The Sadhu Team

I am still wondering how the term "Sadhu Team" could so effectively send icy spasms down Sumantri-didi's spine. He was mischeviously shivering up and down when I mentioned this term to him at his hall, haha.

Those who remained active in the buddhist student circle will not find the term "Sadhu Team" unfamiliar. Its part of the 'Combined Retreat' that will be conducted for the STIBS.

Frankly speaking, my very first reaction to this combine retreat was a very positive one. I thought its a very refreshing and new idea, definitely worth embracing and meaningful to the newbies. On the flop side, I feel that since the sch schedule is getting more hectic and busy towards the mid-semester, time priority shld be given to hold indiv TI MC retreats. The indiv MC retreat is the best time for the newbies to bond together as a comm, and probably the ONLY time the ex-MC can spend time effectively with their successors to share with them their experiences and history fo the society.

Nevertheless, credits shld be given to the organisers for their painstaking effort and wonderful ideas. Its definitely not easy for them to organise such events. So i'll still be supportive of the camp despite having misgivings abt the timing of the camp. SADHU to the all the Dharma workers!

Another grp of ppl have also earned my respect - the NUSBS Alumni (i say this not becos i am part of it now, ok?). Despite receiving very weak supports from even those formerly very 'on' & active nusbs members, the few of them persisted, in aim to take care of those freshly graduated BS members. I am too new in it so I cant comment much on their visions and plannings, but surely i am very impressed by their hearts & efforts.

Together, we form the Sadhu Team, haha - i feel i belong more to the Mara team though.

Let Go Let Go!

I am extremely tempted. Note that i have used the word 'extremely', not just 'very' or 'quite', to shave my head like them. But my boss was already very displeased when I dyed my hair a few weeks ago, and I dun want him to hit the roof again seeing me totally bald. Afterall, I need to face a large number of workers + customers everyday, so i cant do anything funny.

I admire all of my friends who have shaved their heads, not becos of their heart and effort to support any particular organisation or bodies, but their willingness to let go of their looks. More credits shld be given to the gals, probably a million times more, as most gals shld be very concerned with their looks. I think these gals are wonderful. Its indeed a good form of cultivation to practise how to 'Let Go'.

Believe it or not, I always love to dress myself up to make myself feel good, not so much of wanting to 'show off' or impress others. As i always believe that no matter how good or good looking u r, u r not going to impress ppl much but more likely going to incur the jealousy + dislike from others. So there is really no pt to dress up to impress others, but dress up jus to make yourself look good and confident. So there explain my ear ring, golden hair and bright clothes... I have them becos I feel good, not becos i think i look good in them, haha.

And i am sure I am gonna feel extremely good if i were to shave my head now... but too bad, i cant do that for the time being.

Oh yes, dun u think Katrine look like a very blissful junior nun?

Lobha, Dosa & Moha

I am supposed to attend an ultra short 2-day retreat this weekend. To my own disgust, I further reduced it by reporting to the retreat late and left early.

大概是自己的心力不充足， 缺乏耐心和自信心， 于是便无法继续地用功下去.

静坐的时间虽然过得非常得快，不到一会儿一个半钟的时间就过去了，根本没花上什么功夫去挣扎。 但谁又不晓得作'白日梦'的时间是过得最快的, 哈哈! 脑袋里一直不停地胡思乱想, 正犹如师傅昨晚所说的:浪费时间.

说到浪费时间, 我必然觉得惭愧万端. 确实对自己四年来的修行表现和学佛态度感到不满与失望. 始终觉得自己的修行程度太过'落后'了, 再加上师傅提醒自己一直在浪费时间, 这让我不禁地感到有些忐忑不安.

有些东西知道自己应该去做,但却无法推动自己开始或继续去做下去... 哎....

接到消息国大佛教校友会需要我的帮忙. 说真的, 自己不是非常乐意地加入他们的委员, 但还是答应了. 现在叫我对举办或参与一些康乐和社交活动, 我真的没有兴趣. 只想好好照顾自己的身心和修行, 偶尔协办些禅修营等活动, 那也不错. 但再难的工作始终需要有人得去接任和包办... 我在此对这些挺身而出的氏兄弟姐妹们感到万分敬佩!

Well Done Everybody!

I am still thinking of a suitable title for this entry as I am typing now. I dun wish to just congratulate the newly elected MC, but also wish to applaud for the courage and heart put in by all other candidates who were not voted in. Sincerely speaking, I feel they were very sporting and supportive, as they stayed throughout the AGM this evening.

I guess the fact that we are all practising Buddhism helps, as we all know the Dharma propagation work is not just restricted to holding a title or a post in a community, but rather, having the heart, zest and motivation to contribute to the community. It can be done in many ways, definitely not jus being in the MC.

Starring in the first pic are my smallbros - President & Dy Projects Director
Starring in the second pic is adik Wilsanto Joniiii - Dharma Director
Starring in the third pic is my smallsis Chin Lee - Welfare Director
Starring in the fourth pic is Arahat Alex - ex-VP of NUSBS

May the Dharma be with You! Sadhu!

Good Luck Juniors!

This evening shall be NUSBS 26th Annual General Meeting. It seems amazingly fast to me upon realising that I have already witnessed 4 NUSBS AGMs - was an election candidate myself twice.

It really seem like just few weeks ago, a newly known friend even came to my hostel at Ext A to get prepared for AGM. Wearing a maroon shirt, he took out a disposable shaver to rid off the excess bits off his chin. And the cuckoo had his lumininous yellow round sticker pasted on his shirt throughout the AGM.

"Well, I think the fellowship is good... but ..... overall there is a balance."

Haha good luck to him and all the other candidates for this evening's AGM. The fact that you made the very first step to run for the AGM is indeed applausible and worth our respect. The experience and skills may not be there, but the heart definitely is. Sadhu!

Congratulations Teddy & Riki (carlon-no-more) !!!!

Non Meaningful Post

Here I am again with my car business. The above are the 2 current members of my car family. I cant imagine within a short 30 month period, my family actually witness an in-out-in-out-in-out of 6 cars in total.

In early 2003, my family was still holding to a Nissan March and a Merc Benz. Sad to say, we couldnt afford the petrol-gulping merc and have to sell it after holding it for 8 yrs. My bro found the March too small, and he sold it away too.

We bought 2 korean cars - a Sonata and a Kia Rio, in exchange of the 2 cars. The sonata was even bigger than the prev Merc, but the 'feeling' was incomparable to the former. The Kia Rio seemed more like a toy car to me. Although suffering from a serious downgrade from a merc to a korean car, my dad still had problems paying the Sonata (cos its running on petrol!) and decided to early scrape it. My brother decided to upgrade once again.

We are now holding on to an Altis and Peugeot Partner. It jus occured to me that my family seems to be changing cars like changing clothes. Perhaps its in the blood, my dad, my bro and me myself all love automobiles a lot. But $$$$$... hahaha, we r jus empty shells.



2 evenings ago, I went back to NUS for an evening jog, while LHL was having his national day rally speech at UCC. I happened to walk past the engine canteen stalls while leaving Mac to the carpark, and decided to take a snap shot of my fave engin stall - Western Food. The malay food stall used to be my fave but ever since the vendor changed, the food sux. Oh yes, i found out all the 'good and solid' stalls at Arts canteen have been replaced by new stalls. .. why they dun keep the good ones huh? The wanton noodle stall was gone, my fave cheechungfun stall was gone... and the lousy malay food stall, fish ball noodle stall. . remain .. sighz.

Haha too much complains liao.... i am getting drained out, have no motivation to write meaningful stuffs, so pls bear with me.

Above Full Moon

Last evening, went out with birdtan, teddy and boss'-watching-songgechan to the esplanade to watch "Above Full Moon" - the Musical. As I am no longer a student, I wasa not entitled the $3 discount. :(

The performers of the show were great, as almost all of them could act + sing extremely well. Above Full Moon protrays the life of Master Hong Yi, a lengendary figure in modern history of chinese arts, culture and religion. The entire story was about his passion for art, and eventually the letting go of this passion and his family in search for his spiritual life.

Heard from birdtan that the organisers of this play is the same as the one i watched 4 yrs ago - Sidhharta - The Musical. I was a freshman then with BS Dajie hardselling the tickets for the show.

Inevitably, I tend to compare the 2 musicals, and I couldnt help but feel the latter paled much in comparison with the former. Firstly, the life story of the Buddha, to many (including myself), would be much more signficant and meaningful than the life of Master Hongyi. Secondly, the crew strength for Moon was probably only a fraction of the former, and hence, less grand and magnificent. The dances, music, songs and backdrops seemed to be less captivating this time. I remembered I was most impressed by the super efficient and fast transition of the backdrop then, but last nite, there seemed to be much commotions and delays in the changing of the backdrop.

Towards the end of the play, 'Master Hongyi' was reflecting on his life, the diff stages he had gone through and ppl he had met in his life over the past decades. Perhaps the play was only 2-hr, tats probably I couldnt feel 'much' abt the reflections he made, on how everything in life appears and disappears again like specks of dust in the air.

Nevertheless, I felt that the crew had staged up a wonderful performance, still much better than most of the other plays I have watched (will nv forget the rather horrible play staged up at UCC 2 yrs ago, on the life of the buddha). I was reading on some online advertisements.posters of the play, and was surprised that the make-up image of Master Hongyi I saw last night seemed very different from the one featured in the posters (as in the play in malaysia). Could they have tou kong jian liao after coming to singapore??? well...

Anyway, the spending of $30++ on this rather big-scale musical play is definitely worth it, especially when its done by a Buddhist Musical play group held in the grandest durian shell of singapore. What more can i ask?

Black Carnival

This morning, I was driving along tampines road when I spotted a black 'Carnival' in front of me. Within split seconds, I whipped out my camera phone to take some pictures of it, at the risk of getting my license suspended.

I still find the beige Carnival better looking than this black one. Anyway, I find all MPVs appealing except for Nissan Paerrie. I think the design sux big time.

Just returned back from a Buddhist musical play at the esplanade. No comment on the play at the moment, waiting for birdtan and his photos :D

Teacher or Engineer???

Yesterday, I took half day leave and went to Ministry of Education for teaching interview. Upon reaching MOE, I called and met up my god sister who took up PSC scholarship more than 10 yrs ago, and is now posted to HQ MOE for planning work after 2 yrs of teaching at TJC. A colleague of hers who was also a PSC scholar accompanied her to meet me. Together, they shared with me tips on the interview.

I was feeling rather paiseh as the 2 of them accompanied me throughout my wait outside the interview room. They kept telling me what to and what NOT to say, and I hope this did not demoralise the other nearby interviewees, who looked extremely nervously and tensed up. Probably this was their first interview.

As I feel the passion of teaching in me, I did not have much difficulty preparing myself for the interview. Its more of a dilemma whether I shld plunge into teaching so early, or give myself more time in the engineering field. But ultimately, I know it will be teaching/faciliating job that will give me a sense of fufilment and meaning in life. Its from my personal experience and reflections that my most meaningful and happy moments of life were those time when I got the chance to guide, facilitate and teach ppl. However, thats provided I must possess the knowledge or skills. But I feel I am pretty much an empty shell now.

I was contemplating whether I shld 'lie' and hard-sell myself that I will be a good teacher, or tell them the truth on how I feel and my passion. Afterall, we can lie to ourselves and others for once but not for life. However, the second option may just jeopardise my chance of getting the job.

To my disappointment, the interview turned out to be super simple and easy. They only asked very basic, standard and straight forward questions, in which I provided them with very standard and cliche answers too. There was no chance to impress them nor the need to lie and hard sell myself. It was more like the typical MOE system of asking the students what they ought or expected to know, rather than testing on their integrity, real interest and passion. They asked me " what are the qualities u think a teacher shld have, and what are those you have?" "what do you hope to see yourself as in 5-8 yrs' time?" The interview style is totally different from those you can find from the engineering firm, which really dig deep into your personal interest, passion and analytical skills.

Nevertheless, the interviwers at MOE were very nice and friendly. However, the admin lady was kinda rude as she reprimanded me for not bringing my original birth cert. I told her that birthcert is too important a document to bring around and I refused to bring it out. She could do nothing to me except giving me a black face, haha...and who cares?

Anyway, today my boss told me that he would be sending me for a series of courses, to be trained up as an ITE teacher. This is because my company does conduct regular NTC1/2/3 and ITE courses for students (mostly the company's junior workers). My boss hopes that I can be one of the teachers/trainers and this will not only improve my technical skills, but also allow me to earn extra income. The pay rate is $32/hr, 3hrs/week. Wooohooooo!!! Morever after the course, I would be a qualified ITE teacher.

So what more can I ask? Its like having the best of both worlds, that I can teach at the same time keep my job. I think I am really very lucky, provided my boss keeps his words.

Commencent Pic Again

How you find new car/

Introducing my new car, 'Carnival'. Finally i get the taste of my dream car... its so fat and nice, i love it!

Ricetable didi

I am wondering if the title of this entry is gonna once again, raise another excitment out of Teddy. He seems to be still fascinated with the Mozzarella business....

Well, have promised to treat Sumantri to a big meal after I get my first pay check. It has been overdued for almost 4 months. However, I learnt from my fellow colleagues that such scenario is pretty common. The first pay treat is often delayed up to a few months.

We made our way to the Ricetable at Suntec. The default set meal comprised 20 small dishes of a great variety of Indonesian food. Initially, I thought we couldnt finish them all (see the pic), but we ended up ordering additional 10 repeated dishes. I have to keep myself at max 90% full, so that my enjoyment of food would not turn into a self-torture. (Remembering Ven Robina's story on delicious-chocolate-cake-turned-disgusting)

The food was very delicious, nice ambience, interesting layout and innovative concepts. The individual dishes may not be very expensive food, but its definitely impossible for us to cook such a great variety at home. So the money is worth spending.



Sent sumantri back to NTU after the dinner and used his laptop for MSN. Had a hard + fun time trying trick Riki carlon to come over to sumantri's room using 'donuts'. When he finally made his way over, it took him about 1 minute before he discovered I was standing at the corner of the room. He had wanted to 'play' sumantri on how come he knew abt the donuts, but din realise he himself was actually fooled by us. Must have shocked the hell out of this boy which sent all of us into uncontrollable laughters.

Anyway, its term time for both NTU and NUS. Study hard everyone! And for those who are working like akaaa... may u find pleasure in your new job. And to Jane.... I am still abit blur on how u feel abt ur new job.. fill me the details soon :D

Kitten & Altis

The first picture was a kitten that refused to 'leave' my Partner today. I was taking pics at the UCC today with some BS friends when I returned to my car to find a pair of legs dangling from underneath my car. Initially, I thought it was a pair of frog's legs, but later found out it belonged to a kitten.

The kitten had hid in a hollow space found underneath my car, next to the exhaust pipe and slightly behind the rear wheels. However, it was definitely free from 'crushing' as there was a metal partition separating it from the wheel. I tried to use a stick to gently poke the kitten out but it refused. In the end, I have to 'drive' with it from UCC all the way to PGP for our 2nd round of photo shoots. After abt 2hrs, the kitten was still hiding soundly underneath my car. Although its considered quite safe for it to hide in that space, the only fear I have was that it might suddenly jump down from my car to the road, and got run over by another car. So i had no choice but to 'force' it out.

Fortunately, I have many gentle and animal-loving gal friends with me. They tried to coax the kitten out but in van. The more we tried to touch it, the deeper it went further in the hole. Finally, it put down one of its legs, and my friend took the opportunity to pull it out. It struggled badly and refused to leave, but eventually it gave up. The kitten was shivering in fear and we decided to leave it in a drain, away from moving vehicle. Hopefully, the kitten is able to survive on its own. *I dun really fancy animals/pets*

Introducing a new member to my family of cars - a black Toyota Altis (seen in the pic) which my brother just bought. I took a spin round my neighbourhood. Although its only a 1.6litre car, its obviously very huge in size and very comfortable to sit in. But it lacks the power as compared with the prev cars my dad had. Still, I find this car pretty luxurious and solid.

I will be going for MOE/NIE interview in a few days' time. I am not prepared... how? Hahaha

Right Thought - never abandon our gardens to the wild

Right Thought

Reality grows in the garden of the mind. Our world is the fruit of our thoughts that sprout from the seeds of ideas. We must therefore be discerning gardeners, looking carefully at what ideas we allow to take root within the mind. We must be able to recognize which ideas and thoughts are born of desire and which carry the seeds of desire that causes our suffering.

The seeds of suffering that take root within the mind are those of greed, ill-will, hostility, denigration, dominance, envy, jealousy, hypocrisy, fraud, obstinacy, presumption, conceit, arrogance, vanity and negligence. In Buddhism, these are known as the 15 defilements, and the Buddha realized 6 methods for removing such defilements from the mind:

1. Restraining:
Restrain from what pleases the senses but bears poison.

2. Using:
Use all that we are, all that we have, all there is to cultivate peace.

3. Tolerating:
Tolerate all adversity, and never abandon our gardens to the wild.

4. Avoiding:
Avoid all that is impure and spoils the soil of the mind. Tend only to what is pure and that which nurtures the pure.

5. Destroying:
Remove the defilements by destroying them from the root.

6. Developing:
Never cease to develop our skills of peacefulness.

2nd Noble Truth

Today, I decided to lock myself up in my office room for a 'silent retreat'. After some chantings, I proceed on to search for Dharma articles to read. And I put my focus on the 2nd noble truth, which comprises 3 types of desires/cravings, namely:

(1) Craving for sense-pleasure (感 官 享 受 的 渴 求)

(2) Craving for existence and becoming (生 存 的 渴 求)

(3) Craving for non-existence/getting rid of (不 再 生 存 的 渴 求)

These various cravings all lead to suffering and rebirth.

Weipin ever asked some venerables : There are so many articles out there for us to read, how do we select? The vens gave a v solid and power ans: There are 2 main types of buddhist articles. The first one is a written work by someone who wrote abt his/her own experiences and realisations. The 2nd one is by someone who merely consolidated, cut, copy and then paste what he agrees or feels strongly for, and then form up his 'own' article. The former and not the latter shld be embraced.

Similarly, I think its very important for us to experience the teachings and realise the truths ourselves (ehipassiko!), and not just merely get inspired or motivated by ppl's sharing of experiences. The former shld be able to support us for long in our self cultivation, while the latter may be jus temporal and fades away fast.

Anyway, I am guilty of the 2nd type of desire, the desire to 'become'. I almost forgot wat Ven Yuan Fan always taught us, on our weakness in always wanting to achieve something easy and fast.

I am in search of my next step to improve myself spiritually but systematically, anyone has any suggestions for me?

Perfect Understanding

Thanks Bean for the Perfect Understanding - she is full of wisdom, wow!

Anyway, its a situation which I have not been wanting to face all the while, at least not now. So certainly I cant face it for others too.... So I choose to escape - or perhaps the time has not ripen yet :D

Took this almost-out-dated pic from jadecraft (dun sue me for copyrights!)

I think my management sux! I have to handle 2 cases of disputes among my workers today, and I dun think I have fared well.

No mood to write further. Goodnite :D

Sym 'Pathetic' Joy

This morning, I took the lift down and walked towards my Partner feeling invigorated. Probably due to results of reading on mindfulness breathing followed up by a series of meditation done yday, I was glad that I was mindful on my breaths. Started the engine and turned on my sound system - playing Prajanparamitta, and there I drove off to work peacefully.

Everything went on well and I was already approaching the last traffic junction before reaching my workplace. As I was making a sharp left turn at the junction, a bicycle suddenly appeared from the left corner of my eye trying to cross the road. It was too abrupt for me to apply on my brakes but fortunately he did. From the backview mirror, I could see him cursing and swearing at me. I wouldnt say who was at fault, for its both green light for me and green man for him.

But I always thot cyclists should not behave and regard themselves like normal pedestrains when crossing the traffic light junctions. They are too fast moving and shldnt expect car drivers to halt in time for them, if they were to suddenly dash out onto the road. This incident kinda disturbed my peacefulness significantly. My morning became very heavy and unhappy. I knew I wudnt put this matter at heart for long, as it merely served as the key in opening up the door of disatisfaction and unpleasantness in me. Reason: I seriously lack practice.

Last evening, I also realised the importance of having mudita - sympathetic joy. I found that even within our circle of buddhist/spiritual friends, jealousy is still prevalent. Sometimes, when we see our friends in a better state or having better conditions & achievements than ourselves, we will tend to do/say things to bring them down, just to make ourselves feel better? I know some of you are not like that, but I am guilty of it sometimes, and I am very sure some of my friends around me ought to feel guilty of it too.

"When our friends found a better job than us, with higher pay and better job prospect, we shouldnt say things to shoot them or their jobs down out of our own jealousy."

"When we see our friends making efforts to acheive something which have not done so before, we shld applause for their courage and determination, and not discourage them from proceeding or gloat over whatever losses/sacrifices they may/have incurred."

Indeed, the mind can be easily poisoned. May I practice well, and may my spiritual friends constantly remind of the Dharma, and guide me along the way.

2nd Precept & Concentration

This morning, my dad asked me to search for him some chinese folk songs on the net which he needs for some performances. Easily, I found a website that provide me the mp3 files with all the songs he requested.

Itchy fingers, I decided to search for some chinese pop songs. To my disgust/surprise/excitement, I have no difficulty finding them! Even songs from Jay Chou's latest album which is barely a week old can be found on the site! And well, I was so tempted to download them for my listening pleasure, but wat a minute.. isnt that breaking of 2nd precepts? Hmmm.....

After watching the movie Spring...Spring again, the scenes and images of the film kept flashing on my mind during my meditation sittig on saturday evening. What Sayalay said was very right. She always forbid us from watching movies/tv (except news) as it weakens your concentration and disturbs your meditation. Watching films and meditation are like walking towards 2 different destinations which are of exactly opposite directions.

I also recalled some advices from Ven Manko (Fo Guang Yuan). She said sometimes she would lock herself up in her room to meditate for the entire day. This is to help her gain back her mindfulness, sharpness and concentration as whenever she goes out to attend some functions, celebrations or visits, the trees, flowers, colours and countless images she captured on her mind will weaken her mindfulness.

Today is a very hot and sunny afternoon, and I feel bright and chirpy within. I should be going out for a hot afternoon meditation :D


And here are the pictures I took just now. SL is extremely quiet and peaceful. The construction site was inactive this afternoon, and probably I had too high expectation for my sitting jus now, it din turn out to be good, just so so :D Anyway, a nice recharge.

Place with Positive Energy

This afternoon, I went to look for Riki aka kiki at Tanah Merah - the adobe of Ven Vissudhachara. I did not get to meet Ven himself, but managed to read an interesting article on mindfulness meditation. Meditated there for a while and could feel the very strong positive energy over there. Its indeed a very nice and peaceful place, and very easy to get myself into concentration.

The location of this place is pretty near Wan Fo Lin, which is used to be my favourite hideout before Poh Ern Sih. I suddenly recall something interesting that a BS snr has told me years ago. A well-learnt and wise buddhist master has pointed out the location where Wan Fo Lin is situated, as the place with the 'most positive energy' in the entire Singapore. He supported his claim by the colour of the air/sky/clouds (or something along this line) above that piece of land. It was believed then that a bodhisattva existed in Wan Fo Lin, and she was none other than a very old and senior nun residing in the temple. I have prostrated to her personally few yrs ago and I must say she really looks different.

Now I am not surprised that the area around Wan Fo Lin must have shared the same type of Positive Energy. Well... wats most impt is our own cultivation, but that place is definitely a nice support to our practice :D

Spring again...

I went to watch the movie "Spring, Summer, Autumn, Winter... and Spring" last evening. I entered the cinema with very high expectation but left pretty disappointed - And thats not because the film wasnt great. Rather, its because I was unable to grasp the esscence and morale of the story on spot.

Ever since I took up Film & History, I was taught how to view films from a different angle - not just for entertainment & enjoyment, not just plain watching but also 'reading' and interpreting of films. Of course, there are still many pretty meaningless blockbuster movies that only aim at making money, but surely there are a handful of them which the directors have used to deliver wonderful messages to the world. There is definitely much more to this film, like the using of 5 diff animals for each seasons, opening of the doors for each new season, instead of just retundant guessing of relationships between the characters.

This film speaks a universal story about the human spirit, moving from innocence, through love and evil, to enlightenment and finally rebirth. Its almost like a pastoral poem about the changing seasons and a meditation on the cycle of life. In a tranquil setting of a temple floating on a lake in the forest, surrounded by endless mountains that cut the monastery off from worldly concerns, an old monk teaches his young disciple the wisdom of Buddha over the many seasons of their lives.

Despite the cutting off from the worldly desires, the young monk could not escape from the sufferings in life. The innocent cruelty in him was revealed as the child monk tortured the animals, oblivious of the sufferings he would be exgravating on himself eventually. In the intensity and lushness of summer, the monk is now a young man, experiences the power of lust, a desire that ultimately led him to dark deeds.

With winter, the monk returned as a middle-aged man, who diligently cultivate himself both physically and spiritually. Sitting on top of the mountains, he overlooks at his own monastry floating atop the lake, reflecting on his life and the endless repeating cycle of the seasons. Probably its after experiencing a whole cycle of joy, lust, anger and sorrow should the importance of seeking inner peace is realised - and the vow of never wanna be trapped in the Samsara world again.

In fact, 'winter' seems to be the hardest part of the movie to interpret, but that also makes the film most meaningful. Nobody can be very sure what messages or meanings the director is try to send over though.

Overall, i think the director has successfully portrayed the joy, anger, sorrow and pleasure of our lives through four seasons and through the life of a monk who lives in a temple on a lake surrounded only by nature. Its not a simple film, but I believe its surely meaningful and interesting to buddhists.

I have to be Mindful

Today, I felt a sense of emptiness in me as my colleague has been away for a long leave. Almost everyday, she will visit me in my office which is situated very far away from hers (which is in another building). I have complained to her last time that I was very sian in my office as my room was very much isolated from the others. Thats probably why she made a point to drop by my office almost everyday for small chats.

Other than that, we would often communicate through MSN during office hrs on almost every issues under the sky. About 20% of the stuffs we communicated on the net are relevant work related stuffs, while the remaining comprises mainly complaints, gossips and outside stuffs.

I din realise her presence has become part of my working life until today. I have to admit that her absence has kinda created this 'missing' or 'emptiness' feeling in me today, even right now. I know whats coming up next and I hope I am not falling into any love trap again.

But interestingly enough, some of our colleauges have been making fun of her abt me, but so far none of them dared to try it on me. The reception gals situated directly outside my room must have witnessed her coming in and out of my room very often, haha. Sometimes, I found ourselves so pathetic that she has to smuggle tow-hueys and sandwiches using big envelops into my room to avoid gossips.

Well, there are always both fun and sorrowful parts of working life. She definitely belongs to the former, but well, like what Ajahn Brahm said last nite, there is no ever-lasting concert, even the best performance has to end somehow.

Ajahn Brahm

This evening, I attended Ajahn Brahm's talk. I have excused myself from his talks for quite sometime as I found him repeating his contents very often. The very last one I attended shld be the one held at Suntec during the SARS period. Today, I decided to go, as I believe he must have accumulated much interesting and new stories to share.

True enough, his talk today was like 'brand new'. More importantly, the contents he covered today touched my heart. The questions raised by the audience were most relevant to me too. "How to deal with parting with ur dearest mum after she passes away?" and "How to deal with attachments to friendship". To me, the answers he gave were excellent.

Unfortunately, I havent recovered from my indigestion and my stomach was having some internal war within. I have to excuse myself as the cramps became unbearable. On the way out, I bought the ever 1st production book by Ajahn Brahm which comprises 108 short stories. It does burn a hole in my pocket but I bought it without much hesitation. Its an almost instant reaction that I want that book. It will be a good book to share and pass around with my friends, esp to those who are new or totally not in Buddhism. Afterall, how good and effective can we reproduce Ajahn's stories by repeating them to our friends? Its only by hearing from him themselves, or by reading these stories themselves, will they get those impacts.

Anyway, I am terribly sorry to Nale for neglecting her OPWC. I promise I will complete it fast and return u ASAP. And I will be re-engaging in my nightly reading again starting from tonight. My last semester was supposed to be the most stressful and busiest moment in my uni life. Thanks to my nightly reading of Dharma books in Sheares Hall, it has given me much peace and mindfulness to deal with the hectic semester with pretty good results :D

I wrote an entry abt my work today this evening, but there was server problem and that entry could not be published or saved. My colleagues have bought me farewell gifts (so fast!), will talk abt it more probably tmr.

Best Wishes

Its wednesday today, and it has been 2 weeks since Tree my smallbro has been away from home to myammar. I will be lying if I say I dun miss him, haha. Hopefully he is doing very well with his cultivation and is healthy & strong over there.

But what bogs me down slightly more the entire of today was something which I learnt from a jnr last evening. He has shared with me his personal problem which I couldnt help but feel sorry + worry for him. I thank him for his trust for me and sincerely wish him well & happy.

My boss treats me extremely well today. But thats not what I am seeking, hoping to achieved or have planned for. I do not wish to push ppl to their limits. Anyway, I applied for Singapore Prisons again last nite (finally they have cleared my previous application and allowed me to register again) and guess what, they called me during lunch today! Whezzzzz.........

Goodbye to my ComfortZone

I told my boss I wanna quit today.

It all started because of my new crop of golden hair. I didnt occur to me that he will be unhappy with it, until one of my female staffs told me abt the possibility. Upon asking him, I realise that what she said was true.

I have 100 over junior staffs under my charge, and more than 50% of them have coloured hair. I thought its good for young ppl to colour their hair, to show a more vibrant and youthful image. In fact, my hair dying days started during my JC days in TJC, when my chinese tutor encouraged me to go colour my hair. As a pychology major, she felt that young ppl shld dress and behave as young ppl, and she tok abt some pyschological impacts of outlooks which I din really get it.

However, my boss felt that having dyed hair is a bad and unhealthy image (lazy and uninterested feeling, he said). He also felt that esp as a snr executive in the company, I shld not possess such 'image' as I will scare away the ppl. And ppl who deals with our company will think we are a gangster company and feel intimdiated. Walaos, i think he is either from the 1970s or a 80 yr old trapped in a 30 yr old body. Even my parents have colourful hair manz.

As for me, I always dress up whatever I feel like doing so, be it putting on my ear ring, ear stud, colour my hair or watsover, as long as I do not look shockingly rude or offensive.

My boss has also wanted me to put a stop to all my technicians and staffs, and to strongly discourage them from colouring their hair. I feel thats ridiculous. There is no compromising in the end and I told him I have to leave the company. He did not stop me, haha :D

I know it sounds silly to quit my job jus because of a small issue. But this small issue can kinda attenuate or reflect to a larger picture - on the rigidness and inflexibility of the company. I feel that i need a more dynamic working place. Being a rather active student in NUS, I am definitely seeking for a more dynamic and active job. My current job may be well-paid and comfortable, but I guess i need a tougher training ground, and probably a more meaningful job.

Goodbye to my comfort zone.

*inspired by NUSBS fenny who took up a not-so-high pay but very meaningful job*

The Importance of Good Health

I was practically lying on my bed the entire of yday, feeling very terrible. I did a short reflection on the importance of having good health.

The problem of indigestion is not new to me. Ever since I had my operation in 1999 on intestinal complications, my stomach hasn been functioning well. Yday was a more severe case, as I was not only suffering from 'dancing stomach' & cramps, but also feeling very weak + severe headache + giddiness.

After seeing the doctor, I went back to my room, hoping to catch a good sleep. However, the moment i lie my head on the pillow, giddiness came creeping in and slowly it turned into headaches. I tried sitting up on my sofa but found myself too weak to pick up the magazines to read. I was wondering why I became so 'energyless' as if I have been drained out of all my strength and power. I also tried to 'meditate' by focussing on my breaths, hoping to get rid of the pains and giddiness, but my 'internal strength' was so weak that I lost counts very much faster than my usual sittings. Furthermore, any small amt of food intake (even one sip of water ) will cause my stomach to reject them and start giving me giddy spells + vommitings.

I was feeling quite helpless then as I have no energy to engage in any physical activities and yet lying down will only give me more headaches and giddiness. In the end, I have no choice but to gulp down 2 tablets of painkillers to make myself sleep. And there I slept from 11am to 4pm, and the 430 to 7pm, and 8pm till morning 7am. Finally I gain back my energy this morning and was able to make my way to work. My stomach is still dancing now and hopefully it doesn reject food when I go for lunch later. Quite interestingly, everytime i have indigestion, my stomach can go totally without food for about 2 days without feeling any hunger at all. Its only when the hunger pangs come running in, i know my stomach is ready for food. I hope to hear the pangs soon, haha.

I reflected and appreciated the importance of having good health. Many of us have been taking our good health for granted, as we are still young and healthy. Instead, we push our body to the limits by gorging on unhealthy foods, never exercise regularly and adopt the sleeping hrs of an owl. We din realise how immobilized or 'useless' we can be if were to lose our health one day. For instance, I was so weak and ill yday that I could not even pick up a book to read, surf the net or MEDITATE.

May all of us take good care of our health, eat healthy food, exercise regularly and adopt good sleeping habits.

Title-less

This evening I went out with my army buddies. I am glad that after ORDing for more than 4yrs, we are still closely in touch. We have switched our roles & relationships from fellow camp/bunk mates to fellow school mates in NUS (some in NTU) and now to fellow working class ppl.

In fact, I did not walk together with them the entire hardship days in the army. We may have suffered the initial stage of trainings and tekanings during our trainee days together, but subsequently, i 'left' them to and was posted out from the unit after a major operation. However, I am glad they have always included me in their 'list' of buddies, and have nv failed to count me in for any gatherings/outings. We had dinner at the suntec Vietnam restaurant. I must say the food there tastes much better than Thai Express. Its quite cheap also.

I spent the later part of the evening with nusbs jnrs, who were at Marina watching the fireworks. Its good that the jnrs are spending time together to enjoy the last bits of their sch holidays. Its definitely better than spending at home to stone or rot.

Was talking to Bean on our way home. We were talking abt doing what we want in life. From my army friends jus now, I learnt that many ppl have found v good job lobangs which include overseas opportunities. Furthermore, their pay are not too bad either. I couldnt help but feel jealous and also disatisfied with my current job. However upon reflection, I felt that the contentment and satisfication come from within. All these problems come when we start to compare ourselves with more and more ppl. Whats more impt is to find out what we want in life & what meaning we seek in life.

One of the army frens i went out with was a high flyer. He is a 7 dean lister and won the Lee Kuan Yew Gold Medal Award in his cohort, plus 2 other achievement medals. He had perfect grades for both his A and O levels, but did not take up any scholarships. Most astonishingly, he nv feels proud of his acheivements, and in fact, he is a pretty melancholic person who finds life very disatifactory.

As a buddhist, I am glad I have a pretty much guided life. Or at least, we are constantly reminded or taught whats impt and whats not impt, and what are the things worth pursuing and things not worth pursuing, in life.