Hermit mode

I may be unknowingly getting myself into the hermit mode - a new term to me which was introduced by Nale this morning.

I do not know exactly why, but i gradually find myself getting very tired and sick of mixing around with people. As I have mentioned late last yr, my social circle took a mini explosion i suddenly get to know many grps of new friends. However, I stopped mixing with the skating gang as I dun myself as passionate as them in skating - they practically skate every night. Next, i began to reduce my meet ups with my van club friends, for i do not find the activities we engage in meaningful or constructive - more of wasting time toking cok and lim kopi.

For a few times, I have tried to cancel some pre-arranged gatherings/outings with my friends. I find myself giving reasons (or excuses) like : 1) we jus meet up not long ago, why meet up again so soon? 2) I dun think the rest are very keen, so cancel lah 3) why dun we focus more on organising the next meet up in june? I knew i am getting tired of meeting up with ppl, but i didnt know i was tat serious until i had a chat with nolittleway and nale this morning. I realise i dun even feel like meeting up with my buddhist friends.

So friends out there whom i have turned down your invitation to go out, i am very sorry. And friends who find me very nasty and rude or with no reply on msn, i am sorry too. I think i have totally lost control on how i shld react to ppl, or 'live' with ppl around me. I am getting very clueless what is the right or good (not say best) way to live with people. Its like every single small step i make, i will be stepping on ppl's tails.

Its the first time I am experiencing something like this, although nale and nolittleway told me many other ppl have experienced somethign similar, although for diff reasons. But still, its something v new to me, and i didnt quite like myself behaving like this. I din know why i become like that. It may not be a bad thing. But the more i fear of meeting up/chatting with ppl, the more i will force myself to do so. Thats another funny trait of me...

Nvtheless, my evening turned out to be better. I was walking peacefully down the very long airconditioned production line at my work place. My units have failed to work, feeling perplexed, i went over to chit chat with 2 of the operators. I enjoyed the session a lot, although its jus a rather short and simple chat. I learnt abt their background, homeground and work experiences. I find them very sincere and simple (not in the -ve sense) ppl.

I wonder if its just coincidence or what, my smallbro sent me a 'good night' sms. At this moment, it meant a lot to me :)