After my strife with M1, i had my second quarrel with NUH today. The doctor was excellent, but he wanted me to do an ultrasound + endoscopy to confirm if there are any stones in my gall bladder and liver, and to rule out colon cancer. The unfortunate thing was that I chose B1 class ward during my hospitalization. As such, all my treatment and consultation charges will be at the FULL rate instead of the subsidized rate, which is a hell lot of difference.
Although I could claim my medical expenses from my company insurance, I dun see why I shld be charged the full rate, as i am a singaporean too. I told the nursing officer I want to opt for a subsidized rate by going to polyclinic to get a referral. To my surprise, the nurse said I cant do that, as I am alreaady under this doctor and was already classified as a Private Patient at full rate. I told her i dun mind changing the doctor, since today was also the first time i see this doctor! The nurse said it will be a great hassle as I wud need to go through all over again to make appointments and such. I told her I dun mind either.... since I could save up a big deal. Still, she said it cant be done, until i raised my voice and insisted I want it.
Finally, they gave in and told me I could go down to get a referral from polyclinic, and then pass to them and they would arrange the same doctor for me. Shucks man, sometimes if u dun raise your voice and be demanding, you would jus suffer under their laziness and fear of hassle, and be taken in by their words.
M1 is even much worse! This aftn, the customer service lady told me I could go down to m1 to get my replacement set. But i thot tats something fishy as all the sets i tried yday were faulty too. I asked her if she was sure the 'replacement set' is working, if not, it wud be a pure waste of my time to go down. She replied tat its actually the same faulty handset they are replacing, and told me tat the fault is actually not a fault, its common, even in her own phone. I ticked her off by saying that wats the pt of buying a new handset when its not 100% in good condition?
I later called up the m1 win back department, who spent much time sweet talk to me and give me offers, so that I wud not terminate my line. I told them about my problem, and the fxxker told me its M1 shop problem, not theirs. He also kept 'ng ng ng' as I told him my problem, until i got so fed up and asked him.. wat do u mean by 'ng ng ng'!? He said he was jus agreeing with me, darn... He later pushed the blame to nokia, and also said that my phone is not faulty since i could still call in and out. WTF! I asked to speak to the superior but he ignored my request, and kept telling me its not their problem. He din know i wanted to complain abt his customer's service instead of the faulty handset.
The M1 shop gal finally called me and told me even Nokia cant solve the problem. She sweetly suggested I take another model, if not a refund. I finally proposed her a soln (which i wanted them to take the initiative to do it, but they din), which is to take a set from another branch, and check out if there is any different version of the handset. She happily accepted this proposal, and yeah, she left me the last good impression i have for M1. And guess what, she called me using her own personal line, cos she was alread off work. Did i also mention tat she is a babe?
Thursday, March 17, 2005
Wednesday, March 16, 2005
Fxxking service provider
When I got angry, I would tell others that I wanna puke blood. And just now, I really puked blood, and i dun mean figuratively. I was bathing when i tasted blood in my mouth. I rinsed my mouth and the water which came out was reddish with my blood. No open wounds or pains in my mouth, i duno where the blood came from.
And indeed, I was extremely x 10000 pissed off with M1. As mentioned earlier, I bought my nokia 6230 less than 48hrs ago, and a certain fault in the display came shortly later. I went to M1 shop to have my hp changed, as there is this 7day one-to-one exchange policy. After getting the 2nd set, the same problem was there. 3rd set, same, 4th same.....
The customer service lady told me tat it was due to my 'picture' problem, as she has did not have the same fault when using a default pic in my hp. On the spot, i took another picture, and showed her tat other pictures gave the same problem in the display. Then she told me its my memory card problem, since the pics are saved in my memory card. I transfered the pic to my phone memory, and showed her tat the problem remained. Then she said its my software problem... and no matter wat excuses they give, they just want me to deal with nokia directly.
I told them tat there is no way i will go to NOKIA, since i bought the phone from them barely 48 hrs ago. And its not jus the set tat i took is faulty, but so are the remaining ones in the shop. So its M1's problem to deal with nokia, not the customers'. The lady told me tat she cant do anything cos all the sets in the M1 shop are faulty, and suggested me to change to another model in the shop. I told her NO WAY tat i wanna do that, and suggested tat i wait for the next batch of 6230. She told me tat there s no promise the next batch will not be faulty, but i told her i can wait and dun mind trying and trying. Another lady told me the next batch may take 3-4 months to come, and I told her it will be a joke that the phones in their store can last for 3-4 months. Eventually, i requested for a refund and termination of contract.
Finally, they proposed a soln that i found reasonable. I would take back a new set of 6230 home first (although still with the same fault), and wait for them to deal with nokia the next day. If i cant get a good set of 6230 by tmr, i will ask for a refund, which will take 1 month to process but must return the phone immediately :s
When i reached home, i called m1 to complain abt their poor customer service. The guy who attended to me was worse than the m1 shop gals, and got scolded by me. He told me he could only reflect my problem to the management, but they will not get back to me with a follow up. I was pissed, saying that i have nearly been tricked by the gals that the faults lie in my pic, my mem card, my software etc. I gave an analogy of going to hosp and the hosp prescribed us the faulty medicine. Who shld we look for? The hosp or the medicine's manufacturer? He argued that my analogy is wrong for comparison, and challenged me. I fxxk him off and told him i am extremely displeased with his reply. I insisted that someone else talk to me instead of this fxxker.
I will see how they r going to reply me tmr.... I am utterly disappointed with this service provider, for smoking me out and being so unhelpful.
And indeed, I was extremely x 10000 pissed off with M1. As mentioned earlier, I bought my nokia 6230 less than 48hrs ago, and a certain fault in the display came shortly later. I went to M1 shop to have my hp changed, as there is this 7day one-to-one exchange policy. After getting the 2nd set, the same problem was there. 3rd set, same, 4th same.....
The customer service lady told me tat it was due to my 'picture' problem, as she has did not have the same fault when using a default pic in my hp. On the spot, i took another picture, and showed her tat other pictures gave the same problem in the display. Then she told me its my memory card problem, since the pics are saved in my memory card. I transfered the pic to my phone memory, and showed her tat the problem remained. Then she said its my software problem... and no matter wat excuses they give, they just want me to deal with nokia directly.
I told them tat there is no way i will go to NOKIA, since i bought the phone from them barely 48 hrs ago. And its not jus the set tat i took is faulty, but so are the remaining ones in the shop. So its M1's problem to deal with nokia, not the customers'. The lady told me tat she cant do anything cos all the sets in the M1 shop are faulty, and suggested me to change to another model in the shop. I told her NO WAY tat i wanna do that, and suggested tat i wait for the next batch of 6230. She told me tat there s no promise the next batch will not be faulty, but i told her i can wait and dun mind trying and trying. Another lady told me the next batch may take 3-4 months to come, and I told her it will be a joke that the phones in their store can last for 3-4 months. Eventually, i requested for a refund and termination of contract.
Finally, they proposed a soln that i found reasonable. I would take back a new set of 6230 home first (although still with the same fault), and wait for them to deal with nokia the next day. If i cant get a good set of 6230 by tmr, i will ask for a refund, which will take 1 month to process but must return the phone immediately :s
When i reached home, i called m1 to complain abt their poor customer service. The guy who attended to me was worse than the m1 shop gals, and got scolded by me. He told me he could only reflect my problem to the management, but they will not get back to me with a follow up. I was pissed, saying that i have nearly been tricked by the gals that the faults lie in my pic, my mem card, my software etc. I gave an analogy of going to hosp and the hosp prescribed us the faulty medicine. Who shld we look for? The hosp or the medicine's manufacturer? He argued that my analogy is wrong for comparison, and challenged me. I fxxk him off and told him i am extremely displeased with his reply. I insisted that someone else talk to me instead of this fxxker.
I will see how they r going to reply me tmr.... I am utterly disappointed with this service provider, for smoking me out and being so unhelpful.
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
At worK
The above pic is my boss, the father of the baby that I always love to show here. The pic was taken with my new nokia phone, the resolution is cool isnt it? Besides the image quality, the MP3 is surprisingly clear, and the bluetooth technology means I am able to exchange pics with my frens without wasting MMS $$$. And the phone was bought after getting a further discount of $100 (not $70 this time!) from M1 when I told them I really wanna terminate my line.
Shucks, I duno why I have been feeling light in my head for the past couple of days, especially today, tat I experienced several times of fainting spells. I hope its due to my busy schedule at work and not anything else. And yeah, my work has never been this busy ever since i started work 10 months ago. In the past, I was still able to stone in my room, surf the net, chat on the msn.. but now, I hardly have the time to even sit by my table and check emails.
My IT department is well known to be very unapproachable and pushy in their work. Asking the IT specialists to do work is as good as begging the impossible. Unfortunately, I have quite a lot of problems that only the IT ppl could help me, and I have no choice but to approach them for them. I decided to use wat my brother taught me, to 'flirt' with the gals to get things done. And i grabbed my manager along (see how yandao he is!).
True enough, it worked! I din know if I sound sacrastic or apple polishing, but what i did today was repeatedly praising one of the IT gals on how helpful and nice she was in front of my manager. Although she responded that she is not into ppl sucking up, she got really very happy and patiently taught me steps by steps on how to generate some results using the SAP system. Her sudden helpfulness and patience made my manager's jaws drop, haha. Usually, it will take weeks for them to customise a program for us, but today, she rushed it out for us within an hr. I guess sweet talk really helps to a great extent.
I have nv imagined that I could get this busy at work. Though busy, I do feel some satisfaction at work. And lately, there seem to be quite a lot of job opportunities flying around, and i am getting quite tempted to switch job. However, changing job will also mean giving up a lot of things. Giving up the nice colleagues, good pay and 'comfort zone' which I have gradually and painstaking constructed over the past 10 mths. Well, I feel at our age, we just need to challenge ourselves as much as possible.
Sunday, March 13, 2005
Not so scary la..
I was driving along PIE last night when it started to drizzle. The night seemed very misty and the chilling cold air gushing out from my air-con blower didnt help. As I exited PIE via Pasir Laba, I noticed the mists getting thicker. After turning into the small road leading to NTU, i could see a very thick layer of fog covering the roads as high as my car tyre level. Both sides of the roads were nothing but trees of endless darkness.
The fogs on the ground were moving very rapidly. If u r an optimistic person, you prob would imagine yourself driving on the clouds in the 'heaven'. If you a neutral person, you probably would relate the fogs to those you get from dry ice in a wedding dinner. But if you belong to the other extreme end.......
I couldnt help but recall a story shared by one of my guard commanders during my night duty in the army camp. My camp is located jus slightly further down NTU, separated by a very huge sea of cemetries. Our guard room was situated jus beside the main gate, which is facing a very narrow but long stretch of road leading to the main road where the cemetries are. In the day, you would see nothing by the roadsides except for the very thick forested areas. At night, it will be complete darkness and you would see NOTHING.
It was said that during one midnight, the guards were standing by the gates when a gush of white fog (at about knee level) suddenly came flooding from outside the narrow road into the camp compound via the gates. The guard commander quickly summon everyone into the guardroom and locked the door. It was only after sometime that the fogs got cleared up. Nobody knew what happened. I took this story as a pinch of salt when i heard it 6yrs ago.
Last evening, I get to personally witness this scene. The fortunate thing was that I was in my car and could drive off fast. If i were to walk on the road, I probably would get frightened. Still, I believe there is a high possibility that the fogs were a result of some chemical reactions between the hot road surfaces and the drizzles. But the sight is definitely enough to freak out any weak hearted ones.
And thanks to birdtan, sumantri and siewting, who invited me to watch The Shutter in their room. The dark, chilly and quiet atmosphere may contribute to the scariness, but the small laptop screen + occasional MSN pop ups from sumantri's laptop spoilt the eerieness. Sumantri asked me if I dare to drive back alone, but he didnt realise that I have experienced much more than watching horror movies and driving on the misty roads. I even drove to NUS in the later hours for a jog in the quiet and deserted SRC tracks :D
The fogs on the ground were moving very rapidly. If u r an optimistic person, you prob would imagine yourself driving on the clouds in the 'heaven'. If you a neutral person, you probably would relate the fogs to those you get from dry ice in a wedding dinner. But if you belong to the other extreme end.......
I couldnt help but recall a story shared by one of my guard commanders during my night duty in the army camp. My camp is located jus slightly further down NTU, separated by a very huge sea of cemetries. Our guard room was situated jus beside the main gate, which is facing a very narrow but long stretch of road leading to the main road where the cemetries are. In the day, you would see nothing by the roadsides except for the very thick forested areas. At night, it will be complete darkness and you would see NOTHING.
It was said that during one midnight, the guards were standing by the gates when a gush of white fog (at about knee level) suddenly came flooding from outside the narrow road into the camp compound via the gates. The guard commander quickly summon everyone into the guardroom and locked the door. It was only after sometime that the fogs got cleared up. Nobody knew what happened. I took this story as a pinch of salt when i heard it 6yrs ago.
Last evening, I get to personally witness this scene. The fortunate thing was that I was in my car and could drive off fast. If i were to walk on the road, I probably would get frightened. Still, I believe there is a high possibility that the fogs were a result of some chemical reactions between the hot road surfaces and the drizzles. But the sight is definitely enough to freak out any weak hearted ones.
And thanks to birdtan, sumantri and siewting, who invited me to watch The Shutter in their room. The dark, chilly and quiet atmosphere may contribute to the scariness, but the small laptop screen + occasional MSN pop ups from sumantri's laptop spoilt the eerieness. Sumantri asked me if I dare to drive back alone, but he didnt realise that I have experienced much more than watching horror movies and driving on the misty roads. I even drove to NUS in the later hours for a jog in the quiet and deserted SRC tracks :D
Not Scary la....
I was driving along PIE last night when it started to drizzle. The night seemed very misty and the chilling cold air gushing out from my air-con blower didnt help. As I exited PIE via Pasir Laba, I noticed the mists getting thicker. After turning into the small road leading to NTU, i could see a very thick layer of fog covering the roads as high as my car tyre level. Both sides of the roads were nothing but trees of endless darkness.
The fogs on the ground were moving very rapidly. If u r an optimistic person, you prob would imagine yourself driving on the clouds in the 'heaven'. If you a neutral person, you probably would relate the fogs to those you get from dry ice in a wedding dinner. But if you belong to the other extreme end.......
I couldnt help but recall a story shared by one of my guard commanders during my night duty in the army camp. My camp is located jus slightly further down NTU, separated by a very huge sea of cemetries. Our guard room was situated jus beside the main gate, which is facing a very narrow but long stretch of road leading to the main road where the cemetries are. In the day, you would see nothing by the roadsides except for the very thick forested areas. At night, it will be complete darkness and you would see NOTHING.
It was said that during one midnight, the guards were standing by the gates when a gush of white fog (at about knee level) suddenly came flooding from outside the narrow road into the camp compound via the gates. The guard commander quickly summon everyone into the guardroom and locked the door. It was only after sometime that the fogs got cleared up. Nobody knew what happened. I took this story as a pinch of salt when i heard it 6yrs ago.
Last evening, I get to personally witness this scene. The fortunate thing was that I was in my car and could drive off fast. If i were to walk on the road, I probably would get frightened. Still, I believe there is a high possibility that the fogs were a result of some chemical reactions between the hot road surfaces and the drizzles. But the sight is definitely enough to freak out any weak hearted ones.
And thanks to birdtan, sumantri and siewting, who invited me to watch The Shutter in their room. The dark, chilly and quiet atmosphere may contribute to the scariness, but the small laptop screen + occasional MSN pop ups from sumantri's laptop spoilt the eerieness. Sumantri asked me if I dare to drive back alone, but he didnt realise that I have experienced much more than watching horror movies and driving on the misty roads. I even drove to NUS in the later hours for a jog in the quiet and deserted SRC tracks :D
The fogs on the ground were moving very rapidly. If u r an optimistic person, you prob would imagine yourself driving on the clouds in the 'heaven'. If you a neutral person, you probably would relate the fogs to those you get from dry ice in a wedding dinner. But if you belong to the other extreme end.......
I couldnt help but recall a story shared by one of my guard commanders during my night duty in the army camp. My camp is located jus slightly further down NTU, separated by a very huge sea of cemetries. Our guard room was situated jus beside the main gate, which is facing a very narrow but long stretch of road leading to the main road where the cemetries are. In the day, you would see nothing by the roadsides except for the very thick forested areas. At night, it will be complete darkness and you would see NOTHING.
It was said that during one midnight, the guards were standing by the gates when a gush of white fog (at about knee level) suddenly came flooding from outside the narrow road into the camp compound via the gates. The guard commander quickly summon everyone into the guardroom and locked the door. It was only after sometime that the fogs got cleared up. Nobody knew what happened. I took this story as a pinch of salt when i heard it 6yrs ago.
Last evening, I get to personally witness this scene. The fortunate thing was that I was in my car and could drive off fast. If i were to walk on the road, I probably would get frightened. Still, I believe there is a high possibility that the fogs were a result of some chemical reactions between the hot road surfaces and the drizzles. But the sight is definitely enough to freak out any weak hearted ones.
And thanks to birdtan, sumantri and siewting, who invited me to watch The Shutter in their room. The dark, chilly and quiet atmosphere may contribute to the scariness, but the small laptop screen + occasional MSN pop ups from sumantri's laptop spoilt the eerieness. Sumantri asked me if I dare to drive back alone, but he didnt realise that I have experienced much more than watching horror movies and driving on the misty roads. I even drove to NUS in the later hours for a jog in the quiet and deserted SRC tracks :D
Not Scary la....
I was driving along PIE last night when it started to drizzle. The night seemed very misty and the chilling cold air gushing out from my air-con blower didnt help. As I exited PIE via Pasir Laba, I noticed the mists getting thicker. After turning into the small road leading to NTU, i could see a very thick layer of fog covering the roads as high as my car tyre level. Both sides of the roads were nothing but trees of endless darkness.
The fogs on the ground were moving very rapidly. If u r an optimistic person, you prob would imagine yourself driving on the clouds in the 'heaven'. If you a neutral person, you probably would relate the fogs to those you get from dry ice in a wedding dinner. But if you belong to the other extreme end.......
I couldnt help but recall a story shared by one of my guard commanders during my night duty in the army camp. My camp is located jus slightly further down NTU, separated by a very huge sea of cemetries. Our guard room was situated jus beside the main gate, which is facing a very narrow but long stretch of road leading to the main road where the cemetries are. In the day, you would see nothing by the roadsides except for the very thick forested areas. At night, it will be complete darkness and you would see NOTHING.
It was said that during one midnight, the guards were standing by the gates when a gush of white fog (at about knee level) suddenly came flooding from outside the narrow road into the camp compound via the gates. The guard commander quickly summon everyone into the guardroom and locked the door. It was only after sometime that the fogs got cleared up. Nobody knew what happened. I took this story as a pinch of salt when i heard it 6yrs ago.
Last evening, I get to personally witness this scene. The fortunate thing was that I was in my car and could drive off fast. If i were to walk on the road, I probably would get frightened. Still, I believe there is a high possibility that the fogs were a result of some chemical reactions between the hot road surfaces and the drizzles. But the sight is definitely enough to freak out any weak hearted ones.
And thanks to birdtan, sumantri and siewting, who invited me to watch The Shutter in their room. The dark, chilly and quiet atmosphere may contribute to the scariness, but the small laptop screen + occasional MSN pop ups from sumantri's laptop spoilt the eerieness. Sumantri asked me if I dare to drive back alone, but he didnt realise that I have experienced much more than watching horror movies and driving on the misty roads. I even drove to NUS in the later hours for a jog in the quiet and deserted SRC tracks :D
The fogs on the ground were moving very rapidly. If u r an optimistic person, you prob would imagine yourself driving on the clouds in the 'heaven'. If you a neutral person, you probably would relate the fogs to those you get from dry ice in a wedding dinner. But if you belong to the other extreme end.......
I couldnt help but recall a story shared by one of my guard commanders during my night duty in the army camp. My camp is located jus slightly further down NTU, separated by a very huge sea of cemetries. Our guard room was situated jus beside the main gate, which is facing a very narrow but long stretch of road leading to the main road where the cemetries are. In the day, you would see nothing by the roadsides except for the very thick forested areas. At night, it will be complete darkness and you would see NOTHING.
It was said that during one midnight, the guards were standing by the gates when a gush of white fog (at about knee level) suddenly came flooding from outside the narrow road into the camp compound via the gates. The guard commander quickly summon everyone into the guardroom and locked the door. It was only after sometime that the fogs got cleared up. Nobody knew what happened. I took this story as a pinch of salt when i heard it 6yrs ago.
Last evening, I get to personally witness this scene. The fortunate thing was that I was in my car and could drive off fast. If i were to walk on the road, I probably would get frightened. Still, I believe there is a high possibility that the fogs were a result of some chemical reactions between the hot road surfaces and the drizzles. But the sight is definitely enough to freak out any weak hearted ones.
And thanks to birdtan, sumantri and siewting, who invited me to watch The Shutter in their room. The dark, chilly and quiet atmosphere may contribute to the scariness, but the small laptop screen + occasional MSN pop ups from sumantri's laptop spoilt the eerieness. Sumantri asked me if I dare to drive back alone, but he didnt realise that I have experienced much more than watching horror movies and driving on the misty roads. I even drove to NUS in the later hours for a jog in the quiet and deserted SRC tracks :D
Not Scary la....
I was driving along PIE last night when it started to drizzle. The night seemed very misty and the chilling cold air gushing out from my air-con blower didnt help. As I exited PIE via Pasir Laba, I noticed the mists getting thicker. After turning into the small road leading to NTU, i could see a very thick layer of fog covering the roads as high as my car tyre level. Both sides of the roads were nothing but trees of endless darkness.
The fogs on the ground were moving very rapidly. If u r an optimistic person, you prob would imagine yourself driving on the clouds in the 'heaven'. If you a neutral person, you probably would relate the fogs to those you get from dry ice in a wedding dinner. But if you belong to the other extreme end.......
I couldnt help but recall a story shared by one of my guard commanders during my night duty in the army camp. My camp is located jus slightly further down NTU, separated by a very huge sea of cemetries. Our guard room was situated jus beside the main gate, which is facing a very narrow but long stretch of road leading to the main road where the cemetries are. In the day, you would see nothing by the roadsides except for the very thick forested areas. At night, it will be complete darkness and you would see NOTHING.
It was said that during one midnight, the guards were standing by the gates when a gush of white fog (at about knee level) suddenly came flooding from outside the narrow road into the camp compound via the gates. The guard commander quickly summon everyone into the guardroom and locked the door. It was only after sometime that the fogs got cleared up. Nobody knew what happened. I took this story as a pinch of salt when i heard it 6yrs ago.
Last evening, I get to personally witness this scene. The fortunate thing was that I was in my car and could drive off fast. If i were to walk on the road, I probably would get frightened. Still, I believe there is a high possibility that the fogs were a result of some chemical reactions between the hot road surfaces and the drizzles. But the sight is definitely enough to freak out any weak hearted ones.
And thanks to birdtan, sumantri and siewting, who invited me to watch The Shutter in their room. The dark, chilly and quiet atmosphere may contribute to the scariness, but the small laptop screen + occasional MSN pop ups from sumantri's laptop spoilt the eerieness. Sumantri asked me if I dare to drive back alone, but he didnt realise that I have experienced much more than watching horror movies and driving on the misty roads. I even drove to NUS in the later hours for a jog in the quiet and deserted SRC tracks :D
The fogs on the ground were moving very rapidly. If u r an optimistic person, you prob would imagine yourself driving on the clouds in the 'heaven'. If you a neutral person, you probably would relate the fogs to those you get from dry ice in a wedding dinner. But if you belong to the other extreme end.......
I couldnt help but recall a story shared by one of my guard commanders during my night duty in the army camp. My camp is located jus slightly further down NTU, separated by a very huge sea of cemetries. Our guard room was situated jus beside the main gate, which is facing a very narrow but long stretch of road leading to the main road where the cemetries are. In the day, you would see nothing by the roadsides except for the very thick forested areas. At night, it will be complete darkness and you would see NOTHING.
It was said that during one midnight, the guards were standing by the gates when a gush of white fog (at about knee level) suddenly came flooding from outside the narrow road into the camp compound via the gates. The guard commander quickly summon everyone into the guardroom and locked the door. It was only after sometime that the fogs got cleared up. Nobody knew what happened. I took this story as a pinch of salt when i heard it 6yrs ago.
Last evening, I get to personally witness this scene. The fortunate thing was that I was in my car and could drive off fast. If i were to walk on the road, I probably would get frightened. Still, I believe there is a high possibility that the fogs were a result of some chemical reactions between the hot road surfaces and the drizzles. But the sight is definitely enough to freak out any weak hearted ones.
And thanks to birdtan, sumantri and siewting, who invited me to watch The Shutter in their room. The dark, chilly and quiet atmosphere may contribute to the scariness, but the small laptop screen + occasional MSN pop ups from sumantri's laptop spoilt the eerieness. Sumantri asked me if I dare to drive back alone, but he didnt realise that I have experienced much more than watching horror movies and driving on the misty roads. I even drove to NUS in the later hours for a jog in the quiet and deserted SRC tracks :D
Thursday, March 10, 2005
Blogging in the midst of my work
This is the song I first heard almost 15 yrs ago, while I was on my flight to Beijing in the early 90s. The journey was a terrible one due to bad weather, and I was suffering from air-sickness. This was one of the 10 song that was played over and over again on the plane throughout the 6hr journey tat I got v familiar with it overnight.
The song is about a gal's waning love for her bf. Instead of telling him directly, she told him to look at the moon, which she claimed has already been gradually and secretly changing. 'The path we have taken is far too long, till the extent that we no longer have much things to talk to each other'.
This song reminds me of the impermanance in life, that there is no such thing as 'Forever Love', 'Eternal Flame' or 'Love You Forever'. After taking it, you either learn how to let go graciously later or end up suffering.
The same applies to the people in my company. Too many backstabbers that the recent one hit me hard right on my back. Thanks for the early cautions given by some kind colleagues, tat I am already well prepared for all these nonsense and din really end up getting hurt. Probably in the past, I would be very upset upon hearing ppl badmouth or maligning me. But right now, I am pleasantly surprised by my own graciousness in dealing with such a situation.
I can only laugh all these backstabbings off with some of my closer colleagues. It doesn matter tat not everyone likes you, as long as you have close frens by ur side. Moral of the story : Just like we need good spiritual friends in our cultivational path, we need a group of close and supportive colleagues. They are someone we can turn to in times of trouble, and also give us the motivational and spiritual uplifts at work.
To Edward: LTA has approved the fitting of rear glass side windows on vans. This has made driving safer (checking of blind spots will be possible) and in my view, makes a van appear more like a car (good for those not-so-rich yet want-to-drive ppl like me). Morever, the speed limit has been increased to 70km/hr (closer to the speed limit of 80km/h for many roads). FYI, nowadays, speed light cameras are installed in many major roads in Singapore + all Expressways.
The song is about a gal's waning love for her bf. Instead of telling him directly, she told him to look at the moon, which she claimed has already been gradually and secretly changing. 'The path we have taken is far too long, till the extent that we no longer have much things to talk to each other'.
This song reminds me of the impermanance in life, that there is no such thing as 'Forever Love', 'Eternal Flame' or 'Love You Forever'. After taking it, you either learn how to let go graciously later or end up suffering.
The same applies to the people in my company. Too many backstabbers that the recent one hit me hard right on my back. Thanks for the early cautions given by some kind colleagues, tat I am already well prepared for all these nonsense and din really end up getting hurt. Probably in the past, I would be very upset upon hearing ppl badmouth or maligning me. But right now, I am pleasantly surprised by my own graciousness in dealing with such a situation.
I can only laugh all these backstabbings off with some of my closer colleagues. It doesn matter tat not everyone likes you, as long as you have close frens by ur side. Moral of the story : Just like we need good spiritual friends in our cultivational path, we need a group of close and supportive colleagues. They are someone we can turn to in times of trouble, and also give us the motivational and spiritual uplifts at work.
To Edward: LTA has approved the fitting of rear glass side windows on vans. This has made driving safer (checking of blind spots will be possible) and in my view, makes a van appear more like a car (good for those not-so-rich yet want-to-drive ppl like me). Morever, the speed limit has been increased to 70km/hr (closer to the speed limit of 80km/h for many roads). FYI, nowadays, speed light cameras are installed in many major roads in Singapore + all Expressways.
Monday, March 07, 2005
A Big Gulp of Barium Sulphate
This afternoon, I was starting to get frustrated when she called me. Its definitely not a new feeling, but something which I have experienced before with some other ppl. Its like forcing me to take on the same route whenever I encounter such problems. But I told myself she is a very nice friend, I cannot get myself frustrated or harbour ill feeling for her.
This morning, I reported to NUH after fasting over the previous night. In the radiography department, I was told to dress up in the operation suite. It took me quite a while to figure out how to put the 2 pieces on. In the radiography room, I was told to gulp down ONE HUGE CUP of Barium Sulphate. Prior to that, the 3 medical officers had an arguement on the right amt of BaS04 to give me.
1) The first said: Its 400ml of BaSO4 + 40ml of H20
2) The second said: Its 40ml of BaSO4 + 400ml of H20
3) The second said: Its 400ml of BaSO4 + 340 of H20
Whatever the combi, I gulped down whatever they provide me. The BaSO4 is supposed to have illuminating effects and push down whatever particles I have in my stomach and intestines down to my bowels. Moreover, I was also instructed to swallow some crystals that taste like ENO. Its supposed to bloat my stomach up so tat the radiography could be taken better, and I was not allowed to burp so that the 'effectiveness' wun be lost.
Initially, I was told to stand and lean against a machine. After changing various poses, the machine began to move and tilt, as it gradually bring my body along until a sleeping position. After which, there were a series more of turning here and there. Walaos, I wonder if the old folks could take such treatments. From the screen, I could see my own stomach, intestines and other organs. But to my pleasant surprise, the medical officer was unable to detect my small bowels/intestines. A huge metal rod was used to press and rotate around my abdomen... painful siah.
I know I may look strong and healthy from the outside, but the fact is I am full of rubbish within. My colleagues shared and bought me a huge bottle of Centrum, supposed to provide supplements to my diet. They assure me that I will look much vibrant and feel more energetic after one week. I have to accept the gift out of my gratitude and respect for them.
Good news to all van owners. A series of new rules have made van driving much more worth while and affordable... shall share more in my next entry :)
This morning, I reported to NUH after fasting over the previous night. In the radiography department, I was told to dress up in the operation suite. It took me quite a while to figure out how to put the 2 pieces on. In the radiography room, I was told to gulp down ONE HUGE CUP of Barium Sulphate. Prior to that, the 3 medical officers had an arguement on the right amt of BaS04 to give me.
1) The first said: Its 400ml of BaSO4 + 40ml of H20
2) The second said: Its 40ml of BaSO4 + 400ml of H20
3) The second said: Its 400ml of BaSO4 + 340 of H20
Whatever the combi, I gulped down whatever they provide me. The BaSO4 is supposed to have illuminating effects and push down whatever particles I have in my stomach and intestines down to my bowels. Moreover, I was also instructed to swallow some crystals that taste like ENO. Its supposed to bloat my stomach up so tat the radiography could be taken better, and I was not allowed to burp so that the 'effectiveness' wun be lost.
Initially, I was told to stand and lean against a machine. After changing various poses, the machine began to move and tilt, as it gradually bring my body along until a sleeping position. After which, there were a series more of turning here and there. Walaos, I wonder if the old folks could take such treatments. From the screen, I could see my own stomach, intestines and other organs. But to my pleasant surprise, the medical officer was unable to detect my small bowels/intestines. A huge metal rod was used to press and rotate around my abdomen... painful siah.
I know I may look strong and healthy from the outside, but the fact is I am full of rubbish within. My colleagues shared and bought me a huge bottle of Centrum, supposed to provide supplements to my diet. They assure me that I will look much vibrant and feel more energetic after one week. I have to accept the gift out of my gratitude and respect for them.
Good news to all van owners. A series of new rules have made van driving much more worth while and affordable... shall share more in my next entry :)
Sunday, March 06, 2005
Not again, hopefully...
When I first started work, there is this lady, a graduate from NUS too, who took very good care of me. She would give me tips on surviving in the company, assist me in the SAP program and helped me settle on several complicated issues. On top of that, she would often buy me breakfast and after meal deserts.
1) Last X'mas, she bought me a wallet cos I kept complaining that my wallet was torn.
2) 3 days later, the eve of my eye lasik operation, she bought me a v cute soft toy hugging the words 'ping an'.
3) Early this yr, she bought me a pair of ear studs, cos she said they look nice on guys.
4) When I had my car accident 3 weeks ago, she bought me a kogepan soft toy cum car accessory, to beautify my 'injured' partner (and cos she knew i like kogepan).
5) Lastly, she bought me a silver chain + black stone (or crystal?), supposed to ward of evil spirits cos I told her i have been sighting beings again.
Last evening, she called me, requesting for some listening ears. Apparently, she has some problems with her ex-bf. I drove her to Changi Airport, supposed to eat ice cream, but ended up talking rubbish at Burger King. This evening, she called again, asking me to eat ice-cream, since we didnt manage to eat the day before. I was hesistant, as I feel its not right to go out so often with her, esp she is not my gf. And most imptly, i din want the 'same thing' to happen again to me. I kindly rejected her by saying i am tired.
However few hrs later, she called me again, and she told me was waiting at my void deck, asking me to come down. I din want my neighbours or my family to see, so i drove her to bedok reservoir, sat by the waters, to eat the ice-cream she bought. The ambience was supposed to be very romantic, peaceful, fresh air and nice breeze. But no, the feeling wasnt there. I tried my best to avoid discussing on the topic of 'love'. I may be escaping, or perhaps I was just being over sensitive. Whatever the case, I dun care, I just dun wish to get myself involved in love.
She is different from the previous gals I met. She is really a nice gal, and definitely not as irritating as some of them. Besides on the push factors from my religion, I know I can NEVER be a good bf. Love will make me a selfish person, a demanding one and an unreasonable one. I do not wish give myself more sufferings, jus as much as I do not wish to add on more sufferings to the life of others.
She just told me on MSN a few seconds ago as I was typing this blog: Next time, dun anyhow sing to gals who are moody, if not you will have to worry abt them falling in love with you. G D M......!
1) Last X'mas, she bought me a wallet cos I kept complaining that my wallet was torn.
2) 3 days later, the eve of my eye lasik operation, she bought me a v cute soft toy hugging the words 'ping an'.
3) Early this yr, she bought me a pair of ear studs, cos she said they look nice on guys.
4) When I had my car accident 3 weeks ago, she bought me a kogepan soft toy cum car accessory, to beautify my 'injured' partner (and cos she knew i like kogepan).
5) Lastly, she bought me a silver chain + black stone (or crystal?), supposed to ward of evil spirits cos I told her i have been sighting beings again.
Last evening, she called me, requesting for some listening ears. Apparently, she has some problems with her ex-bf. I drove her to Changi Airport, supposed to eat ice cream, but ended up talking rubbish at Burger King. This evening, she called again, asking me to eat ice-cream, since we didnt manage to eat the day before. I was hesistant, as I feel its not right to go out so often with her, esp she is not my gf. And most imptly, i din want the 'same thing' to happen again to me. I kindly rejected her by saying i am tired.
However few hrs later, she called me again, and she told me was waiting at my void deck, asking me to come down. I din want my neighbours or my family to see, so i drove her to bedok reservoir, sat by the waters, to eat the ice-cream she bought. The ambience was supposed to be very romantic, peaceful, fresh air and nice breeze. But no, the feeling wasnt there. I tried my best to avoid discussing on the topic of 'love'. I may be escaping, or perhaps I was just being over sensitive. Whatever the case, I dun care, I just dun wish to get myself involved in love.
She is different from the previous gals I met. She is really a nice gal, and definitely not as irritating as some of them. Besides on the push factors from my religion, I know I can NEVER be a good bf. Love will make me a selfish person, a demanding one and an unreasonable one. I do not wish give myself more sufferings, jus as much as I do not wish to add on more sufferings to the life of others.
She just told me on MSN a few seconds ago as I was typing this blog: Next time, dun anyhow sing to gals who are moody, if not you will have to worry abt them falling in love with you. G D M......!
Saturday, March 05, 2005
NDR
Was torn between choices whether to join my army frens for dinner cum movie at orchard, or to attend the Dharma session by Ven Kaizhao.
Attending the Dharma session would require much attention and I would probably be struggling to keep my concentration on the talk. Morever, the place is rather small & cramp and the air-conditioner is not strong enough for everybody. On the other hand, watching movie and makan do not require much energy, is definitely more relaxing, and is obviously a better choice :D
I din know what happened, but eventually I still made my way to NDR for Ven's dharma session. The stories adapted were good, in addition to the humorous style that Ven Kaizhao adopt, making the 2 hrs pretty fun and interesting. Whats even more encouraging was to see quite a handful of NTUBS and NUSBS juniors attending the Dharma session in the midst of their very busy and hectic study schedule. If they can make it there in the evening, I dun see why a working personnel like me cant, esp I have no studies or revision to do in the evening. Perhaps I really need to put in more effort.
Have a 2nd draft of the website for Nibbana Dhamma Rakkha. Pls feel free to comment, thanks.
Attending the Dharma session would require much attention and I would probably be struggling to keep my concentration on the talk. Morever, the place is rather small & cramp and the air-conditioner is not strong enough for everybody. On the other hand, watching movie and makan do not require much energy, is definitely more relaxing, and is obviously a better choice :D
I din know what happened, but eventually I still made my way to NDR for Ven's dharma session. The stories adapted were good, in addition to the humorous style that Ven Kaizhao adopt, making the 2 hrs pretty fun and interesting. Whats even more encouraging was to see quite a handful of NTUBS and NUSBS juniors attending the Dharma session in the midst of their very busy and hectic study schedule. If they can make it there in the evening, I dun see why a working personnel like me cant, esp I have no studies or revision to do in the evening. Perhaps I really need to put in more effort.
Have a 2nd draft of the website for Nibbana Dhamma Rakkha. Pls feel free to comment, thanks.
Thursday, March 03, 2005
Tackling the Modules
I read one of my jnr's blog about his disappointment after taking a quiz. I guess this is not uncommon to most students, esp having to study and mugg so hard for a quiz /exam, but ended screwing it up. I did ever discuss this issue with my friends: Is hard work equivalent to scoring good results?
I recall a very effective method adopted by TJC which helps us improve in our results (I duno if its still greatly emphasized during bean and littlecow's time). Esp from the chemistry department, we were continuously and strongly urged to review our own exam scripts seriously, to find out why we didnt manage to score well. It may not sound great or new to most ppl, but I dun think many ppl practise it eventually when coming to uni. At least I din for the first few yrs in NUS.
Probably in NUS we couldnt get back our own exam scripts, thats why we could only rely on our experiences in quizes. After some reflections, I realise that one of the main factor that stop me scoring well was laziness. It's not that I din study well or attempt the past yr papers, but I was often too lazy to solve them on my own, but heavily relied on answers, either given by lecturer or done by friends.
Due to this habit, I lost confidence in myself during examinations. I became so used to having the answers alongside with the qns, that I found great resistance to start off from scratch with my own answers during exams. In other words, I have lost the 'swiftness, speed and fluency' when attempting the questions during exams. Finally, I realised what Sukandar did in the past was very useful (he has one stack of dean list certs). He would always reserve some past yr exam papers and used them as his mock exams. He would also time himself, and tell us before hand not to disturb him during that 2 hrs. This method may be conventional, but it really gave me the added confidence during exam conditions, even if the exam questions do not appear similar to those you have attempted from the past yr papers.
Another factor which I found out on why i didnt do well for my exams, was becos there were many things in the modules that I didnt know I duno. Studying by myself, I was always trapped in my own loop, with very limited occasional break through. I may be able to go find out what i duno, but wat abt those concepts that i dun even know i duno? Studying with friends definitely help a lot. Over the yrs, I found out that a lot of my marks have been robbed or wasted due to this factor.
In reply to my earlier query on: Is hard work = good results? The answer on a strict note, is NO. Gone are the times that we could rely on diligently reading up of course materials and hardcore practising of past yr qns. Its all abt how much we can think, develop ideas and interpret from the limited course materials.
I recall a very effective method adopted by TJC which helps us improve in our results (I duno if its still greatly emphasized during bean and littlecow's time). Esp from the chemistry department, we were continuously and strongly urged to review our own exam scripts seriously, to find out why we didnt manage to score well. It may not sound great or new to most ppl, but I dun think many ppl practise it eventually when coming to uni. At least I din for the first few yrs in NUS.
Probably in NUS we couldnt get back our own exam scripts, thats why we could only rely on our experiences in quizes. After some reflections, I realise that one of the main factor that stop me scoring well was laziness. It's not that I din study well or attempt the past yr papers, but I was often too lazy to solve them on my own, but heavily relied on answers, either given by lecturer or done by friends.
Due to this habit, I lost confidence in myself during examinations. I became so used to having the answers alongside with the qns, that I found great resistance to start off from scratch with my own answers during exams. In other words, I have lost the 'swiftness, speed and fluency' when attempting the questions during exams. Finally, I realised what Sukandar did in the past was very useful (he has one stack of dean list certs). He would always reserve some past yr exam papers and used them as his mock exams. He would also time himself, and tell us before hand not to disturb him during that 2 hrs. This method may be conventional, but it really gave me the added confidence during exam conditions, even if the exam questions do not appear similar to those you have attempted from the past yr papers.
Another factor which I found out on why i didnt do well for my exams, was becos there were many things in the modules that I didnt know I duno. Studying by myself, I was always trapped in my own loop, with very limited occasional break through. I may be able to go find out what i duno, but wat abt those concepts that i dun even know i duno? Studying with friends definitely help a lot. Over the yrs, I found out that a lot of my marks have been robbed or wasted due to this factor.
In reply to my earlier query on: Is hard work = good results? The answer on a strict note, is NO. Gone are the times that we could rely on diligently reading up of course materials and hardcore practising of past yr qns. Its all abt how much we can think, develop ideas and interpret from the limited course materials.
Monday, February 28, 2005
Getting a little too fast...
A friend thought I have become 'better', judging from my previous entrywhich was a pretty much cheerful one. However, thats not true as I do not feel any 'better'. In fact, it has been quite the same - neither happy nor sad.
Just got back my Partner few hours ago. The repair package includes polishing and waxing of exterior + vacuuming of the interior. The van does not only look brand new, it feels brand new too. Everything looks sparkling new, including the front lamp, bonnet cover, bumper and sport rims + rim covers. However, i just feel that it looks different from the past already, although I cant precisely tell which part(s). I guess this applies similarly to many things - once there s a change, it will nv be the same again.
And there I say goodbye to the Nissan, which have faithfully accompanied me for the past one week. Though not a very comfortable car, its definitely more 'me', in the sense tat is suits my age better and is more agile. High fuel consumption aside, it does not give me any technical problem, phew.
Today and last week, I interviewed quite a number of workers who are interested in looking for a job at my work place. Unfortunately, I could not hire any of them. This is because I just received a notice from the management that the company is going to reduce the manpower.
About a yr ago, the company was facing its toughest period, not because of the economy down turn but due to a change in the LTA rule (i guess i cant reveal too much info here). The rule has affected us in the way that my ppl had to work very much harder. Finally, after slogging for about 1 yr, the brigher days are back again after everyone's efforts to struggle past that horrendous 1 yr. And just as everyone thought that its time to slow down and relax a little, the company announces a cut in manpower, reason stating that the work load is now lighter :(
I think the society is sometimes really too unfit for survival, especially with the very fast moving and changing paces. I foresee that there will be no more career stability and long lasting marriages in the future.
Just got back my Partner few hours ago. The repair package includes polishing and waxing of exterior + vacuuming of the interior. The van does not only look brand new, it feels brand new too. Everything looks sparkling new, including the front lamp, bonnet cover, bumper and sport rims + rim covers. However, i just feel that it looks different from the past already, although I cant precisely tell which part(s). I guess this applies similarly to many things - once there s a change, it will nv be the same again.
And there I say goodbye to the Nissan, which have faithfully accompanied me for the past one week. Though not a very comfortable car, its definitely more 'me', in the sense tat is suits my age better and is more agile. High fuel consumption aside, it does not give me any technical problem, phew.
Today and last week, I interviewed quite a number of workers who are interested in looking for a job at my work place. Unfortunately, I could not hire any of them. This is because I just received a notice from the management that the company is going to reduce the manpower.
About a yr ago, the company was facing its toughest period, not because of the economy down turn but due to a change in the LTA rule (i guess i cant reveal too much info here). The rule has affected us in the way that my ppl had to work very much harder. Finally, after slogging for about 1 yr, the brigher days are back again after everyone's efforts to struggle past that horrendous 1 yr. And just as everyone thought that its time to slow down and relax a little, the company announces a cut in manpower, reason stating that the work load is now lighter :(
I think the society is sometimes really too unfit for survival, especially with the very fast moving and changing paces. I foresee that there will be no more career stability and long lasting marriages in the future.
Omipresent??
'You are Omipresent!' exclaimed Kalden, when I told him that I met his sister at a birthday party cum house warming today. Actually tats not true and neither was meeting his sister coincidental. The owner of the place is none other than dickson, a common buddhist friend to many.
Whats more interesting at the function was i managed to meet up with Margaret (or Margaret jie jie, which s the way we used to call her). Have not seen her since she left for Australia few yrs ago. Finally her husband and her are back, after 3 months at Australia and 1 yr at Myammar.
From my conversation with her today, I realised that I have indirectly helped a friend to a great extent. About 2-2.5 yrs ago, I have this hostel mate who was very pesimistic in life. He is not only stubborn and egoistic, but his life was practically screwed up with countless of unwholesome thoughts. He was also suffering from some pyschological illness and came from a broken family. As I was very free during that semester (having my IA), I tried my best to share the Dharma with him. Eventually, I managed to convince him to follow me to a dana session for Sayalay at Margaret's house.
Initially, my friend was reluctant to prostrate to sayalay, but had a private counselling session with her. After abt an hr of conversation, i could sense a great change in him. Upon departure, he even prostrated to sayalay! My friend became very cheerful for at least the next couple of months, but SARs soon came and I was forced to shift out from hostel. Since then, we were no longer in very close contact, but he did told me he is getting better.
Today, Margaret told me that after we left her house 2 yrs ago, Sayalay told her that she was extremely happy that day. Although she has had many students and have helped all of them in dif ways, she felt that she has helped my friend to an exceptionally great extent - to the extent of 'saving' his life. In other words, she has saved a life that day. It was indeed amazing to hear this from Margaret today. As such, I would like to beseech everyone to eagerly encourage your friends to meet up with venerables, attend Dharma talks or share good dharma books around. You'll nv know how much u can change their life to the better.
Spent a few hrs to rush out a website for Ven Kaizhao's new Dharma centre. KeePang wanted it real fast. If u spot any error or bad links, do let me know, thanks.
To end this entry, I would like to thank my smallbro zea in giving me a chance to offer my service to Bhante Dhammasubho. We even brought him to visit SriLankaramaya Temple today. May the merits accumulated, be shared with all sentient beings around me who are in constant suffering, to the Dharma protectors that protect me from harm, and also to my parents and friends.
Whats more interesting at the function was i managed to meet up with Margaret (or Margaret jie jie, which s the way we used to call her). Have not seen her since she left for Australia few yrs ago. Finally her husband and her are back, after 3 months at Australia and 1 yr at Myammar.
From my conversation with her today, I realised that I have indirectly helped a friend to a great extent. About 2-2.5 yrs ago, I have this hostel mate who was very pesimistic in life. He is not only stubborn and egoistic, but his life was practically screwed up with countless of unwholesome thoughts. He was also suffering from some pyschological illness and came from a broken family. As I was very free during that semester (having my IA), I tried my best to share the Dharma with him. Eventually, I managed to convince him to follow me to a dana session for Sayalay at Margaret's house.
Initially, my friend was reluctant to prostrate to sayalay, but had a private counselling session with her. After abt an hr of conversation, i could sense a great change in him. Upon departure, he even prostrated to sayalay! My friend became very cheerful for at least the next couple of months, but SARs soon came and I was forced to shift out from hostel. Since then, we were no longer in very close contact, but he did told me he is getting better.
Today, Margaret told me that after we left her house 2 yrs ago, Sayalay told her that she was extremely happy that day. Although she has had many students and have helped all of them in dif ways, she felt that she has helped my friend to an exceptionally great extent - to the extent of 'saving' his life. In other words, she has saved a life that day. It was indeed amazing to hear this from Margaret today. As such, I would like to beseech everyone to eagerly encourage your friends to meet up with venerables, attend Dharma talks or share good dharma books around. You'll nv know how much u can change their life to the better.
Spent a few hrs to rush out a website for Ven Kaizhao's new Dharma centre. KeePang wanted it real fast. If u spot any error or bad links, do let me know, thanks.
To end this entry, I would like to thank my smallbro zea in giving me a chance to offer my service to Bhante Dhammasubho. We even brought him to visit SriLankaramaya Temple today. May the merits accumulated, be shared with all sentient beings around me who are in constant suffering, to the Dharma protectors that protect me from harm, and also to my parents and friends.
Saturday, February 26, 2005
Although I have had some experiences of sighting certain 'sentient beings', I must still declare that I do not possess the '3rd eye' and do not have the ability to sight them always.
However, probably I am really down on my luck lately, I thought I had 3 encounters with 'them' today. I was taking the lift up to a certain floor of this building, which was empty with no one around at that time. Upon the opening of the lift door, i heard some noise and when i looked up, I thought I saw a shadow darting quickly into a room which door was diagonally facing me. Initially I thought somebody was around but after some waiting, nobody came out - nobody was around, and I felt nothing abt it then.
The 2nd encounter happened when I was sitting facing another door. The door has those typical long glass panel that allowed ppl from outside to peep in and vice versa. I didn know what made me look up at the glass panel suddenly, and once again, I saw a shadow quickly darting away from my sight. I began to feel something amiss. The 3rd encounter when I went home few hrs ago. I was taking the lift up and when the lift door opened, I saw another shadow quickly darting away from my sight and disappeared behind a wall.... gosh.. my hairs are standing on end now while i am typing this down. It may be just my imagination, or it may be real. Either case, I just need to be very mindful, especially when it comes to driving.
Today, i nearly met with 2 accidents. The first one happened at my neighbourhood carpark. I was driving along this long stretch of carpark and from far, i already noticed this guy walking by the side, in the same direction of my car which means he was back facing me. Upon reaching him, he suddenly wanted to cut across the road, and I guessed the front left portion of my car did touch him. Fortunately he reacted in time after i sounded my horn, if not, my tyre would probably have run over his foot. Next, I was filtering off from the expressway onto a main road. I was too engrossed in checking out the oncoming vehicle that i failed to realise that the taxi in front of me has suddenly halt. I nearly buang into it..... sighz.
On the brighter side, this evening I was at a coffeeshop, listening to the sharings of some dharma friends. There is this guy, who has been buddhism for the past 20 yrs, but recently got 'hitched' to this tradition which he claimed he has 100% faith in. He is very happy that he has found the 'right school' to cultivate. On the other hand, there is another dharma friend who has been in this same school for many years. Instead of ready to plant her roots in this tradition, she found out recently that she is still not convinced in herself that she shld follow this sch all the way. Thats why she decided to move on with her lay life, continue to practise hard in this tradition, while opening up to other schools of teaching still.
I feel very joyous after listening to their sharings. Sadhu to both of them!
However, probably I am really down on my luck lately, I thought I had 3 encounters with 'them' today. I was taking the lift up to a certain floor of this building, which was empty with no one around at that time. Upon the opening of the lift door, i heard some noise and when i looked up, I thought I saw a shadow darting quickly into a room which door was diagonally facing me. Initially I thought somebody was around but after some waiting, nobody came out - nobody was around, and I felt nothing abt it then.
The 2nd encounter happened when I was sitting facing another door. The door has those typical long glass panel that allowed ppl from outside to peep in and vice versa. I didn know what made me look up at the glass panel suddenly, and once again, I saw a shadow quickly darting away from my sight. I began to feel something amiss. The 3rd encounter when I went home few hrs ago. I was taking the lift up and when the lift door opened, I saw another shadow quickly darting away from my sight and disappeared behind a wall.... gosh.. my hairs are standing on end now while i am typing this down. It may be just my imagination, or it may be real. Either case, I just need to be very mindful, especially when it comes to driving.
Today, i nearly met with 2 accidents. The first one happened at my neighbourhood carpark. I was driving along this long stretch of carpark and from far, i already noticed this guy walking by the side, in the same direction of my car which means he was back facing me. Upon reaching him, he suddenly wanted to cut across the road, and I guessed the front left portion of my car did touch him. Fortunately he reacted in time after i sounded my horn, if not, my tyre would probably have run over his foot. Next, I was filtering off from the expressway onto a main road. I was too engrossed in checking out the oncoming vehicle that i failed to realise that the taxi in front of me has suddenly halt. I nearly buang into it..... sighz.
On the brighter side, this evening I was at a coffeeshop, listening to the sharings of some dharma friends. There is this guy, who has been buddhism for the past 20 yrs, but recently got 'hitched' to this tradition which he claimed he has 100% faith in. He is very happy that he has found the 'right school' to cultivate. On the other hand, there is another dharma friend who has been in this same school for many years. Instead of ready to plant her roots in this tradition, she found out recently that she is still not convinced in herself that she shld follow this sch all the way. Thats why she decided to move on with her lay life, continue to practise hard in this tradition, while opening up to other schools of teaching still.
I feel very joyous after listening to their sharings. Sadhu to both of them!
Friday, February 25, 2005
I love babies
There are very few things I like a lot in life. I guess 2 of my favourite things are none other than BABIES and CARS. Quite a weird combination eh? I guess most typical guys would be very interested in cars and planes, but not many fancy babies. On the other hand, I am not interested in sports like bball and soccer which most guys do, but prefer individual sports like swimming and bowling.
I guess my previous has sent a little confusion over. Thanks to all my frens' concerns and offering of help, but dun get me wrong, the prev entry is definitely not written out of emotions. Neither was it a hoax or an effort to AA. Its really what I feel from the bottom of my heart. Sometimes I ponder, why must we be 'created' in this world to withstand so much sufferings, and in the end, we have to work so hard to get ourselves out from the sufferings? Any logic behind it? Whats the rational of having to go through all these?
The above is not taught in buddhism, not because buddhism isnt complete, but its not necc to know. The Dharma is to teach us on how we can break away from the viscous samsara cycle. But that doesn answer to my doubts above. Perhaps, there isnt a need to know.
This evening, a boyfren told me his galfren is bringing her fren to a dharma talk, but ended up the fren told me its her who brought his galfren to the talk instead of his galfren bringing her to the talk. Hahahaha...whatever, I am just glad that there s a strong spiritual support for one another, in encouraging everyone to practise the Dharma diligently. Its even happier to meet some familiar faces, faces that used to form part of BS, faces that I have met at various Dharma activities etc.
Got a pleasant surprise that Jian Fa shifu suddenly called out my name, and offered me a seat which is directly next to him, a small space of approximate 50 x 50 cm sq area, very humid and hot corner, but a good spot to keep my attention span lengthen, esp after a day of hard work since 7 plus am. I would like to encourage everyone to attend the subsq sessions, which comprises short stories of the buddha, followed by explanations + elaborations + sharings from the 3 shifus.
Thursday, February 24, 2005
Away from the Norm
Sometimes, I thought of ending my life, if not of the fact that we are bound by karma. I know I sound very pessimistic, but life is indeed full of sufferings. Sometimes, we engage ourselves in things that we do not know will bring us sufferings. At times, we may even get ourselves involved in things that we know will bring us sufferings, but we still insist in doing them.
I think I am getting paranoid of life, which isnt very healthy. The more I fear abt incurring sufferings, the more sufferings I am getting. Was sharing with bean that happiness is not what i want, because the other side of the coin is suffering. I just want peace and a calmness in mind.
Bhante told me in my van last week tat struck me pretty hard. He said some practices taught by certain buddhist sch/tradition are actually not following the middle path, but closer to the path of self-mortification. He urged me to actively help support the Sangha, cos the Sangha cant survive without the lay people.
Some ppl laughed at me, saying I am silly or ridiculous to drive all the way to NTU or NUS just to wash my car. Some thought I just want to save water, or I am too free. Well, my explaination is: Washing the car in a peaceful and quiet environment, standing under the big shady trees in the hot afternoon sun, with occasional breeze brushing through my singlet, provides therapeutic effects for me. We are often too caught up with practicality, always wanting to involve in activities that readily bring us visible rewards or immediate effects.
I think I am getting further and further away from the norm. I yearn for a breakthrough in life, not following the societal norm.
I think I am getting paranoid of life, which isnt very healthy. The more I fear abt incurring sufferings, the more sufferings I am getting. Was sharing with bean that happiness is not what i want, because the other side of the coin is suffering. I just want peace and a calmness in mind.
Bhante told me in my van last week tat struck me pretty hard. He said some practices taught by certain buddhist sch/tradition are actually not following the middle path, but closer to the path of self-mortification. He urged me to actively help support the Sangha, cos the Sangha cant survive without the lay people.
Some ppl laughed at me, saying I am silly or ridiculous to drive all the way to NTU or NUS just to wash my car. Some thought I just want to save water, or I am too free. Well, my explaination is: Washing the car in a peaceful and quiet environment, standing under the big shady trees in the hot afternoon sun, with occasional breeze brushing through my singlet, provides therapeutic effects for me. We are often too caught up with practicality, always wanting to involve in activities that readily bring us visible rewards or immediate effects.
I think I am getting further and further away from the norm. I yearn for a breakthrough in life, not following the societal norm.
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
Injured Partner (again) + Nissan
Nale asked me me few days ago if I have stopped blogging completely. The answer is NO, although there r times that i really feel like giving up writing for good, esp after my hospitalisation. And yet when the feeling to write is back, I will begin to blog again. So I see no point in declaring to others that i wanna stop writing or doing this and that. Really no point, it only gives shame when u dun keep your words.
Thanks to Khian Nam for sending pics from the accident scene to me (Notice teddy wasnt around at all?). To protect the other party, I have censored her car number plate. In exchange of my damaged Partner, I am given a Nissan Sunny as shown below.
This Nissan is an agile car, with relatively good power (for its small capacity) and very small turning radius (which is excellent). However, the suspension sux big time and the petrol consumption is horrendous. Overall - quite a lousy car. Btw, the Nissan pics were taken this afternoon, and for those who have been to 'that' place shld be able to tell from the 2nd pic background where I have been today.
Ended my day at the Om Mani Padme Hung recitation session at PKS. Thanks Nale for encouraging me to attend, at least quite a meaningful evening to end the CNY.
Thanks to Khian Nam for sending pics from the accident scene to me (Notice teddy wasnt around at all?). To protect the other party, I have censored her car number plate. In exchange of my damaged Partner, I am given a Nissan Sunny as shown below.
This Nissan is an agile car, with relatively good power (for its small capacity) and very small turning radius (which is excellent). However, the suspension sux big time and the petrol consumption is horrendous. Overall - quite a lousy car. Btw, the Nissan pics were taken this afternoon, and for those who have been to 'that' place shld be able to tell from the 2nd pic background where I have been today.
Ended my day at the Om Mani Padme Hung recitation session at PKS. Thanks Nale for encouraging me to attend, at least quite a meaningful evening to end the CNY.
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
Losing Mindfulness...
Recently, my mind is so screwed up that I made many mistakes, especially after the car accident.
Firstly, it was the installation CD that my colleague has requested from me. The night before, I have already placed the CD into my working bag and brought it to work the next day. However, when she asked me whether I brought the CD for her, i actually said NO. The fact is that I knew I brought it but I din know why I end up telling her I have forgotten to bring.... sigh.
And today, I was driving along PIE and wanted to exit at Toa Payoh. I cautiously followed the road sign and took the right route. However, similarly, I thought I have taken the wrong route and kicked a fuss over it, only to discover, hey, I was on the right way :s
My boss called me today when i was in SL meditating. He called to tell me about my salary increment of $150++. Frankly speaking, I wasnt too excited over this amount. Had a CNY gathering with some engin frens, only to realise many of my course mates (many as in close to 100 of them) were enjoying take-home pay of average 4-6K per month. Anyway, its still a good news that the management did not totally reject my manager's request to give me a pay rise, except that they lower the increment. And once again, its in SL that i received 'good' news from my company. Abt a yr ago, I was at SL meditating when the company called me up for the job interview.
The meditation sitting at Srilankaramaya Temple was really great, although i was abrupted by a phone call from my boss shortly later. I think SL is magical, and probably with the contribution from my BS companions who were meditating side by side with me, that my concentration was pretty strong today.
And lastly, thanks to my dear NTUBS friends for helping me out at the accident scene that evening. Special thanks to sumantri, kean yap, kin song, aik hong, khian nam, riki, woei kang, jipau and some others (were agus and kai rene there?) for being around. Thanks for helping me take photos and offer drinks to both me and the other party. Your actions & presence have definitely helped to ease down the tense atmosphere... paiseh for disrupting your BS day. Once again, thanks!
Firstly, it was the installation CD that my colleague has requested from me. The night before, I have already placed the CD into my working bag and brought it to work the next day. However, when she asked me whether I brought the CD for her, i actually said NO. The fact is that I knew I brought it but I din know why I end up telling her I have forgotten to bring.... sigh.
And today, I was driving along PIE and wanted to exit at Toa Payoh. I cautiously followed the road sign and took the right route. However, similarly, I thought I have taken the wrong route and kicked a fuss over it, only to discover, hey, I was on the right way :s
My boss called me today when i was in SL meditating. He called to tell me about my salary increment of $150++. Frankly speaking, I wasnt too excited over this amount. Had a CNY gathering with some engin frens, only to realise many of my course mates (many as in close to 100 of them) were enjoying take-home pay of average 4-6K per month. Anyway, its still a good news that the management did not totally reject my manager's request to give me a pay rise, except that they lower the increment. And once again, its in SL that i received 'good' news from my company. Abt a yr ago, I was at SL meditating when the company called me up for the job interview.
The meditation sitting at Srilankaramaya Temple was really great, although i was abrupted by a phone call from my boss shortly later. I think SL is magical, and probably with the contribution from my BS companions who were meditating side by side with me, that my concentration was pretty strong today.
And lastly, thanks to my dear NTUBS friends for helping me out at the accident scene that evening. Special thanks to sumantri, kean yap, kin song, aik hong, khian nam, riki, woei kang, jipau and some others (were agus and kai rene there?) for being around. Thanks for helping me take photos and offer drinks to both me and the other party. Your actions & presence have definitely helped to ease down the tense atmosphere... paiseh for disrupting your BS day. Once again, thanks!
Monday, February 21, 2005
Running out of luck...
The above picture was taken during our mass CNY visit today. Finally, we have managed to complete covering everyone's house (9 of us) in 2 yrs of CNY visits. I took a comparison between the pics we took last yr and today. I could see a great difference in our outlooks. Me especially, look much more run down and haggard according to my friends. The shine and vibrance are absent.
On the positive note, today's final stop at sihui's place must be the most fun gathering we ever had in recent years. They were plenty of laughters and jokes, in addition to the happy atmosphere given by her family members.
This morning, I visited the Prisons Sch with Ven Chun Hui and Ven Chun Yi. Similarly, the very first thing that Vincent said to me was that I looked very tired and burnt out. A continuous string of predicaments have fallen upon me... first its hospitalisation, followed by a jialat car accident, i wonder whats next.
Well, the prison immates were very impressive. They could chant many sutras and mantra very well. In fact, I felt quite embarassed that we were supposed to help propagate the Dharma to them, but ended up they seemed much more proficient than I do. Anyway, the visit was a real eye opener, and am sincerely very joyful to see that the Dharma has really touched the lives of so many immates.
I may be running out of luck this year, but the Prisons visit plus the wonderful home visits to my friends' places today have at least made up ONE joyful CNY day for me.
The gal who rammed into my car told me she was feeling 'damm guilty and bad'. I guess its just a normal reaction that a buddhist will remind himself to show compassion and forgiveness. I tried my best to console her, although the loss i have incurred is definitely much more than the physical injury, cost of the repair, plus the depreciating value of my car + possible unseen damages and faults caused to my car due to the accident. I m really quite puzzled myself too - its really her fault that created so much trouble to me, yet I couldnt help but feel sorry for the plight she is in now.
May she be well and happy.
Saturday, February 19, 2005
My Poor Partner
It was yesterday that my family happily welcomed a new vehicle entry - A Toyota Liteace which i named 'Dog-Head'. And today, I got into a rather serious car accident with my Partner at NTU :(
My poor partner is gone. Part of the engine has been shifted, and I believed the great impact of the hit is likely to cause some internal damage to the engine. The exterior, needless to say, was very jialat. The windscreen tanked was crushed with the blue liquid spilled and flowing all over the road, just like a person crushed in an accident with his intestines and blood spilling all over. The bonnet cover was dented, the side fin was also crushed. 2 rims were dented and the bumper is definitely beyond recovery.
Phyiscal injury? Yes..... the hit has definitely caused a significant impact on my chest and diaphragm area, painful siah. And duno how the careless student lady driver of Acct yr3 could actually drive into my lane and hit my partner head to head. She told me she was blur already.
And no thanks to one of the BS snrs.. who insisted in asking me hows the accident when i was more interested to find out how come she knew abt my accident. Instead of aceding to my request, she insisted that its not important to know who told her but discussing abt the accident is more impt. Couldnt stand her analogy of stating buddha's words, that its not impt who shot the arrow but how to treat the wound. It definitely doesn apply in this context. Instead of making me feel better, she is provoking me further.. damm her!
And i duno why i am always so suay, always kena hit by ppl (4th time), with all the prev 3 cases my vehicle at stationary, and this present one ppl came driving into my lane crushing me head to head. If you cant imagine the accident, then think of playing the bump bump car, whereby someone driving headlong towards you - the feeling is exactly the same, except that you have glasses shattering and pieces flying all over....
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
Sunday, February 06, 2005
Abhidharma, and fears
The Abhidharma course has finally ended, with a series of 5 lectures packed over the weekends. I am sincerely thankful to the organisers and Sayalay Susila who have made this crash course possible. I also rejoice for all my fellow participants for this course.
In the 3 baskets of Tripitaka, Abhidharma is regarded as the higher Dharma, recited by Arahat Mahakassapa during the 1st sermon. Every now and then, I have heard bits and pieces of the Abhidharma from various Dharma talks by different teachers. This course has magnificently bring these pieces together and fit them into a larger and clearer picture.
The unfortunate part is that Sayalay was only able to cover the consciousness part of the Abhidharma. However, she has planned to complete the remaining of the Abhidharma after returning from her USA and Cananda trips, covering on Matter and Mental Factors. One excellent news is that she will be publishing her book on Abhidharma very soon, probably in 2 months' time. Sadhu x 3!
Contrary to last evening (again), today's sessions were much more comprehensive and interesting to me. It may be just knowledge and theories, but having the fortune to possess these knowledge this life will greatly help to support our future lives. Moreover, the learnings from the Abidharma has greatly increased my faith for the Triple Gems.
There was a sharing session between Darren, Vincent and me over the dinner. All of us could feel the fear factor after listening to the Abhidharma. As what Vincent said: Not much time to waste already. Darren exclaimed: Dun u think we can recall more of our unwholesome acts than the wholesome ones?
In the 3 baskets of Tripitaka, Abhidharma is regarded as the higher Dharma, recited by Arahat Mahakassapa during the 1st sermon. Every now and then, I have heard bits and pieces of the Abhidharma from various Dharma talks by different teachers. This course has magnificently bring these pieces together and fit them into a larger and clearer picture.
The unfortunate part is that Sayalay was only able to cover the consciousness part of the Abhidharma. However, she has planned to complete the remaining of the Abhidharma after returning from her USA and Cananda trips, covering on Matter and Mental Factors. One excellent news is that she will be publishing her book on Abhidharma very soon, probably in 2 months' time. Sadhu x 3!
Contrary to last evening (again), today's sessions were much more comprehensive and interesting to me. It may be just knowledge and theories, but having the fortune to possess these knowledge this life will greatly help to support our future lives. Moreover, the learnings from the Abidharma has greatly increased my faith for the Triple Gems.
There was a sharing session between Darren, Vincent and me over the dinner. All of us could feel the fear factor after listening to the Abhidharma. As what Vincent said: Not much time to waste already. Darren exclaimed: Dun u think we can recall more of our unwholesome acts than the wholesome ones?
Saturday, February 05, 2005
Love Sux Lah...
Contrary to last evening, the lectures today were not as enjoyable. Probably the topics have sunken too much into hardcore theories, and becoming a scholarly buddhist is not something which I wish to be. Reminds me of one of the pitfalls in ppl practising theravada buddhism - the greed of accumulating merits without rejoice.
Nevertheless, I still feel the extreme importance of gaining knowledge, be it through lessons, dharma talks or readings. And all of us we need to balance it with practice. A BS fren once joked about the ppl in CMC. He gave an analogy of a flock of birds, who will all packed and crowd together around the teacher when she is around. But once the teacher is gone/away, this flock of birds will scatter.
Last evening was a dramatic night. 2 friends (Jin & Zhi) called me abt 10 min apart to complain about their love problems. As both of them know each other too, I decided to ask them out although it was already midnight. In the end, we met at Jin's house who has a very lovely garden roof, for beer drinking.
Both Jin and Zhi were my army friends, and quite amazingly, all 3 of us joined NUSBS separately without knowing the other 2 have joined too. When we were in yr2, Zhi got attached to another common friend (Min). I was kinda suprised by their union cos just barely 2months ago, Min has expressed her love for me, but things did not work out. And 2 months later, they were attached. Nevertheless, I was glad they were together as I no longer need to face Min with embarrassment.
Throughout the next 3-4 yrs, there have been a couple of friends who commented on the incompaitability of Min and Zhi. However, the secret tat Min was once in love with me has never been leaked out from my mouth. Furthermore, we often have outings and gatherings, and the 2 of them seemed to be a very loving and sweet couple.
Last evening, Zhi told me that he has broken up with Min. Min is currently seeing a new guy, and told Zhi she has never really loved him for the past 3-4 yrs. You can imagine how painful Zhi must have felt, after putting in so much efforts and time in nuturing this relationship. And Zhi gave me a 2nd shock when he told me that he has already learnt abt the 'secret' from Min, and kinda blamed me for not telling him earlier. If he were to know that Min was still interested in me juz a couple of months before they were hitched, he wud not have accepted her then. Still, I felt a sense of relief, as I no longer need to keep this terrible secret of betraying my buddy, and not letting him know the truth that his gal was once in love with me.
I guess my story has kinda placed Min into a very bad picture, but the truth is NO. I still find her a very nice lady, but probably too driven by ego to cover her weakness and face, tat she resorted in finding a new guy to replace the earlier one, one after another.
The broken heart is extremely hard to heal. Love can bring you high up into the heavens, but can also send you crushing down to the ground dead. So how? Learn the Abhidharma... haha.
Nevertheless, I still feel the extreme importance of gaining knowledge, be it through lessons, dharma talks or readings. And all of us we need to balance it with practice. A BS fren once joked about the ppl in CMC. He gave an analogy of a flock of birds, who will all packed and crowd together around the teacher when she is around. But once the teacher is gone/away, this flock of birds will scatter.
Last evening was a dramatic night. 2 friends (Jin & Zhi) called me abt 10 min apart to complain about their love problems. As both of them know each other too, I decided to ask them out although it was already midnight. In the end, we met at Jin's house who has a very lovely garden roof, for beer drinking.
Both Jin and Zhi were my army friends, and quite amazingly, all 3 of us joined NUSBS separately without knowing the other 2 have joined too. When we were in yr2, Zhi got attached to another common friend (Min). I was kinda suprised by their union cos just barely 2months ago, Min has expressed her love for me, but things did not work out. And 2 months later, they were attached. Nevertheless, I was glad they were together as I no longer need to face Min with embarrassment.
Throughout the next 3-4 yrs, there have been a couple of friends who commented on the incompaitability of Min and Zhi. However, the secret tat Min was once in love with me has never been leaked out from my mouth. Furthermore, we often have outings and gatherings, and the 2 of them seemed to be a very loving and sweet couple.
Last evening, Zhi told me that he has broken up with Min. Min is currently seeing a new guy, and told Zhi she has never really loved him for the past 3-4 yrs. You can imagine how painful Zhi must have felt, after putting in so much efforts and time in nuturing this relationship. And Zhi gave me a 2nd shock when he told me that he has already learnt abt the 'secret' from Min, and kinda blamed me for not telling him earlier. If he were to know that Min was still interested in me juz a couple of months before they were hitched, he wud not have accepted her then. Still, I felt a sense of relief, as I no longer need to keep this terrible secret of betraying my buddy, and not letting him know the truth that his gal was once in love with me.
I guess my story has kinda placed Min into a very bad picture, but the truth is NO. I still find her a very nice lady, but probably too driven by ego to cover her weakness and face, tat she resorted in finding a new guy to replace the earlier one, one after another.
The broken heart is extremely hard to heal. Love can bring you high up into the heavens, but can also send you crushing down to the ground dead. So how? Learn the Abhidharma... haha.
Friday, February 04, 2005
Wonderful Learnings
Finally, I get to see Sayalay Susila for the first time, after hearing much about her in the past. Not much difference from what I imagine her to be, as I ve already heard she is a very out-spoken, eloquent and dynamic teacher, who is an expert in teaching the Abhidharma.
~~~ Sayalay Susila, not to be mixed up with Indonesian President Susilo, the one that ae2004 looks like (or so claimed by his friends) ~~~ Although she speaks the typical malaysian english, she seems to have no difficulties searching for the right vocab words to express her ideas. Reminds me of Ven Robina, definitely a very wonderful speaker/teacher.
I am very pleased that I got to learn a lot from today's lecture. Most importantly, its something which I am always very interested in. Many a times, I have tried to source the web for more info on the 5 Skandhas , but couldnt effectively grasp a comprehensive picture of even after spending hrs in front of my PC.
In fact, what Sayalay Susila taught today has often been emphasized by Sayalay Dipankara in her various Dharma talks and private sharing sessions. However for today, with the aid of lectures handouts + powerpoint slides, I find learning has become much more effective and easier.
4 more lectures to go, and I see the need to be early the next few sessions so as to ensure a good seating. Oh sincerely thank NTUBS Kendi for helping me get an almost perfect seat jus now.
~~~ Sayalay Susila, not to be mixed up with Indonesian President Susilo, the one that ae2004 looks like (or so claimed by his friends) ~~~ Although she speaks the typical malaysian english, she seems to have no difficulties searching for the right vocab words to express her ideas. Reminds me of Ven Robina, definitely a very wonderful speaker/teacher.
I am very pleased that I got to learn a lot from today's lecture. Most importantly, its something which I am always very interested in. Many a times, I have tried to source the web for more info on the 5 Skandhas , but couldnt effectively grasp a comprehensive picture of even after spending hrs in front of my PC.
In fact, what Sayalay Susila taught today has often been emphasized by Sayalay Dipankara in her various Dharma talks and private sharing sessions. However for today, with the aid of lectures handouts + powerpoint slides, I find learning has become much more effective and easier.
4 more lectures to go, and I see the need to be early the next few sessions so as to ensure a good seating. Oh sincerely thank NTUBS Kendi for helping me get an almost perfect seat jus now.
Wednesday, February 02, 2005
8 Temples
We have then just stepped down from the 23rd MC and were visiting all the patrons to thank them for their support. It was during the discussion at Ms Angie's house when I realised what many of us seriously lacked in. No doubt most of us have spent quite a bit of effort in helping to propagate the Dharma to the campus community, but I guess very few have actually tried to bring their parents to the Dharma.
*** They are not interested *** They refused to listen to me *** It is impossible lor *** They are too superstitious *** We have given ourselves aplenty of reasons or excuses.
Today, I decided to sacrifice a day's leave to conduct a mini temple tour for my mum. She was very chirpy all the way until we met a shifu, whom I thought we could share our family problems with. Unfortunately, she was rather strict and harsh in her approach. Shifu meant well but my mum may not be ready for it. Nvtheless, she told me she felt good abt the tour.
1) Golden Pagoda Temple
2) Sakya Tenphel Ling
3) Wan Fo Lin
4) Palelai Buddhist Temple
5) Fo Guang Yuan
6) Shuang Lin Monastery
7) Phor Kark See Monastery
8) Poh Ern Sih
It seems that ONE FULL DAY is insufficient to cover that many temples... but I tried my best already.
*** They are not interested *** They refused to listen to me *** It is impossible lor *** They are too superstitious *** We have given ourselves aplenty of reasons or excuses.
Today, I decided to sacrifice a day's leave to conduct a mini temple tour for my mum. She was very chirpy all the way until we met a shifu, whom I thought we could share our family problems with. Unfortunately, she was rather strict and harsh in her approach. Shifu meant well but my mum may not be ready for it. Nvtheless, she told me she felt good abt the tour.
1) Golden Pagoda Temple
2) Sakya Tenphel Ling
3) Wan Fo Lin
4) Palelai Buddhist Temple
5) Fo Guang Yuan
6) Shuang Lin Monastery
7) Phor Kark See Monastery
8) Poh Ern Sih
It seems that ONE FULL DAY is insufficient to cover that many temples... but I tried my best already.
Monday, January 31, 2005
Tuhan Reverse
It was only in my last entry tat I mentioned about my ability to predict things (bad happenings). I could feel some form of negative energy in me when i wrote that entry. And just last night, something terrible happened at home.
In buddhist teachings, we are supposed to send metta and show compassion for them. I did. But lately, they/it have/has been getting on my nerves, that I started to sense hatred arising in me, targetting against them. You cant blame me when they/it kept disturbing my family members, espcially my mum. And last evening, I heard the ever most frightening, terrible and scary wails. They were from my mum............ I am going to keep her company for the next few nights.
And to Mr Kici, you have to thank Jane jiejie for volunteering to help u collect what you need. She even offered to take a cab down from her home in the west to Beach Rd for your sake, cos it was already 4 plus when I approached her for help. But of cos I didnt let her do so, its just too much hassle.
Expecting this coming CNY to be a very boring one.
In buddhist teachings, we are supposed to send metta and show compassion for them. I did. But lately, they/it have/has been getting on my nerves, that I started to sense hatred arising in me, targetting against them. You cant blame me when they/it kept disturbing my family members, espcially my mum. And last evening, I heard the ever most frightening, terrible and scary wails. They were from my mum............ I am going to keep her company for the next few nights.
And to Mr Kici, you have to thank Jane jiejie for volunteering to help u collect what you need. She even offered to take a cab down from her home in the west to Beach Rd for your sake, cos it was already 4 plus when I approached her for help. But of cos I didnt let her do so, its just too much hassle.
Expecting this coming CNY to be a very boring one.
Sunday, January 30, 2005
Contributing back to the Society
Some said we behave jus like a piece of log flowing along the river. Very often, we simply take things for granted and follow the flow without putting in much efforts to determine where we wanna go. Not until when we reach the waterfall, do we experience the sudden plunge in life which is then too late for us to do anything.
We refuse to step forward to contribute, but happily and comfortably stay at the participation level. Liabilities, responsibilities, duties.... Think back and ask ourselves, what have i contributed to the society?! I find myself getting more appreciative of the chinese saying "Qu Zhu She Hui, Yong Zhu She Hui".
Some juniors are getting moody. It occurs quite often for me too. May all of you be well and happy.
We refuse to step forward to contribute, but happily and comfortably stay at the participation level. Liabilities, responsibilities, duties.... Think back and ask ourselves, what have i contributed to the society?! I find myself getting more appreciative of the chinese saying "Qu Zhu She Hui, Yong Zhu She Hui".
Some juniors are getting moody. It occurs quite often for me too. May all of you be well and happy.
Saturday, January 29, 2005
The Old NUSBS
You can call me boliao for my previous entry, but I dun write things without a reason. Just like some are dreams I had before, this one was really vivid in mind, even long after I have woken up from my sleep. Ven Yuan Fan said that there are 2 possibilities of having dreams. One is think too much, while the other is a prediction of something thats gonna happen. Anyway, my 'ESP' of predicting bad things to happen has never grown any weaker each day.
My entire morning was filled with negative emotions, because of my family matters. I dun like to take nap, but to escape from the intense sufferings I was feeling, I decided to hit the sack and force myself to sleep, from 12 noon all the way to 4pm.
Had a meeting with the BS alumni at The Buddhist Library. As usual, there were lots of laughters and fun sharing of past memories (by them). The fact is that I was never in their era (except for shiongwei), with most of them about 4-5 batches before me. However, from the way they relate their past experiences and memories, I could feel that the NUSBS culture and atmosphere during their era were still very much similar to that I experienced in yr 2000 when I first joined NUSBS. Rapid changes in the nusbs culture seems to have taken place from yr2001 onwards.
In fact, when Hwee San shared her NUSBS memories (1990/1) during DC last semester, I could feel a sense of closeness to her era. I am not resisting the law of impermanance, but its kinda strange to imagine that the 'air' in NUSBS in yr 2000 was still pretty much closer to that in the early 1990s, than it is to the present one.
Probably its due reasons like titles used for certain posts like 'DAC' and 'ADAC' were no longer heard after they have been officially changed in yr 2001. And the phyiscal environment of NUS has started to change a great deal in yr 2001, with heavy upgrading works taking place throughout the campus. The old YIH function room and old LTs which I was still able to see in yr 2000 were no longer having the same looks. Inevitably, the feelings experienced will be different.
My entire morning was filled with negative emotions, because of my family matters. I dun like to take nap, but to escape from the intense sufferings I was feeling, I decided to hit the sack and force myself to sleep, from 12 noon all the way to 4pm.
Had a meeting with the BS alumni at The Buddhist Library. As usual, there were lots of laughters and fun sharing of past memories (by them). The fact is that I was never in their era (except for shiongwei), with most of them about 4-5 batches before me. However, from the way they relate their past experiences and memories, I could feel that the NUSBS culture and atmosphere during their era were still very much similar to that I experienced in yr 2000 when I first joined NUSBS. Rapid changes in the nusbs culture seems to have taken place from yr2001 onwards.
In fact, when Hwee San shared her NUSBS memories (1990/1) during DC last semester, I could feel a sense of closeness to her era. I am not resisting the law of impermanance, but its kinda strange to imagine that the 'air' in NUSBS in yr 2000 was still pretty much closer to that in the early 1990s, than it is to the present one.
Probably its due reasons like titles used for certain posts like 'DAC' and 'ADAC' were no longer heard after they have been officially changed in yr 2001. And the phyiscal environment of NUS has started to change a great deal in yr 2001, with heavy upgrading works taking place throughout the campus. The old YIH function room and old LTs which I was still able to see in yr 2000 were no longer having the same looks. Inevitably, the feelings experienced will be different.
Friday, January 28, 2005
Opsie
Driving my blue mini van, I turned into Kent Ridge Rd from South Buona Vista Rd, to be welcomed by the familiar environment which has accompanied me for the past 4 yrs. On my left is PGP while my right comprises nothing but bushes and trees. Further down on my right will be a very steep slope which will bring us to where NUH is located.
A very long trailer has just turned out from PGP in the opposite direction. Due to its enormous length, the trailer had a terrible time making the turn. I have to stop my van to make way for it. Unfortunately, an impatient taxi came behind the trailer, wanting to overtake it. Feeling nice, I reversed my vehicle a little, so that the taxi could squeeze its way through.
But damm.... I have no rear windows for my van, and I couldnt check the blind spots. Nevertheless, I trusted my own judgement and agaration. Seconds after I reversed my veh, I suddenly feel a large backwards force which tilted my veh backwards and send us tumbling abt 30 metres down the steep slope. Its like falling backwards off the cliff.
The next thing I could remember were the sticky substances oozing out from the back of my head. It was a mixture of pain and blurness, and yet I couldnt get to pass out completely.... NUH is just directly in front of me now, except that there isnt a cleared road linking between us. It has been so long but nobody seemed to come to my rescue... damm...
And after some very boliao hospital scene, I was ready to wake up from bed and go to work. Another day has started.
A very long trailer has just turned out from PGP in the opposite direction. Due to its enormous length, the trailer had a terrible time making the turn. I have to stop my van to make way for it. Unfortunately, an impatient taxi came behind the trailer, wanting to overtake it. Feeling nice, I reversed my vehicle a little, so that the taxi could squeeze its way through.
But damm.... I have no rear windows for my van, and I couldnt check the blind spots. Nevertheless, I trusted my own judgement and agaration. Seconds after I reversed my veh, I suddenly feel a large backwards force which tilted my veh backwards and send us tumbling abt 30 metres down the steep slope. Its like falling backwards off the cliff.
The next thing I could remember were the sticky substances oozing out from the back of my head. It was a mixture of pain and blurness, and yet I couldnt get to pass out completely.... NUH is just directly in front of me now, except that there isnt a cleared road linking between us. It has been so long but nobody seemed to come to my rescue... damm...
And after some very boliao hospital scene, I was ready to wake up from bed and go to work. Another day has started.
Thursday, January 27, 2005
Go Beyond That!
A pic taken at Hu Fa camp, with ex NTUBS VP Mr Hou Leng Ar. I like this NTUBS t-shirt very much, designed by Mr didi.
I went to SNEC today for a thorough vision test and congratulations to myself! I have achieved perfect 6/6 visions! Although I have not attended any retreats yet, the convenience of not wearing specs can be felt at the Hu Fa Camp. I no longer need to spend extra efforts in taking care of my specs, esp when I am bathing or sleeping in unfamiliar places (yeah i broke 2 specs at 2 diff retreats b4). But I still have this funny habit of searching around for my specs immediately after i recover from meditation sittings, haha.
Attended the 'video shooting' by NUSBS jnrs at PGP jus now to be shown on BS day. I must congrats my jnrs for having such an interesting and refreshing idea. Unfortunately, I wasnt prepared at all to recollect and plan what I have to say. And I guess the feelings most snrs have for BS are kinda abstract and deep which cannot be easily be represented in words. As such, I feel that things I said just now were kinda cliche` and not sincere.
Nale, together with Sera (or Sarah) was on my car just now when we chanced upon the topic of 'gong de' and 'fu de / fu bao'. This was exactly the topic which interest me alot during Hu Fa camp and i got to asked shifu quite a bit on it. Frankly speaking, I am not exactly sure myself on the definition of fu bao and gongde, but i shall type out what i have understood from shifu (Warning! Its just my personal understanding).
Shifu said that fubao is just a small subset of gongde. Generally, fubao can be considered a lower form of merits. Eg. Donation, organising dharma activities, getting near to sangha & supporting them (with the intention of getting closer to Dharma or having a better rebirth). All these may give you a better rebirth with and support ur future life. However, it does not contribute much in the gaining of one's wisdom. On the other hand, gongde is something that you unknowingly gain without expecting or requesting for it. I guess it has a lot to do with self cultivations like meditation and practising Dharma in everyday life, thus gaining of experiences and wisdom.
I asked Shifu : With the good intention of gaining merits so that I can get closer to the Dharma my next life, shld i follow the crowd and eagerly get close to (and support) the sangha?
Shifu replied: You may gain fubao from doing so but that is just a low level gain. Is that really what you hope to acheive in your cultivation? You shld go beyond that!
Tuesday, January 25, 2005
He the one who cooks curry
I am very fortunate enough to have met many teachers and venerables ever since I was introduced to Buddhism some 4.5 yrs ago. While most of them have given me much invaluable teachings, I sincerely regard only 3 of them as my 'true' teachers. I dun mean the others are not as good, but these 3 teachers have given much more significant impacts in my life learning journey.
Ven Yuan Fan can be considered my very first root teacher. He gives me the impression of a typical successful organisation CEO, full of wisdom, knowledge and management skills. His accomplishments can be witnessed by many, with his success of forming the biggest sangha group in singapore and having invited to Finland by Nokia to bring meditation to its staffs. Its from him that I seriously get to learn abt meditation, and his excellent teachings and explanations on linking meditation to the 5 Skandhas and 3 characteristics of existence. But most do not get the chance to get close to him to learn more.
Sayalya Dipanakara is the next teacher that has given me a tremendous motivational uplift in embracing the Dharma. As experienced by many others, she is superb in motivating and inspiring people to practise diligently, which always come alongside with her great compassion, gentle gestures and sharing of personal experiences that touch the life of many. Without her, I probably wouldnt appreciate the Dharma this much and cant imagine where I would be now. While I have no doubt in her words and am extremely fortunate to have many chances to get close to her, a noticeable distance seems to be present between my present situation / lifestyle / conditions and what she preaches.
Kai Zhao Shifu is my third guru. It would be unfair if I would to describe him as a combination of Ven Yuan Fan and Sayalay, as everyone shld be unique in his own ways. But indeed, there are many wonderful qualities from both Ven and Sayalay that you can find in Shifu. While Shifu is very motivating and pushes us hard in cultivating diligently, he is also able to understand the mindset and lifestyle of a typical lay person VERY WELL. This is precisely why I find little or no conflict while putting what he taught us into practice.
I hope I have not sound too judgemental or disrespectful. But this is exactly what Kai Zhao shifu made us do during the Hu Fa Camp, to share to everyone our first impression he has given us and how we think of him now. I shared to everyone that the first thing I see in Shifu was his very very big pair of spectacles. He later joked that ppl from HongKong asked him if he was going for Scuba Diving. Some also called him the Bee. There were several others who shared that shifu has this wonderful wisdom of understanding our (lay ppl) mindsets and needs.
While there are critics that some Theravadan teachers are too conventional and conservative in their teachings such that it doesn suit the needs of the modern world, there are also complaints on some Mahayanan schools that they have moderated too much of the Buddha's teachings such that the original essence is being eroded or lost. Perhaps Ven KaiZhao is really doing a good job in striking a balance and is able to propagate the Dharma effectively to ppl living in this part of the world.
I shall end my entry with something funny from Kaizhao Shifu. Shifu was explaning to us why the needs of customs and practices like offering food and water to venerables, when they can do it or even cook by themselves. He explained that as part of the Sangha, his duty is to propagate the Dharma. If he were to always cook curry in front of the students, the students wud not be reminded of the Dharma upon seeing him the next time, but instead, call him as "Na Ge Zhu Ka Li de" (that one that cooks curry).
Ven Yuan Fan can be considered my very first root teacher. He gives me the impression of a typical successful organisation CEO, full of wisdom, knowledge and management skills. His accomplishments can be witnessed by many, with his success of forming the biggest sangha group in singapore and having invited to Finland by Nokia to bring meditation to its staffs. Its from him that I seriously get to learn abt meditation, and his excellent teachings and explanations on linking meditation to the 5 Skandhas and 3 characteristics of existence. But most do not get the chance to get close to him to learn more.
Sayalya Dipanakara is the next teacher that has given me a tremendous motivational uplift in embracing the Dharma. As experienced by many others, she is superb in motivating and inspiring people to practise diligently, which always come alongside with her great compassion, gentle gestures and sharing of personal experiences that touch the life of many. Without her, I probably wouldnt appreciate the Dharma this much and cant imagine where I would be now. While I have no doubt in her words and am extremely fortunate to have many chances to get close to her, a noticeable distance seems to be present between my present situation / lifestyle / conditions and what she preaches.
Kai Zhao Shifu is my third guru. It would be unfair if I would to describe him as a combination of Ven Yuan Fan and Sayalay, as everyone shld be unique in his own ways. But indeed, there are many wonderful qualities from both Ven and Sayalay that you can find in Shifu. While Shifu is very motivating and pushes us hard in cultivating diligently, he is also able to understand the mindset and lifestyle of a typical lay person VERY WELL. This is precisely why I find little or no conflict while putting what he taught us into practice.
I hope I have not sound too judgemental or disrespectful. But this is exactly what Kai Zhao shifu made us do during the Hu Fa Camp, to share to everyone our first impression he has given us and how we think of him now. I shared to everyone that the first thing I see in Shifu was his very very big pair of spectacles. He later joked that ppl from HongKong asked him if he was going for Scuba Diving. Some also called him the Bee. There were several others who shared that shifu has this wonderful wisdom of understanding our (lay ppl) mindsets and needs.
While there are critics that some Theravadan teachers are too conventional and conservative in their teachings such that it doesn suit the needs of the modern world, there are also complaints on some Mahayanan schools that they have moderated too much of the Buddha's teachings such that the original essence is being eroded or lost. Perhaps Ven KaiZhao is really doing a good job in striking a balance and is able to propagate the Dharma effectively to ppl living in this part of the world.
I shall end my entry with something funny from Kaizhao Shifu. Shifu was explaning to us why the needs of customs and practices like offering food and water to venerables, when they can do it or even cook by themselves. He explained that as part of the Sangha, his duty is to propagate the Dharma. If he were to always cook curry in front of the students, the students wud not be reminded of the Dharma upon seeing him the next time, but instead, call him as "Na Ge Zhu Ka Li de" (that one that cooks curry).
Monday, January 24, 2005
The Frog in the Well
The Hu Fa Camp was nice. The place was nice, the people were nice, the ambience was nice, the environment was nice. Everything for the past 3 days was nice.
Very often, we thought we have already known enough of the basic buddhism stuffs. We think that we are already 'equipped well enough' to move on to some serious practisings. We may also feel that nothing beats the importance of attending meditation retreats. Other activities in life appear mundane and retundant in our lives.
However, we failed to realise that there are still aplenty of nitty gritty elements in life that we may not have come across and neglected, but are essential in supporting our cultivation. Attending the Hu Fa Camp sees myself as the tiny frog in the well. I got a clearer picture on where I stand. I realised how little I have contributed to the community before crying out loud about renounciation.
The Hu Fa Camp was definitely not a perfect camp, but it comprised many sharing sessions from ppl who are just like us, living in the same part of the world (ie Malaysia & Singapore), facing the same conditions and environment, possessing almost similar attitude and mindsets towards spirituality, and lastly, facing almost the same problems towards spiritual cultivation.
Ven Kai Zhao mentioned to us that everyone who was 'here' have almost the same paramis and karma. In other words, why are we born here, appear at the same place, learn the same thing and attend the same Dharma sessions, shows that we are mostly 'sama sama'. We should not harbour the unwholesome thoughts that we have less paramis than others to cultivate and practise. Neither should we think we are different or 'better off' than others.
I was reminded of a much respected spiritual friend from NUSBS, who surpised me that his priority in life is NOT religion, but acheiving a good career. About a year back, he challenged me on these qns: Have you ever wondered why you are born in Singapore and not other countries? Ever thought of how you can make good use of your billinguialism to contribute to the buddhist community? He has since dropped his idea of joining the sangha by the age of 30. Instead, he has planned to earn big bucks and donate them to support buddhism.
Afterall, without enough service merits for support, its hard to acheive cultivational merits (and vice versa). Another told me that you meditate everyday diligently for hours and for years, but you wun be able to achieve much wisdom - There are 10 paramis to work on.
Very often, we thought we have already known enough of the basic buddhism stuffs. We think that we are already 'equipped well enough' to move on to some serious practisings. We may also feel that nothing beats the importance of attending meditation retreats. Other activities in life appear mundane and retundant in our lives.
However, we failed to realise that there are still aplenty of nitty gritty elements in life that we may not have come across and neglected, but are essential in supporting our cultivation. Attending the Hu Fa Camp sees myself as the tiny frog in the well. I got a clearer picture on where I stand. I realised how little I have contributed to the community before crying out loud about renounciation.
The Hu Fa Camp was definitely not a perfect camp, but it comprised many sharing sessions from ppl who are just like us, living in the same part of the world (ie Malaysia & Singapore), facing the same conditions and environment, possessing almost similar attitude and mindsets towards spirituality, and lastly, facing almost the same problems towards spiritual cultivation.
Ven Kai Zhao mentioned to us that everyone who was 'here' have almost the same paramis and karma. In other words, why are we born here, appear at the same place, learn the same thing and attend the same Dharma sessions, shows that we are mostly 'sama sama'. We should not harbour the unwholesome thoughts that we have less paramis than others to cultivate and practise. Neither should we think we are different or 'better off' than others.
I was reminded of a much respected spiritual friend from NUSBS, who surpised me that his priority in life is NOT religion, but acheiving a good career. About a year back, he challenged me on these qns: Have you ever wondered why you are born in Singapore and not other countries? Ever thought of how you can make good use of your billinguialism to contribute to the buddhist community? He has since dropped his idea of joining the sangha by the age of 30. Instead, he has planned to earn big bucks and donate them to support buddhism.
Afterall, without enough service merits for support, its hard to acheive cultivational merits (and vice versa). Another told me that you meditate everyday diligently for hours and for years, but you wun be able to achieve much wisdom - There are 10 paramis to work on.
Monday, January 17, 2005
O Baby!
This evening after my jogging session, i went over to my boss' house to play with his baby. Haha, this baby is so active that I was unable to catch hold of her for more than 3 seconds. She would be struggling hard to get out from my arms, wanting to crawl all over the place.
Well, babies are really fun to play, but taking care of them is definitely an extremely difficult task. They simply require every second of your attention.
O baby baby baby.....
Sunday, January 16, 2005
Sunday School
I have just ended my phone call with Shiongwei, a NUSBS senior, who robbed me in Tisarana Buddhist Society to help him out in the teenage Sunday Class.
The sunday class i attended this morning was fun. It comprises teenage from 15-18 yr old, a fair mix of guys and gals. These youths are not very interested in the Dharma though, but got very excited when it comes to topics like kayaking, movies, scuba divings and games. Unfortunately for me, I din experience the typical teenage life like most singaporeans do. So thats a hindrance for me to emphatise with them.
The reason why Shiongwei got me involved in the sunday class is because he thot i am very good in grp energizing. He feels that I am a good choice to raise team spirits, motivate youths and interact with them well. Another senior, Vincent Kwan, thought i am very suitable for this job when I asked him abt another volunteering work which he is in charged - the prisons sch.
Sad to say, age is catching up and my focus in life has gradually been changed. In the past, I may be at ease when it comes to grp interactions and mixing with new ppl, but my passion for all these social and fun + laughters activities has kinda died down. What appeals more to me nowadays are those more serious and tone-down activities.
Furthermore, these grp of youths are not keen in learning the Dharma. They may be just a couple of yrs younger or even same age as kici and teddy, but the way I need to talk to them is totally different. Whats up in their mind are just fun, fun and more fun. They even escaped the puja session and din wanna take the vegetarian food :S
Of cos, there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with them for not being interested in the Dharma, but the problems lie in me. To take care of my own cultivation too, I do hope to be involved in more Dharma related activities, esp when it comes to somethign that require long term commitments. In the end, i din give shiongwei a nod that i will be helping him out. Its still pending...
Take care all my friends, let not the mind be ill.
The sunday class i attended this morning was fun. It comprises teenage from 15-18 yr old, a fair mix of guys and gals. These youths are not very interested in the Dharma though, but got very excited when it comes to topics like kayaking, movies, scuba divings and games. Unfortunately for me, I din experience the typical teenage life like most singaporeans do. So thats a hindrance for me to emphatise with them.
The reason why Shiongwei got me involved in the sunday class is because he thot i am very good in grp energizing. He feels that I am a good choice to raise team spirits, motivate youths and interact with them well. Another senior, Vincent Kwan, thought i am very suitable for this job when I asked him abt another volunteering work which he is in charged - the prisons sch.
Sad to say, age is catching up and my focus in life has gradually been changed. In the past, I may be at ease when it comes to grp interactions and mixing with new ppl, but my passion for all these social and fun + laughters activities has kinda died down. What appeals more to me nowadays are those more serious and tone-down activities.
Furthermore, these grp of youths are not keen in learning the Dharma. They may be just a couple of yrs younger or even same age as kici and teddy, but the way I need to talk to them is totally different. Whats up in their mind are just fun, fun and more fun. They even escaped the puja session and din wanna take the vegetarian food :S
Of cos, there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with them for not being interested in the Dharma, but the problems lie in me. To take care of my own cultivation too, I do hope to be involved in more Dharma related activities, esp when it comes to somethign that require long term commitments. In the end, i din give shiongwei a nod that i will be helping him out. Its still pending...
Take care all my friends, let not the mind be ill.
Saturday, January 15, 2005
My Feet hurts
Last evening, I had a very long chat over the phone with a BS fren from my batch. We have planned to go for blood donation today at PKS. Upon arrival at PKS, we found out that there were quite a lot of donors but unfortunately with only one doctor doing the screening. To make the matter worse, this doctor was superbly detailed and careful in his screening that each person took abt 10 minutes at his table (compared to the 2 min we had at other blood donation centres).
Very sad to say, I was rejected for blood donation again :( It seems that the number of times I have been rejected is on par with the number of times I have successfully donated. My friend was accepted but also unfortunately, his face turned pale halfway and the nursing officers promptly stoppped the donation process. Arghh... both of us have wasted our trip there......
And Chingwi came over and called out to me excitedly. I almost couldnt recognise her. The first time I saw her she looked very demure, siwen and docile. Shortly later, she bleached her hair and suddenly became very funky. And all of a sudden, she got back to her old self... haha. And wat disappointed me most was the question she asked me: So how? Finished BMT already ah? Now posted to which army camp?? Grrrr.. she actually forgot that I was from NUSBS!
This evening i joined my NUSBS juniors at ECP before proceeding to BL for the exhibition. I havent been skating for so long (i was madly skating in 1994/5) that I fell down twice today. And my wrist and feet hurt now.
A nusbs senior has approached me to help him out long term at Tissarana Buddhist Society in the sunday sch, dealing with teenagers from 15-18 yr old. I am supposed to help conduct classes and organise activities to benefit and build up the team bondings. But what appeal more to me is the volunteer work every sunday morning at the Prisons Sch, by Buddha Lighthouse. And a colleague has been pestering and begging (really begging)me to help counsel and tutor her 10yr old son. He is suffering from inferior complex in sch and she thought I am the best choice to guide him in life.
Seems that its time for me to get involved in some routine activities and hold some responsibilities again. Ever since I stepped down from NUSBS, I have been loboing and ghosting around for my yr4 and 8 mths in working life. Indeed, that has made life kinda meaningless and non fruitful.
Argh.. my mum told me she was very upset and couldnt sleep for nites, just because i shaved my head.... another hindrance in life.
Very sad to say, I was rejected for blood donation again :( It seems that the number of times I have been rejected is on par with the number of times I have successfully donated. My friend was accepted but also unfortunately, his face turned pale halfway and the nursing officers promptly stoppped the donation process. Arghh... both of us have wasted our trip there......
And Chingwi came over and called out to me excitedly. I almost couldnt recognise her. The first time I saw her she looked very demure, siwen and docile. Shortly later, she bleached her hair and suddenly became very funky. And all of a sudden, she got back to her old self... haha. And wat disappointed me most was the question she asked me: So how? Finished BMT already ah? Now posted to which army camp?? Grrrr.. she actually forgot that I was from NUSBS!
This evening i joined my NUSBS juniors at ECP before proceeding to BL for the exhibition. I havent been skating for so long (i was madly skating in 1994/5) that I fell down twice today. And my wrist and feet hurt now.
A nusbs senior has approached me to help him out long term at Tissarana Buddhist Society in the sunday sch, dealing with teenagers from 15-18 yr old. I am supposed to help conduct classes and organise activities to benefit and build up the team bondings. But what appeal more to me is the volunteer work every sunday morning at the Prisons Sch, by Buddha Lighthouse. And a colleague has been pestering and begging (really begging)me to help counsel and tutor her 10yr old son. He is suffering from inferior complex in sch and she thought I am the best choice to guide him in life.
Seems that its time for me to get involved in some routine activities and hold some responsibilities again. Ever since I stepped down from NUSBS, I have been loboing and ghosting around for my yr4 and 8 mths in working life. Indeed, that has made life kinda meaningless and non fruitful.
Argh.. my mum told me she was very upset and couldnt sleep for nites, just because i shaved my head.... another hindrance in life.
Friday, January 14, 2005
Teddy Jogs (10 rounds)
Just got back from NTU not long ago. Teddy was great, he jogged 10 rounds of the NTU SRC tracks. And nope, he din walk until the final 10th round. Impressive right? I take my hat off for his perserverence. Well done teddy!
Today reprimanded a staff for his poor working attitude. I feel very bad after scolding him, not that I feel guilty but it just spoils my mood scolding ppl. Nobody likes to be scolded anyway, but I have no choice.
Well, tmr is friday! Sat will be going for blood donation at PKS with my grp of frens ... supposed to have a dinner buffet in the evening but I just received a SMS that the bday gal couldnt make it. Argghhh... I have the urge to write an email to express my unhappiness, cos I really hate last minute changes/sabotage. But i hold myself back, in case my emotions get over me.
Today reprimanded a staff for his poor working attitude. I feel very bad after scolding him, not that I feel guilty but it just spoils my mood scolding ppl. Nobody likes to be scolded anyway, but I have no choice.
Well, tmr is friday! Sat will be going for blood donation at PKS with my grp of frens ... supposed to have a dinner buffet in the evening but I just received a SMS that the bday gal couldnt make it. Argghhh... I have the urge to write an email to express my unhappiness, cos I really hate last minute changes/sabotage. But i hold myself back, in case my emotions get over me.
Wednesday, January 12, 2005
Pattern more than badminton
M1 : Good morning Mr XXX, can I help u pls?
Om : Hi, I would like to enquire the upgrading of my sim card. Cos i am holding on to a very old once since 1998, it can only store 85 numbers. Can i upgrade to the 250 one?
M1 : Sure, but u need to pay a fee of $25.
Om : But i am an old customer for 7 years! Shldnt I get more benefits?
M1 : I am sorry sir, but the payment is required.
Darn... I complained to my friend Andrew and he suggested its time I 'chut pattern' liao.
M1 : Good morning Mr XXX, can I help u pls?
Om : I would like to terminate my hp line....
M1 : Oh sure, it can be done within 24hrs
Om : (Damm!!! I thought they will stop me!??!) Err.. well, I still have a sub-line which contract may not have ended.
M1 : Oh, then you cannot cancel that sub-line.. may I know why you wish to terminate your line?
And my story of not having the new sim card i want started.....
M1 : Well, no problem, out of goodwill, I shall waive the $25 fee of the simcard for you, and you can collect it anytime you are free.
Om : But I wish to sign up with another company which plan is cheaper.
M1 : Okay, let me introduce you a more cost saving plan, blah blah blah blah, and I am going to waive the transfer fee of $20 for you.
Hmm... no doubt i will take up both offers, but i thought i could ask for more..
Om : But I wish to purchase a new phone, and if I were to start a new line with another hp company, it will be much cheaper.
M1 : Okie.. which model do you want?
Om : XXXX
M1 : No problem, I will give you a $70 hp voucher, and you can use it to purchase your new phone.
Om : THANK YOU!
Hahaha... I have longed know that such tricks will do for M1, as 1 of my friends was offered a $200 hp voucher and the other a 6-mth waive of caller id charges, when they called up M1 to terminate their line. One was even done in front of me when we were studying outside LT6 for exams. However, the voucher amount will be based on how much you utilise your hp every month.
Initially I really din wish to resort to such means, but then, talk abt the ugly commercial world....
Om : Hi, I would like to enquire the upgrading of my sim card. Cos i am holding on to a very old once since 1998, it can only store 85 numbers. Can i upgrade to the 250 one?
M1 : Sure, but u need to pay a fee of $25.
Om : But i am an old customer for 7 years! Shldnt I get more benefits?
M1 : I am sorry sir, but the payment is required.
Darn... I complained to my friend Andrew and he suggested its time I 'chut pattern' liao.
M1 : Good morning Mr XXX, can I help u pls?
Om : I would like to terminate my hp line....
M1 : Oh sure, it can be done within 24hrs
Om : (Damm!!! I thought they will stop me!??!) Err.. well, I still have a sub-line which contract may not have ended.
M1 : Oh, then you cannot cancel that sub-line.. may I know why you wish to terminate your line?
And my story of not having the new sim card i want started.....
M1 : Well, no problem, out of goodwill, I shall waive the $25 fee of the simcard for you, and you can collect it anytime you are free.
Om : But I wish to sign up with another company which plan is cheaper.
M1 : Okay, let me introduce you a more cost saving plan, blah blah blah blah, and I am going to waive the transfer fee of $20 for you.
Hmm... no doubt i will take up both offers, but i thought i could ask for more..
Om : But I wish to purchase a new phone, and if I were to start a new line with another hp company, it will be much cheaper.
M1 : Okie.. which model do you want?
Om : XXXX
M1 : No problem, I will give you a $70 hp voucher, and you can use it to purchase your new phone.
Om : THANK YOU!
Hahaha... I have longed know that such tricks will do for M1, as 1 of my friends was offered a $200 hp voucher and the other a 6-mth waive of caller id charges, when they called up M1 to terminate their line. One was even done in front of me when we were studying outside LT6 for exams. However, the voucher amount will be based on how much you utilise your hp every month.
Initially I really din wish to resort to such means, but then, talk abt the ugly commercial world....
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
Just another post
At the present moment, the purpose of writing my blog has become totally plain fun. Nothing much of reflections or whatsoever, but merely reports of my daily life and whatever that comes to my head.
Seems that akaaa is getting perplexed these days, relax, and take care.
Today, I argued with a taxi driver who asked made unreasonable demands. I admit its very unprofessional of me to have responded to him in this way, but then, sometimes I just couldnt be bothered. Firstly I have no time, secondly I feel its a waste of time, and finally, my staffs did not do anything wrong. My stand is firm, although I know I totally lack empathy, patience and customer service professionalism.
Its indeed a challenge to walk around with an almost bald head. Today, I still feel the great resistance of stepping out from my office room to face everyone outside. Many people were staring at me with all kinds of looks, some bursting out in laughters, some in giggling non stop, some trying very hard to conceal their giggles, while some just stared at me in shocks.
I strongly believe that the feeling and responses will be totally different if i were in NUS, as it really looks out of place in the executive attire. A lot of learnings and valuable experiences can be derived from this attempt, while, still too early to make a summary :D
Hopefully tmr is a more pleasant and peaceful day for me. Cant spend my everyday life incurring bad karma by losing my temper and arguing with ppl.
Seems that akaaa is getting perplexed these days, relax, and take care.
Today, I argued with a taxi driver who asked made unreasonable demands. I admit its very unprofessional of me to have responded to him in this way, but then, sometimes I just couldnt be bothered. Firstly I have no time, secondly I feel its a waste of time, and finally, my staffs did not do anything wrong. My stand is firm, although I know I totally lack empathy, patience and customer service professionalism.
Its indeed a challenge to walk around with an almost bald head. Today, I still feel the great resistance of stepping out from my office room to face everyone outside. Many people were staring at me with all kinds of looks, some bursting out in laughters, some in giggling non stop, some trying very hard to conceal their giggles, while some just stared at me in shocks.
I strongly believe that the feeling and responses will be totally different if i were in NUS, as it really looks out of place in the executive attire. A lot of learnings and valuable experiences can be derived from this attempt, while, still too early to make a summary :D
Hopefully tmr is a more pleasant and peaceful day for me. Cant spend my everyday life incurring bad karma by losing my temper and arguing with ppl.
Monday, January 10, 2005
Dialect - Handicapped
Verdict:
1)All comments from colleagues (esp ladies) were negative
2)A few positive comments from BS ppl like Nale, Vincent etc.
3)Mum told me she is feeling heartache seeing her son becoming like 'that'.
Today I was having a meeting with my supply manager, his purchaser and 2 japanese suppliers. These 2 japs were supplying us some car spare parts, and conversed in japanese among themselves. As we need to discuss some confidential issues among ourselves too, we have no choice but to converse in dialects. Unfortunately, I SUX big time in dialects, and have a hard time trying to understand what my purchaser and manager were talking abt in cantonese.
Language barrier has always been one of my greatest hindrance in my life, be it in the army or work place. I can only speak mandarin and english... and thats really a great disadvantage, esp when working outside. Almost everyone can speak english and chinese well, so it will be valued added if you can speak beyond 2 languages.
This evening i went to shop for CNY clothes. Its actually not considered too early already as i am sure a few weeks later, you will see all the boutiques crowded with shoppers, with the clothes strewn all over the shop. Worse still, you will have a very hard time getting the sizes you want, esp for males who wear the popular waist size of 29-32. The queues for the fitting rooms will be very long, and the sales assistants will be too busy to serve you. Choices will be less too...
G2000 is now having a great sale. So attention to all guys who are interesting in getting formal shirts and pants, the shirt cost as cheap as $19 now while the pants cost a super low price of $23. The usual price during non festive season was $29 for a shirt and $59 for a pair of pants. Bu Mai zhen de shi dui bu qi zi ji, esp its something i need to wear everyday.
Targetting next are a pair of leather shoes and a pair of swimming goggles.
1)All comments from colleagues (esp ladies) were negative
2)A few positive comments from BS ppl like Nale, Vincent etc.
3)Mum told me she is feeling heartache seeing her son becoming like 'that'.
Today I was having a meeting with my supply manager, his purchaser and 2 japanese suppliers. These 2 japs were supplying us some car spare parts, and conversed in japanese among themselves. As we need to discuss some confidential issues among ourselves too, we have no choice but to converse in dialects. Unfortunately, I SUX big time in dialects, and have a hard time trying to understand what my purchaser and manager were talking abt in cantonese.
Language barrier has always been one of my greatest hindrance in my life, be it in the army or work place. I can only speak mandarin and english... and thats really a great disadvantage, esp when working outside. Almost everyone can speak english and chinese well, so it will be valued added if you can speak beyond 2 languages.
This evening i went to shop for CNY clothes. Its actually not considered too early already as i am sure a few weeks later, you will see all the boutiques crowded with shoppers, with the clothes strewn all over the shop. Worse still, you will have a very hard time getting the sizes you want, esp for males who wear the popular waist size of 29-32. The queues for the fitting rooms will be very long, and the sales assistants will be too busy to serve you. Choices will be less too...
G2000 is now having a great sale. So attention to all guys who are interesting in getting formal shirts and pants, the shirt cost as cheap as $19 now while the pants cost a super low price of $23. The usual price during non festive season was $29 for a shirt and $59 for a pair of pants. Bu Mai zhen de shi dui bu qi zi ji, esp its something i need to wear everyday.
Targetting next are a pair of leather shoes and a pair of swimming goggles.
Sunday, January 09, 2005
Disaster coming?
My mum has been complaining abt it since morning, and she doesn spare me with tonnes of negative, haha. That doesn bother me much though..
What I am more worried is tmr. How will my colleagues react? Will my manager be upset? Will my staffs poke fun at me and start to lose their respect for me? Will I frighten away the taxi drivers? Most importantly, will the snr managers get angry and call me up to their rooms for lectures?
Its a matter of time to get used to it. I admit I am not suitable for it, but well ... if u dun try, u 'll nv know. I love to take up such challenges, so wish me good luck tmr...
What I am more worried is tmr. How will my colleagues react? Will my manager be upset? Will my staffs poke fun at me and start to lose their respect for me? Will I frighten away the taxi drivers? Most importantly, will the snr managers get angry and call me up to their rooms for lectures?
Its a matter of time to get used to it. I admit I am not suitable for it, but well ... if u dun try, u 'll nv know. I love to take up such challenges, so wish me good luck tmr...
Saturday, January 08, 2005
Thursday, January 06, 2005
I am not Ahoyz
Hatred does not conquer hatred. If I choose not to hate, the only alternative path is to get upset....
I was chatting with my secondary school friend over the net. We have not met each other for almost 10 yrs since we graduated from O levels. However, a random search for his name on icq got us reunited again. And more interestingly, I found out that he has become a very devoted buddhist, who is a regular at Jen Chen Buddhist Society. Through him, I managed to get the contacts of a few other secondary sch frens. We are planning to meet up one day.
One week after my LASIK, today is the worse day I ever had for my vision. In fact, I could not even read my screen properly while at work, and it became only slightly better now. The eyes need 6mths to settle down, and the 1st mth will be the worst experience according to the doctor.
The msn nicks which my friend changes everyday really make me feel sourish... If i were a gal, i would have cried right away. And he bravely urged me to use his case, to reflect on myself and how I shld treat my family.
Ananda is really great...
om: wanna cut botak?
ae2004: why?
ae2004: how r u? (strange, ae2004 has nv shown such great concerns for me b4)
om: ok
ae2004: i din know the boy you were with tat day, was your BF!!!
now this really puzzled me, since when i got a ....BF!? What boy? The only boy i can think of with me tat day is Riki...
ae2004: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA
om: ??? wat BF??
ae2004: I thought you are ahoyz!
I was chatting with my secondary school friend over the net. We have not met each other for almost 10 yrs since we graduated from O levels. However, a random search for his name on icq got us reunited again. And more interestingly, I found out that he has become a very devoted buddhist, who is a regular at Jen Chen Buddhist Society. Through him, I managed to get the contacts of a few other secondary sch frens. We are planning to meet up one day.
One week after my LASIK, today is the worse day I ever had for my vision. In fact, I could not even read my screen properly while at work, and it became only slightly better now. The eyes need 6mths to settle down, and the 1st mth will be the worst experience according to the doctor.
The msn nicks which my friend changes everyday really make me feel sourish... If i were a gal, i would have cried right away. And he bravely urged me to use his case, to reflect on myself and how I shld treat my family.
Ananda is really great...
om: wanna cut botak?
ae2004: why?
ae2004: how r u? (strange, ae2004 has nv shown such great concerns for me b4)
om: ok
ae2004: i din know the boy you were with tat day, was your BF!!!
now this really puzzled me, since when i got a ....BF!? What boy? The only boy i can think of with me tat day is Riki...
ae2004: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA
om: ??? wat BF??
ae2004: I thought you are ahoyz!
Wednesday, January 05, 2005
Cruel Statement & Eyes Retreat
A friend received this warning: "Do not talk so much to gordon on xxxx stuffs as he is v good and have his way of making ppl share things with him." How would you feel, especially if such words came from someone who was very close to you?
Though its beyond words that i can describe how offensive and hurt I felt upon hearing, I noticed that this friend has failed to apply the warning to himself, that eventually wat he said to other ppl still came to me afterall. Sometimes, all the passion and good intentions from someone can just be mercilessly killed by a silly statement like this. It jus demotivates u and kill ur passion in providing further helps.
Well, i am indeed honoured that ppl wish to share with me, and they are still doing so now. The most funny thing was a NUSBS freshman (someone i know from DC) actually msged me and asked abt the location of Sutta Studies on monday. I wud have expected him to contact friends he made from Dharma Camp instead.
This afternoon I read Songgechan's msn nick and gave it a good laugh, translated as "Finally I can see clearly!". Purportedly, he has broken his glasses during his retreat. Me too, had broken 2 different pairs of specs at 2 different retreats.
Having done lasik, I have something new to share:
No doubt LASIK has given me much convenience and a refreshing feeling, I do experiecne the downside of it. Believe it or not, i actually missed the old days of having the 'blur vision'. I am already so used to the blur vision that it seems to be the default state of my eyes. It has already been drilled in me that at the end of the day, my eyes must get back to its 'original state' of blurness.
In the past, I have the freedom of controlling whether i wanna have a 'clear' or 'blur' vision, simply by putting on and removing my glasses. But now, I have no chance of giving my eyes a 'retreat', haha!
I think thats another form of undesirable attachment..... still fighting hard to recover from the cruel statement.
Though its beyond words that i can describe how offensive and hurt I felt upon hearing, I noticed that this friend has failed to apply the warning to himself, that eventually wat he said to other ppl still came to me afterall. Sometimes, all the passion and good intentions from someone can just be mercilessly killed by a silly statement like this. It jus demotivates u and kill ur passion in providing further helps.
Well, i am indeed honoured that ppl wish to share with me, and they are still doing so now. The most funny thing was a NUSBS freshman (someone i know from DC) actually msged me and asked abt the location of Sutta Studies on monday. I wud have expected him to contact friends he made from Dharma Camp instead.
This afternoon I read Songgechan's msn nick and gave it a good laugh, translated as "Finally I can see clearly!". Purportedly, he has broken his glasses during his retreat. Me too, had broken 2 different pairs of specs at 2 different retreats.
Having done lasik, I have something new to share:
No doubt LASIK has given me much convenience and a refreshing feeling, I do experiecne the downside of it. Believe it or not, i actually missed the old days of having the 'blur vision'. I am already so used to the blur vision that it seems to be the default state of my eyes. It has already been drilled in me that at the end of the day, my eyes must get back to its 'original state' of blurness.
In the past, I have the freedom of controlling whether i wanna have a 'clear' or 'blur' vision, simply by putting on and removing my glasses. But now, I have no chance of giving my eyes a 'retreat', haha!
I think thats another form of undesirable attachment..... still fighting hard to recover from the cruel statement.
Tuesday, January 04, 2005
Sadhu to all the Helpers!
I know this is a Shakyamuni Buddha statue and not the Amitabha one, but still, the buddha is always in my heart.
This evening, I went to SL to meet a friend before going to PGP for a visit. Semester after semester, I see PGP looping in the cycle of transforming from a ghost-town (holiday season) to a lively and noisy one (term time) and finally into an examination fever environment.
While chatting with my fren in his room, a caucasian came by to seek help in his internet connection. After some tries, we found out the error lies in his internet cable. As he is only in sg for 2 days, he wudnt know where the co-op is. I told him to look out for the stretch of road which is red while taking the shuttle service, and alight there. Haha, the 'red road' is indeed a good landmark, which we have used quite often in guiding NTUBS guests to the engin bridge in our past activities some 2-3 yrs back. My fren asked this caucasian to knock on his door whenever he needs help, and that guy was extremely delighted to have befriended us. Its such a nice feeling to make new frens and be able to help others....
While driving pff PGP in my vehicle, I finally got the chance to settle down from the laughters and jokes I had with my friend earlier on . I suddenly feel extreme sadness in me, recalling on the tragedies happening in the disaster-strickened country. I really feel like crying thinking on a friend's plight. I am definitely not as strong, and a senior told me she cried too upon receiving the news.
I went to the ATM machine just now to draw money, some for my household expenses. I found that my savings havent been increasing much though i have already worked for 8mths. Esp after my LASIK surgery, the first digit has no chance to 'grow'. But then, wats the pt of keeping so much money when we r talking abt life issues? I just told my fren on msn that i have the sudden urge to part with a few 'Ks' to help the victims. But is that practical for my family?
I sadhu to all my friends who have helped the victims one way or another. Sadhu sadhu sadhu, you know who you are!
Monday, January 03, 2005
Altruism Vs Egoism
The recent calamity has caused much impacts on the lives of people in the world. A lot of lessons can be drawn from these impacts.
Appeals have been flying all over, much more in the cyber world. Some critics even mentioned that Buddhist organisations are selfish, for they only take care of Sri Lanka (a buddhist country), which is apparent in the various appeal emails and websites of the buddhist organisations.
One of my friends is also badly affected, and I supposed many friends will be so eager to offer help. I did my own reflections and reminded myself that the 'willingness to help' comes from different intentions. I may not be a psychology student, but from wat i remember, ppl may help because:
1) It makes them feel happy
2) It makes them appear to be nice
3) For rewards/selfish reasons
4) Out of hypocrisy
Altruism is hard to come by, often plagued by egoism. There are even ppl who claimed that Mother Theresa helped because she wants to go to the heaven - I have no idea on it, but at least her actions benefitted many people.
There are ppl who loves to show concern and care openly to others, because they hope others will do the same to them when they are in troubled times. Similarly, there are also ppl who prefer to be left alone, and thus feel that the best way to help their troubled friends is to leave them alone too. No matter what, we shld not impose our views or apply our principles on others, and disturb their peace or deprive them of care & concerns from other friends.
Its almost a week since I have my left eye lasik. I am still not used to the feeling, and would have the urge to grab my specs whenever i wake up from the bed or recover from meditation. Sometimes when I looked into the mirror before i bathed, i would thought of 'removing' my contact lenses, only to recollect the fact that I am NOT wearing any.
I give the Singapore govt 2 thumbs up for appealing to the mass to keep a low key new yr celebration, in light of the Tsuanmi disaster. I also sadhu to Teddy for telling me something similar abt his birthday, that there is no need to over emphasize on it. Now i really appreciate the practice of 1 min 哀悼. Sometimes, its just not the right time to have celebrative mood.
Appeals have been flying all over, much more in the cyber world. Some critics even mentioned that Buddhist organisations are selfish, for they only take care of Sri Lanka (a buddhist country), which is apparent in the various appeal emails and websites of the buddhist organisations.
One of my friends is also badly affected, and I supposed many friends will be so eager to offer help. I did my own reflections and reminded myself that the 'willingness to help' comes from different intentions. I may not be a psychology student, but from wat i remember, ppl may help because:
1) It makes them feel happy
2) It makes them appear to be nice
3) For rewards/selfish reasons
4) Out of hypocrisy
Altruism is hard to come by, often plagued by egoism. There are even ppl who claimed that Mother Theresa helped because she wants to go to the heaven - I have no idea on it, but at least her actions benefitted many people.
There are ppl who loves to show concern and care openly to others, because they hope others will do the same to them when they are in troubled times. Similarly, there are also ppl who prefer to be left alone, and thus feel that the best way to help their troubled friends is to leave them alone too. No matter what, we shld not impose our views or apply our principles on others, and disturb their peace or deprive them of care & concerns from other friends.
Its almost a week since I have my left eye lasik. I am still not used to the feeling, and would have the urge to grab my specs whenever i wake up from the bed or recover from meditation. Sometimes when I looked into the mirror before i bathed, i would thought of 'removing' my contact lenses, only to recollect the fact that I am NOT wearing any.
I give the Singapore govt 2 thumbs up for appealing to the mass to keep a low key new yr celebration, in light of the Tsuanmi disaster. I also sadhu to Teddy for telling me something similar abt his birthday, that there is no need to over emphasize on it. Now i really appreciate the practice of 1 min 哀悼. Sometimes, its just not the right time to have celebrative mood.
Saturday, January 01, 2005
Appeal
My feeling now is sad, very sad, very very upset.
Just as much as I do not wish to sound like whinning puppy, who does nothing except for giving more and more complaints about life, there are times that my threshold has been reached and I need to find a safe way to vent out my frustrations.
What a moody day to start off with 2005. My family problem seems to have no chance of recovery, but only worsen as the day goes by. Not even the first day of 2005 was spared. And I have been such a good actor all the while, who is so good in escaping from this reality of life.
The fact is that my mood has been so negatively dominated by my family problem that I hardly feel anything for the Tsunami victims. Now, who doesn feel pains when you see your family members in sufferings, yet you cant do much to help them?
A timely reminder from Snail Brother that the best thing I can do is to be filial to my parents. Afterall, its widely taught in buddhism that the debts we owe our parents can nv be repaid no matter how much sufferings we bear for them this life. I have enjoyed too good a life (freakingly good life) as a child, and NOW is the time to repay them back. I shldnt complain , yeah?
Since years ago, I have developed this mechanism of 'self healing', instilling myself with positive thoughts and engaging myself with meaningful and constructive activities, to overcome the depressing moments of my life. But I seem to have depowered since late 2003 after Camp Voyage.
To all friends out there who are troubled by 'secondary problems' like BGR, pls remind yourself that you have wonderful family members waiting at home for you. For ppl like me who do not have a warm and harmonious family, we shld be glad that we still have shelthers, nice beds and a PC for us to connect to our friends.
I hope I dun ask too much in life, I just wish to see less sufferings in all sentient beings. I need a healthy mind and body to live on, and I appeal to all my friends to give me your supports.
Just as much as I do not wish to sound like whinning puppy, who does nothing except for giving more and more complaints about life, there are times that my threshold has been reached and I need to find a safe way to vent out my frustrations.
What a moody day to start off with 2005. My family problem seems to have no chance of recovery, but only worsen as the day goes by. Not even the first day of 2005 was spared. And I have been such a good actor all the while, who is so good in escaping from this reality of life.
The fact is that my mood has been so negatively dominated by my family problem that I hardly feel anything for the Tsunami victims. Now, who doesn feel pains when you see your family members in sufferings, yet you cant do much to help them?
A timely reminder from Snail Brother that the best thing I can do is to be filial to my parents. Afterall, its widely taught in buddhism that the debts we owe our parents can nv be repaid no matter how much sufferings we bear for them this life. I have enjoyed too good a life (freakingly good life) as a child, and NOW is the time to repay them back. I shldnt complain , yeah?
Since years ago, I have developed this mechanism of 'self healing', instilling myself with positive thoughts and engaging myself with meaningful and constructive activities, to overcome the depressing moments of my life. But I seem to have depowered since late 2003 after Camp Voyage.
To all friends out there who are troubled by 'secondary problems' like BGR, pls remind yourself that you have wonderful family members waiting at home for you. For ppl like me who do not have a warm and harmonious family, we shld be glad that we still have shelthers, nice beds and a PC for us to connect to our friends.
I hope I dun ask too much in life, I just wish to see less sufferings in all sentient beings. I need a healthy mind and body to live on, and I appeal to all my friends to give me your supports.
A Brave New 2005!
PKS is just as crowded as previous years. I am glad to have spent my past few new year countdowns and vesaks at this very meaningful place. Many of my old buddhist friends were present, and the 108 bells were most memorable.....
I am also glad to have joined in the last round of the Om Mani Padme Hung mantra recitation, before dedicating to all the tsunamis victims.
May everyone be blessed with a healthy mind and body, to deal mindfully and courageously against all obstacles and difficulties in life. A Happy & Brave New 2005!
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