/7 - lunch celebration at King Albert Park with Wendy and Lena (my dear friends from EVC)
4) 7/7 - dinner celebration with smallbros Weiyang and Siling at Bugis Junction

And thanks to the others who have chipped in to buy the presents for me (isen, puayhong, siling, gillian & weiyang). I really appreciate it. And guess wat, i got a 'twin' present this yr again - 2 wallets (as shown in the picture). The Levis wallet is from my ex colleagues from Comfortdelgro, while the black Leaveland wallet was painstakingly chosen by Siling (thanks). The Levis wallet has a very nice design and texture, whereas the Leaveland wallet has very smart compartment designs which suit me a lot. As a practical person, i am now using the Leaveland wallet :D

26yr old hasnt been a good age for me. I hope 27th will be a better one. Thanks all my friends for making my 27th bday a happy one :D

The taste of being Abandoned"

Sorry if u find it an eyesore to see me appearing in almost all the pics, i jus wanna show how the tedious path tt i took yday . Frankly speaking, i didnt expect this railway track, which was once busy with transportation activities, could so easily be hidden (and probably forgotten) by thick overgrowing vegetations.

Look at pic 2 & 4, would u believe that trains used to run through the place where i was standing and squatting? Well, jus like human beings - if u r no longer of value to the society, u will be casted aside and soon be forgotten for your existence - LOL.

Now my arms are attacked with rashes, which i guess was due to my allergy to certain leaves/vegetations. Also suffer a few cuts on my arms and ankles. Anyway, its really exhilarating to stand on top of the metallic bridge which oversees Sungei Ulu Pandan.

If u r not afraid of heights, and dare to walk on thin corroded metal planks, i dun mind bringing u there one fine day :D

The Abandoned Railway Track

Decided to explore the stretch of abandoned railway track which extends from King Albert Park all the way to Jurong Port.

Unfortunately, I did not gather sufficient information before the expedidtion, and the route ended up to be much more tedious that i have expected. I reckon that this track must have been abandoned for at least a few decades, judging from the huge vegetation growths over it plus the countless of huge fallen trunks - have to either climb over or crawl underneath them.

The highlight of this track is of cos the Sunset Way rail bridge, which crosses over the Pandan River. Initially, I was quite hesistant to cross over it as the metallic structure was terribly corroded. However, the view is simply too fantastic and i could resist the temptation to do so. Will share more pics in the next entry :D

Overall expedition duration - 3 hrs (moderate tedious)

Lion Roars

I am always very envious of those Peugeot Car owners because they have this metallic "Lion" logo on both their front bonnet and rear boot covers. However for van owners like us, we only have the logo at the front.

Hence, I decided to DIY the logo myself today. Went to the Ubi shop to buy those metallic silver sticker as my raw material.

1) Surf the net for the logo - 30sec
2) Print out the logo on normal paper - 1min
3) Trace the logo onto the sticker- 3 min
4) Cut the logo out - 10 min
5) Finding an appropriate spot to place the stickers - 10min

Hahaha, i am so pleased with my mini masterpiece.